trying to hit the reset button

I was active with this group many years ago but haven't been here in a long time. I'm back because my addiction has spiraled out of control and I need help. 

The games I play are ones that many people would not consider addictive. They are mostly simple games like Tetris, Sudoku, and Backgammon. I think they appeal to me because they're a way for me to numb myself, procrastinate, and focus on something other than my own poor opinion of myself. Right now, I'm mostly playing sudoku, but I play it compulsively, sometimes for many hours at a time. I sometimes miss sleep, and I've started playing it at work. I'm afraid someone is going to notice me, but I can't seem to stop. 

One of the things that's bad about my addiction is that it seems so trivial compared to other people's experiences, people who are addicted to cocaine, alcohol, gambling, and sex--you know, the "cool" addictions. People addicted to Second Life or World of Warcraft or Call of Duty have the excuse that those games are so immersive and intense. It's hard to talk about Sudoku addiction because it feels stupid to be addicted to something so trivial. I've got a lot of shame. Sometimes when I've tried to talk about it, people will minimize it or say, oh, yeah, I play that every day for about 15 minutes and then I get bored.

I think the boring aspect of the game is part of why it's addictive to me, in some odd way, almost like I have obsessive-compulsive disorder, even though I don't think I do.

For me, there's a lot of overlap with Internet addiction. Sometimes when I'm in recovery from gaming, I'll read online newspapers or Reddit compulsively instead of the things I should be working on. Sometimes I switch back-and-forth between surfing the Internet and gaming.

I've got ADHD and anxiety. I've struggled with depression for most of my life. 

I recently got married for the second time to someone who is very understanding, but I don't want to mess up our relationship by gaming. She hates it when I'm stuck to my phone, and I totally get that. Gaming is harming our relationship.

I'm also a singer-songwriter and guitar player, and I would much rather work on music than spend my time numbing my brain with mindless activities. 

So, yeah, my name's Ron, and I'm an addict.