Enough of this nonesense

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Betterlife
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Enough of this nonesense

Hello there, My names James and I have had an on and off problem with MMOs since early 2002. To the outside world I am very successful, a high powered job, nice house and car, but outside of work I am a mess. I find it very difficult to socialise, I have always been very shy. At the same time I have always done well academically and over the past 15 years with a career. I have had very serious problems with gaming from 2002 to 2003 where I gamed non stop while trying to do professional exams. This caused the only successful relationship I have ever had to break down irrevocably and for me to nearly lose my job. In the end I left of my own accord and that part at least was a blessing in disguise.Although I am very shy, I do enjoy being around people from time to time although I do find it draining. I think there is a very high chance I have aspergers although I have not investigated this further. At work I can put a mask on although I find it exhausting, which leaves me worn out when I get home. That is not to say that the condition doesn't have huge benefits (for me) and I am able to visualise the solutions to very complicated problems very quickly. I have used games to help with loneliness, to have some social life and to relax. The problem is that I can very easily become obssessed with games (Everquest is the game that won't let me go / I can't let go), but in truth I've played pretty much every mainstream mmo that has been released in the past 11 years. I can hapily play for 16 hours straight at the weekends but at the same time I can go months without playing. These days though I will realise within a month or two that this isn't sustainable, but to be frank I don't want to play the games at all any more. I just find myself in a bingeing cycle that I am struggle to break out of. This is my hello, James.

LearningSerenity
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Welcome to OLGA, James. 

Welcome to OLGA, James. One thing that I've found to be very helpful for me as I work on staying away from games is the meetings here. If you click on the meetings tab up at the top of the page, you'll get to see a list of all our meetings. Given the time zone difference, you'll be unable to make a lot of them, but there are several that will fall at a time when you can probably make them. I've found meetings to be extremely helpful for me in my recovery, and I highly recommend them. Addiction isn't about being unable to stop so much as it is about being unable to keep ourselves from starting up again at some point, and just because things haven't progressed to 16 hours a day, 7 days a week, doesn't mean that you don't have an addiction on your hands.

In any case, welcome again, and feel free to post more and let us know more about what's going on. We're glad you're here...

When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom

dan1
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Hi, James.  Welcome to

Hi, James. Welcome to OLGA.

Here are some ways that I've used the OLGA site to help me since I came here.

1. I came to the nightly meetings. Unfortunately, the regular ones are at 2a.m. for you. Fortunately, four days a week there is some sort of meeting that is in the evening for you (3 p.m. Eastern Time, which I think is 8 p.m. in London). On Monday the meeting is held at intherooms.com, on Wed. and Fri. it's in the chat room and on Saturday it's SKYPE.

2. I got to know some people at the meetings and got phone numbers so I could talk with them and get support at other times.

3. I got a sponsor and started working the 12 steps. This has helped hugely.

4. I've started going to face-to-face meetings of AA. I'm not an alcoholic, but anyone can go to an open meeting and listen, and that's what I do. I'm also a member of GA, which doesn't have meetings as often but I go sometimes.

5. I started doing service here at OLGA. It helps me to help others. Posting on forums, moderating a chat meeting--these are fairly easy things that can be done quite soon after giving up games, or even immediately. We help ourselves by helping others.

I hope you'll find some ways to use the support here to help with your situation. See you around....

I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.

d20
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Hi James. Thanks for sharing

Hi James. Thanks for sharing - I read some of my story in yours and that's encouraging. Keep coming back :)

... I will walk with integrity of heart
within my house;
I will not set before my eyes
anything that is worthless.
Psalm 101:2-3

JacobA
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Hi James, welcome to OLGA.

Hi James, welcome to OLGA. Everyone has stated has good starting points that I don't need to reiterate, but I just wanted to give you a couple resources. It sounds like you are an introvert, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I recommend reading this book...

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-power-introverts-talking-ebook/dp/B004J4WNL2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1380812623&sr=8-1&keywords=quiet+the+power+of+introverts+in+a+world+that+can%27t+stop+talking

You aren't alone and you aren't crazy just because being you find being around too many people draining. If you want to pursue getting over your social phobias, I highly recommend joining Toastmasters, a leadership/public speaking organization. There are usually dozens in any given area and they vary quite a bit in meeting times. It will be extraordinarily painful at first, but once you get momentum you can learn to enjoy public speaking. More info...

http://www.toastmasters.org/

Best of luck on your recovery and evolution

Betterlife
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Hello folks,   I am going

Hello folks,

I am going to start updating in the progress report section but I wanted to say thank you to folks who posted.

As I mentioned on the call on Saturday, there is a lot of basic stuff I need to get going again. This weekend was very positive for me. It was nice not to have to juggle the game and real life, I could make some real progress on starting to get things in order from proper food shops to having all the washing done for the week ahead rather than struggling with it during the week.

I also went for a run on Saturday which I haven't done for over a year. I have a dream for a challenge I would like to do next year, but I need to gradually get fit over the next few months for that to become a possibility.

I am about 75% of the way through "Quiet - The Power of Introverts", it is really striking a chord. I got it on audiobook and have been listening to it on the train / tube.

I got a lot out of the call on Saturday, it is good to hear other people who are further through the process and it helps give hope. I am committed to dialling into the call on Saturdays in future. I have danced around the issue for a long time but never really accepted that I can't beat it alone.

I caught up on a lot of sleep over the weekend too which has helped although I still think there is a lot of sleep deficit in there.

I also did a fair bit of thinking. I'm not sure games are the only things I am addicted to, so this is multifacted and I need to work through all of the issues to really be on the right path. I understand the cause of quite a bit of the issues, quite a bit from my childhood and more recently that I have struggled to put behing me.

Anyway, that is where I am at the moment. One step what I can't help but feel is the right path.

PS: I tried to dial into the intherooms chat session this evening but could not find the session. Admittedly I was slightly late, but what should I search for in the meetings section?

Thanks again,

James.

LearningSerenity
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If you click on the "video

If you click on the "video meetings" link at the top of the page after you log in, find the day column and scroll down till you see OLGA on the left hand side...you should have the time 3:00 PM hyperlinked...click on the link.

When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom

Betterlife
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BetterLife 2021 update

Hello, it has been a long time since I have posted here. Lots has changed, mostly overwhelming for the positive. In August 2014 I really embraced recovery, attended in person meetings and had therapy for four years. I changed jobs in 2016 away from a company I had worked for for 10 years and in 2017 I met my wife and we now have a young daughter who is nearly 3 now. They are both amazing!

Like most people, I have found the past couple of years hard and I am grateful we seem to be emerging out the other side. I have found working from home a real challenge, too many distractions and more recently I have been playing Everquest again as a way to have some social contact outside my direct family and for a bit of escapism. I don't want to play it any more. It has wrecked my life in the past and it is starting to erode what I love again.

The game is deleted, my life is becoming unmanageable and I have been feeling very tired for a large part because I find it difficult to stop thinking about the game. I can see that I have been using it to avoid difficult feelings around isolation and also a job that I once enjoyed that I am not bored to tears with and management who's styles have been grating for ages. I am taking positive action now to look for other work where I can be happy.

I hope you are all well, James. 

 

Polga
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Welcome back James. Thanks

Welcome back James. Thanks for updating us on what has been going on for you Congratulations on your new family and life since you were on the forums last.

Sounds like you are getting a grip on what needs to be done to keep you on the right and healthy side of life now. All the best with the changes, Take care.

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