New Member - Please help me be Accountable

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Andrew555
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New Member - Please help me be Accountable

Hi all,

I'm a new member. I've been playing Clash of Clans for three or four weeks. I've had trouble with excessive gaming in the past but was always able to deal with it by deleting my saved games. When I deleted all my progress I found it easy to stop playing rather than redo everything. However Google Play has saved my Clash of Clans data on their "cloud" and try as I might I haven't been able to delete it. I keep coming back to it and during the last couple of weeks had several nights where I was up too late and didn't get enough sleep. I have been putting off other important tasks to play the game. One night I was furious for once again staying up too late despite being sleep deprived, but the next day I played more. I've called my brother and he's agreed to let me call him every evening to report on whether or not I've played the game. I'd also like to report on this thread. It is humiliating to admit powerlessness, but recently I haven't been able to control my behavior. I appreciate this web site and the support of any who read.

May we all be well.

terindas
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There is nothing to be

There is nothing to be humiliated about. Gaming addiction is a real thing and lots of us have hte same issues. Here at olga you ahve like minds some new some old. I am almost 2 months clean myself and am loving life. My suggestion to you is even if you cant delete the data delete your game off your tablet, phone, or computer. You can also do what I did. I had my wife ( in your case your brother ) make a new pw for your game log in if there is one so that you can no longer log it. If you believe in god another question you can ask your self which i frequently do is "what would your HP ( higher power ) say if he saw what you were doing? what advice would he give you?" and then take it and move on. We as humna sdo know what the right path is we just tend to not take it for one reason or another. Anyways welcome to OLGA and i hope to see you at the night meetings when im not at work :).

LearningSerenity
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Welcome to OLGA, Andrew. 

Welcome to OLGA, Andrew. It certainly felt humiliating to me when I realized I couldn't stop even when I wanted to, but I'm grateful to say that I've learned since then that the reason I can't stop is because I have a disease, not because I'm such a screw-up. Another thing that I've learned is that mere accountability isn't good enough for me to be able to stop acting in an addiction. Accountability is a way to strengthen will-power, but mere will-power isn't good enough to keep me away from my addiction, because my disease has changed the way my brain works.

What DOES work for me is spending time around other recovering addicts. Meetings, time on the forums here, calling people, etc. There are other things that I do as well, but those are some of the big ones. There's no need ot feel ashamed over here...we get it. Hugs...

When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom

Andrew555
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Hi terindas and

Hi terindas and LearningSerenity. Thanks for your welcome and thoughtful replies! I have deleted the game from my computer so it isn't quite so easy to access. I've also been bringing more awareness to the part of me that wants to play the game. That part of me loves the pumped up feeling, excitement, and energy gaming generates, but doesn't see the big picture, just wants instant gratification. In terms of higher power, there is a deeper and larger part of me that knows excessive gaming is not aligned with my central values. My journey (albeit often side-tracked) is toward a fuller, more loving life. However everyday demands (middle-aged working dad) sometimes feel oppressive. When I'm tired and a little down the gamer in me nudges "What's the big deal, you earned it, have some fun and enjoy yourself!" But today I've been listening with that deeper and bigger part of me and feel some compassion for the underlying weariness. The deeper part of me KNOWS that gaming isn't what I really want... When I think of gaming as a disease, I think of how it stimulates our drive resource-seeking and excitement systems and generates such compelling thoughts and feelings. So I'll try to "urge surf" for a while until the intensity of those feelings diminish. I hope accountability, mindfulness, and that larger, more centered awareness, will help. I haven't gamed today. Thanks again for your kindness, wish you well.

OutOfAzeroth
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Getting rid of the game is a

Getting rid of the game is a very good step forward, but it should not be something that you depend on : really restoring your sanity, such as can be achieved with the 12 steps, means that you can stay away from games even if the game designers make it un-deletable.

Similarly, don't think that deleting the game is enough to get rid of the addiction : the addiction will find other games to suck you back in until you have fought the root of addiction, even if you delete this one particular game.

Andrew555
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Hi OutofAzeroth, Thanks for

Hi OutofAzeroth,

Thanks for your feedback. This time I haven't been able to delete the game, it is just short reinstallation away. However posting on this forum has been helpful and I truly appreciate the supportive environment this community offers. I haven't played since posting and haven't felt any significant urge to play recently. However if that changes, or if I get sucked into other games as you predict, I will certainly undertake additional measures to "restore my sanity." I'll post again in a couple weeks to check-in, or sooner if I start gaming again.

10Adrian01
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Hello What's lovely is that

Hello

What's lovely is that you still have a relationship with your brother. When the gaming addiction gets deep into you , you lose all meaningful relationships.

Take good vibes from the fact you're not in the worst place yet and therefore may be able to turn it around with love from family and using this site.

Life is rich and varied. Swimming, cycling , bird watching, Reading books, religious practice....just breathing. Friends , family, community , cooking , musical instrument, classical music concerts.......many many possibilities ...millions more than these.

Trust the flow of life . It has shown you addiction because that will teach you about yourself and help you develop as a moral human being ...the task of figuring out how it has done this is your own life journey.

If you know addiction you know how NOT to behave and therefore have a very strong clear guidance on how TO behave , how to respect yourself and others and be a healthy person for the world and yourself.

Love

Mother Nature, Buddha nature, God, Shiva, Energy.....many religions, beliefs and values.....

different doors into the same room

Bridget01
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I wish you well,

I wish you well, Andrew555. It's a hard road but it's a good road. Stay with it.

Game free since 12am,, 1/15/14 A little humbler

Maggie
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Hi Andrew, Welcome to Olga!

Hi Andrew,

Welcome to Olga! Sounds like you have a very supportive brother and that is important. Don't forget to use other resources here that are available to you like daily Olga meeting, getting sponsor, 12 step program, networking with other addicts, face-to-face meeting...etc.

Hugs,

Maggie

It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen

Andrew555
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Thanks again to everyone for

Thanks again to everyone for your responses, interest and support.

Just want to check-in to say I haven't been playing the game. Posting here and reading about other people's experiences was very helpful. I started playing video games about 25 years ago. My pattern has been to "binge" on a game for about a month or so, then stop, and I can recall doing this about six times over the past 25 years. Never has it caused me to miss work or lead to problems in my relationships, although I've stayed up too late a number of times. However I realize that it can become a very serious problem and of course never want that to happen. I am also more aware of the potential dangers of video game playing for my kids. My son in particular likes to play but we are placing more limits on this, and he's agreed to stop all gaming entirely after baseball season starts in April.

Thanks again to everyone. I'll be back if I run into problems in the future and it is nice to know such a welcoming and supportive group is here. I've also exchanged some private mesages with a group member which has been helpful.

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