Progress report Rob87

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Rob87
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Progress report Rob87

27th of December 2013

Dear OLGA-fellows,

my name is Rob and I am an addict / compulsive gamer. I'm born and raised in the Netherlands. Thanks to fellowship, my Higher Power and the 12 Step program; I'm clean, sober and free from the gaming since 9th of Januari 2013.

I'm gratefull for your services and helping me in my recovery. Thanks to OLGA I know I am not alone regarding my 'drug of choice'. I am starting this progress report to get more insights regarding my recovery and hopefully carry the message to other compulsive gamers.

Please feel free to comment, share expierence and provide feedback.

God bless

Born in 1987, the Netherlands | Recovering addict since January 2013.
During treatment of addiction I began to acknowledge the problem.
One day at a time; trying my best to live the solution.
Just for Today; I have a choice.

Rob87
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27 December 2013 The start

27 December 2013

The start of my progress report.

(trying my best with writing English, so excuse me if I use bad grammar)

In 2012 my addiction progressed towards rock bottom. I could not cope with the way I was living life up until then. Deep inside I knew life is beautiful, that I was worthy of love and belonging. But life has been tough as well. I thought I tried all possible ways to cope with life on life's terms. I tried to cope by drinking alcohol, use drugs, women and relationships and I found my escape by playing videogames. In 2008 I got introduced to World of Warcraft and in time it became the 'perfect' solution to escape my inability to face life on life's terms.

December 2012 I got to a point of utter desperation. I'm grateful to be born and raised in the Netherlands and to have the opportunity to get treatment of addiction. In January 2013 I went to a clinic in South-Africa. I'm thankful for counselor Dougie for helping me find this fellowship of OLGA.

Up until today I have managed to build my foundation of recovery on NA-meetings, -fellowship, aftercare and reading. I haven't been very active in the OLGA fellowship. Been reading these forums from time to time. At this point in recovery I find it hard not to have fellow compulsive gamers around to ask for advice, share experience and find strength and hope. Addiction is a disease and I manage to see the similarities and not the differences. But now I did get to a point where I would love to get in touch with OLGA.

Last week I got into a difficult situation twice.

- Saturday my godchild (6 y/o) told me would love to play on the gaming console with me. I told him that I would love to play but I can't play videogames anymore. He (young as he is) 'knows' of my gaming addiction and got reminded after I said it. In this first year of recovery I got into this kind of situations a couple of times, but this time somehow I felt trapped. In the end I solved it by inviting him to play a game of table football.

- Wednesday (Christmas day) I had a nice dinner with my family. Mother, brother, sister, her husband and the kids (6 and 7 y/o). Again my godchild asked me to play video game with him. I refused, he asked my brother. As a result my entire family started to play the console. I felt alone and misunderstood. I did not find the courage to talk about how I felt about the situation. I did not watch them play and started to play with my godchild's Lego instead. All kinds of thoughts came up and I felt sad, angry en disappointed toward myself and my family. After an hour or so they quit and I felt relief.

I've discussed this with fellows from NA and shared this at meetings. It helps for now. Although I also think it's a sign that I need to get in touch with OLGA. I'm clean and sober from alcohol and drugs, but gaming is still my primary addiction. I hope this report can help me with personal struggles I find during my recovery. There is a lot to read on these forums and I prefer to spend as less time as possible behind my computer.

Thanks for reading. Writing this down helped. Although I find it hard to keep it simple. I have to focus on progress not perfection, but I find that very hard.

I'm tired now, time to disconnect and go offline. God bless, and have a good day.

Born in 1987, the Netherlands | Recovering addict since January 2013.
During treatment of addiction I began to acknowledge the problem.
One day at a time; trying my best to live the solution.
Just for Today; I have a choice.

dusty0
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Thank you for sharing your

Thank you for sharing your story, Rob. That situation you described where your family was gaming sounds incredibly tough. Do they all know about what you're going through? If yes, that seems quite insensitive and unfair of them to put you in that situation. I'm happy that you were able to cope. I know that I can barely handle seeing gaming content on tv. I don't know if I would be able to handle the kind of situation you were in.

Big hugs

Gettingalife
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Oh Rob, my heart goes out to

Oh Rob, my heart goes out to you. It hurts me to read about the insensitivity of your family. It's wild. Our deepest bonds are with the very ones who're in some ways our worst enemies. Anyway, I believe your higher power has brought you back here for good reason! We understand! You can find comfort and comfort others by participating here.

Congratulations on a year of sobriety. Big hugs.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

Rob87
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Thanks for both of your

Thanks for both of your comments. I really felt warmth inside when I read your replies, thanks a lot. My mother and my brother are involved in my recovery and join me in therapy aswell. My sister however did not want to join therapy and for that reason that side isn't as involved as my brother and mother.

I find it hard to share about my feelings and tell them what I'm going through in situations like this. In the NA-meetings I hear fellow addicts say they "let their family enjoy their recovery, not let them be part of their recovery". With this in mind I tend not to share how I feel or what I go through. But I begin to think they need to hear how I feel about this. At least they should know they can talk about it. Talking about them playing a game together won't make me relapse. But hearing my sister whispering towards mom "why bother..it's just a game" made me very angry and sad inside. Thank God I have the program and fellows to share my thoughts and feelings.

Thanks again for your replies. Appreciate it, big hug to you!

Born in 1987, the Netherlands | Recovering addict since January 2013.
During treatment of addiction I began to acknowledge the problem.
One day at a time; trying my best to live the solution.
Just for Today; I have a choice.

Rob87
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Last seen: 4 years 2 months ago
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Joined: 03/16/2013 - 8:18am
I'd like to share my written

I'd like to share my written work / 'Step 10' from last night. Yesterday I got to celebrate 365 days of recovery. Exactly one year ago I quit smoking, drinking, using and gaming.

9-1-2014, day 365, Thursday

One year since my departure for South Africa and the beginning of 'early' recovery . 'Early' recovery because I realize now that at this point I had no idea of what I was about to start off with and what I could expect.

I felt stoical about achieving this milestone. Why? I do not knowexactly. It's a mixed feeling. I am happy and proud. Happy with what the 12 -step program has giving me so far. And although I think I haven't done all that the program suggests I do take pride in the things I DO to make my recovery work. And that is "progress, not perfection".

On the other hand I feel sad when I look at the impact of my choice to go into rehab and how it affects to those around me and myself. But I realize that this is more a feeling of addiction and the grief that I experience . The griefingprocess of letting go of old solutions and behaviors . Escape routes that are simply not an option for me now. But I choose this. Today I have a choice. And then I choose recovery. To live a program that has proven itself for decades and enabled a lot of people to live better lifes.

I'm going to sleep as a grateful addict. Tomorrow I'm going to explore what my Higher Power has brought me on the path recovery today; recovery of game addiction and how this is reflected in the media.

Thank you OLGA for being there.

Born in 1987, the Netherlands | Recovering addict since January 2013.
During treatment of addiction I began to acknowledge the problem.
One day at a time; trying my best to live the solution.
Just for Today; I have a choice.

LearningSerenity
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Congrats on the clean time,

Congrats on the clean time, Rob! That's really cool, and hearing about another person making it to a year is really helpful for people like me who haven't yet gotten close to a year, so thanks for sharing. Hugs...

When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom

Patria
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Grats on one year!!! I've

Grats on one year!!!

I've always felt a bit anxious on my sobriety dates, (one for gaming and one for alcohol); I'm not sure why either, but it seems to be part of the package.

Hugs!

Rob87
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Thanks Patria and

Thanks Patria and LearningSerenity! Big hug!

Born in 1987, the Netherlands | Recovering addict since January 2013.
During treatment of addiction I began to acknowledge the problem.
One day at a time; trying my best to live the solution.
Just for Today; I have a choice.

Maggie
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Congrats Rob! Keep it up and

Congrats Rob! Keep it up and thanks for sharing.

It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen

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