Working steps 1, 2 & 3 is good for you, but continuing on without a mentor to show you the way is nearly impossible and, you may find, insane. This mentor is called a sponsor and can be anyone, but having a sponsor the same gender as yourself is good mainly because in Step 4, you go over "sexual misconduct" and revealing all that could be embarrassing to someone of the opposite sex.
Congratulations on making a thorough journey into Step 2! Your Faith comes in true and souns and I think youre on a good path, minus the sponsor part.
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"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone
1. What kind of insane behavior or thinking can you identify in your own life that resulted from your online game addiction? Hiding in the games in order to escape thinking about how much of my life I have wasted playing games.
2. Look at your FEAR. What does it stand for, for you? The fear of being out in public and being outside in general. The fear of what others would think of me when they saw me. The fear of running into some one I know and worring about how they veiwed me and what I have become. The fear of talking to others for the above reasons. The fear of completly losing myself inside the games and never being able to change.
3. Site examples where you, yourself, were unable to overcome the unsound behavior and thoughts and your fear. I left school. (I have a G.E.D. now though.) I couldn't finish college when I tried. Couldn't really go outside with out becoming nervos. Had a hard time talking to people; because I never new what to say and was wondering what they were thinking.
4. At what point and how did you come to believe that you needed a power greater than yourself to be restored to sanity? I have believed in God most of my life and that He alone could help me. My problem was that I did not know the correct path to sanity and struggled with obeying Him, like I should. I believe I have found the right path to sanity as of July 9 2011, when I found this site. With God's help and the support from this site, I know I can be game free with a lot of work.
5. Any other related experiences to this topic? Not that I can think of at this time.
1. What kind of insane behavior or thinking can you identify in your own life that resulted from your online game addiction?
Playing night after night after night. Marathon weekends. PLUS working full-time. But, no exercise, not eating well, either take-out food or delivery food. Back and neck pains (medications and physical therapy, and massage). Angry miserable husband. Little contact with family and friends. Gave up all my known activities of happiness: kayaking, walking, tai chi, yoga, reading...etc.
2. Look at your FEAR. What does it stand for, for you? Face Everything and Run Or Face Everything and Recover.
I didn't think I was running away. Just felt I was having fun!
3. Site examples where you, yourself, were unable to overcome the unsound behavior and thoughts and your fear.
Never could give up gaming, even when wanted to. Couldn't moderate or be casual. Always talked myself into one more hour, one more achievement, one more activity.
4. At what point and how did you come to believe that you needed a power greater than yourself to be restored to sanity?
When I found OLGA, decided to quit the games, uninstall everything, disabled and discontinue accounts, and then the withdrawals hit me like a ton of bricks.
5. Any other related experiences to this topic?
Learning I was addicted to gaming was a huge surprise to me, at first. Now that I know a bit more about gaming, it's no surprise at all. The game I played (and others like it) were set up to keep the gamer there, it was never ending, never fully accomplishing anything, all accomplishments just led to ten more. Totally frustrating to a "complete it" addict like myself.
I was like a zombie. I couldn't stop playing. I lost control.
One day I prayed in my mind even as I played. I asked for help. The next day my internet connection got very slow. I could go online but the game would not load. The withdraws wore horrible. I prayed and asked God to give me the game back. It was like this for one week. Now it's two weeks later. The game is loading fine but I decided to quit.
That is awesome mary... your prayers answered... or at least the first one... i'm glad that you have decided to quit anyway. it really isn't worth going back to that game ... and then to face quitting again too
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Part 1: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves...
This step is the real clincher. The tough one. The one that challenges us as individuals to keep an open mind.
When I first learned of this step, I had just joined AA and was physically, mentally and spiritually sicker than I have ever been in my life. I didn't think I'd live long, let alone have to deal with steps.
But I knew I needed something because I was dying, and I couldn't afford another rehab.
So, the woman who picked me up at home to take me to first meeting, became my sponsor. I followed her to all her meetings. She explained the 2d step to me in this manner.
She also had problems with the 2d step. The God of her childhood was not what she wanted. She was told to find one of her own: nature, Great Spirit, Jesus, God, the Universe, Good Orderly Direction, AA, OLGA, etc. but to make sure to find a power greater than herself that worked for her. I could do that too.
When I picked up my first game, I had 18 years sobriety in AA. But within a year I was a full blown excessive gamer. Slowly the AA meetings stopped; when my sponsor died I didn't get another one; plus I had just gone through a horrendous ordeal of ill health, and didn't have the energy to deal with working fulltime and going to meetings. So gamed instead.
Gaming was slick and easy. I couldn't believe how fun it was for a long time. I worked fulltime, came home and did chores, then gamed. Gamed 6 or 7 hours a night, marathon weekends. AA? what's that.
And of course a Higher Power went out the window too. Angry? game. Sad? game. ****ed off? game. No exercise? game.
Well, but by then, even when I wanted to I couldn't moderate or stop gaming, even when I didn't like gaming much anymore. I kept tryng new games thinking that a new game would bring me back to those first few days of absolute bliss! but new games did not, they were betting looking and had more graphics but it was the same old grind.
So here comes OLGA. Steps again (they worked for me the first time in AA). And there is that 2d step again.
Dear HP, I'm truly sorry I got away from you. Please accept me back. I'm really sick and tired of being unhappy and miserable.
I don't define my HP on the website; I do that with those I sponsor or who sponsor me. Let's just say that my HP works great for me. I accept what others need for themselves. I try to be open minded about everyone's choice. My husband is an atheist, and we do well together because there are many things we have in common. For me God is love, and all that is loving is God.
That's about as far as I want to explain it.
The 2d step just tells us that we need a HP (that works for us) but it doesn't have to happen over night (sometimes it does), it's "came to believe"....
I'm truly ok with this step. It's been very good to me.
I think I start to understand this step. I need to be , not to become. I dont need to want . but follow Gods will. Our body and Spirit and two tarvelers bound together and need to respect each others wishes. The balanci is life, what Jesus tried to teach us, yet everyone needs to learn to understand. In this world where we have been thought to take what we want, and we can do how we please..and be entertained at will, we need to get to ourselves back and live the more simple life. Yes we can take some, as we are not saints. But we need to lrean to take what we need.
I stopped being afraid , and yet I have hope, and restored my sanity. Yet the presure of the world recessions..the War pending between Israel and Iran, may start the new World War..Scares me..but at least I have my sanity at my own self restored.
follow Gods will. Our body and Spirit and two tarvelers bound together and need to respect each others wishes. The balanci is life, what Jesus tried to teach us, yet everyone needs to learn to understand.
Very well said. We are learning to change from being self-centered people, to be God-centered people.
1: The behavior I could consider insane is the moment I see a chance to game, I game. The fact that I rationalize that I need to game. Like a hunger that I can't feed.
2: The fear is that I will brush the addiction off as a phase, or a flavor of the month. I know my wife thinks it silly that I need help when it comes to my gaming addiction, but she doesn't realize the lies I've said, or actions I've made are because of my addiction. I hope to Face Everything and Recover.
3: Just last night my wife insulted my behavior, after I told her that I finally have picked my start date of being game-free and attending a meeting, she told me "spending 1 hour in a chat room! Why not play a game for 1 hour!". It made me very upset, and I know the reason why she thinks it's a waste is she isn't in my shoes. She thinks it's "silly", but it's an addiction, and I'm done telling lies. In the argument I held back most of things I know I should have confessed up to. But when I started to pour my heart out, she realized how bad it has gotten. I hope she will support me, but what will happen the next time someone thinks that I can play a game with them.. and I tell them no.. I don't want someone to laugh at me.
4: I've known for a while I need a higher power to help me restore my sanity. The best way I can describe it is we are all cups of water pouring our life out into our family, jobs, emotions, relationships.. but what fills up our cup? Sure you could have a spouse or a friend, but God's cup is overflowing, never-ending, never judging. Using a higher power to help fill up my cup is a way to always have an endless supply.
"If you can face it, you can probably bear it. If you can bear it, you can change it. But if you lie about it, that's the end." --James Baldwin, whom I consider to be one of the most brilliant and insightful authors of the 20th Century.
darthenron wrote:
.... I don't want someone to laugh at me.
No kidding. I hate that. But for me, I think they were laughing already. One of the pieces of my recovery is to learn to just ignore people's laughter. It's about them, not me. It says something about them, that they can laugh at someone else's pain. I need to take it as information about them, and trust them less in the future.
darthenron wrote:
.... Using a higher power to help fill up my cup is a way to always have an endless supply.
Have I said yet that this is a lesson I still need to learn? This is a lesson I still need to learn.
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I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.
I like Morgan Freeman and coincidentally heard him talking about how he's his own God? I think that's what he said. That was my take away anyway. What little I know him, he seems incredibly humble for that position.
—
Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
To me this step means, that I acknowledge that I cannot do this alone. While in treatment I explored the concept of higher power and saw the strength it gave to others who had faith. Through reading "The Knight in Rusty Armour" I realised something. Higher Power is not about religion, it is about something, some sort of fate, guiding us down the path to become our true selves. I belive that my true self lies in my heart, so that is also where my connection is with my higher power. In this respect, higher power is in everyones heart, its in every animal, every tree, plant, its in the sun. Higher Power is whereever I chose to look for it. I am not a religious person, I am a spiritual person. Yet as a spiritual person, I see the good in religion.
My higher power is not almighty, it can't make me a millionaire in five minutes, but it is immune from my addict thinking. I know that my Higher Power is leading me a trail of breadcrumbs and everything that happens will turn me down the paths my higher power choses for me, even if that path may be relapse, I know it will be of my higher powers design, maybe to highlight something I missed, or forgot.
I guess that by overcoming my addicts will I will be restored to sanity, the problem is, I cannot differentiate between the two wills. I can only hope that through abstanance and meetings and steps that my higher power will keep me on the right path. I know my higher power isn't perfect, but its mine and it loves and accepts me.
to me insanity is about losing your humanity, its about turning your friendships toxic, its about isolating yourself because your feeling lonely, its about staying inside on a hot day, staring at a screen in a dark room. Insanity is not living the life we've been given.
I believe that, one day at a time, my higher power will restore me to sanity, that is what recovery is all about.
FEAR,
Frankly, Everyones, Addicted, Really.
Thats what my addict would say, and its what it used to say when It rationalised gaming. "I'm not out spening money or committing crime, I'm not drinking, smoking or doing drugs, so whats the problem?
My fear is that I will work hard on recovery, and through doing that, isolate myself from my old life. there is a fear that I will somehow lose my identity, when on the contrary, it will only become stronger.
An example of me not being able to control my addiction...
begging my best friend to take my games away, and then hating him for it, every day loathing him more and more, until our friendship lay in tatters, and he gave up and relinquished them. 24 hours later, I did a 26 hour spree-session. there was absolutly no control.
I knew I couldn't control the fear when I was using gaming to escape the fear, the fear of living. I was calling helplines every night, scared of what I might do to myself if I deterirated anymore.
This was the point I realised I needed a power greater than myself, I knew I couldn't do it anymore and I needed something or someone to help me. I shock every single avenue possible, I must have been praying because one night I sent an email to a gaming addict website and the following my prayres were answered, and I started an action plan which got me into treatment. My higher power saved my life. - whatever is left is a bonus.
I believe that my higher power can help, because it is outside my head. I can start a day thinking gaming is inevitable, but by some miricle the sun will set and all I can attribute my survival to is my higher powers guidance, somehow it goes alright in the end.
My reservations, I'm human, and humans make mistakes, I know my addict is strong willed and I've come very close to gaming. I don't know how my higher power would stop me if I made a decision to pick up. I guess I just have to stop for myself, so I don't give HP a chance to try and stop me. :p
My higher power is:
My true self, Wize, Imperfect, Non-verbal, a leader, a parent, a child, loving, perminant, here.
My names Becca and I'm a gaming addict, this was my step 2.
My new want ad for a Higher Power: I want an HP who is loving One who is caring and compassionate One who is not judgemental One who is the life force behind all things One who appreciates nature One who is my friend and companion One who picks me up when I am down One who is in me and works through me and others One who binds and connects all things One that connects me with the human race and the human condition One that shows me my human qualities like a loving parent One who loves me and protects me and keeps me safe One who shows me the beauty of the world and the happiness and joy around me One who fuels my passion and my creativity One who can bear my anger and crises of faith One with Wisdom One who can grant me grace One who takes me higher
This step has been a difficult one for me, as I have never been very self-aware. I am coming to realize, as I think more and more about it, I need a higher power, but not a religion.
i spent some time thinking about what was insane about how my life choices where extremly insane and what they where.
here are a few of the choices that i made that i reolized where insane:
1. when i was younger and did not have a job or any money i would steal my parents credit card information and buy something in game or pay for membership or w.e was needed for getting a leg up in the game.
2. after i got older i started to spend all my money from paychecks on games or computer stuff that i could use to play more and spend more time online with people. i would spend whole paychecks buying stuff for game related stuff even though in my mind i had already thought that i needed to save money to get my life started.
3. i spend so much time in games i started to get used to being on game more then going to work and school that i warted skipping school and calling in sick from work to play more and skip school to play more.
4. i droped out of high school! the only thing that i managed to do when i did that was during the summer i went to get my GED and that is what saved me a bit and kept me going in a semi right directions and not completely ruin my life.
step 1 helped me a lot and allowed me to reolize what ive been missing for the thousands of hours that i played games. cool tv shows, new movies, new developments in my family, world news.
im so glad im able to get my life away from computers. i hope i can get myself and my life with my wife back on track as soon as possible. thank you whoever made this website its a godsend
i think my higher power will be all the other things i want in life.....my desires......and the support of other people like me.......i need this to push me
I get insanity. I was insane enough to sit and stare at a computer screen for hours. I procrastinate my work, for few months.
I can't relate to an higher power though. I don't believe in a god. I do admit that I pray for god in desperate needs and that I thank god for small miracles. I can't imagine a god or great power being about to help me. I have to do this myself.
I think is maybe a form of insanity from game also. When I game in MMORPG, I am the guy that does things himself and help others. I rarely ask other for help.
I know I can't do this alone though. I don't want to skip a step.
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
This step took me quite a long time to think about it and I still think that it's possible I may not have got it right. I didn't have any guidance with this step so this is just from what I have read and understood so far from some resources that I found.
Sometimes I feel that it must have been me and only me who decided to admit my powerlessness and loss of control over my game addiction. But after some thinking and educating myself I don't think it's totally true. I feel that there was something else, some other inner strength that I cannot explain which drove me toward the better path and that was desire to quit, to end it all. I never heard of the term "higher power" till I came to olga.
My greatest fear would be if I relapsed again and got back to insane gaming world where I had no control over it. I fear that I don't have HP to guide me and help me making the right and healthy decisions. I fear that I have already done enough damage to my life and that I may do it again. I fear that I may pick up a different addiction to replace the game addiction. I fear that my mind decides to act crazy and stupid and push everyone away from me. I fear that I have so many fears!
Now, how about gratitude? I have to remind myself to be grateful to the fact that HP was the one that got me out of my ongoing insanity and told me to quit gaming. I have to thank olga fellowship and few particular people that helped me with understanding of what insanity is and does to you through their personal shares and words of wisdom. I have received a lot of useful information in here to be able to acknowledge and accept my game addiction problem. It's true that even I may think I don't need help, on the opposite, I really do need it. If not for what I learned here I wouldn't be where I am right now and who knows, maybe I would be still gaming and wasting my life away. So I want to thank this community for offering so much hope, strength, motivation and encouragement for anyone who is struggling in search for their answers and guidance.
I believe that HP can restore me to sanity. Why? Because if I act on my own I am quickly taken to a darker side filled with self-doubt, low self esteem, powerlessness, helplessness, selfishness, jealousy, anger, hate, self-pity, hopelessness, etc. So basically everything that would make me unmotivated to do anything that is healthy for my mind, for my body, for my family. I rely on HP whether it can be olga fellowship, or a recovery friend, or something else. I cannot do it alone.
Since I've quit gaming in may 11th, it has been such an emotional ride starting with horrible withdrawal symptoms, but in the end finding support in here. It's not the end I hope. It has been good and bad, bumpy at times but I try not to fall off the recovery path. My progress may seem slow but hopefully it's a quality progress.
Oksana
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"We can suppress anger and aggression or act it out, either way making things worse for ourselves and others. Or we can practice patience: wait, experience the anger and investigate its nature" (Pema Chodron)
I think I'm going to ahve a hard time wit hthis step.
I have finally accepted the fact that I am a computer game addict admitted to myself at last that I am pwoerless to do anything aobut my gaming. I've looked at how gaming is destroying my life. I say destroying because I can see how it could still get worse. I have been gaming for more than twenty years and it shows.
I've attempted to quit the insanity twice now. The first time I cried out to God begged him to help me read the Bible went to church etc. B y the ninth day I finally jsut collapesed and gave in and the addiction got so muc hworse and so much harder to think of turning away from. After that failure I didn't jsut rebel against god but started cutting my ties to my church. I felt utterly alone in my life God had abandoned me and the people in my church group wore to obusy to ive a ****. Oh the guys prayed with me one morning and promised to keep in touch to support me etc. I shoudln't have bee nsurprised they were too busy to care with work and wives and children and whatever.
My second attempt was only slightly more sucessful, I tried to quit using sheer willpower and determination. I focussed on keeping busy with other things trying to rebuild a social life and doing all the things I have neglected for so long like getting back on my medications. When this attempt failed I was laid low I sotpped resisting and jsut went back to the games.
I have been tought all my life to be independant so I have bec ome fircely independant submit to a higher power?
I have been around Christians a large parto f my life I know how to talk like one etc but I don't know what I really belive. For all my loe of fantasy and science fiction I don't generally blieve in anything that I cna't tangibly quantify. They say God is stil ldspeaking I don't see it. The only prayers I thinkI can honestly say I could see might have been answered wre prayers for my godo friend that she would have the willpower to quit smoking and get back to church etc.
Meanwhile everything isspiralling out of control. Division of blind services and Voc rehab are probabl ygetting fed up with my lack of work on the job front. I have few freinds and certainly non near my own age to hango ut with etc. I haven't been in a relationship in almost twenty years and recently discovered that that was critically important to me. Meanwhile i no longer do the things I once enjoyed even thigns I did last year have ceased. Trying to wquit has only mad the problem worse it seems, yet quit I msut.
Hello Ultima VII Dragon age Minecraft Sapce Engineers civilization sims, ogre battle, xcom, elder scrolls fallout star trek online lord of the rings online could I get a refund onthe last twenty years please? LOL
Jay, 20 years of addiction is going to take 20 years of reprogramming. The garbage I put in my mind is still there.
I was an atheist most of my life, but I did turn to God and applied one verse of the Bible to my life at a time. It took 10 years of renewal of my mind. God walked with me and made my recovery easier. Recovery is rarely instantaneous. Some share it is, but for me it was a long, tortuous process that seemed manageable when God guided me.
Stick with the steps and attend meetings online and face-to-face locally!
None of htis makes sens and reading the steps is just making me angry. I'm supposed to admit that only God can fix me? I can't accept that any more than I can accept the dogma that we are all horrific sinners who can do no good on our own! I've been immersed in Christian culture for most of my life often whether I liked it or not. I belived because I wanted t obelive I was desperate to belive in somethign anything and it all seemed logical at one time. I used to marvel at the transforming grace in the lives of people in my church I could see the fruit of the spirit in them....I'm happy for them.
I never saw that in myself God has ignored and or outright spat on me my entire life and now I am supposed to trust and submit to him and TRUST that he is going ot fix me? Forgive me but BULLsh**!
I don't have it in me to trust God anymore let alone submit to him....if i stil lbelive did I ever? I felt like i did.
When I am able to pull my head out of gaming I can remember that thorugh al lmy trails and Failures I remain a man of intelligence creativity integrity dedication articulate sensative easy going and even a little charismatic.
I have glimpesed the man i could have been am and will be. The sleeper will awaken!
None of htis makes sens and reading the steps is just making me angry. I'm supposed to admit that only God can fix me? I can't accept that any more than I can accept the dogma that we are all horrific sinners who can do no good on our own! I've been immersed in Christian culture for most of my life often whether I liked it or not. I belived because I wanted t obelive I was desperate to belive in somethign anything and it all seemed logical at one time. I used to marvel at the transforming grace in the lives of people in my church I could see the fruit of the spirit in them....I'm happy for them.
I never saw that in myself God has ignored and or outright spat on me my entire life and now I am supposed to trust and submit to him and TRUST that he is going ot fix me? Forgive me but BULLsh**!
I don't have it in me to trust God anymore let alone submit to him....if i stil lbelive did I ever? I felt like i did.
When I am able to pull my head out of gaming I can remember that thorugh al lmy trails and Failures I remain a man of intelligence creativity integrity dedication articulate sensative easy going and even a little charismatic.
I have glimpesed the man i could have been am and will be. The sleeper will awaken!
Start with meetings, people who love you, fellowships - online and face-to-face, and even professional therapists to help you heal. Recovery is taking one step at a time. Find whatever accountability mechanism works for you!
(X) Spending my time (which I have so little of and I treasure so much) on playing video games. All that games do is make you do work: go there, get this, kill this, come back, level up to this level, etc. I find it insane when I think about the fact that when I play all I do is work, but this work has absolute no impact on my career, relationships, and personal development--the areas of my life that are important to me. It's simply a waste of time. It puts me in the mindset of a consumer, oversaturates my brain with dopamine, and makes me feel horrible about not having control.
(X) Playing past physical and mental exhaustion. In the past I’ve played over 20 hours NONSTOP. That is: sitting in one place, one position, only taking breaks to go to the bathroom when I’m on the verge of peeing my pants. Not eating. Actually literally starving myself—having feelings of intense hunger but not having the ability to stand up and get food.
2. What does FEAR stand for me personally?
(X) It used to be "Face Everything and Run," but I am working on changing it to "Face Everything and Recover." In times of craving and stress I've been trying to stay present instead of finding instant release from drugs or games like I used to.
3. Site examples when you were unable to control your addiction and thoughts.
(X) As an addict my life has been plagued with the inability to have control. I would make elaborate plans for how and when to quit, invent contracts and sign them (even ask friends to be witnesses), sell my video card only to buy a new one days later... Not feeling in control did awful things to my mood and my confidence to influence outcomes in other areas of my life.
4. When did you realize that you needed external help?
(X) When after 5 years of quitting and relapsing I realized that I was exactly in the same place as when I started.
5. What is higher power to you?
(X) Community: people who have experienced what I have. People who have made it. People who still struggle. It is through relationships with others that I am hoping to overcome this addiction.
When I am on video games I am a completely different person I don't listen to my parents at all when I'm on I have turned down activities in the past to game. I believe fear stands for face everything and recover simply because that's what I want and that's what I'm trying to do. I haven't really put any effort In yet to try to battle this disorder . I'm basically worried that I won't be able to play fortnite enough. And just tonight actually I realized I needed a greater power to overcome this since I can't do it alone.and I've got nothing else related to this.amd I completed a b and c down below as well!
Working steps 1, 2 & 3 is good for you, but continuing on without a mentor to show you the way is nearly impossible and, you may find, insane. This mentor is called a sponsor and can be anyone, but having a sponsor the same gender as yourself is good mainly because in Step 4, you go over "sexual misconduct" and revealing all that could be embarrassing to someone of the opposite sex.
Congratulations on making a thorough journey into Step 2! Your Faith comes in true and souns and I think youre on a good path, minus the sponsor part.
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone
1. What kind of insane behavior or thinking can you identify in your own life that resulted from your online game addiction? Hiding in the games in order to escape thinking about how much of my life I have wasted playing games.
2. Look at your FEAR. What does it stand for, for you? The fear of being out in public and being outside in general. The fear of what others would think of me when they saw me. The fear of running into some one I know and worring about how they veiwed me and what I have become. The fear of talking to others for the above reasons. The fear of completly losing myself inside the games and never being able to change.
3. Site examples where you, yourself, were unable to overcome the unsound behavior and thoughts and your fear. I left school. (I have a G.E.D. now though.) I couldn't finish college when I tried. Couldn't really go outside with out becoming nervos. Had a hard time talking to people; because I never new what to say and was wondering what they were thinking.
4. At what point and how did you come to believe that you needed a power greater than yourself to be restored to sanity? I have believed in God most of my life and that He alone could help me. My problem was that I did not know the correct path to sanity and struggled with obeying Him, like I should. I believe I have found the right path to sanity as of July 9 2011, when I found this site. With God's help and the support from this site, I know I can be game free with a lot of work.
5. Any other related experiences to this topic? Not that I can think of at this time.
Excellent Blue! I think I may write this out myself. :)
Questions and suggestions for discussion
1. What kind of insane behavior or thinking can you identify in your own life that resulted from your online game addiction?
Playing night after night after night. Marathon weekends. PLUS working full-time. But, no exercise, not eating well, either take-out food or delivery food. Back and neck pains (medications and physical therapy, and massage). Angry miserable husband. Little contact with family and friends. Gave up all my known activities of happiness: kayaking, walking, tai chi, yoga, reading...etc.
2. Look at your FEAR. What does it stand for, for you? Face Everything and Run Or Face Everything and Recover.
I didn't think I was running away. Just felt I was having fun!
3. Site examples where you, yourself, were unable to overcome the unsound behavior and thoughts and your fear.
Never could give up gaming, even when wanted to. Couldn't moderate or be casual. Always talked myself into one more hour, one more achievement, one more activity.
4. At what point and how did you come to believe that you needed a power greater than yourself to be restored to sanity?
When I found OLGA, decided to quit the games, uninstall everything, disabled and discontinue accounts, and then the withdrawals hit me like a ton of bricks.
5. Any other related experiences to this topic?
Learning I was addicted to gaming was a huge surprise to me, at first. Now that I know a bit more about gaming, it's no surprise at all. The game I played (and others like it) were set up to keep the gamer there, it was never ending, never fully accomplishing anything, all accomplishments just led to ten more. Totally frustrating to a "complete it" addict like myself.
I was like a zombie. I couldn't stop playing. I lost control.
One day I prayed in my mind even as I played. I asked for help. The next day my internet connection got very slow. I could go online but the game would not load. The withdraws wore horrible. I prayed and asked God to give me the game back. It was like this for one week. Now it's two weeks later. The game is loading fine but I decided to quit.
That is awesome mary... your prayers answered... or at least the first one... i'm glad that you have decided to quit anyway. it really isn't worth going back to that game ... and then to face quitting again too
Wonderful Mary!!! That is awesome! :)
Thanks chopsticks and patria.
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Part 1: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves...
This step is the real clincher. The tough one. The one that challenges us as individuals to keep an open mind.
When I first learned of this step, I had just joined AA and was physically, mentally and spiritually sicker than I have ever been in my life. I didn't think I'd live long, let alone have to deal with steps.
But I knew I needed something because I was dying, and I couldn't afford another rehab.
So, the woman who picked me up at home to take me to first meeting, became my sponsor. I followed her to all her meetings. She explained the 2d step to me in this manner.
She also had problems with the 2d step. The God of her childhood was not what she wanted. She was told to find one of her own: nature, Great Spirit, Jesus, God, the Universe, Good Orderly Direction, AA, OLGA, etc. but to make sure to find a power greater than herself that worked for her. I could do that too.
When I picked up my first game, I had 18 years sobriety in AA. But within a year I was a full blown excessive gamer. Slowly the AA meetings stopped; when my sponsor died I didn't get another one; plus I had just gone through a horrendous ordeal of ill health, and didn't have the energy to deal with working fulltime and going to meetings. So gamed instead.
Gaming was slick and easy. I couldn't believe how fun it was for a long time. I worked fulltime, came home and did chores, then gamed. Gamed 6 or 7 hours a night, marathon weekends. AA? what's that.
And of course a Higher Power went out the window too. Angry? game. Sad? game. ****ed off? game. No exercise? game.
Well, but by then, even when I wanted to I couldn't moderate or stop gaming, even when I didn't like gaming much anymore. I kept tryng new games thinking that a new game would bring me back to those first few days of absolute bliss! but new games did not, they were betting looking and had more graphics but it was the same old grind.
So here comes OLGA. Steps again (they worked for me the first time in AA). And there is that 2d step again.
Dear HP, I'm truly sorry I got away from you. Please accept me back. I'm really sick and tired of being unhappy and miserable.
I don't define my HP on the website; I do that with those I sponsor or who sponsor me. Let's just say that my HP works great for me. I accept what others need for themselves. I try to be open minded about everyone's choice. My husband is an atheist, and we do well together because there are many things we have in common. For me God is love, and all that is loving is God.
That's about as far as I want to explain it.
The 2d step just tells us that we need a HP (that works for us) but it doesn't have to happen over night (sometimes it does), it's "came to believe"....
I'm truly ok with this step. It's been very good to me.
I think I start to understand this step. I need to be , not to become. I dont need to want . but follow Gods will. Our body and Spirit and two tarvelers bound together and need to respect each others wishes. The balanci is life, what Jesus tried to teach us, yet everyone needs to learn to understand. In this world where we have been thought to take what we want, and we can do how we please..and be entertained at will, we need to get to ourselves back and live the more simple life. Yes we can take some, as we are not saints. But we need to lrean to take what we need.
I stopped being afraid , and yet I have hope, and restored my sanity. Yet the presure of the world recessions..the War pending between Israel and Iran, may start the new World War..Scares me..but at least I have my sanity at my own self restored.
pre- diagnosed with Autism.
Very well said. We are learning to change from being self-centered people, to be God-centered people.
1: The behavior I could consider insane is the moment I see a chance to game, I game. The fact that I rationalize that I need to game. Like a hunger that I can't feed.
2: The fear is that I will brush the addiction off as a phase, or a flavor of the month. I know my wife thinks it silly that I need help when it comes to my gaming addiction, but she doesn't realize the lies I've said, or actions I've made are because of my addiction. I hope to Face Everything and Recover.
3: Just last night my wife insulted my behavior, after I told her that I finally have picked my start date of being game-free and attending a meeting, she told me "spending 1 hour in a chat room! Why not play a game for 1 hour!". It made me very upset, and I know the reason why she thinks it's a waste is she isn't in my shoes. She thinks it's "silly", but it's an addiction, and I'm done telling lies. In the argument I held back most of things I know I should have confessed up to. But when I started to pour my heart out, she realized how bad it has gotten. I hope she will support me, but what will happen the next time someone thinks that I can play a game with them.. and I tell them no.. I don't want someone to laugh at me.
4: I've known for a while I need a higher power to help me restore my sanity. The best way I can describe it is we are all cups of water pouring our life out into our family, jobs, emotions, relationships.. but what fills up our cup? Sure you could have a spouse or a friend, but God's cup is overflowing, never-ending, never judging. Using a higher power to help fill up my cup is a way to always have an endless supply.
\
Tell her it's just as silly as getting chemo for cancer, dialysis for kidney failure, insulin for Diabetes.
This is one illness (addiction) that does well with ceasing the activity and spending time with sober friends.
deleted
"A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears." ~Michel de Montaigne
Someone tell me why I shouldn't appoint Morgan Freeman as my Higher Power.
Especially if you've seen Bruce Almighty and/or Bucket List lately.
Twelve miles into the forest, 12 miles out.
Left my poisonous game July 4, 2012. Left online communities June 4, 2013.
Actually, it would be better to appoint whomever wrote the screenplays, no?
yup
"If you can face it, you can probably bear it. If you can bear it, you can change it. But if you lie about it, that's the end." --James Baldwin, whom I consider to be one of the most brilliant and insightful authors of the 20th Century.
No kidding. I hate that. But for me, I think they were laughing already. One of the pieces of my recovery is to learn to just ignore people's laughter. It's about them, not me. It says something about them, that they can laugh at someone else's pain. I need to take it as information about them, and trust them less in the future.
Have I said yet that this is a lesson I still need to learn? This is a lesson I still need to learn.
I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.
I like Morgan Freeman and coincidentally heard him talking about how he's his own God? I think that's what he said. That was my take away anyway. What little I know him, he seems incredibly humble for that position.
Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!
My names Becca and I'm a gaming addict...
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
To me this step means, that I acknowledge that I cannot do this alone. While in treatment I explored the concept of higher power and saw the strength it gave to others who had faith. Through reading "The Knight in Rusty Armour" I realised something. Higher Power is not about religion, it is about something, some sort of fate, guiding us down the path to become our true selves. I belive that my true self lies in my heart, so that is also where my connection is with my higher power. In this respect, higher power is in everyones heart, its in every animal, every tree, plant, its in the sun. Higher Power is whereever I chose to look for it. I am not a religious person, I am a spiritual person. Yet as a spiritual person, I see the good in religion.
My higher power is not almighty, it can't make me a millionaire in five minutes, but it is immune from my addict thinking. I know that my Higher Power is leading me a trail of breadcrumbs and everything that happens will turn me down the paths my higher power choses for me, even if that path may be relapse, I know it will be of my higher powers design, maybe to highlight something I missed, or forgot.
I guess that by overcoming my addicts will I will be restored to sanity, the problem is, I cannot differentiate between the two wills. I can only hope that through abstanance and meetings and steps that my higher power will keep me on the right path. I know my higher power isn't perfect, but its mine and it loves and accepts me.
to me insanity is about losing your humanity, its about turning your friendships toxic, its about isolating yourself because your feeling lonely, its about staying inside on a hot day, staring at a screen in a dark room. Insanity is not living the life we've been given.
I believe that, one day at a time, my higher power will restore me to sanity, that is what recovery is all about.
FEAR,
Frankly, Everyones, Addicted, Really.
Thats what my addict would say, and its what it used to say when It rationalised gaming. "I'm not out spening money or committing crime, I'm not drinking, smoking or doing drugs, so whats the problem?
My fear is that I will work hard on recovery, and through doing that, isolate myself from my old life. there is a fear that I will somehow lose my identity, when on the contrary, it will only become stronger.
An example of me not being able to control my addiction...
begging my best friend to take my games away, and then hating him for it, every day loathing him more and more, until our friendship lay in tatters, and he gave up and relinquished them. 24 hours later, I did a 26 hour spree-session. there was absolutly no control.
I knew I couldn't control the fear when I was using gaming to escape the fear, the fear of living. I was calling helplines every night, scared of what I might do to myself if I deterirated anymore.
This was the point I realised I needed a power greater than myself, I knew I couldn't do it anymore and I needed something or someone to help me. I shock every single avenue possible, I must have been praying because one night I sent an email to a gaming addict website and the following my prayres were answered, and I started an action plan which got me into treatment. My higher power saved my life. - whatever is left is a bonus.
I believe that my higher power can help, because it is outside my head. I can start a day thinking gaming is inevitable, but by some miricle the sun will set and all I can attribute my survival to is my higher powers guidance, somehow it goes alright in the end.
My reservations, I'm human, and humans make mistakes, I know my addict is strong willed and I've come very close to gaming. I don't know how my higher power would stop me if I made a decision to pick up. I guess I just have to stop for myself, so I don't give HP a chance to try and stop me. :p
My higher power is:
My true self, Wize, Imperfect, Non-verbal, a leader, a parent, a child, loving, perminant, here.
My names Becca and I'm a gaming addict, this was my step 2.
Thank you for sharing that Becca.
Free from gaming since 12/23/2013
Free from marijuana since 12/30/2013
Loving life and living it!
This step has been a difficult one for me, as I have never been very self-aware. I am coming to realize, as I think more and more about it, I need a higher power, but not a religion.
i spent some time thinking about what was insane about how my life choices where extremly insane and what they where.
here are a few of the choices that i made that i reolized where insane:
1. when i was younger and did not have a job or any money i would steal my parents credit card information and buy something in game or pay for membership or w.e was needed for getting a leg up in the game.
2. after i got older i started to spend all my money from paychecks on games or computer stuff that i could use to play more and spend more time online with people. i would spend whole paychecks buying stuff for game related stuff even though in my mind i had already thought that i needed to save money to get my life started.
3. i spend so much time in games i started to get used to being on game more then going to work and school that i warted skipping school and calling in sick from work to play more and skip school to play more.
4. i droped out of high school! the only thing that i managed to do when i did that was during the summer i went to get my GED and that is what saved me a bit and kept me going in a semi right directions and not completely ruin my life.
step 1 helped me a lot and allowed me to reolize what ive been missing for the thousands of hours that i played games. cool tv shows, new movies, new developments in my family, world news.
im so glad im able to get my life away from computers. i hope i can get myself and my life with my wife back on track as soon as possible. thank you whoever made this website its a godsend
i think my higher power will be all the other things i want in life.....my desires......and the support of other people like me.......i need this to push me
I get insanity. I was insane enough to sit and stare at a computer screen for hours. I procrastinate my work, for few months.
I can't relate to an higher power though. I don't believe in a god. I do admit that I pray for god in desperate needs and that I thank god for small miracles. I can't imagine a god or great power being about to help me. I have to do this myself.
I think is maybe a form of insanity from game also. When I game in MMORPG, I am the guy that does things himself and help others. I rarely ask other for help.
I know I can't do this alone though. I don't want to skip a step.
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
This step took me quite a long time to think about it and I still think that it's possible I may not have got it right. I didn't have any guidance with this step so this is just from what I have read and understood so far from some resources that I found.
Sometimes I feel that it must have been me and only me who decided to admit my powerlessness and loss of control over my game addiction. But after some thinking and educating myself I don't think it's totally true. I feel that there was something else, some other inner strength that I cannot explain which drove me toward the better path and that was desire to quit, to end it all. I never heard of the term "higher power" till I came to olga.
My greatest fear would be if I relapsed again and got back to insane gaming world where I had no control over it. I fear that I don't have HP to guide me and help me making the right and healthy decisions. I fear that I have already done enough damage to my life and that I may do it again. I fear that I may pick up a different addiction to replace the game addiction. I fear that my mind decides to act crazy and stupid and push everyone away from me. I fear that I have so many fears!
Now, how about gratitude? I have to remind myself to be grateful to the fact that HP was the one that got me out of my ongoing insanity and told me to quit gaming. I have to thank olga fellowship and few particular people that helped me with understanding of what insanity is and does to you through their personal shares and words of wisdom. I have received a lot of useful information in here to be able to acknowledge and accept my game addiction problem. It's true that even I may think I don't need help, on the opposite, I really do need it. If not for what I learned here I wouldn't be where I am right now and who knows, maybe I would be still gaming and wasting my life away. So I want to thank this community for offering so much hope, strength, motivation and encouragement for anyone who is struggling in search for their answers and guidance.
I believe that HP can restore me to sanity. Why? Because if I act on my own I am quickly taken to a darker side filled with self-doubt, low self esteem, powerlessness, helplessness, selfishness, jealousy, anger, hate, self-pity, hopelessness, etc. So basically everything that would make me unmotivated to do anything that is healthy for my mind, for my body, for my family. I rely on HP whether it can be olga fellowship, or a recovery friend, or something else. I cannot do it alone.
Since I've quit gaming in may 11th, it has been such an emotional ride starting with horrible withdrawal symptoms, but in the end finding support in here. It's not the end I hope. It has been good and bad, bumpy at times but I try not to fall off the recovery path. My progress may seem slow but hopefully it's a quality progress.
Oksana
"We can suppress anger and aggression or act it out, either way making things worse for ourselves and others. Or we can practice patience: wait, experience the anger and investigate its nature" (Pema Chodron)
Thank you for that great share Oksana, I'm glad you are putting one foot in front of the other on the path of recovery, one day at a time.
I think I'm going to ahve a hard time wit hthis step.
I have finally accepted the fact that I am a computer game addict admitted to myself at last that I am pwoerless to do anything aobut my gaming. I've looked at how gaming is destroying my life. I say destroying because I can see how it could still get worse. I have been gaming for more than twenty years and it shows.
I've attempted to quit the insanity twice now. The first time I cried out to God begged him to help me read the Bible went to church etc. B y the ninth day I finally jsut collapesed and gave in and the addiction got so muc hworse and so much harder to think of turning away from. After that failure I didn't jsut rebel against god but started cutting my ties to my church. I felt utterly alone in my life God had abandoned me and the people in my church group wore to obusy to ive a ****. Oh the guys prayed with me one morning and promised to keep in touch to support me etc. I shoudln't have bee nsurprised they were too busy to care with work and wives and children and whatever.
My second attempt was only slightly more sucessful, I tried to quit using sheer willpower and determination. I focussed on keeping busy with other things trying to rebuild a social life and doing all the things I have neglected for so long like getting back on my medications. When this attempt failed I was laid low I sotpped resisting and jsut went back to the games.
I have been tought all my life to be independant so I have bec ome fircely independant submit to a higher power?
I have been around Christians a large parto f my life I know how to talk like one etc but I don't know what I really belive. For all my loe of fantasy and science fiction I don't generally blieve in anything that I cna't tangibly quantify. They say God is stil ldspeaking I don't see it. The only prayers I thinkI can honestly say I could see might have been answered wre prayers for my godo friend that she would have the willpower to quit smoking and get back to church etc.
Meanwhile everything isspiralling out of control. Division of blind services and Voc rehab are probabl ygetting fed up with my lack of work on the job front. I have few freinds and certainly non near my own age to hango ut with etc. I haven't been in a relationship in almost twenty years and recently discovered that that was critically important to me. Meanwhile i no longer do the things I once enjoyed even thigns I did last year have ceased. Trying to wquit has only mad the problem worse it seems, yet quit I msut.
Hello Ultima VII Dragon age Minecraft Sapce Engineers civilization sims, ogre battle, xcom, elder scrolls fallout star trek online lord of the rings online could I get a refund onthe last twenty years please? LOL
Jay, 20 years of addiction is going to take 20 years of reprogramming. The garbage I put in my mind is still there.
I was an atheist most of my life, but I did turn to God and applied one verse of the Bible to my life at a time. It took 10 years of renewal of my mind. God walked with me and made my recovery easier. Recovery is rarely instantaneous. Some share it is, but for me it was a long, tortuous process that seemed manageable when God guided me.
Stick with the steps and attend meetings online and face-to-face locally!
Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD
My Gaming Addiction Videos on YouTube: YouTube.com/@DrAndrewDoan
*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy, DHA or Department of Defense.
None of htis makes sens and reading the steps is just making me angry. I'm supposed to admit that only God can fix me? I can't accept that any more than I can accept the dogma that we are all horrific sinners who can do no good on our own! I've been immersed in Christian culture for most of my life often whether I liked it or not. I belived because I wanted t obelive I was desperate to belive in somethign anything and it all seemed logical at one time. I used to marvel at the transforming grace in the lives of people in my church I could see the fruit of the spirit in them....I'm happy for them.
I never saw that in myself God has ignored and or outright spat on me my entire life and now I am supposed to trust and submit to him and TRUST that he is going ot fix me? Forgive me but BULLsh**!
I don't have it in me to trust God anymore let alone submit to him....if i stil lbelive did I ever? I felt like i did.
When I am able to pull my head out of gaming I can remember that thorugh al lmy trails and Failures I remain a man of intelligence creativity integrity dedication articulate sensative easy going and even a little charismatic.
I have glimpesed the man i could have been am and will be. The sleeper will awaken!
Start with meetings, people who love you, fellowships - online and face-to-face, and even professional therapists to help you heal. Recovery is taking one step at a time. Find whatever accountability mechanism works for you!
Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD
My Gaming Addiction Videos on YouTube: YouTube.com/@DrAndrewDoan
*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy, DHA or Department of Defense.
1. Insane behaviors resulting from my addiction:
(X) Spending my time (which I have so little of and I treasure so much) on playing video games. All that games do is make you do work: go there, get this, kill this, come back, level up to this level, etc. I find it insane when I think about the fact that when I play all I do is work, but this work has absolute no impact on my career, relationships, and personal development--the areas of my life that are important to me. It's simply a waste of time. It puts me in the mindset of a consumer, oversaturates my brain with dopamine, and makes me feel horrible about not having control.
(X) Playing past physical and mental exhaustion. In the past I’ve played over 20 hours NONSTOP. That is: sitting in one place, one position, only taking breaks to go to the bathroom when I’m on the verge of peeing my pants. Not eating. Actually literally starving myself—having feelings of intense hunger but not having the ability to stand up and get food.
2. What does FEAR stand for me personally?
(X) It used to be "Face Everything and Run," but I am working on changing it to "Face Everything and Recover." In times of craving and stress I've been trying to stay present instead of finding instant release from drugs or games like I used to.
3. Site examples when you were unable to control your addiction and thoughts.
(X) As an addict my life has been plagued with the inability to have control. I would make elaborate plans for how and when to quit, invent contracts and sign them (even ask friends to be witnesses), sell my video card only to buy a new one days later... Not feeling in control did awful things to my mood and my confidence to influence outcomes in other areas of my life.
4. When did you realize that you needed external help?
(X) When after 5 years of quitting and relapsing I realized that I was exactly in the same place as when I started.
5. What is higher power to you?
(X) Community: people who have experienced what I have. People who have made it. People who still struggle. It is through relationships with others that I am hoping to overcome this addiction.
hi
For me it's not so much an aversion but rather that it is difficult adopt something I don't believe in.
Disclaimer: I'm an addict.
When I am on video games I am a completely different person I don't listen to my parents at all when I'm on I have turned down activities in the past to game. I believe fear stands for face everything and recover simply because that's what I want and that's what I'm trying to do. I haven't really put any effort In yet to try to battle this disorder . I'm basically worried that I won't be able to play fortnite enough. And just tonight actually I realized I needed a greater power to overcome this since I can't do it alone.and I've got nothing else related to this.amd I completed a b and c down below as well!