** my 100 day **

Inspired by fellow OLGAers, I want to start a progress report of some sort too to hold myself accountable for a period of time. The rule I have for myself is that I won't be touching any games period no matter the platform (PC/iOS/Console). I can't honestly recall the last time I have gone for 30 days without gaming, and I hope that this time i can stay game free long enough for the brain to "reset". I also have depression, which I suspect is caused by the stress I go through every day and the social isolation I put myself under during years of excessive gaming. My original story is here <http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/45568>. Since I joined OLGA, I've relapsed ... probably 10 times already if I'd count the iOS games I have on my phone. The realization that I am utterly hopeless on my own is the reason why I am starting this thread. A conflict prevents me from joining most of the 9pm meetings on week days, so I resort to this thread to stay connected hopefully in some way. Okay 1.2.3. here we go.

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Day 1

I succeeded the first day. Deleted all the gaming apps I have on my phone and iPad - total 6 of them. A month ago I closed the account for a MMORPG game which I spent over $500 on over the span of just 2 months and was playing 8 hours a day M-F. Though I have not gone back to that game since, I've substituted the greater evil with a series of lesser evils, if you will, in the form of iOS games and wasted a ton of time on them.

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Day 2

Today went by really fast. I didn't think about games at all. Instead I focused my mind on work. When I got home I had the urge to play a game but I managed to talk myself out of it. I went back to the office and did more work. It's better being a workaholic than playing games.

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Day 3

I made it to the third day. no gaming. wow it's a little hard to believe. I am also hardly home so that I won't be exposed to all the gaming devices. At work I'm safe because all of my network activity is tracked by IT. and there's just no way I could browse gaming sites without them knowing. One thing I've improved on is my ability to concentrate better. No more strategizing about games in my head, or sneaking on to gaming sites using my phone. In fact I didn't think about the games much at all during the day. When I do become vulnerable is when I come home after work. I live alone and it's just too easy to find comforts in old habits after a stressful day and there isn't another person around to tell me no. I figure that my best bet is just to avoid coming home immediately after work. So today I tried a meetup group in the evening. Though it wasn't quite as social as I'd hoped, I am just glad of the distraction I got that kept me away from gaming for another day!

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Day 4

Today wasn't a good day. I was feeling depressed. Work was very stressful, and then when I came home only to find out that my gas had been shut off, then learned about what happened on the news. The world is so ugly and I am angry at whoever is behind this atrocity. my hope for humantity is diminishing. I just watched news, browsed Internet, replied emails, depressed and didn't have any appitite. No games. I'm going to bed and just hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

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Day 6

I continued staying away from games. The craving was there. In fact I logged back into the MMORPG game once yesterday using an alternative account. It was nastalgic when I heard the music. I checked out my online friends and their status and noticed their characters all had gotten more powerful. New weapons/toons were added. But the mechanics of the game never changed. The same repetitive tasks occurring every couple of hours apart each day, the exponentially increasing difficulty to level up, the loop (how the game designers would call it.) The same people remained on the top of the leader boards because they are big-time cahsers and I can see how it must be hard for them to leave the game after they have invested so much $ and time in it and have become "so good". Clicking through the menus brought back that feeling again, the feeling like I was getting trapped in a cage. Like I was a lab rat in some kind of experiment. I quickly exited the game. Nope, I won't ever go back there again. It didn't make me feel good. When I quitted that game a month ago, I decided I am better than a lab rat and I won't let them run this sort of experiment on me. I'm glad I am able to check my curiosity quickly.

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Day 7

It's been a week! Ooohoo! Today is in general a pretty good day. I did some errands and hanged out with a friend whom I hadn't seen for a while. Also excitement is mounting in me as the days are counting down till I can pick up my new puppy. Definitely am not thinking about the games. :)