Today I deleted my SL account.
My main avi has been online for 6 years. I am so ashamed. I am a 55 year old father who played a girl avi and had so many online relationships, the most recent one lasted 3 years (wedding, home, everything!) Although I knew generally what this person did in her real life, we never discussed any revealing info (she could have been a guy too I was none the wiser), and she had no idea I was married with 5 adult kids. It was really just a fantasy relationship with real emotions.
I had hundreds of friends, many close ones, and I loved updating my female avi. I loved the roleplaying which did involve many sexual exploits but funnily enough i never found any of it arousing, and mostly boring. The most satisfying part was the intimate relationship with my online 3 year partner - the talking, cuddling and dancing.
I have been on SL every day for 6 years. Mostly 3-4 hours a day.
When my 3 year partner in SL left me so suddenly for another girl, it made me physically sick and irrational. Thats when I finally decided this is not fun, that my health had detiorated and my relationship with my wife of 30 years was non-existant. I had been in denial this entire time. I made excuses that this is the same as creating a character and acting in a film or tv series. Thats how I justified it. But I was so emotionally engaged with my SL partner that my stomach has been churning since.
So I have done it. Deleted the character. And now I am suffering horrible withdrawal feelings.
Not sure if i can stay away though, because of my behaviour i feel totally inadequate as a husband and father - a feeling I never felt in SL. I am at a loss at how to deal with these withdrawal symptons.
This is the first time anyone in the real world knows my story.
Well done Spitty. Welcome bacl to RL. It may be hard to make adjustments but keep going.
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here
I can relate to this. I played an MMO as a man, but only played for 1 month. I do not have an addictive personality and I am very self aware of my emotions. Something about the game was just so insidious. It bothered me so much that I looked it up online and I stumbled upon olganon.
I installed it for rewards, and as I progressed with the game within the first few days, I was introduced to the chat function, the alliances, etc. and met many others who also joined for rewards, linked from other games and apps. Already you can see how the game's marketing is omnipresent.
To succeed in the game, or level up, you are forced to be a bit social. I enjoyed it. I am far from friends and family and have a lot of time on my hands. I stuck with the game's male avatar and due to my natural tone, people assumed I was a male, and I just didn't correct them. I thought I wouldn't be on the game for long anyways, and it might spare me from some harrassment.
Turns out, I'm very good at leading, and people started to depend on me in the alliance. I enjoyed parts of it but it quickly began to feel like work. There was an in-game government, rules, meetings, etc that not everyone enjoyed but were tied to. The game forced you to check in every few hours because otherwise your alliance was at risk of attack. It became emotionally exhausting, but it still pulled you in.
At the same time, it was so much fun as you start to chat and connect with people. You were logging on to see who was there, and the jokes and group events are a great way to bond and have a laugh. And here is where it gets difficult. I was connecting with people but I was not who I was presenting to be. It was exhilirating to have such a forceful personality that attracted them and made them trust me, but I also felt duplicitous.
When people quit the alliance, things started to shake up, emotions got high, people got upset, or disappointed, and it's not a nice feeling. It's just a game but the feeling of comraderie is so high. If you walk away, you are disappointing people and even if you don't personally know them, you want to avoid it so you stick to the game.
I didn't get all the rewards, and ran out of time. I decided to just write a quick message saying I was too busy and just uninstalled the game. I am shocked at the feelings of withdrawal. SHOCKED. There were already so many things about the game that bothered me, like the microtransactions that, yes, were optional, but at the same time, for someone with high willpower to almost fall for a last minute purchase to get to that last level, it just scared me. I was going to justify it by the fact that I would be recouping 3x more the amount in rewards, but I refused to directly finance the game in any way.
Also, only 2 weeks into the game, I noticed I was snapping at my partner. I was also not sleeping well, setting alarms to check on game progress and time them for events. The emotional connection to the game was unreal. I was bored of the gameplay, but loved the attention in chat. There was zero sexual inuendo in my alliance, so it made it feel like I made more meaningful relationships, and leaving abruptly left me feeling guilty.
This is what I am feeling now. Guilt. If I am feeling this way, I cannot imagine how someone more addicted to a game is feeling. Someone who played longer would feel this more strongly. I have been anxious since I uninstalled, but also relieved. My chest is tight, and I am trying to process all of it. I wanted to share because I really felt what people were going through, and the games are designed in such a sneaky way to lure people in, slowly but surely. The designers have a very deep knowledge of human behaviour.
I will return to watching reruns, reading books, taking walks and just being present in the world.
I apologize for the long post. I wish everyone who is going through this all the best to get over their addiction and withdrawal. I also want to say this site is an amazing resource for all who need help.
Welcome NAB
Thanks for sharing your story about getting out. I'm glad you're here and hope you go from strength to strength
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here
Well done Spitty. I just quit SL today and deleted it off my computer for the last time. I can't go back in. I had to just go to a text viewer and not entertain checking any kind of image or anything related to it. it has taken up so much of my life.
I think that both of you have taken the first steps into the right direction. I am sure that you can enjoy the time with your kids just as Second Life - it has also Ups and Downs, but it is real and always changing. Thank you for both of your texts.