How do I do an intervention?

Welcome to OLGA. What a terrible situation! I feel so bad for your friend.

Typically, an intervention is done when an addict's loved ones, often in consultation with a professional, confront the addict with the pain and destruction that his addiction has caused. Usually, this is directly followed by the removal (or at least, very strong offer of removal) to a treatment facility. In the intervention itself, each loved one - spouse, children, parents, close friends, employer - describes what they've seen of the addict's behavior, and tells how this has hurt them and the addict. Done properly, in some cases this can lead to the "wakeup call" or "moment of clarity" that brings some addicts "to the table" so to speak in acknowledging their addiction. Usually, though, as I say, the intervention itself is directly followed by a change of venue to treatment or therapy. And, it should be done with a plan and with professional guidance if that's available.

It's a tough thing to hear it, but if your friend's husband has decided to leave the marriage over WoW, there may not be a lot she can do. This isn't the first time we've heard of this, and usually, if the addict is bound and determined that things must end, the spouse has little or nothing to say or do about it. Sometimes addicts do hit that "bottom," where they are no longer able to sustain life... or at least life on any kind of a decent basis... and they finally see that things need to change. It sounds as if, having lost his job and now leaving his marriage, that your friend's husband may be on his way to such a "bottom" - who is going to support him in his full-time game play? Where will he live? How will he take care of the necessities of life? Many addicts do move in with parents or a gamer friend, but that usually only lasts so long...

Your friend might benefit by coming here, although we don't have "the answers" for her, either - but she will find many others who share her same experiences and feelings. You are a good friend for seeking help on her behalf!

Jane in CT

Are you seeking help because your friend asked you to? This is something that must start with her. She can start making phone calls to find a therapist who is familiar with internet gaming addiction and treatment. It is critical that she find someone who sees this is an addiction. Most addicts have underlying emotional issues, but often getting the addict clear of the addiction is the first step. When the head is clear, the focus on underlying issues can begin.

To access what we have on this site, which is by no means exhaustive, click on the "professionals" tab on the welcome page and input your state. You can also look for a drug and alcohol, or addiction, counselor, but the wife should talk to him/her first to makes sure the counselor "gets it" about gaming addiction. Oftentimes, we've had counselors give addicts advice that, in actuality, is really terrible for them: telling gamers they can game on a "limited" basis, or telling parents the child "needs" the computer to "socialize." So care must be taken in selecting a therapist.

jane

We have two "members only" threads about interventions. Joining Olganon is free btw.

For parents:
"Interventions" for parents of video game addicts and communication skills

For spouses and SO's:

http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-spousessignificant-others-olg-anon-members-only/interventions-and-communication-sos

The parent's thread has the following info:

What is a 'formal' intervention ?

Write a letter, leave a message

Family mini intervention

A resource for confrontation of addicts/enablers

Advice about talking to the addict

Reality check

How to communicate with compassion

Techniques that may help; an online guide

The right approach at the right time

Dont take your anger out on the addict when you are talking

A member holds back the negative comments

Dont talk about the game, talk about the consequences

The Spouse thread has the following info:

Addressing their addiction for the first time

Reality check

A members experience of intervention, and afterwards

Stay safe: defensive, explosive reactions to talking about addiction

What is a 'formal' intervention ?

Preparing to approach the gamer about concerns

Speak your truth

Preparation; logging gaming hours as a 'tool'

A member writes a letter to her husband

What worked for me

"I am NOTHING like that guy."

"An intervention can help"

Last chance intervention

Resource for confrontation of addicts/enablers

Techniques that may help; online guide for partners of addicts

They may talk the talk, but may not walk the walk