5 years left (on the clock)

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Leonidas
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5 years left (on the clock)

No, I don't mean to be melodramatic.  I don't think I'm gonna die in 5 years.  But it could happen... I mean accidents happen all the time, cancers appear out of nowhere and I've known of at least one person who unexpectedly collapsed one day, never to be revived again.

The point is this: if I only had 5 years to live, how would I like to live those years?

This is the spur-of-the-moment realization of a 40+ year-old, after going through a difficult stretch these past few months.  It's an intentional return, scrapping the old journal in exchange for a fresh vision: that of VERY limited time left.  After all, as Seneca said: death owns us.  Life is but one long (or short) march towards it.  So I might as well dispense with the fear of dying and finally gather my courage to start living, and savour each moment I have.

There's probably a bucket list of sorts I would like to come up with soon enough.  But I also need to ask myself where is my time being idly lost?  What are some activities that upon closer look, are things I will want to let go if I want to fully enjoy those short 5 years.

Today is July 7th 2021, and it is day 0 with regards to gaming (as well as with other behaviors that are not gaming-related - and that I also wish to let go of).

So here we go!

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Hi Leonidas

Hi Leonidas

Great to see you and I'm glad you are back here with renewed vigour to grab life by the throat !

Funny I was just thinking today whether it was really possible to imagine one only had a limited time on earth to enjoy life as a way to change behaviour and feelings, or whether that kind of urgency can only kick in if you really have been told that as fact. I hope the former is possible for you. 

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welcome back

Glad you're back and not giving up. I too went through a long period of repeated relapses back into games before I became ready to do whatever it takes to abstain completely.

There are highly effective methods to stop gaming completely and start living life more fully. I hear them talked about at every meeting. I hope you're able to take advantage of them. You don't have to keep going the way you have been. Change is possible.

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Hey Polga, I think it is

Hey Polga, I think it is possible BUT it has to be constantly in mind... which is the reason I put that reminder as a journal title.  Too often, other things get in the way of new beginnings and so this imagined reality goes by the wayside.  Of ourse, if it's all too real, then there's no question of its effectiveness as a daily motivator to enact change!

Hi Ritchy, I believe you may have made a very good point about attending meetings, something I wasn't too keen on doing last year.  What I like about it is the social interaction, and also the exchange of ideas like you said.  Thanks for the kind words!

Onto log#2...

Feeling a bit down for some reason.  I should be feeling more upbeat though... as I have reason to believe that finally, after more than a year of waiting, I may finally get the elusive job offer I've been seeking.  It would be a very challenging role, one where I would finally be compensated for all my years worth of experience.  For too many years, I was content to go on a meagre income paid by an academic research lab.  Of course what had drawn me in was the complete creative freedom to do as I thought best, but that created a financial prison of sorts where I was never able to save or engage in activities like travel for more than a couple of weeks.

Anyway, I may be on the cusp of a life change, and that is also bringing in a set of other worries.  I need to consider whether to part ways with an aging parent: my being there helps; but I feel that it is hindering on my autonomy and to expanding my social circle.  ****ed if I do, ****ed if I don't scenario.

As for gaming, I used a simple nondescript online card game as a stress reliever yesterday, so count is reset to 0.

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Hi Leonidas

Hi Leonidas

Sounds like a dilemma you have there. Maybe it all rests on what you think is the meaning of (your) life and when you look back on yours, how comfortable you will be with your choices. Where does all this striving get us ? Is that where you want to be ? 

This quote from Carlos Castaneda may help you 

 

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Day 2

Thanks again Polga, for the great quote.  I remember having read a portion of it in a self-hekp book... "the path with a heart".  I was impacted by his idea that no matter what the path, in the end it won't  matter.  Then might as well choose the path that beckons, the journey that will provide most joy.

It's a very philosophical take on life, and we are far from knowing what is ultimately right.  I guess I've been stumbling along, by trial and error, seeing what seems to carry me aloft and what seems to plunge me deep into a pit.  I've always wondered that about the choice of work.  Now I am at the bend of an intersection: taking care of an aging parent or striking out and seeing a bit more of the world on my own.  To be honest, both paths have heart and they also present problems.  Ideally, I could muster the energy to juggle both... but it may have to be intermittent, with time spend abroad with the occasional return to check up on them.  I feel I have missed out too much from life to dedicate my all to their care.  Competing drives, I don't know.  It'll have to clarify sooner or later.

Day 2 no gaming

I got some bad news on Tuesday, unexpectedly hearing that I didn't fit as a candidate to the position I was hoping to get.  The reasons given were shady, as they related to character traits more than competencies... also disheartened by the snap judgments hiring managers make, as though they fancied themselves as experts on the capacities of others.  Felt the blues for the rest of the day and gamed that evening and the following morning to deal with the negative emotions.  Feelings are back to baseline today, I am getting back into the job hunt mood.

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I have always had the opinion

I have always had the opinion that HR professionals are just in it to justify their own jobs. What a lot of hocus pocus and time wasting goes on in candidate selection. Sorry that you did not fit their algorithm. I don't suppose Einstein would have either.

Have you ever tried writing down the things you want to achieve ? Then put the piece of paper in a special place like a box.  It can be very powerful so I am told, as long as you don't expect instant results..

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Day 8

From what friends have told me about their own job hunt experiences, it seems to mirror what you said about the justification of HR jobs.  I guess I don't blame them, I mean the HR people... they also have their necks on the line, knowing that job could be gone in the not-so-distant future.  The other day, I got my application duly rejected a full day after submitting.  Sure enough, it was an algorithm that was responsible for the call.  Well, at least the email said it was the algo's doing... was taken aback by the level of honesty (so I'll give 'em that!)

I seem to be in a better stretch at the moment.  I struggled much in the first 2 weeks to keep gaming at bay, but now that I am in a more routine, get tasks done frame of mind, I don't feel the pull I usually feel.  Reading time is becoming a LOT more consistent... I am liking the new habit I've adopted of dedicating 30 minutes each afternoon to down a chapter.  It's almost become clockwork, it just feels like the natural thing to do.  There are other things I would like to implement: such as taking an hour to dedicate to studying a project idea.  But I dneed a bit more time before I come around to implementing that.  So far, so good.

Now that Polga mentioned it, maybe that idea of writing the things "I'd like to achieve" might be helpful in kickstarting the new project plan.  Sounds intriguing... all I need is to find a magic box. :)

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Its something i have thought

Its something i have thought about doing but not done it myself. I get stuck at the question 'what do I really want' ! The question is immense. The writing it down and putting it in a box is the easy part.

It is stuck in my memory that Geri Haliwell of the Spice Girls, before she became famous wrote down that she wanted to be best friends with George Michael. And years later it came to pass. 

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Day 20

Polga: in all honesty, doing introspective work is one of the hardest things to pull of.  It takes a lot of effort and concentration, and oftentimes when one is leading a regular work life, it is rare to find the time and energy to do this kind of work-on-the-self.  The advantage of ancient Greek philosphers is that they had the luxury to call that a day-time job!  Thanks for the Geri Haliwell reference, it'll make for an interesting off-the-cuff remark... when being 'social' will one day be a 'thing' again ;)

The mental struggle that usually creeps up on me before I give in to gaming is now slowly vanishing into the background.  I can see it coming back in some form or another, but I fear it less now.  The return to reading, the more focused search for work opportunities, the wrapping up of loose ends (aka an unfinished article I had left on the backburner for years) are all contributing to a feeling of progress, or in the very least 'movement' in the right direction.  This feeling contributes to setting up a more fertile ground to continue blooming those good habits, while uprooting the weeds from fields that make it ripe for leisurely time-wasters such as gaming.

One thing that still bothers me is the feeling that I could be more 'productive'.  Some days are quite good in that regard; while others leave a bit of a sour taste, feeling that I could have done better with that day.  Sure enough, when too many of those 'sour' days pile up, it sets up a woeful condition that can make things like gaming all too easy to give in to.  I suppose I am learning to accept these 'unproductive' days as misshaps and wipe out the negativity before getting a fresh start the next day.  So here's to a day where I'll try to get as much done and to try to enjoy the process of progressing a little further down the path.

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Sometimes we can be our own

Sometimes we can be our own worst critic; and is that really helpful to us ?

It sounds like it demoralises you. 

When I catch myself doing it I decide now to stop and give myself a mental hug instead

For me it has helped me to accept myself for who I am right now, even the so called bad bits, and know that I have the right to be here in this world, the right to be accepted and respected and cared for, as i am,  just because "I am" . 

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"New" days often leave us (or

"New" days often leave us (or me) feeling as if we'll wake up and often have a clean slate. When in reality you can start a new anytime of the day. Had a morning you're not proud of? Fix it now, not tomorrow. You choose how your day is going to go! It doesn't have to end bad, even if it started bad. 
 

The journey to staying clean isn't easy. You're going to feel crappy some days and amazing the next.  We've been gaming for so long that we have to get use to living without it. I think you're doing great and each day doesn't have to be perfect nor does each moment.  Keep documenting your journey and stay on track as much as you can.

I'm a little over 2 weeks now and the dreams have started and I'm making the choice every moment to pause and see it as withdrawal and realizing what's causing it. Still clean and will continue to be as much as I can! Every moment, not everyday.  

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Day 0 - reset

Well, the writing had been dimly on the wall for the past few weeks... so it was just a matter of a slip coming by any day.  Slight 3-day binge, with about 2 hours per day.  Now I'm at the point where this isn't me, it's about time to snap out of it and move on.  I thinks LorasStory has got the gist of it: feelings change moment to moment, and this is one of those moments where I feel more decisive about not wanting to lose more time with gaming.  On the upshot: I got upwards of a month game-free.  I'll still keep a tally of days for now, especially in the early goings of a new streak.

Fundamentally though, I don't REALLY like counting days.  But I see it as the stepping stone, the must-be-dones: the shower in the morning, keeping a tidy room and cleaning the dishes by evening to avoid facing a huge pile in the sink by morning.  Of course, once all is on auto-pilot, it'll make sense to ease off of it.  Noticed in the past few days that I got careless with exercise and reading.  The self-awareness of it depresses me, but it just saved me from getting swallowed up whole for full-day binges.  So, I'l take the silver lining!  Onwards then.  What is it that I had in mind for reading now?  Best check in with myself.

LorasStory: Glad you popped in to share a few words. Hopefully, your routine of replacing gaming with other options is still working out for you.  You said the word: it's a process, and I'll be sure to remind myself that "bad" days are a part of it.  How we react to them on the following days is what will define progress.

Polga: You're so spot on!  It DOES demoralizes like nothing else.  Maybe one of those personality disruptions that pop up sporadically.  Still, that ou can manage to claim self-acceptance for yourself... that must not have come by easily.  I wish I had that reflex.  I think I can understand the idea of giving oneself a "mental hug".  Just very hard to imagine putting that into practice. :(

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Hi Leonidas

Hi Leonidas

Welcome back !

Self compassion can be learned even if you don't buy into it as such. You could check out some self compassionate guided meditations online to help tap into your self compassion. "Compassion focused therapy" (CFT) ; there are resources around CFT that may help you.

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Day 0, yet again

It's been a very odd stretch.  Summer went by without so many gaming hiccups, but then September comes around, and I can't seem to get off card-based games.  I don't know what it is, maybe it's the "happy medium" between standard computer game and a family board game... or maybe it's just the simplicity of it that I find appealing.  I don't know exactly what gives.  But I've just seemed to investing my free time into them, and when I'm not I sometimes think about them.

Of course it goes without saying that it does make me feel somewhat ashamed for not having things 'under control'.  Definitely a blast to the ego, but on a physical level it is cannibalizing on sleep time and making me feel groggy throughout those days.  Oh, and it certainly also puts a dent into my recovery efforts as I'm loath to come around every 4 days to announce a new reset. I realize I don't have a huge audience anyway, so why should appearances matter?  Perhaps it's enough for me that an imaginary audience looking in is probably not very impressed at my puny attempts.

On the upshot, I have been looking into CFT (thanks Polga!).  I took out the book: "Self-confidence using CFT" by Mary Welford.  It's a great beginning.  I'm trying to tackle the concept of shame and to revisit past occasions to relive the feelings shame brought on.  The point later on is to work out a way to unlink the automatic mechanism of defaulting to shame every time some event feels 'shameful'.  Since I'm on the topic of games, I'll have to see how I can turn this around so as not to take it as badly as I have been taking it.  But CFT clearly states that it is not about self-indulging and passively accepting one's lot... it's about having enough presence of mind to say 'enough with this, we need changes'.  It's a great book, but I'll have to think about getting my own copy as I foresee needing a couple of months to go through the series of exercises.

Polga: As I just stated above, I started getting into CFT.  I loaned out the Mary Welford book but if you can think of another that is as good, please feel free to suggest it to me.  There are not a whole lot of CFT books available for purchase, even online (tried used books stores as well... alas none to be found).  Thanks!

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Hi Leonidas

Hi Leonidas

Its good to hear that CFT has some meaning for you. Most of my investigations are from the free resources available online such as here:

https://www.compassionatemind.co.uk/resource/resources

If you search compassion focused therapy  or CFT on youtube you may find some nice guided meditations

The author of that book is one of therapists behind the CFT movement so I would think your choice of book is a good one. 

I am really interested about how you go on with this (or not !)

 

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Day 6

Wow, can't beleive I've been absent for a month.  Anyway, it's been mostly time spent in confused contemplation... I don't know if there's much to show for it, but it appears that my mind is slowly coming out of the shadows.  I don't really feel like talking about the addiction.  Besides, 'addiction' is the wrong word for it: it's about knowing when and how to replace some behaviors with actions that end up generating more feelings.  I was tempted to say 'positive' feelings but actually want to refrain from that... ANY feelings experienced are good (even if it is sadness or fear) as opposed to being numb which brings absolutely zero value to the human experience.

Right now I am dwelling on being preoccupied by the state of the world.  There are forces that I have sensed over the past few weeks and months which lead me to believe that a period of so-called 'darkness' will envelop humanity in a not too distant future.  It even feels like our current situation is witness to a setup of necessary conditions before the eventual catastrophe is unleashed.  I can't help feeling what I have been sensing lately concerning the themes that have been running through the media on a daily basis.

The overall lack of concern for the environment, from the continued exploitation of sources of fuel to the accumulating wasteland of discarded electronics.  The slow but steady erosion of employee rights.  The blatant unconcern for the indigenous people (Canada).  The growing divide between the rich and the poor... and the emerging 'classification' of our society.  The slack or completely absent regulations on ultra-rich multinational companies.  And the mother of them all: an apparent disdain for the principles of democracy and for hard-won human rights, via the coercive measures implemented by governments recently.  "You'll all be laid-off if you don't comply!", our politicians threaten us on the daily.  The standard behavior of a bully, which in usual circumstances, wouldn't give me cause for alarm.  But when that narrative is actually accepted without challenge by the media and by certain medical authorities, then I can imagine how powerful forces have been maneuvering and pulling strings in such a way as to create our current scenario: one where totalitarian measures are accepted by the majority without batting an eye.  Something which would have been inconceivalble 10-20 years ago.

Anyway.  That's the kind of depressed state I am feeling at this moment.  My outlook for the future isn't optimistic to be honest... and this coming from someone who identifies mostly as optimistic by nature.  Perhaps my ramble may have nothing to do with 'gaming'.  But then maybe it has: to all of you out there stuck in a mental haze caused by excessive gaming, there is yet hope.  Some day, something, a cause or a strong desire will move you in such a way that you'll want to wake up from your torpor and DO something, even if it is but a tiny contribution.  That's all it takes to break an addiction.

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Welcome back Leonidas !

Welcome back Leonidas !

I also feel these are challenging times. However folks have been fortelling the coming of the "end of the world" for thousands of years. 

The media paints a pretty bad picture but does not tell us of all the good things that continue to happen in the world. Because of tech we know so much more about what is going on. It can become quite a burden on us. And because of tech there are powerful distractions that lead to apathy about getting things done and being engaged with the wider world which is new and the effects still unfolding

What can we do about it? Gandi is attributed to have said words to the effect of “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” If catastrophe actually happens we just have to go with it. But while we are in stasis we can influence our own part of the world and this can have a beneficial ripple effect. 

"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree"  Martin Luther

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Back, with minor struggles to deal with...

I've been experiencing difficulties with consistency (with posting here), but news is not all bad: I am getting a bit more consistent with other important areas of my life.  I can see the prize somewhere down the line.  I have been getting quite a few more interviews over the past month... something surely has to work out?  It must.  But I won't let my guard down just yet, not until I get an offer, black on white.  I can imagine the market taking a "break" over the holidays, so I am hoping an offer is imminent, hopefully within the next 6 weeks.

Mental anguish is still something I need to address in better ways than indulging in the occasional game.  But I do notice a hopeful trend: I am thinking A LOT LESS about these games.  The patterns usually feed on one's imagination.  These days, my mind has shifted onto other preoccupations.  I may sometimes stumble into a lapse of judgment, but gaming certainly doesn't hold me hostage the way it did at times throughout the past 2 years.  I attribute it to a new sense of striving for improving things down the line... not necessarily for the sake of money or career, or even for the sake of acquiring new knowledge.  Just a sense that my skills will be needed in the service of helping a community... and if that moment comes soon, then the better prepared I am, the more I can be of help.  I may sound like some weirdo from a dystopian novel, but I can't really help it... I'm just following my own intuition, without worrying too much about whether it is logical or not.  So for example, I took out a book about surviving in harsh natural environments... not something I would have read last year, and yet I'm feeling driven now to know more about survival kits and such.

Also another shift: I have been taking care of an elderly parent ever since this pandemic broke out.  It used to be that I would be alright helping out with a few things to make life a bit easier for them, but would be wary if I had to do the majority of the work.  I am getting to a point now that I do not mind it so much if I get to do most tasks  I seem to have accepted the situation for what it is, as a fact of life, that parents beyond a certain age start leaning a bit more on their children for assistance.  I was feeling that my time was being stolen away as such... but I am letting go this kind of mindset.  In truth, taking on the role of "caregiver" has a way of shutting up the ego and finding purpose in turning the balance back the other way: I was taken cared of as a child/yougster.  It's only normal for me to pay it forward... and who knows if the same will ever happen if I ever have children of my own.

Polga: What you said makes a lot of sense to me.  Often the first step is to be "stunned" into a catatonia, before finally recovering one's bearings and turn to action.  The shock of events has come and gone, but particular action isn't so obvious from the outset.  Finding groups of people who share a similar vision is a bit harder to do (especially these days), but I haven't given up... give it more time, and more people may decide they've had it with the way the politicians are leveraging their power to do their own bidding without the least concern for the people who elected them.  The only question for me is to try to find the "right time" to engage.  I don't feel the time is right, just yet.

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Welcome back Leonidas

Welcome back Leonidas

I find it really interesting to see how you are changing. I felt it quite touching to hear about your change of thoughts around looking after your parent. I think in the years to come when you look back you will really appreciate its legacy

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Thanks for the wave of

Thanks for the wave of support, Polga!

Unsurprisingly again, it's been quite the delay but not with undue reason.  I must be getting close to an offer, something may just come through in a week's time.  Meanwhile, I have been communicating with my old boss over unfinished business (a publication in an obscure journal which is FINALLY seeing the light of day).  Now that a submission is imminent and that chapter of my left-over work will soon be done with, she (the boss) has expressed a keen interest in hiring me as someone who could help her out, as well as contribute to other research groups from the same research centre (yeah, I used to work in a physical rehab clinic).  Anyway, she's expressed that interest before but now it was keener than ever... I told her I needed to think.

To say the least of it, an offer of that kind is heart-warming.  There's the taste of the familiar in it, but also with a new promise that I would be working full-time, under the institute's banner and gathering worker benefits (none of whch I had previously).  It's a better offer, but I woud be going to the same environment.  Is that a problem?  Not really, not now that I re-examine it in light of the new situation.  I have been persistent in my job search for more than a year but could not get an offer.  Things have been improving these last few months, but still it is no guarantee that an offer is in store.  I'll wait a week, at most two.  If that other opportunity falls through,it will be best that I accept my former employer's offer.  At the very least, I am wanted there.

Mixed feelings about the competing opportunities.  That will probably become clearer if I do get that other offer (or if I am told I was not selected).  In either case, the path will become clearer from there.  Bit of a strange prospect to be going back to something I thought I left behind... but then, does that mean I am regressing back in time?  Should I care... does it matter?  Am I trying to prove something to myself... I wish I knew.  I need MORE TIME... to find some clarity.

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Hi Leonidas

Hi Leonidas

Great that you have this under your belt !

The offer sounds tempting on one level but also something about possible lurking problems on another level, and the idea of going backwards when you want to go forwards. Something perhaps about judging yourself by a social standard that "we have to be seen to move on". You may be moving on "in yourself " could be enough?

Good luck with the second potential offer. Hope you feel good and peaceful about the decisions you make. 

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Well, I'm not sure exactly

Well, I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to feel.  Relief?  Sense of calm and peace?  Serenity?  Joy?  After about a year and a half of trying, I finally got myself out of unemployment and will join the ranks of the working, as of early January.  In the end, what I thaught were two choices ended up narrowing to only one possible.  I was a nervous reck until late last week, still weighing my options (isn't it a blessing and a curse to have two competing offers?)... until things clarified this Monday, which made my choice a whole lot easier.

One of those two prospects melted into thin air because of a rigid policy - as can be well imagined from our current state of the world caught in wild hysterics - failing which, I was not allowed any entry into the organization.  And this in spite of the work being entirely remote.  I imagined it as a possible scenario... but was still shocked to see the inhumane policy bear fruition, so to speak.  Still, I wasn't fooling myself.. I knew well enough that governmental organizations have a way about them, the systems in place are so solidly entrenched, it was just asking too much of them to make them see me for what I am: a person with (believe it or not) feelings, free will and a desire to contribute to the world.  None of that counts though, no sir-ee.  So I am simply to be this nondescript unit or speck of electromagnetic charge, to be channelled through some flow chart, and then it is all down to the blips of the algorithm to deduce whether I deserve in or out.  And yet, there was someone who was arduously fighting to get me the position (my former boss), who just about did everything she could to sway the bureaucracy.  In vain... intransigence, rigidity's uglier cousin, has won the day again, thanks in part once more to a local government that fancies itself as the "champion of these unprecedented times".  Wooden politicians with a touch of narcissisitic personality disorder, Mount Olympus Gods who are never wrong about anything ... why, this is a recipe for happier times to come, I'm sure!

Cynicism aside, I can't allow myself to be ungrateful.  On the contrary, it is immensely great news to know that I won't need to continue the drudgery of the job-seeking routine, and instead look forward to learning new things.  It turns out I probably stand to learn more from this experience that I would have had I joined my former employer.  The heart may still be over there... but there is nothing shameful in what lies ahead of me now.  Most definitely an interesting path, far better than the no man's land of hoping for a sign of interest in the hyperspace of the marketplace!

Polga: Indeed, I did not think that idea "aloud" until you mentioned it.  And it's true!  There is a generalized fear of "not moving forwards" and of avoiding the rearview mirror like the plague.  If the choice was still on, I would have ended up going with the environment I already knew and liked... but it wasn't to be!  Crazy how life has a way of simplifying dilemmas, especially when you ask for help - I did!  And for some reason, the prayer was answered.

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Ahhh fabulous news ! And its

Ahhh fabulous news ! And its coming up to Christmas ! Sounds like a movie ! Really pleased for you. Well deserved. High five !

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A New Year... and maybe a New Hope

Well it was a while since I last posted.  I entered into my new work functions since early days of the month, and have bene busy learning the tricks of the trade.  There may be a lot less time for pursuing hobbies, but the end of each day brings its own satisfaction of having contributed one more brick to the wall being built.  Although this site is about warding off online games and the like, work can considerably cut down these options from plain lack of time and opportunity.

In my previous message, I alluded to "wooden politicians" who think are in possession of some absolute moral authority over every citizen in this country, and presume to know what is in everyone's best interest.  This has been the resounding message for the past, say 6 months? If not more... with daily message drilling - as if daily repetitions were the only way to get the message across.  Anyway, that's been the situation until recently.  Skip to this Monday, where the heroes of the hour have come from an unlikely place: the truckers!  After receiving the inevitable government ultimatum that it is either total compliance or an efective end to employment, the truckers in Canada have drawn the line in the sand and said: "No thanks!".  Truckers from all corners of the country are making their pilgrimage to the nation's capital to stand peacefully on Parliament Hill.  The glowing embers of protest have turned into a massive movement, with people cheering the caravan on as they make steady progress... it is only half-way to the due date on Saturday and yet this promises to be BIG!!  So big, even people from Slovenia are hearing about the "Freedom Convoy" on YouTube.

So what is the point of me alluding to a trucker convoy on a game addiction site?  Everything.  We've known for a while that the "opposite of addiction is not sobriety, the opposite of addiction is connection", quoting from Johann Hari's TED Talk (which I highly recommend).  When the citizens of a country are reunited under the unexpected leadership of Truckers, differences of opinion in matters of politics and medical science fall by the wayside, and to embrace the common traits we all share, such as human decency, sense of justice and national pride, then people feel reconnected once again, with a sense of being a part of something greater than the self.  It's learning to confidently break the socially isolated bubble - which has become the new norm over the past 2 years - and to reject the divisive language of our supposed "leaders".  If I am not with them in body, I will be with the drivers in spirit when they enter the capital on Saturday.

Go truckers, GO!!!

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Hi Leonidas

Hi Leonidas

Thanks for the update. I will look out for this on the news with great interest. 

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There is a battle that has

There is a battle that has been raging on in my part of the world for the better part of 2 weeks.  And unfortunately, this ain't no video game... and this isn't a traditional sort of battle either, armies n' all.  But yes, there are two opponents: the government in power versus the people opposing mandates.

This may not be news, but the freedom convoy of Canada has now extended to other parts of the world.  I cannot believe that my country has inspired others to rise to the occasion and stake a claim in the name of fighting to uphold hard-won human rights and freedoms.  Our prime minister's popularity is falling by the minute, his grasp on power ever more elusive, and in spite of that he persists in tweeting immature posts labeling protesters as a group of "racist, mysognistic an pro-violent minority with unacceptable views".  Fascinating stuff, in light of the fact that many women were present throughout the 3 weekend rallies organized thus far.  There were people of all ethnicities and creeds to be seen, and the movement has rightfully annouced with pride that no violent incidents had been reported in the 17 days since the first trucks strolled into Ottawa.  The power-obsessed are truly disconnected from their own electorate.

Of course, they are not without powerful allies.  The legacy media have largely supported the government's vision and have also partaken in smearing the trucker movement.  No surprise: all mainstream media outlets, including the publicly owned CBC, receive heavy subsidiaries (CBC gets 150 million $ / year in federal funding) to help them stave off bankrupcy.  At this point, it is quite clear they have no interest in speaking ill of their main source of funding.  They have also engaged with the municipal police across several cities in an effort to clear vehicles and seek legal ways of detaining peaceful protesters.  They've even had a hand in freezing the Trucker funding accounts (the GoFundMe and GiveSendGo fiascos)... again one has to wonder how far the rulers are willing to abuse of their powers for the sake of depriving the convoy of much needed resources.

So this is where it's at: a stalemate of sorts between a governing elite that feels nothing but utter contempt for the worker class, and a growing number of discontent that are joining the convoy cause, the latest group to join composed of retired Canadian Forces Veterans.  Only a little is left to tip the balance in favor of the people: it would have to come from those who have stood on the sidelines, watching things unfold yet not having the courage to jump in and participate.  Now is their moment to be on the right side of history and fight for what's right, so that all Canadians (and all the rest of the world that is watching) can enjoy a life that enables them to pursue their rights and freedoms as explicitly stated on the Charter.  I feel utter desolation when I hear of others who seem completely oblivious to the challenges that our democracy is currently facing.  It's as though they were afflicted by some partial blindness or temporary insanity driven by the constant bombardment of fake news and fear-mongering.

But I have faith in this one guiding principle: that evil-doers and master manipulators cannot win in the long run, because sooner or later those evil deeds have a way of turning against their owner (karma).  And it is why I am certain that the movement will prevail so long as it adheres to peaceful protest... since peace cannot attract violence from any quarter.

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This is something that is

This is something that is very important to you. I think you are right about the need for peaceful protest as central to get the message across. In a world that seems to be fragmenting and on the edge of war ( thinking Russia and Ukraine here) we need to hold it together. 

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Hello Polga!  I'd be darned

Hello Polga!  I'd be darned if I went anywhere near trying to decipher and interpret what is going on in the vicinity of the Ural mountains.  All I know is that I am against any war starting... and I also stand against the idea that in order to prevent a war, one must arm a country to the teeth, by sending it weapons, weapons and more weapons.  The narrative I'm hearing from the North Amaerican perspective is that apparently Russia is a "big bad bully" and that "it must be stopped", and that war seems like the only way forward.  Case in point, Trudeau (Canadian PM) is absolutely convinced that diplomacy is useless... therefore best leave matters to NATO.  Now why is that not surprising?  Oh, right... this coming from the same man who has refused dialogue with the Trucker Convoy.

I had to make it back here for a quick update.  It may be one of my last messages posted here.  Not trying to sound dramatic or anything... but I may be compelled to take a leave of absence and "lay low" from any social media until things settle.  The reasons for that will become obvious in a moment.  But first, the updates in Canada.

- Monday 14 (Valentine's day): the Canadian PM has invoked the Emergency Act.  First time a sitting PM calls upon it since its inception (1988).  The Act is very similar to its predecessor: the War Measures Act which was called upon thrice: in WW1, in WW2 and in 1970 during the FLQ crisis in the province of Quebec (by then PM Pierre Eliot Trudeau, Justin's father).  In a nutshell, the Emergency Act grants the PM absolute powers to do as he wishes, which includes arresting people without a warrant and freezing individuals' bank accounts (both of which he has already implemented).  The details of the Act should send chills down anyone's spine... Brave New World material.

- Wednesday 16: the Chief of the Ottawa police (of African-American descent) is ousted from his post over what was judged to be a mis-handling of the Convoy situation.  He was apparently not "harsh enough" in getting the truckers to leave, and worse, committed the unpardonable crime of "talking" to them.  He was immediately replaced with an appointed "strongman" who will carry out to the letter a more "foreceful" approach, in line with the government's accrued powers.

- Thursday 17: first arrests made.  The Trucker Convoy "leaders" are rounded up an arrested.  They fortunately have competent legal counsel to represent them, so I can't see them being detained for more than a couple of days.  Meanwhile, a ferocious debate rages on in the Parliament, with the opposing parties contesting the legality of invoking the Emergency Act.  Lawyers have spoken on mainstream media that they don't believe the requirements for calling it were reasonable.  A group of lawyers will contest the application of the Act (but how long will that process take?).

- Friday 18: Banking institutions collaborate with government directives to freeze the personal accounts of most (if not all) of the truck drivers and event organizers.  Anyone having contributed on a funding platform runs the very real risk of being tracked and punished (through a job lay-off or a bank account freeze) for "supporting the convoy" (as an interpretation of the Act would deem this unlawful).  Circa 4PM, the combined police forces from across 7 different cities converge in the downtown area of Ottawa to push off peaceful demonstrators, given that as per the Act all public assembly in the area is considered illegal.  70 arrests, according to legacy media.  Finally, the PM suspends Parliament today (no reasons given, he just decided it so)... therefore no continued debate among members of parliament on the legality of the Act.

The future does not look bright.  It this act is ratified by vote (and chances are it will by a thin margin) next Monday, well then this is it... the fate of our democracy will be sealed.  I thought I'd never see the day... I don't think I ever dreamed it possible.  What was only something I had read in history books about third world countries decades ago, is now happening to us: a dictatorship in the making in a first-world country.  Wow.  There's no words... really no words to describe this insanity on wheels.

And so that means I'll have to keep my mouth shut from just about this moment onwards.  The more I say, the more I risk getting tracked.  And what applies to me may certainly be applied ruthlessly to family or friends (guilt by association).  But I wanted someone out there to know... to get the perspective of a citizen who has no vested/financial incentive in wanting to warn other fellow brothers and sisters of the real dangers currently facing our democracies.  This isn't about political affiliations or what one thinks about the vaccines or the mandates... it is about so much more: it's owning and expressing our rights as free citizens.  Nobody likes being coerced... even slaves in Ancient Rome could never grow used to being slaves.  But it is inherent to humanity to yearn for autonomy and self-determination.  And it is time we make it abundantly clear to our leaders that we don't respond well to overreach.

I'll certainly be missing this place, at least for a while.  Like a restorative oasis, I would stop by and recover from the hardships of 'life'!  I'll take away with me the nice thoughts you've all shared with me over the years (I'm looking at you, Polga!).  Well, you never need say never.  With hope, things might just turn the right way... who knows.  But until that day comes, much love, stay strong and never ever give in to fear!

Leo

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All the best to you going

All the best to you going forward Leo.

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