crazy about game and not going school or work

Hi Joesher,

Welcome to Olga! I have created a personal blog to help families who are suffering. Please click below:

http://olganon.org/?q=node/42035

Let me know if you have any questions.

Hugs,

Maggie

Welcome to OLGA, Joesher. I'm sorry to hear that you get to go through this...I know from the inside that gaming addiction is painful, and it can't be pleasant on the outside either. You don't give us an awful lot of information here, so there's only so much that can be said without making lots of assumptions, but here are a couple of things that I have learned about addiction from dealing with my own addiction and spending time here on OLGA.

First of all are the 3 C's of addiction. 1) You didn't cause it...neither did he for that matter, so please don't waste time and energy trying to find out who to blame for it. 2) You can't control it...he can't either, so if you're going to try and find some way to bring his gaming under control, it's not going to work in the end. I am extremely aware of the fact that no amount of willpower on the part of an addict will allow for moderate gaming, and that means that you can't induce him to game moderately any more than he can choose to game moderately. 3) You can't cure it...there is no known cure for addiction, and recovery typically doesn't happen unless the addict decides that he or she wants it more than anything else. This means that the best hope is for something to happen that gets your son to realize that what he most wants in life is recovery (lots of things are involved in recovery that I'm not going to try and unpack here).

Since your son is legally an adult, there's very little you can do to help. If someone had tried to force me to stop, that would have just given me more reasons to game...opposition to my addiction would not have been received very well. What does seem to work is when the people around the addict decide that they will refuse to do anything that will enable the addict to avoid the natural consequences of his actions. You are allowed to set rules in your house and then have consequences for if those rules are not followed. You are not required to let people of legal age live in your house for free. You are not required to have high-speed internet access. You are not required to make meals for your son or do any cleaning of his personal space. Things like this offer you some options for allowing your son to experience natural consequences for his actions rather than artificial ones. Artificial consequences usually drive addicts further into the addiction. Natural consequences CAN do the same, but they also can occasionally provide the moment of clarity that the addict needs to recognize that there is a problem AND that help is required for dealing with it.

I hope you find something helpful here, and that you are able to get the support you need. Hugs...

Hi joesher! In one sentence you wrote, we have four things in common! 1) having a 20 year old son 2) son not going to school 3) son not going to work 4) crazy about the games..

Because of the internet limitations at home now, I can't spent much time at OLGA as I used to. But I will try to write a bit more detailed post to share my experiences with you.There are parent meetings on Thursday 9pm EST. Please join us if you can.

I am sorry that you have to go through this but you are not alone. Hang in there. Hugs!

Welcome joesher!

Be sure to read the post at the top of the I Need Help for Parents Forum that deals with adult children. You are not alone. LearningSerenity has given good advice about not enabling.