blackmomangel-I just signed up as soon as I found this site and read your post. I am EXACTLY where you are, and I really feel your pain. I am scared to death for my 21 year old son. I was reading the responses, and what struck me was the comment about us buying that first game system for our child being like buying them their first rock of crack cocaine. It made me sick inside, but boy am I relieved to find OLGA. I am also disabled, and years and years of endless gaming is all I have seen my son do. Everything is almost exactly the same as you.
Thank goodness, this thread exists. It describes our 21 year old son - His routine is getting up at 11:30 am, having a shower, bolting down some rubbish as quickly as he can (crisps, biscuits) and then gaming/downloading videos for the rest of the day until its time for bed. Whenever he could, he has done this FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS !!!!!!
However, my other half steadfastly refuses to accept that we have to chalenge this behaviour pattern - Its torn me to pieces as I don't know whats up or down anymore here - a lot of time, I want to divorce over this as I think I don't know if I can trust my wife anymore.
Most of what my 21 year old son does now is the minimum - with any non-delivery explained by deceipt and blaming others. Yet still my wife thinks she can "show her love" by insisting his lifestyle doesn't have to change and that he should be given the internet "as it is the only thing that comforts him".
Because of this, I can't limit his internet or tell him to look for a job without him laughing at me saying that I can't make him do anything. Any attempt at me to introduce ground rules are circumnavigated by continually rows with other half.
The real problem here is that my wife suffers from depression. Whilst I stupidly thought I could make her happy (depressed people can't be fixed), if I had known that it would affect how we raise kids, I would have run a mile, and now I really wish I had.
I don't see any good future here for all three of us - It seems my wife tolerates selfish self destructive behaviour, because she exhibits it herself. I could cry with the unfairness of it all, as I know son is sinking further and further into hopelessness and shielded from the reality of his behavoiur by a misguided motherly safety net.
no one gets to own people, people shouldn't have to not, what wait, you need him, to break down intelligence, for following orders? breaking bones to pay, for shelter,
basic, basic home, you need to work
all the time for?
you're insane, hopefully he'll invent something rad, and you can **** off
We suggest that parents consider removing smart phones or disabling them as a condition of the gamer living in the home. If they don't like it they are free to leave. See our thread about stopping enabling their addiction.
blackmomangel-I just signed up as soon as I found this site and read your post. I am EXACTLY where you are, and I really feel your pain. I am scared to death for my 21 year old son. I was reading the responses, and what struck me was the comment about us buying that first game system for our child being like buying them their first rock of crack cocaine. It made me sick inside, but boy am I relieved to find OLGA. I am also disabled, and years and years of endless gaming is all I have seen my son do. Everything is almost exactly the same as you.
Thank goodness, this thread exists. It describes our 21 year old son - His routine is getting up at 11:30 am, having a shower, bolting down some rubbish as quickly as he can (crisps, biscuits) and then gaming/downloading videos for the rest of the day until its time for bed. Whenever he could, he has done this FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS !!!!!!
However, my other half steadfastly refuses to accept that we have to chalenge this behaviour pattern - Its torn me to pieces as I don't know whats up or down anymore here - a lot of time, I want to divorce over this as I think I don't know if I can trust my wife anymore.
Most of what my 21 year old son does now is the minimum - with any non-delivery explained by deceipt and blaming others. Yet still my wife thinks she can "show her love" by insisting his lifestyle doesn't have to change and that he should be given the internet "as it is the only thing that comforts him".
Because of this, I can't limit his internet or tell him to look for a job without him laughing at me saying that I can't make him do anything. Any attempt at me to introduce ground rules are circumnavigated by continually rows with other half.
The real problem here is that my wife suffers from depression. Whilst I stupidly thought I could make her happy (depressed people can't be fixed), if I had known that it would affect how we raise kids, I would have run a mile, and now I really wish I had.
I don't see any good future here for all three of us - It seems my wife tolerates selfish self destructive behaviour, because she exhibits it herself. I could cry with the unfairness of it all, as I know son is sinking further and further into hopelessness and shielded from the reality of his behavoiur by a misguided motherly safety net.
you're insane,
no one gets to own people, people shouldn't have to not, what wait, you need him, to break down intelligence, for following orders? breaking bones to pay, for shelter,
basic, basic home, you need to work
all the time for?
you're insane, hopefully he'll invent something rad, and you can **** off
-dark, it might work if you control the internet in your home but my son has a 4g phone with hotspot. Most of the time it's faster than my router.
@ thetimer
We suggest that parents consider removing smart phones or disabling them as a condition of the gamer living in the home. If they don't like it they are free to leave. See our thread about stopping enabling their addiction.
http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-parents-olg-anon-members-only/about-enabling-what-we-need-stop-doing-really-help
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