Help! Husband is an addict

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Misslonelywife
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Help! Husband is an addict

Help! 
 

I don't know anyone else who would understand my situation better than you all. All my girl friends who are married have husbands who are not gamers. 
 

my husband is a gamer. He wasn't this bad before we had kids but after we had our first son, it's like his passion for gaming got reignited and he started getting really into it. Didn't get any better after our second child. He used to work full time and would spend every single night on his phone on his game. Until the early hours of the morning, then he would wake up late on weekends instead of helping with the kids. He also never contributes to the household chores (we both work full time) but would rather spend his time indulging in his game. 
now that he is unemployed (he quit his job 2 months ago so we could move closer to family) it looks like it has gotten worse. He even bought himself a desktop so he could play on a bigger screen. 
he hardly spends any time with the kids. When I need his help with anything kid or household related he would either push it to later to do it or he would do it quickly then go back to his game. 
It's what he spends most of his time on, and he's not even trying to look for a job. 
 

He knows how much I dislike him being so addicted to his game but he tells me that it helps him escape from reality, he enjoys the fantasy world and his mind just goes numb and he enjoys that. I don't know anyone else that is so addicted to games. He used to work at a game arcade when he was a teenager (dropped out of school) and I think that's what sparked his interest in games. 

every weekend is a dread because although the kids are home with us, he is in his computer room on his game pretty much the whole day. He is also very short tempered with our eldest son who is only 4 years old.
 

Are there any other wives out there with gamer husbands who also have kids? How do you manage/handle his addiction? 

And gamers out there maybe you could help me better understand what is going on. I am hardly a gamer so I don't know why or how one could be so addicted to games.. 

 If we didn't have kids I probably would not hesitate to leave him just based on how distant he is becoming towards me and the kids but now I just don't know what to do. 
 

 

 

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome to the forums !

Welcome to the forums !

Sorry to hear about how lonely you are due to your husbands addiction.

You will see many stories similar to your own on the two forums specifically for spouses and significant others of gamers.

It is unlikely that your husband will improve unless he feels some pretty bad consequences of his actions. WHile he is comfortable that will not happen.

Whether you stay or leave him is something to be considered and your choice completely.  What kind of a role model is your husband to your kids? Will they grow up to believe that his ignoring you all is acceptable ? How will that affect their self-esteem ? If you definately knew that in 5 years time things were the same or even worse would you still stay ? There is a thread about "do I stay or leave the gamer" which may help you make the right choice. You can find it if you click on the link in my signature below for spouses and SO's.  It may help you to go through all the information and then make your own plan how to tackle it.

You cannot control his addiction but you have choices about what you do about it to ensure your life does not have to suffer. Look after yourself because you are worth it.

 

INFO

Help for gamers here

Help for parents of gamers here

Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

wintermazz
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Joined: 02/26/2021 - 9:38am
I feel you!

Hey there, reading this was like reading about my own life. Classic gamer addicted spouse who had the addiction before you met him, like mine, and then when you got together, it got worse. Yep. Well my dear you're not alone. I ended up leaving the gamer husband, became the bad guy, and went through hell trying to do the right thing. Even after forcing him to face the consequences of his actions, the only thing that has gone away is his tendency towards violence. He is years and years older now and knows better now.

So here is what is going on in his brain when your husband plays. He is getting a steadily increasing hit of dopamine to his frontal lobe, which is the reward chemical you feel after accomplishing a task you are interested in. In large amounts, it activates the amygdala, the part of your frontal lobe that processes anger. This is why gamers are short-tempered and aggressive, and also why soldiers are aggressive, and why wrestlers are aggressive. Large hits of dopamine. The same thing happening to your husband is what happens when you take Adderall or any other stimulants, which stimulate your nervous system and gets your body quickly moving internally, sending dopamine to the frontal lobe. This is reward experience is highly addictive and it's why people will become high achievers and entrepreneurs. They experience reward by the hard work they accomplish in the world, while gamers experience reward on the same level, but on their butts on a video game. Nothing tangible ever comes from their high reward experience. Hopefully, that sheds light on why he behaves the way he does. It's a chemical addiction, like any other.

Some gamers change after a hit of reality, sadly mine didn't. Even after going through losing us, he still gamed to make that go away. Its the highest show of selfishness. You can leave and see what happens. He deserves a hit of reality for his own good, whether or not he changes - is the risk you take.

vanessa Mazzoccoli

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