It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen
I made it through another day without gaming. I was crazy busy trying to catch up on my school work. Part of me is proud. But I also felt a huge amount of guilt as I began to realize just how much work I had blown off.
I also shared my struggle with a couple of friends who are trustworthy and understanding. My instinct is to hide my pain and try to appear "together". I thought it might be helpful to put that down and attempt to be more vulnerable. Tha'ts way out of my comfort zone.
I don't know what it's like for you, but for me one of the ways I help myself NOT go back to games is I'm very gentle on myself. I've got plenty of things I could blame myself for right now, but if I spent my time and energy blaming myself for the things that I've done wrong because of my addiction, it wouldn't be long before all of it drove me back to gaming again. It's been quite an adjustment for me to start looking at the positive while giving much less weight to the negative, because I've been awfully pessimistic (some would say downright cynical) my entire life. That being said, it's a change I'm liking a lot, and I think I'm going to keep it...
Good for you on being willing to step out of your comfort zone a bit. I have told virtually nobody about my gaming addiction (outside of OLGA people) for the simple reason that non-addicts seem to have a very hard time grasping what I mean when I say I'm addicted to gaming (heck, some addicts have a hard time with it...). In other words, I'm very careful about who I tell, but I'm glad you have some people you can trust like that. Keep showing up, and make it to meetings if you can...they've certainly helped me out a lot...
—
When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom
I don't know what it's like for you, but for me one of the ways I help myself NOT go back to games is I'm very gentle on myself.
Could you tell me more about that please? I'm not sure I know how to be gentle on myself. Wow...that sounds terrible. :) Maybe I know how, but just don't know I how...or something like that.
I've had another productive day today, which did not include gaming. I have been writing for the past 9 hours (almost) without stopping. I was able to finish the first draft of a paper that's due on Thursday. I'll be at work all day tomorrow so that leaves me with Wednesday to revise and get citations right and whatnot.
I still have plenty to work on tonight from other classes in my herculean effort to get caught back up. The truth is school is hard but I like the challenge. I'm glad to be having some productive time and learning again.
Being gentle on myself...most of my life, I've been quick to tear into myself when I do something wrong. When I gamed, I'd beat myself up about it and tell myself what an awful failure I was for having done that. Any time I messed something up, I'd make sure to let myself know how stupid and pathetic I was. The reality is very different...I'm not stupid, pathetic, or a failure...I just told myself that so many times that I believed it.
Now, when I make a mistake, I pay attention to the truth...I game for a reason, and it's a good reason (just not as good as the reasons for NOT gaming). I have a disease, not a moral deficiency, and that means that when I game (or make any other mistake for that matter), I don't need to beat myself up. Instead, I look for the reasons WHY I made the choice that I did, and there's nearly always an explanation that makes a lot of sense. Maybe something stirred my emotions a lot more strongly than they were ready to be stirred, and I gamed to stuff them back away so I wouldn't feel them anymore. That's not something to be angry about, that's something to be very understanding about. I'm an addict, and that means that I have a lot of mess to deal with...and since I'm not responsible for my addiction (although I am for my recovery), that mess isn't something worth blaming myself about. Addiction really screws up the way my brain works, and telling myself that there was something I could have done about it before now is both untrue and unhelpful.
Being gentle with myself means trying to understand, and then not getting angry at myself. Instead of criticizing myself for mistakes, I try to understand why I made them. My mistakes don't happen in a vaccuum...they happen in the messy reality of an addicted gamer who still has an awful lot of stuff to deal with. Understanding where those mistakes come from is really helpful for me, because it shows me something to be more aware of, something to do differently next time, and it teaches me a bit more about myself. I now try to be patient and kind to myself when I make mistakes...this doesn't mean that I have a free pass to do whatever I want, just that when I make a mistake, I don't respond to that mistake in a way that just hurts me worse.
I hope the explanation helps...
—
When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom
Congrats on your days without gaming! and i think we can all learn from LearningSerenity's advice on being gentler on ourselves...i really liked that advice.
keep up the good work with your classes ManChild!!
I've made it through the past 24 hours without gaming.
But...cravings have been strong today. I'm working on something I don't particularly want to do and had the thought...I'll just log on for a while since this sucks. I came here instead.
I found myself doing something odd though. I read a post that talked about a game I had never heard of. I looked up the game and started reading their website. It was like a starving man looking at a cheesburger. It took me several minutes to say..."what the hell am I doing" and close my browser.
It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen
I found myself doing something odd though. I read a post that talked about a game I had never heard of. I looked up the game and started reading their website. It was like a starving man looking at a cheesburger. It took me several minutes to say..."what the hell am I doing" and close my browser.
lol. I totally relate. keep the fighting up. The craving is tough I know what u mean
Heh...I totally relate to that sort of activity, MC. When I face something hard, I either get a craving for my addiction or I find myself going on to youtube to watch something I really don't need to watch. If I get on to youtube in a situation like that, it can be a very long time before I get off. What has helped me deal with cravings best (especially when I NEED to do something with a computer, and that something is unpleasant to me) is calling another addict. I don't know if you've been able to get to some meetings and get some phone numbers yet, but there's an enormous amount of support that I've been able to get just by being able to call another gaming addict at the drop of a hat because I've got a craving. Congrats on closing the window down quickly...you're starting to develop better awareness, and that's good. Quitting is easy, but staying quit is hard...you're off to a good start, so keep it up... :)
—
When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom
Yay!
It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen
Great Job! One day at a time is the key. =]
Good news!
Hope to see you at a meeting. Daily meeting at 9pm EST, Beginner's meeting is Friday at 10pm EST. You don't have to tackle this problem alone.
What you feed grows, and what you starve withers away.
Nice going, Congratz.
I made it through another day without gaming. I was crazy busy trying to catch up on my school work. Part of me is proud. But I also felt a huge amount of guilt as I began to realize just how much work I had blown off.
I also shared my struggle with a couple of friends who are trustworthy and understanding. My instinct is to hide my pain and try to appear "together". I thought it might be helpful to put that down and attempt to be more vulnerable. Tha'ts way out of my comfort zone.
Trying really hard...
Game free since 3/3/2014.
I don't know what it's like for you, but for me one of the ways I help myself NOT go back to games is I'm very gentle on myself. I've got plenty of things I could blame myself for right now, but if I spent my time and energy blaming myself for the things that I've done wrong because of my addiction, it wouldn't be long before all of it drove me back to gaming again. It's been quite an adjustment for me to start looking at the positive while giving much less weight to the negative, because I've been awfully pessimistic (some would say downright cynical) my entire life. That being said, it's a change I'm liking a lot, and I think I'm going to keep it...
Good for you on being willing to step out of your comfort zone a bit. I have told virtually nobody about my gaming addiction (outside of OLGA people) for the simple reason that non-addicts seem to have a very hard time grasping what I mean when I say I'm addicted to gaming (heck, some addicts have a hard time with it...). In other words, I'm very careful about who I tell, but I'm glad you have some people you can trust like that. Keep showing up, and make it to meetings if you can...they've certainly helped me out a lot...
When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom
Could you tell me more about that please? I'm not sure I know how to be gentle on myself. Wow...that sounds terrible. :) Maybe I know how, but just don't know I how...or something like that.
Game free since 3/3/2014.
I've had another productive day today, which did not include gaming. I have been writing for the past 9 hours (almost) without stopping. I was able to finish the first draft of a paper that's due on Thursday. I'll be at work all day tomorrow so that leaves me with Wednesday to revise and get citations right and whatnot.
I still have plenty to work on tonight from other classes in my herculean effort to get caught back up. The truth is school is hard but I like the challenge. I'm glad to be having some productive time and learning again.
Thanks for all the support!
Game free since 3/3/2014.
Being gentle on myself...most of my life, I've been quick to tear into myself when I do something wrong. When I gamed, I'd beat myself up about it and tell myself what an awful failure I was for having done that. Any time I messed something up, I'd make sure to let myself know how stupid and pathetic I was. The reality is very different...I'm not stupid, pathetic, or a failure...I just told myself that so many times that I believed it.
Now, when I make a mistake, I pay attention to the truth...I game for a reason, and it's a good reason (just not as good as the reasons for NOT gaming). I have a disease, not a moral deficiency, and that means that when I game (or make any other mistake for that matter), I don't need to beat myself up. Instead, I look for the reasons WHY I made the choice that I did, and there's nearly always an explanation that makes a lot of sense. Maybe something stirred my emotions a lot more strongly than they were ready to be stirred, and I gamed to stuff them back away so I wouldn't feel them anymore. That's not something to be angry about, that's something to be very understanding about. I'm an addict, and that means that I have a lot of mess to deal with...and since I'm not responsible for my addiction (although I am for my recovery), that mess isn't something worth blaming myself about. Addiction really screws up the way my brain works, and telling myself that there was something I could have done about it before now is both untrue and unhelpful.
Being gentle with myself means trying to understand, and then not getting angry at myself. Instead of criticizing myself for mistakes, I try to understand why I made them. My mistakes don't happen in a vaccuum...they happen in the messy reality of an addicted gamer who still has an awful lot of stuff to deal with. Understanding where those mistakes come from is really helpful for me, because it shows me something to be more aware of, something to do differently next time, and it teaches me a bit more about myself. I now try to be patient and kind to myself when I make mistakes...this doesn't mean that I have a free pass to do whatever I want, just that when I make a mistake, I don't respond to that mistake in a way that just hurts me worse.
I hope the explanation helps...
When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom
Hi ManChild,
Congrats on your days without gaming! and i think we can all learn from LearningSerenity's advice on being gentler on ourselves...i really liked that advice.
keep up the good work with your classes ManChild!!
^_^
Thanks for the thoughtful post LearningSerenity. Your perspective is very hepful.
Game free since 3/3/2014.
I've made it through the past 24 hours without gaming.
But...cravings have been strong today. I'm working on something I don't particularly want to do and had the thought...I'll just log on for a while since this sucks. I came here instead.
I found myself doing something odd though. I read a post that talked about a game I had never heard of. I looked up the game and started reading their website. It was like a starving man looking at a cheesburger. It took me several minutes to say..."what the hell am I doing" and close my browser.
This may be harder than I thought...
Game free since 3/3/2014.
Good for you ManChild. Welcome back! Hugs.
It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen
Congrats on another 24 hours without gaming! ^_^
and..
lol. I totally relate. keep the fighting up. The craving is tough I know what u mean
Heh...I totally relate to that sort of activity, MC. When I face something hard, I either get a craving for my addiction or I find myself going on to youtube to watch something I really don't need to watch. If I get on to youtube in a situation like that, it can be a very long time before I get off. What has helped me deal with cravings best (especially when I NEED to do something with a computer, and that something is unpleasant to me) is calling another addict. I don't know if you've been able to get to some meetings and get some phone numbers yet, but there's an enormous amount of support that I've been able to get just by being able to call another gaming addict at the drop of a hat because I've got a craving. Congrats on closing the window down quickly...you're starting to develop better awareness, and that's good. Quitting is easy, but staying quit is hard...you're off to a good start, so keep it up... :)
When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom