Struggling

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ManChild
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Struggling

I'm sitting here shaking my head and thinking "****...this gaming addiction stuff is FOR REAL!" After seeing the evidence indicating how problematic gaming is for me, how can I possibly talk myself into playing again? How?

I had been game free for a while then I just started playing again. I honestly cant say why I started again. I cant remember talking myself into it or justifying it somehow. I was just playing again. And, no big surprise to anyone here, I was almost instantly in overload mode.

I cannot play online games in moderation.

I cannot play online games in moderation!

I cannot play online games in moderation!!

My progress for today? Well I uninstalled everything yesterday afternoon which means I'm approaching 24 hours game-free. I'm ****ed at myself for slipping back into playing, but trying to focus on the positive of having the <whatever> to try again to abstain.

Game free since 3/3/2014.

Silvertabby
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I was over two years game

I was over two years game free and decided to play again. I knew that I knew that I knew that I couldn't game again, but that didn't stop me. Of course, I wasn't going to play my old games, just some word games on my tablet. I was amazed how quickly and strongly the obsession came back. If I hadn't started coming to meetings again here on Olga, I would probably be playing my old games right now. What helps me is being accountable. It's pretty crazy how that addict brain can get us to go back, but when I have accountability, it's the first thing I think about when those urges to game again enter my brain. Being a part of this community on a regular basis really helps.

 

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson

Scott
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Good to hear from you again,

Good to hear from you again, MC.

What you wrote reminds me of Chapter 3 starting at page 39 in AA's Big Book.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf

It describes Fred who was sure that his recent troubles and new self knowledge would keep him sober the rest of his life.

I was much impressed with what you fellows said about alcoholism, and I frankly did not believe it would be possible for me to drink again. I rather appreciated your ideas about the subtle insanity which precedes the first drink, but I was confident it could not happen to me after what I had learned. I reasoned I was not so far advanced as most of you fellows, that I had been usually successful in licking my other personal problems, and that I would therefore be successful where you men failed. I felt I had every right to be self-confident, that it would be only a matter of exercising my will power and keeping on guard.

What happens next is unsurprising.

OLGA, AA and the other recovery programs and fellowships would not exist if handling addiction were as simple as gaining self knowledge and exercising will power. There are good reasons we attend meetings, call each other, sponsor each other, and take suggestions that many of us find unappealing. I hope you give it a shot. You're worth it.

What you feed grows, and what you starve withers away.

LearningSerenity
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Hugs, MC.  It's good to

Hugs, MC. It's good to have you back. I know that I had a hard time LIVING as though I were powerless over gaming for a long time after my mind finally assented that yes, I had a problem. Good for you on taking some steps to help yourself, and very good for you on posting again. Shame can be a killer, but it tends to die when exposed to the sunlight of a fellowship of people who actually know what it's like. Maybe I'll see you at a meeting again sometime soon. Hugs...

When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom

terindas
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Hugs were here for you.

Hugs were here for you. One thing that helps is coming to meetings. Just remember only an addict knows what its like to be an addict.

Patria
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Hugs! Taken from the Big

Hugs! Taken from the Big Book of AA and modified a bit: "The old idea that we could "game" like others, has to be smashed."

ManChild
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Thanks all.  Feeling better

Thanks all. Feeling better today but I've been really busy. It's the rare downtimes when I struggle the most. I'll check out the meeting schedule and get to one soon.

Game free since 3/3/2014.

etgothome
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24 hours game-free... is

24 hours game-free... is wonderful - it's one day at a time and keep it simple... I remember the extreme emotional highs and lows I had when I stopped. Especially soon after. I had to keep thinking of the slogan "this too shall pass" and say it so many times. You are in my morning and evening thoughts. There is hope!

ManChild
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So I've been game-free for

So I've been game-free for about 5 days now. I seem to be getting some of my basic faculties back already. My head just seems a bit less cloudy (or something). I'm still having thoughts about my game. In fact, I miss it pretty badly. I was sitting here today in a setting that woul have been perfect to blow a few hours gaming. Instead I got some work done. I'm happy I was able to focus for a while.

Today has been great.

Game free since 3/3/2014.

Gettingalife
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Good for you, ManChild!

Good for you, ManChild! You've made it 5; you can make it 6 :) Keep on keeping us posted.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

LearningSerenity
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Yeah, my brain got awfully

Yeah, my brain got awfully foggy from gaming too. It took a lot more than 5 days for my brain to start functioning on anything like the level it once did, but I'm glad it's happening faster for you... :)

When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom

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