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Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!
When I complained, it means that I got really frustrated with the situation and I had no solution to the problem. So, it was good to vent a little, getting it out in the open.
Sometimes my expectation of that person was unrealistic, so I needed to reassess the whole situation again.
Sometimes I was just so tired of the problem but I had no courage to change it at that moment.
It became a burden on my shoulders. I hated myself for not being able to solve it. Negative emotion escalated and then it came to a decision where I either had to let it go and forgave that person or stay lingering for the right moment or do something about it and made it gone for good.
I think complaining can be therapeutic if kept at minimal. We are all human and we are different in our own ways. We have feeling and emotions that we can feel when something did not seem right or threaten us in any ways.
It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen
I think complaining can definitely bring us down more than anything else. When I complain, I never really seem to feel any sort of cathartic release, if anything, I feel worse. More slimey and kinda disgusted in the situation. It sort of, in a way, makes the issue worse, if that makes sense?
However - I think in a certain context and situation, "complaining" can absolutely be a release. I think when we "complain" in a meeting, I wouldn't even want to label it as such. There is a better word(s) to use for that, such as 'sharing' or 'releasing frustrations'.
A wise man once told me to shutup.
\\ Free from games since 03.13.2014 //
I guess I will just accept that sometimes I am mad, lol!
I had a sponsor once who would tell me..."go ahead and complain. You have two minutes staring right now." He would literally give me 120 seconds then ask me if I was ready to start working toward a solution.
That's what it boils down to for me...problem versus solution. My experience is that when I live in the solution I feel better. When I dwell on challenges I feel worse. Others may have different experiences, but that's what it's like for me.
Today is a great day to be clean, sober, game-free, with my family, and healthy. I don't know if I'll be able to say that tomorrow or not. But, by the grace of God, it's all true today.
Game free since 3/3/2014.
Some complaining is simply the person trying to process their feelings in a safe setting.
Sometimes complaining is a way of saying, "this situation is really distressing to me, but I haven't figured out the solution yet. Help me think about it." Or: "this is how the situation looks to me, does it look the same way from an outside view?"
"She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)." --Lewis Carroll
When we're first acknowledging a problem, it certainly helps to vocalize it, bounce the situation off a trusted friend's ear. Many, many times have I gained awareness, clarity by saying my thoughts aloud in a safe place with objective ears. But I was also guilty *for years* of refusing to hear my own truth, of not recognizing what I'm sure anyone who was listening to me did hear - that I needed to just calm down and DO what was within my power to do. Instead, I just kept repeating the same old complaint over and over again to myself and to others until I was utterly convinced I had no power to do a thing about it - victimizing myself. Ugh!!!
Recent example I can offer-
My good friend began dating a guy a year ago. He's a nice guy; they had lots of fun together. Within a month, she noticed he had a drinking problem and an unstable work history. I know this because she talked to me about it from the start. I'm SO glad she talked to me about her misgivings then! Over the course of the year, those misgivings didn't go away; they were confirmed. A couple of weeks ago she broke it off with him.
Now, for my part as a friend, I simply listened all along, and all along gently but firmly reminded her as someone who cares for and believes in her, that she is absolutely worthy and capable of a healthy relationship with a healthy man. I didn't press that view upon her, but I held to it for myself. She knows that's what she's going to get from me. I never passed judgment on the relationship she was choosing to maintain, but neither did I ever once give her any indication I was willing to listen to ad nauseam complaining about a situation she was choosing to be in. And I'm convinced, that refusing to tolerate whining, that holding to my belief she always has the strength she needs to make good choices for herself even when they're incredibly difficult and mirroring that back to her was/is my role as friend because it helps her believe in her own strength at moments of doubt.
Complaining can give us the feeling we're doing something about a situation when what we're actually doing is stalling, attempting to avoid the difficult action we know we need to take.
Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!
I think the phrase is good to take on board when applying it to your self, because it makes you question your own motives for complaint and guides you to take responsibility.
I agree that the healing need to vent cannot be underestimated, and that people are sometimes seeking solutions when they complain.
Some people who like to complain just because they find a kind of satisfaction doing so by undermining the person or whatever they are complaining about and don't really want to hear answers or take matters into their own hands. These kind of complainers can have a poisoning effect on the morale of a group (eg in a workplace)
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Good point, Polga. Sometimes, we have to ask ourselves if we really do want a solution or have some "maudlin satisfaction," as one of my Step friends puts it, in remaining attached to the problem.
Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!