Husband cheating online

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KKC33
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Husband cheating online

Hi all, I’m so new to this but here goes. My husband who was not a gamer the first nine years of our marriage got into Vikings war of clans two years ago. He spends money on this game, sometimes it’s a little, sometimes it’s quite a bit. Well this last week it was more than ever. Sooo, I snooped on his phone last week as he slept (wrong I know but I was at my wits end and did). He has an online girlfriend on another continent that he chats with. They send kissy face emojis and sag I love you, we were meant to be together, just devastating stuff, though no sex talk. I screenshot this and texted it to myself because I knew he’d just delete the game and chat I figured I only asked. I understand that I have been cheated on, this is very real to me. He claims it’s not real and he’s so sorry and that nature of stuff. The girl chats “I love you” “I wish I could help you at work” “are we still gonna marry”. WHAT??? Then she asks if he’s gonna send whatever he promised in the game, I guess stuff they use on the game that my husband is paying for. I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for by posting this, maybe I feel it helps the hurt. Anyone been here, on either side? 

Polga
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Hi

Hi KK and welcome

Online cheating is a problem that we hear about on the forums.

This thread may help you

http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-spousessignificant-others-olg-anon-members-only/members-experiences-and-attitudes

INFO

Help for gamers here

Help for parents of gamers here

Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

ElRezzo
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Hey KKC33,

Hey KKC33,

I can't say my wife is 100% cheating, but I do have a strong suspicion that she's been having an emotional affair for several months. My wife regularly chats with one guy, Chris, on Discord and WoW pretty regularly and my wife says he's just a friend. Now it's possible he's simply a friend, but I'll never know for sure. My wife is pretty sneaky and signs out of Discord so I can't try snooping around so who knows what she's doing in private.

What I've tried doing is talking with my wife to see if she wants to be together, but it's been rocky for sure. For about 2-3 weeks she would mention that she's not in love with me anymore and is not sure if she wants to be with me. Now she's saying she loves me and wants to have a baby, but I think she's got baby fever since her sister just had a baby. 

We are talking and things have been "better", but I'm trying to focus on myself a bit right now. I've started working out more and I want to focus on becoming the best version of me for me alone. 

KKC33
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El Rezzo

I feel ya, my husbands is totally on the phone and getting that phone was the trick. I suspected it would be there, it was. I know it’s nothing physical or real, it’s a fantasy. But It’s crap not being on the other end of that fantasy. I know they won’t ever meet, I know it’s not physically a real thing, but it shouldn’t even be a thing. I understand the bit about you saying she loves you one minute and doesn’t want to be together the next. My husband doesn’t SAY he doesn’t love me but I definitely don’t feel it. Then to read about his “love” for another is horrible. We too are talking it out, or I am. He’s acting better, he deleted the game and discord ( I wouldn’t be surprised if it was already back on his phone) says he’s doing better, being nicer. We’ve gone through all this before though just without the woman involved. I’m not a gamer, I don’t understand it, quite frankly I hate it. He will be good a few weeks, think he has me fooled, then there will be an iTunes charge for $100 or more. It’s a cycle that’s got to be broken for it to be really for real in my eyes. I wish you luck but definitely keep working on you too.

chookb
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Husband addicted to game

My husband has never been a gamer but downloaded last shelter and is now addicted to it.
He started playing it while i was 7 months pregnant i have just had our son 6 weekw ago and he is still addicted he will let the baby cry because he is so addicted to it.
Seeing your post makes me wonder if it is the same thing he chats on there and he said it is just about the game but he is always smiling looking at his phone.
He has spent thousands i didnt know at first
It has completely pushed us apart because he cant see anything wrong now he calls me fat and gets angry because he just wants to play his game

KKC33
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Chookb

Ugh I hate to hear that. I could not have done this with a newborn. Also I don’t know you or your husband or the situation but what you said made me cringe because it sounds all too familiar. My son can be standing right in front of my husband wanting him for something and it’s like he doesn’t even see him there. He can sit right across the room from me doing this chatting crap and tell me he’s just playing the game but I can tell when it’s the game screen or the chat screen by the reflection from his glasses. He guarded that phone like he had something to hide and he did indeed. I’ve seen him get up in the night to go to the bathroom, unplug the phone from the charger to take it with him, and come right back. He didn’t have time to play or chat he was just that worried about me getting I suppose and that’s not really a thing that’s been an issue before. I knew I had to get it though because my gut told me something was wrong. Your situation is not mine and I don’t advise doing the same as me but what you’re feeling is something I would try to find a way to address. As far as the money thing (believe me I know that all too well) it hasn’t ever just suddenly stopped happening in my situation. It has stopped since I found his chats and gave him the ultimatum that it’s stop now or get out. This isn’t the way I want it to be though. I want him to do right in all aspects without threats, but he never just came to his senses on his own. I’m sorry to ramble but your story sounded all to familiar to me so I guess it just sparked that. Good luck to you, I hope you can work it out, but please don’t take any crap!

chookb
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I know, i dont know what it

I know, i dont know what it is but we also have a 5 year old and he will get angry if she interupts him because she repeats herself to get his attention, which ends in him getting mad then i defend her then we start fighting.
It has completely changed him as a person sounds silly that a game can cause so many problems but unfortunatly it has. When he is in the chat if i walk past or am near him he quickly swaps back to the game it just is all crazy to me that a 37 year old man is behaving like a sneaky 16 year old. We arent teenagers anymore we are adults married with children but he gets lost in the game and lost out of reality. He will wake up make a coffee go to the veranda and he could sit there half the day plays his game he only stops playing to shower and eat then goes back to the game and plays it till he goes.to bed he even sets alarms for his game. We went on a walk around the property myself and the two kids and our 5 yr old asked him to come and he said no and stayed on the veranda playing his game, i have been with him since i was 17 , 13 yrs later married with kids and i feel like nothing to him. It hurts a game can take so much control over someones life. All he does is get mad when i say something and now he is saying he wants a divorce and told me he is getting excited i can pack my bags and the nightmare will be over soon when the virus goes and i can leave. It hurts so much that the game means more. Hard too because i have no family near me they are all on the otherside of the country. Just came across this site and thought i could vent here dont mean to go on a whinging spree

Polga
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Chookb that is heartbreaking

Chookb that is heartbreaking to hear about your 5 year old child.

It seems like madness for someone to give up their family for a game. I feel so mad just writing that.

This addiction causes the brain to restructure and the personality to change ... lack of empathy etc. If he were to stop gaming he could recover and see what damage ir has caused; but of course he won't do that until he feel bad consequneces.

So sorry for your loss.

INFO

Help for gamers here

Help for parents of gamers here

Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

KKC33
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Hey chookb

I just saw this because I was trying to stay off of here because it would just make me madder and madder when I would read through this stuff. We’ve  been doing stuff together all weekend, no gaming, it’s been great. Last night I called him out though and I tried doing it more nicely than usual due to catching him close it out as he checked his phone in the morning. His excuse was the most incredibly idiotic crap I have ever heard. My husband in his 30’s explained to me that he is trying to sell his account and that’s his reasoning for downloading it back on his phone. He can’t sell it for a month because he switched kingdoms upon me catching him and you can’t sell until at least a month after you switch kingdoms. HUH? I told him to just quit playing OMG that was the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. But he says he has too much money invested to just quit! Woah dude, wait a minute lol I didn’t know whether to laugh at him or kick him out! I told him it wasn’t a used car, it doesn’t matter how much you’ve “invested”. He laughed it off and says he knows but OMG it was in that moment I realized he’s trying to hold on to it. I see that he doesn’t want to lose me and our son to a game so he’s trying not to and he showed me the chat, but I see where this will wind up a few months down the road. He’s holding on to it in any way he can, he loves it. I don’t even know if selling an account is a real thing but he claims it is and showed me who he was talking to about selling it and that WAS their discussion but this is just so so dumb to me and I don’t know what to think about it.

 

Oh and I apologize for my rambling. As far as it goes about yours wanting you to leave when the covid is over. Hmm.. these guys don’t think right in the midst of their games, but I’d be willing to bet if he meant it the virus wouldn’t matter, he’s trying to shut you up so he can play. You know by putting the leaving off. I don’t know him nor do I know if I even would stay, but to me it just sounds like crap to make you feel bad so you’ll stop nagging and let him play. However it was meant I’m very sorry you’re dealing with it and I wish you best of luck with the situation.

chookb
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Thats great you had some

Thats great you had some family time together, it a step in the right direction.
Even though he has it still and is saying he can just quit he has to sell it in some way i guess him showing you the messages is something instead of trying to hide it and say he doesnt have it.
I hope the little steps keep happening for you and he stays off the game.
Most nights i sit in my lounge room by myself as he lays in the bedroom on his phone and he will stay there all night after dinner and play the game until he goes to sleep, it hurts.
Weird cause i put up with nothing from anyone else but somehow do with him.
The thought just makes me tear up and want to cry because he has show time and time again that the game means more.
He meant me leaving when the virus is gone i go leave with the kids because this is his house.
I know some stuff he says to be nasty and doesnt mean but im getting to the point where i dont even know anymore what he does and doesnt mean.
I feel so distant from him and it is breaking my heart probably worse tok with all my hormones having a newborn but it is utterly crap and shocking to me that a game can take over someones life so much.
He wanted another baby so much but then even the day i had our baby half an hour later he was in my room at hospital playing the game.
I dont know what to do at all.
I just wish he could see reality and we meant more to him.
Saying anything makes him immediately angry and we fight, i feel like there is more to it i dont understand why he smiles so much when he is on it.
I just think it is sad all his time is spent with his phone playing a stupid game with a bunch of strangers and that is what he would rather do than spend time with his family.
I hope he can open his eyes and come back to reality because he isndamaging our relationship so mucb i hope not beyond repair.

OCheerUp
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Oh my gosh

I couldn't believe I read he was playing games an hour after you had your baby. That's so sad. 

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