Mostly want to vent a bit because I doubt I will ever quit gaming so here we go.
I've been playing since being a young boy 30years ago at age 6. Now being 36 it is part of me and it is memories that are pointless,
I remember bits and pieces of games, I don't remember all of them. I remember games I played with friends I used to have. I remember playing MMORPG's with friendships I used to have but no longer have. With re-release of World of Warcraft classic I look at the game and feeling Nostalgia for playing it intensely for 5years and then quitting it. I want to play it again and I do not want to play it again. I feel sad.
I am now recently married with a baby on the way and a good job. It is all mostly for quitting MMORPG's but I still game alot in single player and I play games but get bored and I want to play something but there is nothing to play and I get sad.
I feel sad that I cannot recreate those experiences I had growing up with games and having lots of free time to play. Now games are kind of disappointing because I cannot recreate such experiences.
I have also been diagnosed with POTS recently and I think it may have something to do with playing video games all my life and not having exercise...or maybe I play games because I have POTS?
I am not sure but I almost feel like all I want to do is play something in life but I also do not want to play anything.
What can I do? Em I stuck? is it just addiction feelings that will go away if I quit permnenately? I never made many friends and social activities make me fatigued, I am not sure how I can function outside of being in a game, its seems like such a tough effort to just speak or do anything.
" land is ahead but i have to focus on pedalling and not thinking about snu-snu"
Hi Kaban
Welcome back ! great news about a good job and family on the way
What you say about wanting to feel how it was when you used to have fun with it, echoes what I have heard regarding other people wanting to go back to their fun days with drugs or alcohol, but they knew that it could not work for them any longer.
Could it be that it can never be the same again for you too and it's time to move further towards something new that will give you great memories in the years to come ? memories and a legacy you can build on that will endure and feed you in a healthy way ?
You are still young and can make a new, more hopeful life for yourself and your family, and give them great memories of places and get-togethers rather than memories of a pixel character and virtual friends who don't care about you outside the game.
Your baby is going to need lots of your attention including eye contact and mirroring, to develop emotionally in a healthy way. If you are using screens for significant periods of time it will be a barrier to their development and self esteem; many children feel they are not important enough to get attention from their parents because of games and cell phones. Parent actions speak louder than words; It's a sad situation in today's world. We get stories of gamers neglecting family on the spouses forum.
It's a good time to take stock about what happened to you in your childhood so that you don't repeat the pattern with your kids, which is more than likely unless you can become self aware about it. Therapy may help.
When you were growing up people did not understand the damage that occurs with too much screen time; now we are becoming more aware. Of course smart people like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs etc did not let their kids use tablets or phones when they were young because they were savy to the negative effects. i am sorry that you were not protected from the effects and that gaming is such a large part of your identity. But identity is not a fixed thing and you can decide to protect your own children.
It is natural that you feel connected to your past; your natural attachment processess were bonded to video games, which to me makes me feel sad as they were designed to bond you to real people. I am thinking of that monkey in that famous attchment experiment that clings to an artificial wire "mother" covered in fake fur.
I would encourage you to start to reach out to others step by step; look at projects in your local community, church, toastmasters, make a point of talking to people when you pay for gas, food etc , volunteering, one step at a time. Go slowly but surely.
All the best to you and your new family
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