Progress Report-- Relapse and uncertain what to do next

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braden
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Progress Report-- Relapse and uncertain what to do next

Hello everyone,

I had 3 months (the longest time ever for me) without gaming, but this was a few weeks ago. I relapsed when, I reckoned, I couldn't see any noticable improvement in my life or relationships.

The loneliness was unbearable. I'm not gonna lie, I spent most of my recovery time sleeping, watching movies and reading books, oh and listening to music.

My goals are to WRITE, FINISH COLLEGE, and BECOME A BETTER MUSICIAN, but during those 3 months it just looks like I did things to ease my pain. Movies are a great way to escape (maybe not as good as V-games but still...), sleep is great for escape (but at least okay in healthy amounts).

So in another words, I just wasted my time in other ways during those 3 months, with a admittably significant improvement in the quantity and quality of sleep I was getting (who stays up till 7am to read a book, seriously? lol).

I quit again for a week or so, gave away my computer for a while, and started contemplating how to sell all of my old V-games on Ebay. I helped my parents set parental controls on our family's router, so that it would kick me off the internet at 10pm, 11pm on weekends. However, my Addict Brain succeeded in reacquiring my laptop to play videogames, which doesn't require the internet for me to play games.

Anyway, I was wondering how long it should take to go from "clean" to "healthy" and "productive". Not gaming is a sort of success, but maybe I'm too impatient and want to see my life change instantly.

Andrew_Doan
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Everytime you develop good

Everytime you develop good habits, it's one step closer to recovery!

Here is a video about how the brain works in regards to habits. If you don't believe in God, then just replace God with "Strong Will Power/Recovery Program/Recovery Group/Sponsor" in the video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mA1OtBSXfvc

Andrew Doan MD PhD

My Videos: Internet gaming disorder is real & my story 

*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy or Department of Defense.

Andrew555
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Hey Braden, Just wanted to

Hey Braden,

Just wanted to check-in to say I appreciated your post and your honesty. Sounds like the loneliness was the most painful part of your experience. You are not alone, many of us can relate to how you feel, so we are connected that way. Three months away from gaming was a real accomplishment. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

Wishing you well.

Scott
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Hi Braden I can relate to

Hi Braden

I can relate to what you wrote. I suffer from the mental illness called addiction in which the compulsive gaming is but a symptom. If all I do is cut out the gaming (or drinking or whatever), then all I've done is eliminate the coping mechanism. If I don't find healthy ways to cope and I don't treat the underlying causes, I continue suffer, and it might feel even worse.

I found that rigorously working a recovery program addresses the underlying problems and gives me relief, and at the same time, gives me all kinds of beautiful side benefits like serenity, friends in recovery, a sense of purpose and direction, weight off my shoulders, improved self-esteem, confidence, optimism, a better mood, etc.

I encourage you to make connections here at the meetings, get phone numbers, find & use a sponsor and put our recovery program to good use. You're worth it!

What you feed grows, and what you starve withers away.

LearningSerenity
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Hugs, Braden.  I know that

Hugs, Braden. I know that when I'm not spending time around other recovering addicts, I'm headed in a bad direction, even if I haven't relapsed yet. Why do I come to OLGA pretty much every day? Because I need the fellowship of recovering addicts. Why do I show up to meetings (here and in f2f fellowships) so often? Because I need the fellowship of recovering addicts. Why do I make phone calls pretty much every day? Because I need the fellowship of recovering addicts.

Without the fellowship and the program that the fellowship supports, my recovery starts to fade away very quickly. With the program, and the fellowship of recovering addicts to support me in working that program, I find my recovery to be much more than simply a way to use different avoidant behaviors than the destructive one of gaming. Sometimes the best thing I can do is avoid something with a non-destructive behavior. As time goes on though, I find myself increasingly able to take care of things productively rather than avoidantly. None of this would be possible for me without the fellowship and the program that the fellowship supports. Hugs...

When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom

dan1
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What Scott said: Scott

What Scott said:

Scott wrote:

I can relate to what you wrote. I suffer from the mental illness called addiction in which the compulsive gaming is but a symptom. If all I do is cut out the gaming (or drinking or whatever), then all I've done is eliminate the coping mechanism. If I don't find healthy ways to cope and I don't treat the underlying causes, I continue suffer, and it might feel even worse.

Like my sponsor said to me: "Gaming wasn't your problem. Gaming was your solution." To which I can only say: Yuppers.

I came here with anger, hopelessness, pain, depression and a few other unpleasantries. I'm making progress in recovery (which is not about dealing with gaming, but about dealing with life) by doing a LOT of things that help. Here are the things that have been most helpful:

1. Working the 12 steps with a sponsor. Accepting that I've got a bad case of this illness called addiction and that it needs to be treated with the strongest medicine I can find.

2. Having lots of recovery friends here, helping others, particularly newcomers--being an active member of the fellowship. Actually calling people for help and doing what they say.

3. Going to face to face meetings. I'm a GA member, and I go to open AA meetings.

For me, it's taking a lot to get better. It takes what it takes. Hugs.

I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.

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