Step 1, Thread 4 - To post about Step 1, go to Step 1, Thread 5 as this post has reached it's limit of responses.

Now we are not alone. When I first got here I thought I was crazy and that no one believe that I had a problem moderating gaming. And oh yes, I loved gaming, but gaming didn't love me and my life was going down the tubes.

I went to the meetings here (and still do) and it helped a lot! people supported me, they were glad when I showed up at the meetings, and missed me when I didn't.

Glad you are here Leroy. I remember "Leroy Jenkins" and a few other things from my "game of choice"...(50 dkp minus)...anyway. Glad it's stopped.

I've beginning to love real life...however, it takes time. We didn't get into trouble fast, it ws a slow process, and now it will take time to adjust.

Welcome!

Hi all, and thank you to the lovely person who directed me to this thread from one I made on the main boards. Reading over it all has been a major eye-opener for me, and has made me feel at peace somehow.

I'm ready to take the first step...

...Powerlessness

As an excessive gamer I do not have control over my gaming habits. I do not have control over the amount of money I spend on games and on game time, I do not have control over the carpel tunnel syndrome that has shown its face nor the arthritis in my right index finger. I am completely powerless when it comes to this addiction, and I need help. Badly.

Unmanagability

This addiction has driven me thousands of dollars into debt to buy the latest computer parts for my gaming computer. I am currently unemployed and I just do not know what I am going to do to control the debt. I've lost friends and have become the black sheep of the family over my addiction. I have gained a lot of weight from sitting on the computer eating junk food and not getting enough exercise. This is all because of my own addiction to MMORPGs.

ok - here goes....

powerlessness? until I read about it I didnt realise I was powerless - I thought I controlled the time I spent but I now realise I dont. I get up, turn laptop on, log in to evony. I forget to eat, I forget to drink, maybe forget is the wrong word..... I just dont think to do anything other than build troops, move resources etc... oh I am addicted to Evony just in case people need to know. If the phone rings or doorbell rings it is an annoying interuption. Housework, shopping, hobbies have all stopped. I used to play about 20 hours a day but this stopped with the help and support of my husband. I have got it down to about 8 - 10 hours a day.

online relationships.... been there, done that. I even went as far as to meet the people in real life and almost lost my marriage because of it. I find it extremely hard to say 'I'm married' when a newcomer chats me up but I am finding it easier recently mainly because my husband is being so loving and supportive. Thats what I missed - him telling me he loves me, wants me and so on.

I need help and advice please

Amanda,

Welcome to OLGA. The resources here can help you; exactly how depends on you. I encourage you to read people's stories on the forums. In addition, if you haven't seen it yet, there is a link off the home page called "Is OLGA for you?" You should definitely look at that.

We have meetings every night in the chatroom at 9 p.m. Eastern US time--I know this is very late for you, but you are welcome to join us. On Saturdays, there is a SKYPE meeting (just a little less than 3 hours from now), at 3 p.m. Eastern time, which is evening for you. I encourage you to come to some meetings if you can.

It sounds like you are almost convinced that you need to quit. Most of us here have quit completely and most of the resources and ideas here are for people who want to quit completely. It's good that you have cut down, but 8-10 hours a day is a truly huge amount of time; I wonder if either you or your husband will be happy with trying to maintain a relationship long-term under those conditions. If you *can* control your playing and do it in a way that is workable for your life, then more power to you, and we wish you the best. However, most of us cannot control our playing, and our lives spiral out of control when we play, because we start and have little if any control over when we will stop. That certainly ruins one's life. So we have decided to quit.

Regardless of what you end up deciding, we encourage you to read the forums, post your story, your thoughts and feelings, and come to meetings if you can. There will be many ideas that various people will share that can help you. And we will enjoy getting to know you. Best wishes!

Hi everyone ,i guess was boredome when i started gaming ,but i ended up loosing interest in everything else arround me ,lost contact to many of my friends ,posponing meeting with friends or meeting them but because of all night long gaming i can't say they got the best of me .i think it's time for me to set myself free from this addiction and get my life back .i had attempts deleting the game from my computer ,deleting my characters ,cut back from my gaming time ,but didn't work ,i end up back ,i feel i have no power over this .

Welcome, Sleeptime.

There are two resources here that can be very helpful. You have already discovered the forums, where many people have posted their story and others have posted about how they quit games. You will find many helpful ideas and I encourage you to make use of that.

We also have the chat meetings at 9 p.m. Eastern US time. They can be very helpful as well. No one needs to participate, although people who do never seem to regret it! I encourage you to join us there.

Most of us here are a lot like you--we can't start playing at all because we can't control it. I wish you the best as you figure out what to do. Keep coming back here, and I'll see you at the meeting.

Now this is worrying.... My first thought was trying to relate your meeting time to server time on evony.....

Quitting really frightens me. I have been thinking about it today. It shouldn't I know, but it fills me with very real fear - well panic actually! Can you ladies and gents really help me? I don't want to lose more than I already have - my health and sleep and a fulfilled life.

Yes I need to stop but I don't know how and the thought of it really scares me and I want to cry. So weird... It's only a game why does it have this effect on me?

Please explain how I participate in the meetings. Thank you

AmandaUK,

Yes, we can really help you! You have taken a huge step in coming here and sharing honestly. Hang in there and keep coming back.

It has this effect on you because it is an addiction, a disease, not a moral issue. You did not choose this. Many of these games are designed to be addictive. They're designed to suck you in. You are not alone.

Keep coming back!

Amanda,

How to quit when it scares you? I don't know--all I can tell you is what I did. I quit and I just kept repeating to myself "I won't play before the meeting and I'll go to the meeting." I then went to the meeting every night, for about 85 of my first 90 days. Start procrastinating with going back to the game the way you have been procrastinating with everything else in your life, lol.

Getting to a meeting. Come here. Click on the tab that says "Chat room". Click on the words "Click here". Log in with your regular OLGA credentials. You'll be in General Chat. The meeting is held in "Open Scheduled Meetings." Go to the dropdown menu near the top of the chat window (the place where it says "General Chat"), click on the arrow and choose the meeting room. You're in! 9 p.m. Eastern US time. (I think 2 a.m. in Britain.)

Also, when you quit, just come to OLGA and read posts whenever you feel like playing. At the beginning, it's recommended to spend (almost) as much time on your recovery as you used to spend on your addiction. Then, after your first week when the withdrawal symptoms calm down a bit, you can start adding some new Real Life activities.

Best wishes, Amanda! Keep coming back!

Hello everyone - I posted this in another thread, but then I found this one and thought it might be a more appropriate place. Anyways, I'm just starting my journey to recovery today (although I've tried to start it many times!) CrissCross shared some helpful words with me in the other thread - any other comments, thoughts, or advice would be greatly appreciated:

"I have a long history with MMO gaming. I'm 26 now. When I was 18, I started playing World of Warcraft. I was introduced to the game by a guy I really, really liked at the time, to the point of obsession. I played the game with him addictively throughout college... sometimes up to 16 hours a day, skipping work, not hanging out with friends, skipping classes. I even lost my financial aid one semester because I failed all of classes, due to the fact that I wanted to just stay in my dorm and play WoW with this guy I liked. Back then, I didn't know any better when it came to romance and liking guys. I'm gay, and I knew for a fact that this guy was straight. Regardless, I pursued him and even ended up admitting my feelings to him, which didn't go well. This was probably about 6 years ago. Once he stopped playing WoW, I didn't. I continued playing the game obsessively, meeting online friends. I even played it when I studied abroad in England, choosing to stay in my dorm rather than exploring this new country I was living in.

Fast forward... I stopped playing when I was 23. I gave up video games entirely. I realized that I was a smart, talented person who deserved to treat himself better than this. I started doing better at my job, I was dating people who could actually be interested in me, and I even got accepted in graduate school for photography. When I left for graduate school, I was in a long-distance relationshop, and believe it or not, him and I stayed connected over playing some World Warcraft, and I was re-addicted for a few months before quitting again.

Fast forward again... this time last year, I started playing League of Legends. I was single (and I still am!)... and I was introduced to League of Legends by another straight guy who I began obsessively crushing on. (And I should've known better!) I was horrible at the game at first, but I wanted to prove myself to this guy that I liked, so I played several hours a day practicing, trying to get better. I suppose I was searching for his approval. Again, I started to ignore potential friends at my graduate school and I wasn't making my artwork or photography with 100% effort like I should have been. Once I graduated and moved back home with my parents (where I am today - though I move into a new apartment in the area in 2 weeks), I continued playing League of Legends, sometimes by myself and sometimes with other people I had met during my time playing it. I have tried to quit many times. I have uninstalled and reinstalled SEVERAL times. It's so difficult!!! I find myself playing so many hours a day... staying up late and feeling horrible the next day. (Oh, and P.S. - I've been playing it recently with the FIRST GUY from when I was 18... although, my feelings for him are gone, completely. And I think he forgot I ever told him that I liked him. It's been a non-issue.)

I realize, however, that I am not happy with my life when I am playing this game. I am no accomplishing anything of real value. I am not progressing any of my talents, nor am I changing the world or myself for the better. I want to really DO something in this world that matters. Alot of times, though, my obligations in life seems so daunting or overwhelming that I just want to escape them. I know that I'm trying to escape SOMETHING when I play all of these video games. I've moved away from home several times, too. I've never lived in the same residence for more than year (after I was 18)... so I feel like there's something AT HOME that I'm trying to escape. My family is Catholic and we're all generally conservative and shy. I'm the youngest of 4 children. Although my sexuality is completely open to my family and everyone accepts it, there's always a part of me that never feels like I can truly be myself - that if I laugh too loud or debate an idea or give an opinion - these all feel like I'm crossing a line. These behaviors (or lack there of) start to bleed into social situations outside the household and over the past year, I've been somewhat of a social misfit, something I haven't really been since high school.

So, as a result of all of this, I am quitting tonight. Really, truly, I'm going to do it. I am making the commitment. I don't know if anyone will read this, or respond to this, but even if you don't, I've gained alot just from typing it. Alot of thoughts have been vented and verbalized. I'm going to rediscover myself starting now.

I would absolutely, 100% adore receiving comments, suggestions or advice in response to my pursuit of happiness and non-addiction. Please help. Thank you.

Jeffrey"

Hi there! I knew of my problem for some time now but just starting to admit it and I'm really glad I found this site. I thought about a 12-step program, but was embarrassed that my addiction was to games and the internet in general.

The basis of my addiction I've found is my impulse to do something that I know I may get sucked into, and then feel no willpower to stop. This can actually happen with "good things" too, like reading a book or cleaning. I only mean to clean the sink but 2 hours later, the whole kitchen is sparkling. Then I'm exhausted and feel no need to maintain those things so that they end up always being a bigger chore to do when I eventually get back to them later. This web comic sums up my experience with responsibilities: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html

The difference is that I tend to use games and internet to distract myself and procrastinate from having to clean all those e-mails out of my inbox at work or clean my room. My mom is much the same way. It also seems if we don't have a deadline looming, we can't start. I've always been the type to wait then pull an all-nighter to complete a paper in college. Once when I decided to start early on a project, I nitpicked until I ended up spending all night on it anyway!

It's so easy to be distracted, especially at work, because the nature of my job inundates me with easily accessible technology. I work for a publishing company and it's important for us to stay ahead of the curve with these things. I use Facebook and Twitter to promote stories and products. I use internet to research new equipment and processes. They don't block any sites.

Just the other day I was messing around at work so much that I ended up staying the night at work to finish things. This is affecting my sleep patterns. I work late almost every night because I wasted the time that I SHOULD have been working. At worst, I fear losing my job if this keeps up and at minimum, I fear that I'll never be able to grow to the point where I feel satisfied with my work. I love my job and the people and I just feel like I'm letting everyone down and embarrassed as to why.

There is one game I play that is particularly damaging, an iOS raiding type game. I started a guild and I have recently been able to relinquish my guild master status to another member, but I feel the need to quit the game completely. However I feel responsibility to the guild and the people playing within it since they are struggling to advance. It's ridiculous, but I don't know how to transition...get her to merge the guild with another, or just up and leave and not look back.

I also notice that I am using games and internet to replace my relationship with God. I have been wandering in the "wilderness" for 5 years now. Unable to pray. Unable to keep focused on the things that make me thankful to God for each moment. I want to be able to replace my urges to be distracted with prayer and thankfulness. I want to do more valuable things with my time. I'm sure the rest will follow if I can only let God into my life.

So yes, I am powerless to stop these urges and my life from spiraling out of control. My work has become an unbearable burden, and my life at home a mess. I'm 30 years old and I will never want to marry or start a family in this environment. I need the help of God and of others to pull me out of this and to figure out how to live and work better. I need to know what parts to quit completely and what parts I need to figure out how to moderate. I can't get away from technology, but I need to figure out how to keep what is important in the forefront and minimize temptation.

Thanks for listening. Now I'm going to go clean out my inbox! :P

Hello, my name is Chris.

I have been a gamer since early childhood, throughout college, and even though I consider myself "not as bad as I used to be" I certainly have a problem. Gaming has cost me money, friends, health, relationships and above all personal development.

I've tried to quit several times and somehow found myself right back where I started. I want to end this cyclical battle and start working on myself.

I feel that I still very much enjoy playing games but at the end of the day they leave me feeling empty. I can envision myself being happy, healthy, social, and fulfilled without games but cannot see what that will take on a day to day basis to achieve.

I appreciate this group and will attempt to help others as much as I receive.

TheTree wrote:

....

I can envision myself being happy, healthy, social, and fulfilled without games but cannot see what that will take on a day to day basis to achieve.

The guy is an addiction doctor (i.e. an M.D. specializing in treating addicts) and he's an addict; he knows what he's talking about from all sides.

You are absolutely right about what can be accomplished without games. For most of us, it's a long road to achieving that healthy and happy life. But fortunately for me, it is a road I don't need to walk alone. I have the help of this recovery community, and all my interactions here are teaching me how to live a healthy and balanced life that is free from addictive behaviors (like, for me, games).

What has helped me here at OLGA:

1. Going to the meetings. I still make it to at least half the meetings, even though I started recovery 8 months ago. For a long time I went every night. By now, I've probably been to close to 200 meetings. They still help me.

2. I read on the forums and post. Not everything is relevant to me, but lots of it is. It's helpful to be here and to be able to share my story here.

3. Connections. I have recovery buddies that I have phone contact and other contact with, and I have a sponsor here, and a sponsee. All of these connections help me

4. I'm working the 12 steps. It's a specific program that helps us deal better with life.

5. I connect with the community and try to help others by sharing my experience.

One of our members once said, "Recovery is not about dealing with games; recovery is about dealing with life."

Here we help each other learn to deal with life so that we don't need to turn back and escape from it with games. So glad you have joined us.

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our game addiction... I wasn't always powerless over this, you know. It just got...out of hand; a way to escape, a way to be someone/something different. I first started to play video games when I was very young. I would play with the Atari 5600 in the basement of my house or with the original Sega at my grandparent's house. My brother and I soon found a common bond in our gaming, but for me it was something more. I became fascinated with the fantasy world and RPGs I would come across. I started to write and weave stories with myself and these video game characters I discovered. Eventually I branched into computer games on the Apple IIe and learned how to perform elementary programming. As time moved on, I found myself spending more and more time in that fantasy world, which seemed so harmless at first. Whether it was day dreaming, writing stories, planning a gaming session, or simply play the game, I was using video games as a way to run from my feelings, as a way to control the chaos I found myself in. Before I turned 10, my parents had given me a Nintendo (after a very long time of begging). I began to spend even more time gaming and looking forward to vacations when I could play games uninterrupted. By the time I got to high school, I had purchased a Playstation and was really out of control. I could spend an entire day playing and not even realize it. I remember many times when I would get out of bed, turn on my Playstation, and then my parents would be coming home from work. I would lose 13-15 hours and still not be satisfied. I kept all this as hidden as possible. I somehow managed to stay up on all my schoolwork and do quite well through high school. I had friends, but I jealously guarded my play time. And I began to resent my parents when they would ask me to do things during my time off that impinged on my gaming. I was constantly running from my feelings and using video games as a way to "numb" myself and distract me. After the mega-marathon sessions I would feel angry, tired, and worthless (what did I do with my day?). I would then try to get rid of those feelings by going deeper into another fantasy world (reading or writing). That cycle continued until I went to college. The freedom of college offered me a chance to change, but my gaming was too ingrained. My first semester, I would spend extra time I had playing games on the computer, my Playstation, my Gamecube, or one of my friend's N64. I began to think in terms of the games: geometric patterns of Tetris, car maneuvering in Grand Theft Auto, or violent fighting of Final Fantasy. I found myself thinking, "I could just hit that car and blast ahead with no problem." These thoughts came unbidden and I was always unnerved by them, but not enough to stop playing. Eventually I found a job, but balance never did, I was still powerless. I would spend time working, time studying, and time gaming, but sleep, social activities, and exercise disappeared. I would consistently run on 2-4 hours of sleep because after work I would spend time playing video games. Or I would reward my late night study sessions with gaming breaks (that never lasted as long as I said they would...15 minutes for become 2 hours.) Entering religious life only delayed my gaming. Although my time was limited for actual gaming, my thoughts wouldn't stop. I would plan and think about what I would do when I was able. I purchased and read books on video games, stayed up on all the news, and even kept contact with my friends and the new RPG they were playing. By the time I was going onto First Studies, it was like being back in college. I had "tons of free time" and near zero accountability as long as my work was completed. I jumped back into gaming with gusto...so much so that it was like I never left. I would spend hours playing games, neglecting my prayer life, ministry, and even community. I constantly lived a double life, on the outside I was doing everything right, saying all the right things, but I was never far from my gaming. I began to procrastinate and push everything off to the last minute. I worked under constant pressure, but never once did I think that it was because of my gaming. I continued in the same way once I started teaching. I had gotten good at hiding my gaming and how much time it was consuming. I was, on the outside, doing it all right. At school, though, that image cracked. I had too much to do with a full time job. I couldn't juggle it all. Instead of giving up gaming, though, I gave up relationships. I jealously guarded my gaming time and ignored community, friendships. I would show up just often enough to be called a part of the community, but I would often disappear or not be around. And even if I was present, my mind was always elsewhere: either on my work or on gaming. Any time someone asked where I was or what I had been doing, I always felt compelled to cover the truth and shied away from talking about my gaming. My life had become completely unmanageable and I was at the end of my rope. Even here in therapy, I still gamed. I saw this as a lot of free time, with little else to do. I continued with most of my gaming habits, even though I knew that was a big part of the reason I was here. I still felt the need to hide my gaming from everyone. When the topic of my gaming finally came up, I defended it for all it was worth. It felt as though a part of me was being destroyed. When I thought about not gaming, it became almost hard to breathe. But even then, I fought against the idea of this being an addiction. What changed? Simple, hard facts. In the past 5 years I have spent over 284 days...DAYS gaming. That's 15% of the last 5 years that I have spent in front of a computer accomplishing nothing. The buzz that I felt while playing is not enough for me anymore. I need help. I can't control this myself. I am powerless over my addiction. I want deeper connections with people and that means having a life above and beyond my virtual one. Finding this website and group has been an ultimate God send for me. Your stories and how startlingly similar they are to mine gave me an extra loud wake-up call.

Rainbow_Dash,

Welcome to OLGA! You will find lots of support here. As a first step, I encourage you to come to one of the chat meetings if possible. There are two tonight: One at 8 p.m. Eastern US time, and one at 9 p.m. Eastern, an hour later. The first one is a newcomers' meeting, specifically geared to those who have just quit or are thinking about quitting/planning to quit. That might be the one for you, if you can make it. The other is an open meeting, which is also very supportive, as most of the attendees are recovering addicted/excessive gamers. Please feel free to join us.

Meanwhile, enjoy the 200,000+ posts here on the webiste. There's some info available, lol.

Best wishes to you! See you at the meeting....

I have been gaming ever since I got my first NES at the age of seven. It started out as a common thing which my friends and I had in common. For the first 16 years of my life gaming did not take much space. However, ever since then it has been an escape from reality more than my friends and I doing something together. I have managed to scrape by so far but by no means with excellence.

I have done things in the very last minute but always somehow managed to make it. I have also neglected a lot of social life, even though I have a group of friends which I hang out with every now and then. I function really well at my work place, with my friends in social situations and such. The problem is that now it has gotten out of hand. I love my current job but I do not get enough sleep nor do I do any preparations at home. My losing sleep has also resulted in that I perform very poorly at my job. I am desperate and I have had enough of this! I just uninstalled all of my games for the 50th time or so. But now I just know that this cannot go on! I have to change this.

Gaming started out boosting my confidence with the drawback that it resulted in my not having any confidence in my abilities anywhere else. I was an elite player for quite some time in the FPS scene and to stay on top you have to play a lot. There is always someone better or at the very same level as you are. I am crying and I am angry at myself for having lost so much power and trying to just quit gaming, and failed, so many times that I have lost count. Now when I'm soon-to-be 27 years old I want to be an adult. I want to have a real life and real relationships. I do not want to wait until I mess things up really bad. I want to change everything now!

Here is my first step, I want to get better and I want to stop depending on gaming. I want to live my life.

O.L.G.A. Step 1.

I first got into gaming when I was five and got a Gameboy for my birthday with Tetris. I would play it all the time off and on. It was during that time that my mom and dad were in the process of divorce and that led me into my own world and I retreated to video games to help me cope. As they battled back and forth for the next eight or nine years I found that gaming was my way of "calming down". I always looked at it that way and not as an addiction. Through all of high school I was never allowed to go anywhere or hang out with people, so I gamed. I played lacrosse and would have some communication with others then, but when I got home it was gaming and pornography to help me "calm down" and escape the world of isolation and loneliness.

When I entered my first year of college I met my first girlfriend. When we would hang out at first I wouldn't want to game at all. Then as we had time when we weren't together I would find myself coming home to game. This turned into a cycle of seeing her, coming home, watching porn and gaming. It was one big circle and it is only now that I realized there were many nights where I would just game because I felt alone and trapped at home. I made one real good friend while at college and we would game for hours on end. I liked being able to get out of the house, but I was still gaming. If he was going hunting or doing anything not gaming related I wouldn't do really spend time with him. I graduated and took some time off to find a job. I worked minimum wage jobs for a while and then would find myself renting games and playing from the time I got home (usually around 8 or 9 at night) until 6 or 7 the next morning, only to get up and play some more before I went to hang out with my girlfriend.

I decided to go back to college for my Bachelor's Degree in 2007 and would game some then, but not as much because I lived on campus and joined a few clubs while also doing work study. I went to a concert at one point and ended up getting Tinnitus. This sent me into a depression and I ended up requesting my own room. I found that after doing this, my addiction really flared up and I would alternate whole nights to watching pornography and gaming. When my girlfriend would visit it wouldn't be a day of talking but a lot of watching me game or sex. I never could just game for small increments. I even remember at one point bringing a handheld game to class and playing it in the front row while the teacher talked. I was hooked and never realized it because gaming is what some people do for fun so I didn't think I had a problem.

I eventually moved off campus when things started getting bad with my girlfriend and would spend more time isolating and gaming or looking at porn due to the stress that I was under to try to save a relationship and put up with her family. There were times when I would game, knowing that I had to be somewhere only to hold off until the last moment before leaving. Flash forward to 2011 when I broke up with my girlfriend because she wasn't giving me enough attention (keep in mind I gamed all the time and talked about it a lot). I felt like the victim near the end so I acted out sexually. Shortly after the breakup I met my current wife. We talked for hours and I didn't feel like gaming because I was happy. We would do everything together and would find fun in small things, even driving around for hours talking. It was about three or four months that I didn't game and I was happy.

Then her ex came back into the picture and I felt threatened so my insecurities led me to isolate and game more. I was also gaming a lot at work at this point. I would tell myself "I will only play this one level" and then end up gaming for an hour or two. At one point I even played PC games on my work computer (I could have gotten fired!). I never was able to express myself so I would game. It started out small when she was around and then we got pregnant in September of 2011 shortly after my sex addiction flared up and we reconciled from that. I gamed quite a bit then since I was trying to "get it out of my system" before our child came. There were times when I would game and say I would only play for a half hour or so and look up to find that two hours had passed and my wife was bored.

Flash forward to last June when our daughter was born and I almost acted out sexually again due to the stress of a newborn child. I got caught and went into therapy for my sex addiction on July 1st, 2012. I am now nearing my one year mark of sobriety from that addiction, but see that I game a lot now. It has gotten to the point where my wife's cousin will come over and I will game for hours because I get bored and antisocial. When my wife has said something about it, I use the excuse, "come on babe, just one more level" or stuff as equally meaningless. I am a console game so it takes up the TV for long periods. Flash forward to this past Tuesday and my wife was feeling sick. I told her I would watch our daughter only to do so out of the corner of my eye while gaming on my xbox for the three hours my wife slept. When she woke up we had a huge argument about me wasting my time and I got defensive as if I deserved time to game. She said no talking about games for at least a week, but then yesterday I brought up the new xbox and playstation and she got really upset. I didn't notice and argued that I was just making small talk. She is talking about a separation and I am ready to quit. When I am actively gaming that comes first and I don't like that. I don't want to live like that anymore. I don't want to have it consume me like it has.

I am a video game addict and I am here to get help. This is an issue and this is my last stand against the addiction and my only chance of even having an inkling of saving my marriage. I am here to find peace and serenity and find the life I had when I wasn't gaming and the freedom to spend my time and happiness on my wife and daughter.

Step 1:We admitted we were powerless over our game addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.

My name is Becca and I'm a gaming addict.

it didn't matter what form those games took, but it developed from pokemon through to MMORPGs. I was addicted to games from the age of atleast 10, or maybe even before. I would just totally shut off from real life.

Powerlessness.

To me Powerlessness means being completely unable to defend yourself, and allowing your basic human needs to be neglected. My addiction caused me to become Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired for over ten years.

I was powerless when the strongest urge I had at school was to get home and game.

I was powerless when I knew I needed to sleep, but could not log off.

I was powerless when I wanted to play with my friends, but had to wait until very late to see them.

I was powerless over the never-ending possibilities of the game.

I was powerless over the first feelings of belonging, community and friendship I'd ever had.

My life became unmanageable as a result,

to me Unmanageability means the addiction wins out over logic. Attempts to control the addiction are thwarted by the addictive mind. Goals to "only be on for twenty minutes" are never fulfilled. and the addiction can manifest from whereever I least expect it.

basically, my addiction is something I alone, cannot control.

Why I want to stop gaming:

I am an addict, pure and simple. Gaming is all I've known for my entire adult life. It has robbed me of my own development, my own childhood. I came extremly close to developing carpel tunnel and get sore wrists easily. I wasn't living, I was surviving.

I believe in the promises of OLGA, I believe that through abstanance I can gain a new freedom and happiness and a new lease of life. I deserve recovery, and I'm willing to work for it.

Hi, I've flirted with the idea of actually taking games out of the equation but need some sort of support or group, its where I feel most comfortable.

I've finally done something to make me realise I need to stop. I'm resolved to stop once and for all, cold turkey is a hard thing to do, but that's why there is support.

After lying to my partner of 3 or so years I'm taking the first 'step' as it were. Hiding things, lying, making my self feel empty with hours of games and my partner unhappy is no life to live. Quitting is my only out at this point. It hurts too much to try, 's time to do.

Lately I taipered again and took up cycling as a hobby and way to stay fit, and away from the computer. Times have not even worked, if less is more, and no time is everything. I'm just sorry I keep hurting my self and my loved ones.

Hello everyone. I've been a recovering addict for the past 5 years, and I've been struggling recently because of a lack of Therapy. I've been busy with summer classes, and haven't been able to schedule a f2f meeting, or come to the meetings on here. I realize though that I have not ever tried the 12 steps, but that I would like to.

I am powerless. It has been a while since I have quit, but I often feel like i'm on the verge of a relapse. I need to remind myself what gaming has actually done for me.

I became very malnurished.I stopped communicating with friends/family.I was kicked out of school.I lost a bunch of really great jobs for my education level.I was kicked ou of school again.

And here is the biggest one:

I lost the trust of all of my closest friends and family members, and I'd really like to work on getting that back.

I'm glad to be here.

Blake

I don't know what to do, I find myself often on online games for hours on end I can take breaks, but usually only when asked, I find a lot of my friends online, and don't have any friends that don't play video games, its affecting my parents as well, they believe that I have an addiction, and so do I. But I do not want to remove games from my life, its important to me, its how I socialize, while I have friends that would support me I don't want to lose the ones that wouldn't, I don't want to be alone. I don't want to quit, I want to moderate.

Hey there, Nexon. Just one quick question...if they aren't willing to support you while you do something that you think you need to do, are they really friends? I've had to dump a whole bunch of relationships my own self, and although it hasn't been easy, it's been what I've needed to do. If I could have moderated I think I would have...no, let me correct that...if I could have moderated, I most definitely would have. In the end though, it came down to the fact that I really only had two options...I could quit gaming and maybe find a way to be happy without games, or I could keep gaming and do something that I already knew would make me miserable. I chose to quit gaming, and I've been finding that life is a lot more enjoyable this way. There have been some transitions to say the least, and not all of them have been pleasant, but life is definitely much better now than it was then. I hope you are able to do what you need to do, whatever that may happen to be.

Hello everyone,

my name is Hannes and I have a gaming/online problem. I have been playing computer games for about 15 years, with ups and downs in intensity. But over all this years it has always been a dominant factor and has affected my life negatively in all areas. I have stoped it for about 1000 times. And I have started for another 1000 times, because... well, just playing a little wont do any harm.

Three weaks ago i cut my wired pc controller. I had lots of important things to do, but it was 4am and I was playing video games, once again. Never again did I want to play games again. It worked well for three days. I was really productive and happy. I thought: It might even be better with just a bit of gaming. Just a little bit wont do any harm.... So I again bought myself a new controller, just ending up playing the same game till 4 am in the morning. I cut it again and again it went well for a couple of days. I acutally bought another one last week. I have definetly lost controll over this. I want to play just a little bit, but I cant. Others can, but I cant. If I could have, i would have learned it somewhere along the road in the last 15 years.

The third controller actually seems to have been lost during delivery. Someone from my dorm was supposed to have accepted it, but name and roomnumber dont even exist in my building. Ill take it as a hint of fate.

I want my life back. I want to eat healthy, do sports and have an active social life.

Two years ago I had quite a spiritual phase. Read a lot of books of Eckhart Tolle, Thich Nhat Than, the Pali Canon, the Bhagavad Gita, NT and the likes. I had some great moments in meditation where I was almost too happy to keep going and even got a gaze behind duality.

When Games can get me from where I was then to where I am now, they are definitely no good for me. I want to get back and life up to my real potential.

I wasnt able to do it on my own. But with the help of God I'll be strong enough to overcome the temptations.

Welcome Hannes. I hope you'll make full use of the support available to you here at OLGA. Understanding and encouraging each other helps so much. Glad you found us.

Welcome to OLGA, Hannes. If you ever have any questions or would like some specific type of support, just let us know. You can create your own thread in the "I need help for gamers" forum if you like, and then you can keep it focused on whatever your need happens to be at the moment. Good luck on trying to quit, and know that you've got a bunch of people here who will be happy to help you out if you want the help.

mekiac wrote:

I want my life back. I want to eat healthy, do sports and have an active social life.

Two years ago I had quite a spiritual phase. Read a lot of books of Eckhart Tolle, Thich Nhat Than, the Pali Canon, the Bhagavad Gita, NT and the likes. I had some great moments in meditation where I was almost too happy to keep going and even got a gaze behind duality.

When Games can get me from where I was then to where I am now, they are definitely no good for me. I want to get back and life up to my real potential.

I wasnt able to do it on my own. But with the help of God I'll be strong enough to overcome the temptations.

Welcome, Hannes. One of the tests of true addiction is that we can't deal with it on our own. We can't control it, we can't stop it, we can't avoid starting up again, at least when we are on our own. We need help to stop.

We get that help from the Higher Power, as you pointed out. But one of the things addiction did to my brain was that it made it very difficult for me to hear the voice of my higher power. Instead, I practiced ignoring that voice, so much that it almost went away. One of the things that the fellowships I attend (OLGA, GA and AA) helps me with is that it connects me with recovering addicts--people who have once again begun to learn how to listen to their higher power, and not just follow the path that addiction has laid out for us. I have people I can call, people who will tell me when I'm listening to my addiction and who will help me learn to live a different way. That's why I'm so grateful for the 12-step program, for OLGA and the other fellowships--because it's the thing that helped me when I was desperately stuck, and just couldn't do it myself.

I hope you find some help here, on the forums, in meetings and by making connections with people who are finding peace in recovery. Best wishes.

Hugs, Hannes. Welcome to Olga! You are not alone. I have created a blog to help out newcomer who are suffering from gaming addiction. Please click on the link below. I can only speak from my own experience.

http://olganon.org/?q=node/41941

Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

Maggie

Powerlessness

Have you found yourself unable to control your online gaming?

Did you feel that you had no power to put limitations on the amount of time you spent playing?

Yes, it has been impossible to control when and for how long I play. I say to myself, 30 minutes more, and end up playing 3-4 hours more.

Do you find yourself spending time in the game, even though you don't want to?

I spend time in the game because I want to, I never think about not wanting to play.

Do you find you don't have the willpower to stop playing?

Yes, I thought it would be impossible to stop playing, I used to have a craving for it, currently I am rejecting that need with self control and doing different activities.

Unmanageability

Has your life become unmanageable as a result of online game addiction? Is your life out of control?

I have no management or control over my life, the game decides for me, I am not feeling that I can do what I want to do, I can only play and play for long periods of time.

Are there areas of responsibilities that you've been neglecting as a result of playing online games?

Yes, I have been neglecting most aspects of my life, my son, my wife, my friends and myself for playing online games.

I am really glad I found this site, I am trying very hard to get my life under control.

Thank you,

Santiago

Powerlessness.

Like many on here I tried to stop playing video games, a couple times in fact. I struggled with the compulsion to play even during times when I knew I should be doing something else, such as writing a paper or reading a book for class. Many times I would stay awake till 3 or 4am to finish a dungeon with a couple online friends. We insisted on playing hard mode and vowed to not log off till we defeated the trolls! Class started at 9:30a and it took an hour to get there so by that measure I may have seen only 4 hours of sleep on multiple occasions. Despite the fact my life was well managed, both my work and my school did not suffer much. I later graduated with honors and my manger promoted me the following month.

However, my life was managed around playing the games. There was always time to play games, and it made no difference how little I slept. I managed my time well because it was managed to play the game and everything about my life ensured I had the proper tools to play. A job was vital because it helped provide me with the money to purchase more games and then resources for those games. School was essential to keep my parents and grandparents off my back. I attended the university to maintain the illusion that I had a goal to be something. What I did not show was that the primary objective had nothing to do with either of those things. Everything lead to making sure I could pursue my obsession, video games.

What I had not realized is how unmanageable I had become. I had surrendered to the compulsion. Powerlessness to me means I cannot make any decision for my own benefit save the desire to play video games. My mind was inundated with thoughts about the game, dreams about the game, writing fan fiction about the game, talking about the game to anyone I could, even people who did not care. Judging from these statements it is safe to say I worshiped the game and was powerless.

There is no denying it; I am powerless when it comes to playing video games. What I thought I had come to master, had in fact mastered me.(Honesty) I realize now that I am addicted to video games.(Open-mindedness) Lastly, I want to stop playing.(Willingness) Today I will not play video games.

Hugs, thanks for sharing TheValley and Santiago.

Hi, my name is Nis, and I am addicted to computer games.

I have currently not played any type of electronic game for the last 3 days.
I am 38, and I believe I have shown signs of addiction since around age 9. There was a burger joint with arcade machines on my way home for school, and I would stand for hours and watch the older boys play. In the end, my parents would get worried, and start looking for me - finally finding me there. I guess after the first couple of times, they would just go directly there to pick me up. At least once I peed my pants, not wanting to miss the action.
I have been aware for quite some years (7?) that my relationship with computer games is addictive. Part of my problem with this and other addictive patterns in my life is that I can ALMOST manage. I can ALMOST moderate. I can quit drinking, for a month, two months ... and then I will slowly start drinking a little once in awhile - until I am suddenly passed out at 9 o'clock at a party where i had decided not to drink. Similarly with games, I have been binge-playing for the last couple of years - most days not, then playing for an entire weekend where I had planned to do other stuff. I have dropped out of 2 university studies, lost jobs (through quitting voluntarily) and lost my wife from this behaviour.

I have been working most of my adult life with IT - for the last couple of years as a freelancer. This work has gained me skills which also tend to be used outside of work - in volunteer organisations etc. This means that I spend a large proportion of my time in front of a computer, in order to fulfil the promises I have made and the expectations I have for myself. I see this akin to an alcoholic working in a bar. I always have my drug available at my fingertips.

Part of my luck in dealing with my addiction has been my ex-wife. She suffered from several addictions of her own, found the 12 steps, and became a different person. In the process she introduced me to a lot of 12-step techniques, and opened up my eyes to the power of spirituality. Later she found out that she no longer needed me in the same way, and that she could not live with an active addict. We divorced 5 years ago, and are good friends today.

After realising I had an addiction problem, I tried going to open AA meetings, and later a GA (Gamblers Anonymous) meeting. It never really stuck, for two reasons, I believe: I did not feel that my problem was REALLY big enough. My life seemed quite OK most of the time - only once in a while I'll fall into a hole, and need time and/or help to get out again. And secondly, "their problems" did not really feel like my problems. While in GA there were people who had some of the same relationships with games as me, they were all about gambling for money - something which I never really got into, or had a problem with.

3 weeks ago, while I was at a low point, I texted my ex, asking her to support me in staying clean for the next 24 hours. She asked me what problem I was dealing with, and came back with a link to OLGA. I read a couple of stories, and realized that I had found home.

And thus I write this to you - concluding with my step one:

I am powerless over computer games and electronic entertainment. I have tried moderation and succeded - then failed. I have tried to quit completely, and succeded - then failed. I ask for your support in staying clean for the rest of my life - 24 hours at a time. Knowing my history, I find it likely that this will not happen. If I should fall, I hope you will help me back on my feet.

Thank you.

PS: I live in Denmark , Central European Time, GMT+1. Sleeping pattern is quite irregular, buit I will try not to stay up for the daily meeting (at 3 am here) unless I am really desperate. I will try to make it to some of the earlier meetings.

I am new to this website and everything in it so yeah...here is my story:

It all started with naive kid who didn't have a lot of friends and wanted to play a game to wasn't time, so he downloaded a game and started playing. It wasn't long till he began separating from his family and friends and not even going out of the house and neglecting everything in his life starting from personal relationships to school and studying. he thought that it wasn't that series until one day he started staying past 1 Am to just play the game and when he wasn't playing the game he was thinking about playing it. Time after time the amount of control the boy had when playing games was decreasing and soon his whole life was about just playing the game. He wants to make his parents proud and go to a good school but he just can't control what has happenning. And all I can say now is I need help.

Hi, Mr. Bad Boy, welcome to OLGA.

There's a fellowship here of people like yourself who can't control how much we play, and we end up having the games take over more and more of our lives. If you decide to quit, you can get support from us and learn from our experiences.

I encourage you to come to a meeting and meet people. There is one every night at 9p.m. Eastern time and there are some others at 3 Eastern on certain days. Click on the "Meetings" tab.

Hope to see you around. Best wishes.

Hi Bad,

Welcome to Olga! I can relates and I am glad you are here with us. Meeting is the most helpful thing I did when I first quit. I also created a personal blog to share my experience with newcomers, and I hope you will find it helpful.

http://olganon.org/?q=node/41941

Hugs,

Maggie

I think today I have a better understanding of my powerless over this addiction.

Whenever I started to game, it was out of boredom or to relieve some unpleasent stress in my life. Sometimes out of loniliness, gaming was just a form of engagment .It grew to compulsion and unmanagable time skills.

So now I come to realize that I have to SURRENDER. There will also be new games. More challenging levels of old games. Game makers enticing my addiction.

It will never end unless you/I/we make it end and accept we are powerless and acknowlege our addiction cannot be satistified and start step 1 and the program.

my name is aaron and im addicted to games.

I started playing online games when I was about 12, I started with runescape and have played on and off till this day. ontop of that I have played any game I could get onto that was challangeing and social from that day on. I am currently 22 and married, going to college, work full time,a member of the US army, and a soon to be dad of twins. ive been married comming up on a year and a half and am still playing 10-14 hours a day. I didnt reolize until today that i dont really have any friends in life other then 2 my wife and an old friend from high school. most of the people i talk to on a regular basis are people i used to play games with or who im currently playing games with.

My parents and wife have tried to help me kick the habit by helping me in any way they can. tried time managment but I would just do stuff during normal hours (7am - 8pm) and then play all night and sleep 2-4 hours and do it again. tried deleting my games but i would just install a new one and play until i got bored and reinstall the old game and play both. my parnets got to the point that they would take my computer at night. but i started lreaning how to get around that by using my computer skills to get into somone elses computer and use theirs. tried physicaly removing the cable modems from the house but ended up figuring out how to use my phone to extend my wireless on my computer to monitor others networks and get into them. i love games and as much as it hurts to do it i am making that step today i need to quit for my own health, the health of my children to be, and my wifes health. I want to grow old knowing i did everything i would and over came every issue i came across if that means i need to quit gaming all together than thats that i need to do. i love my wife more then anything and ive been neglecting her for most of my marrage. she has told me that i have a gaming from the time we got married until now. and its taken me a year and a half to relolize that i do have an addiction and i need to deal with it.

So this is it. Time to quit gamming and kick start my life in the real world.

Welcome Aaron! You are not alone. It sounds like you have a very supportive family which is great. You don't have to do this alone, it is ok to ask for help. I tried to do it on my own in the past and I failed miserably. It is great to have alot of support because you will need it. I found meeting is the most helpful in my recovery. I rarely missed my meeting in the first 30 days. I hope you will give your recovery 110% effort just like when you were gaming. I also created a personal blog to share with newcomers, and I hope you will find it helpful.

http://olganon.org/?q=node/41941

Hugs,

Maggie

OMG Funnymanv you are like a computer genious! hahah I wouldn't know how to to any sibgle thing that you mentioned! Do you have the chance to apply those skills omewhere else?

Anyway I am here to say that I admit I was really unable to control my gaming. Played for several hours and days just like anyone else here neglecting the other parts of my life.

The worse part was always pretending that I was going to quit and then playing again after days, weeks or months. I have let people down with this broken promises.

I am so motivated now! I have a bigger drive to change. I believe that there's time for everything. Just doing the right thing at the wrong time will not work at it's best.

Now is my time! :)

P. S. Private Message me whenerver you want! I love listen to other people, makes me learn!

i have 92 days now. Still some days of craving like today. I played 20 years and i really live in my fantasies and want to play not to feel my pain. So i need the first step every day in the morning and thank god in the evening when i go sober to bed. Thank God there is a skype meeting tomorrow in OLGA. They really help, it works if you work it.

Just to point out, there are now chat meetings that are midday in the US and in the evening in Europe most days. Attendance is small but growing. Europeans who would like an extra meeting now and then, take note. :)

Hello. My name is Kyle. I'm a gaming addict, and I suffer from bi-polar disorder and social anxiety disorder.

About a year ago, I read Mary Karr's third memoir, Lit. She recounts her alcoholism and recovery. I'm not an alcoholic, but I did relate to her struggles. I could see aspects of my gaming in her alcoholism, but I didn't think I was an addict. I just needed to cut down. If fact, I assumed gaming couldn't be an addiction. Addiction was for druggies and drinkers.

I did cut down on gaming for a while, with the help of prayer. I started working out. (Gaming all day had turned me into 245 lbs. of atrophy.) I went back to church but I spoke to no one. I was handling this on my own.

Except I wasn't handling it for long. After a few months I was playing as much as ever. Then I cut back again, then played more, then less, then more. I was seesawing but spending more and more time hitting bottom than rising up.

Then I went 2 months without working out. I've never been a great housecleaner but my apartment had never been more disgusting. I was bathing twice a week and shaving twice a month. My wrists were in severe pain from playing but the pain didn't stop me. I didn't even want to play, but I couldn't stop. I had to keep advancing my characters ASAP. I loved my characters. I wrote back stories for them, listed their motivations, their desires and fears. They were my first and last thoughts of each day.

I was powerless over my addiction and my life had become unmanageable. I had to quit, not cut back, and I needed the support of others -- just like Mary Karr. Surely gaming addiction must be real so I researched and found OLGANON. I am on day 7 without games. In that time I have returned to working out, working on my business, praying, and I'm even considering getting involved in church.

So yea i definetly have a problem with gaming.....i find that i tend to think more about gaming than anything else.....i did have alot of dreams at one point.....but alot of those how been pushed away and now i just think about gaming all the time. i spend at least 6 hours a day gaming....i recently met a girl and im wanting things to work with her so i feel like i really need to do something about this problem i have.....that is why i googled and found this website.....so here i am i admit i have a problem and i need help with it......i hope this website and these 12 steps can help me.....of course i know alot of it has to come from within.....it wont be easy but i hope its something i can work on....gl to all you here needing help and i hope everyone gets what they need. i do know for sure that i will never stop......i have to be realistic.....i really just dont want to stop......but i do need to learn how to truely manage my problem.....because right now i dont at all.

My start of 12 steps program:

I am powerless over my gaming addiction. I spent countless hours and lose sleep just to continue playing. I come home and game. I wake up and game. I ditch class to game.

Eventually, my life is unmanagable with games. I dont study as hard. I have many stuff to do.

Supporting you in your recovery. I know the impossibility of long term stopping. My hope is that by being part of a recovery group and surrendering to a Higher Power I will take one step at a time to live my life more fully.

I appreciate your honest. I understand what you describe. Thanks.

Powerless:

There is a spiritual void in my life. Though G-d has helped to build into it a little bit over the past few years, it remains overwhelming. I am lonely, scared, and weak.

When I was playing online chess (free for at least three months from this) I would finish a game with an overwhelming desire to play another...turning into ten, eleven hour stretches, lasting to 4:30 in the morning, even when I had to get up at 6:30 AM. Eventually I'd be overcome by sleep.

I kept getting sucked into time management games, solitaire games, upgrade games, all kinds of absurd little things...At one point, a bit over a year ago, I signed up on this site, but never took an initiative to attach myself more than that...I remember this now because when I tried to sign up, my email was already registered.

Eventually, religious reasons led me to get an internet filter, which helped for a while. I told the key to the filter to a trusted friend who goes to a different college than me, so that I'd only have words if the filter was interfering excessively with school or something. I went on a retreat somewhere, involved in an activity, partnered Gemara study (not recommended if you're not Jewish, highly recommended if you are) that managed to leave me without the craving for gaming.

(For someone with the right kind of mind, the two are similar enough. And people do become "addicted" to gemara study, the difference being that we benefit from it, while I only hurt myself through gaming.)

The moment the replacement stimulus was gone, I discovered the App Store, and justified myself to not resist downloading a few games. Big mistake...I even knew it at the time. I don't think I was really in control. Those have sucked up a huge fraction of time since, cutting away from my attachment to family, my key opportunity to maintain connections from my brief stay at yeshiva, and a golden opportunity to prepare for school...I have also lost tens of hours of sleep over that time, ruining my mood and having other ripple effects. I am sure at this point, I had lost control of myself.

Similar cycles of trying to remove myself from gaming (or "moderate" it), finding myself slacking on restrictions, and eventually falling back in guiltily, have repeated for a long time, something like seven years. It has at times reached levels where it took significant Divine assistance that my level of absorption didn't wreck my life irreparably.

Last semester, I failed three courses and did poorly in the other two because I was spending too much time on the computer, passively absorbing hatever was on the screen, which was often if not always a game...I am convinced that had I rejected the games, I would not have had a grade under C. I managed to hold onto the support I had to be in college by the skin of my GPA's teeth (in previous semesters it hadn't hurt quite so much.)

I have decided to pray as much as I need to for help in making sure this pattern never comes back. Even if it does repeat, and I know it's possible to prevent that, with G-d's help I can turn my back on gaming.

I have removed all games from my computer, but am still having difficulty removing the App Store, because of the utility it could provide. It is hidden for now.

Did I mention? I'm a computer science major.

My name is Justin and I'm an online gaming addict. I no longer have control over the amount of time I spend playing games and I know something has to change to regain my life.

At 42 years old, I am constantly disgusted, demoralised and depressed at my lack of willpower and discipline as I try over and over again to reduce or stop gaming. I have been playing games in one form or another for over 30 years. Starting with arcade games when I was young, to computer games at school (which took hours to download off tapes!) and mobile devices now, it has reached a stage where my life is severely affected.

Having been a compulsive gambler and lost 100's of 1000's of dollars over the years, I'm proud to say that I haven't gambled for over 8 years. Unfortunately, I have swapped one addiction for another and now I play games every day at both work and home. With this behaviour, I have gambled and lost my wife, many jobs, precious time with my family and on some occasions, my will to live.

I'm trying to understand the triggers that make me pick up the laptop, phone or iPad dozens of times a day. Boredom, loneliness, distraction, avoidance, stress...are all reasons I give myself to "have a break" or "tune out" for a bit. But ultimately I have realised that I am simply making a choice to continue this destructive behaviour. Arriving at this website, putting together a plan to overcome this insidious problem and having the support from others in the same boat is the start to a new life.

So at 10.42pm in Tauranga, New Zealand, I, Justin am going to commit to not playing any games for the next 24 hours. And when that 24 hours is up, I will set a goal for the next day...and the next. I will not supplant one addiction for another and will make a plan to do something positive with the hours of time that will be gained from not gaming.

At 42 years old, I am better than this. I want my life back.

Hey Rainbow.

i just read your post (I found this site tonight) and everything you've written has resonated and mirrored my story. Sounds like we might be the same age. The feelings of shame and worthlessness I have when I see many of my friends being productive and successful can be hard to deal with. But you know what? Tomorrow we'll take the step of going a day without gaming. The whole day. And then we'll pat ourselves on the back for a job well done. And then we'll do it the next day...and so on. We're intelligent guys. We'll work out what our behaviour triggers are and strategies to overcome them to avoid falling back into the trap. Stories like yours make me realise I'm not alone and I'll do what I can to support others whilst gladly receiving some in return.

Good luck from Justin in New Zealand!

My name is Balazs (hungarian) and I do admit that I am powerless to put an end to my gaming addiction. I have always thought that as time goes by I will eventually stop playing due to higher resposibilities, having to study, work etc. But thats not the case. The desire to game simply wont go away. I wake up, I turn my computer on, check some news, emails, then inevitably play a "few" rounds. All this started when I was very young, around 4 or 6 with a chinese copy of a nintendo system. My mother who raised me alone had to work two jobs to keep us on a normal standard of living. Thus I spent most of my time alone at home. This is I think, how gaming basically "integrated" into my life. I grew up with it and even though I tried other hobbies, sports I always went back to gaming. My mother was aware of this but any time she tried to talk about this with me I got very defensive. Now that I attend a university and I live alone miles away from home, gaming just gotten worse. My long time girlfriend (5 years now) is also angry with me because I failed my high school leaving exam and did not earn enough points to attend a university in her town. We were just about to start a life together which I really wanted but I spent the critical last year of high school playing online games. My reasons were pretty much like yours: boredom, its what I have always done, and to escape the fact that I have to write those exams fairly well (which I did not). She also tried to talk with me about this but just like in my mother's case I got defensive and stated that I am aware of what I am doing and I can control it anytime. Thats true, maybe for a couple days but the craving to go back and game, I cant resist. So far I have finished my first year of university with poor to okay grades. Now in the second year however I am already failing two classes. I know I have to study and I want to but I simply cant. I cant do anything about it. I start playing and im conscious about the fact that I should be studying now but I simply cant stop playing. The more responsibilities I have the more I play. Without gaming I could get a job while also doing well in my studies. I want this, I want to live a life, to feel that I am taking steps right now to make my life better. I cant bear the thought what will happen or how will I tell my mother who has worked hard to get me here: "Sorry but I failed you, I failed myself and got kicked out, because I was playing too much." I dont want this. I need help right now before its too late. I dont want to give up on my dreams.

Welcome Balazs! Gaming got in the way of my relationships and stuff too. What helped the most was coming to the meetings with other addicts. Hearing them share going through what I was and how much better things have gotten for them made me feel not alone and gave me hope. Their are 4 meetings a day http://olganon.org/?q=node/46551 Hope to see you in one!