23 yo son, doesn't think he has a problem

Welcome to Olg-anon Midwifejen

This sounds very much like me son (22). He had a laptop but said he needed a better computer for his college work. Yeah right. It was for gaming better we found out later

My son is also hiding from having to cope with real life.

When I realised that my son's problems had gaming at the heart of his issues, I felt very powerless until I came to this website. I read as much as I could about the experiences of other people. Then I made a plan with support of the other parents.

Here is the thread I started

http://olganon.org/?q=node/43694

If you haven't done it already, you could start with reading the sticky posts in the blue area at the top of the parents forum, and then just read as many of the other stories as you can. You will find that there are many success stories to give hope.

If your son lives in your home, it's your house your rules even though he is an adult. If he doesn't like it he can leave.

Many of us have decided to make our homes game free. Some parents do this by gradually reducing gaming exposure to zero so that it is not a complete shock. Others just say enough is enough. It is helpful if you can make a plan and then see what the possible consequences will be so you can have back up plans to deal with any bad reactions that could occur. Also you need to be convinced about the reasons you are doing this because he will probably try every trick in the book to undermine you. You should also get your other family to back you up with your plan in advance, if possible. If you take away games, your son will be hurting and he will also rage. This is the addict talking and we really need to love them and realise they are in pain. But at the same time we need to maintain some basic boundaries regarding their behaviours.

My son said that he could only communicate with his friends online, and that he would be cut off if he could not use his computer. I am sure your son genuinely feels he has a connection with these people but at what cost? If he is to go out into the world he is going to have to connect with real people. Having all online friends is not helping him to connect with real life. They are friendships that cannot be relied on and are also probably based on lies; not true representations of the person but just a persona that they want to project. So I do not see them as constructive friendships especially when they take over from real life relationships. If he is keeping the company of compulsive gamers, it's likely they only justify his gaming habit.

I really hope you will be empowered by what you read on this site. We are here for you

Hugs xx

Truly, it's your house. Your rules.

Also, welcome to OLGA. Join the OLGANON meetings here online. There are parents who can help.

Welcome to OLGA midwifejen! I am sorry that you have to go through this. We are all very familiar with the feelings of doubt, helplesness, sadness, powerlessness etc. It is not an easy issue to deal with but unless we do something about it, it only gets worse.

Him being an adult makes it harder for you. You can not force anything on him but at the same time "it is your house, your rules". After joining this web site we had the understanding of this problem and the courage to act. We decided to declare our home "on-line game free" and decided to cut the internet to nil gradually. There are routers which you can purchase, connect and monitor the sites which he is visiting and/or limit the internet time. You may choose not to put any control or monitor some of the computers at home but only monitor his computer. A few parents here are using iBoss and as far as I am aware they are happy with it.

I think my son eventually realized that we were no longer continue enabling him in our home. So, if he wanted to continue playing, he had to find somewhere else to live. In the process, he also acknowledged his addiction to on-line gaming. For 3-4 years before than, he was in denial. He kept saying "there is nothing wrong with what I am doing". After about 3 weeks of no internet and no gaming and after reading Andrew Doans "Hooked on Gaming", he realized his addiction. He needed this break from gaming to be able to see how desperate he was to go back to gaming.

There is so much detail in the process. You are welcome to read our story if you click on my name and choose 'track' and read the posts where I am the author... If you stay strong and stop enabling him, there is hope! They start to reconnect with life, little by little. It is a slow process for the brain to heal...

We have parent's typed chat meeting every Thursday 9pm EST. Please join us if you can. We share our experiences and support and encourage each other.

We totally understand what you are going through. You are not alone... Hugs!

I am so sorry for what you're doing through.

As a former gamer I used the same excuses. It was my "socialization" and helped me through rough patches.

Little did I know that it was just an escape from facing adulthood and reality.

Wishing your son and family all the best.

Well, he's 23, so he's going to want to see a little more "reason" behind what you're doing.

I'm a pretty big gamer myself, but I did 'grow up' and discover how important routine is to be successful in life.

Maybe you should consider explaining you will keep games away from him until he establishes a benificial routine in his life to get it on track? For example he probably needs to wake up in the morning (8-9am) do some chores, and learn to fill his time at least 8 hours a day with reading/writing/studying, or some other form that involves higher thinking, or quite possibly finding a job.

It's possible because he socializes online, he might be upset with you because he's made friends with other people who he feels 'gets' him, so he's mad because you could be taking that aspect away..therefore, maybe give him a time limit a day if he does everything else, toward the end of the day, to communicate with those people but in moderation.

The idea would be is to teach him to develop a routine so he learns to moderate his gaming time, and doesn't lead him to build his life around that gaming time. It's a recreational hobby, it is not a profession, it is not life. I don't think he needs to be feeling lonely or unhappy to 'learn not to be an addict', I just think he needs to learn to develop a routine so the video games remain as a past time as much as seeing a movie at the theater or watching tv, and not as a means of escape from life and its stresses.

Good luck. I also have an adult son living at home with us.

Due to excessive gaming, our home had been game free since June.

It is our house our rules. If he doesn't like it he is free to move.

It is so helpful to read about sucesses such as a recent post by WOW Parent in response to Rodtinad- parent of 14 y. O. Gamer. My son is 15. I feel so blessed he is still young but if the parents of the older gamers think they made a mistake not stopping them sooner - trust me it is so hard. In some ways easy too. - just say No! But my son like others makes you feel sorry for taking away their fun. But is it really fun? Or a compulsion? We have to belueve it is best for them to stay strong!! WOW Parenrs son is now 25 and married!! Like he used to,my son threatens the exact same thing- he won't go to school etc if we don't let him gamqle .. I say there will be consequences!.

Actually we live in Ma where kids can quit school at 16. Honestly thinking of moving to CT where the age is 18!! This is where my boys now go to boarding school. Just spoke with head master who advised limiting gaming to 2 hours. I said the school can do that because of all the structure and support and activities. When home it is my son starting all happy to stop after 2 hours with good intentions then like an alcoholic he gets " drunk " and there is no more reasoning. 12 hours of gaming follows . Last week when home for the weekend he refused to go back to school .

So And I know I have said this before but his twin brother, while plays Xbox alot, he is not addicted- he attends school etc .anyeay his twin wants to play but I suspended the Internet AND TV.. For the month. I want it gone completely. Because like others have said if there is a chance of getting it back they will obscess about it- but after a month in conjunction with school and sports I hope the craving will lessen My question is ,are off line games OK for now?? If anyone can respond I would appreciate it. I should perhaps be writing all this in my own blog?!

Hi carols

If they are happy to play offline games for hours without getting bored and they object when you say it's time to quit I would say that you should ban those also.

I banned my son to play any computer games, game boys, consoles, his smart phone which he pays for. It all went away behind locked doors. My house my rules !

I will try- my hope is they won't find them as satisfying !!

If you takeaway the computer he will use his cell to play games, so my son's cell does not have internet or gaming.

my son is 21 he suffers from depression and game addiction. he quit his job cause he said he wanted a better one. but all he does is game and sleep and spend most of his money on his game. i want to get rid of his computer all together but worried about how he would react. i got him to dr. and he is now on meds. but nothing changes i feel like i cant have a life cause i have to take care of him. am 43 and i want my son to find his path in life so he can be happy.

I lead the Wed evening meetings at 6 pm pst/9 pm est and there are two meetings daily.