Marriage and Addiction

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Marriage and Addiction

I've been doing everything I can since my fateful day early last year when I started the road to recovery. I've been coming here, developing my hobby, reading, going to therapy, going to church, removing negative behaviors in my life, etc.

As I recover I realize that I'm becoming a lot more aware of my feelings and what I really need emotionally, and I'm getting a whole lot better doing so without confusion and better at sticking to my boundaries. While this new awareness has been extremely fruitful in reconnecting with old friends and dealing with things without gaming, it hasn't been as easy on my husband.

He is still suspicious of me and we had a short talk about it the other day. We aren't yellers but any substantive conversation is usually stilted. I finally expressed to him that if we don't go to marriage counseling or at the very least he go to his own counselor, we would have to separate. This was not an idle threat as I can't exist in this situation much longer without help. I can't heal our marriage by myself because there were problems going on prior to gaming and I used gaming to hide from them.

Fortunately, yesterday he went for a one-time meeting with my therapist and came home understanding a lot more about addiction and has agreed to marriage counseling. I could explain it to him until I'm blue in the face but he just didn't see it objectively coming from me. Thank God for my Dr. Bill!

I guess my point is (and thank you to one of the OLGA members for pointing this out), as the addict recovers, the Anon no longer can interact the same way and therefore has to look at their own stuff. This is where my codependency comes in...and his too.

I thank God that I have a husband who loves me and is willing to do the work for us BOTH to become healthier.

"Even when you think it's about you, it's not about you." Dr. Bill

Gettingalife
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Thank you so much for

Thank you so much for sharing this, Exa! This is sooooo very important for everyone to understand. Like I said before, relationships take 2 to tango, and when one person in the relationship begins to learn new steps, the other person needs to learn new steps, too, if the relationship is going to thrive. I wish you and your husband nothing but the best in finding new ways to dance together!

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

LearningSerenity
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Yay!!  So glad to hear that

Yay!! So glad to hear that this is happening, Exav. Good for you on recognizing what you needed to do for the sake of your own health and sanity, and I'm glad to hear that things are off to a good start. Hugs!

When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom

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Thank you to you both.  It

Thank you to you both. It feels good to be on the right path. :)

"Even when you think it's about you, it's not about you." Dr. Bill

Maggie
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Thanks for sharing Exa. I

Thanks for sharing Exa. I can relate. I had tried to explain to my husband about my addiction and other problems, but most of the time he just does not get it. I asked my counselor why when she said it, it all made sense to him, and when what she said was the exact same thing I said to my husband. She said that was because you both put up the wall defense when someone talked, so nothing was getting through. For me, he did not up any defense, so it is easier to understand.

It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen

Patria
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Gettingalife wrote: ...This
Gettingalife wrote:

...This is sooooo very important for everyone to understand. Like I said before, relationships take 2 to tango, and when one person in the relationship begins to learn new steps, the other person needs to learn new steps, too, if the relationship is going to thrive. I wish you and your husband nothing but the best in finding new ways to dance together!

This needs to be said in HUGE letters! Sky-writing might be best.

It takes TWO to get well. One person cannot do it alone if he/she is living with a significant other. If one remains sick, while the other is getting healthier, chances are the healthier one will get sicker.

Thank God for recovery for both people.

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Hugs Maggie.  Thank you for

Hugs Maggie. Thank you for sharing that too. Marriage is work! Not only do we have to grow as individuals, but we have to grow as a couple in many ways.

"Even when you think it's about you, it's not about you." Dr. Bill

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Sky writing, LOL Pat!  

Sky writing, LOL Pat! Let's rent an OLGA plane and have it fly around the world, swirling those words in the sky, haha. I see we posted at the same time!

"Even when you think it's about you, it's not about you." Dr. Bill

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