Addicted 20 year old

The question is 'how long has been seeing this therapist'. I need to be biref since I gotta go out but you need to be careful (this is a general thought) because changing therapists because he doesnt agree with you (im not saying you're not right and thats the big problem) may seem like a manipulative move inseatd of helping... dunno maybe try somone new at the same time not an expert on this but that just poped into my head. I say welcome! Lots of cuddles and love... its tough I know :( Im sure more ppl will go construcyive for you soon and Ill check by when I get back. Hugs, My

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Any advice is appreciated. He has been playing steadily for 4 months and makes excuses for not doing anything else by saying he needs to "feel good about himself" before he is ready to go back into the real world. His therapist totally buys into this but we think it is plain old gaming addiction.

The thing is that he is right, he really needs to feel good about himself before he goes out into the world, trouble is that WoW only will ever make him feel worse and worse about himself. To feel good about outselfes, we need to achieve real goals, make real work, talk to real people, have real romance. All these things are available in WoW, but they are not real. As long as your mind is in that game, they are, but as soon as you log off, you realize you didnA't shave for weeks and maybe shower for days. Your muscles have all turned to fat, and your brain has turned to jelly ... The therapist is probably unaquainted to the effects of gaming addiction, send him / her to this site. Maybe the best, but harshest way would be to say: no gaming in our house...!?

"shiva " wrote:

The thing is that he is right, he really needs to feel good about himself before he goes out into the world, trouble is that WoW only will ever make him feel worse and worse about himself.

/agreed And yes showing the therapist this sight might help. There are all sorts of therapists and some simply dont have an open enough mind - Im just still worried that if you will be forced to change him it might create some seriouse defense mechanisms in your child. You know IMO I think EVERY WoW player wonders if they play to much. Maybe there i a way you could show him this sight as well? To me it was really refreshing and as hard and shameful it is to admit you're addicted at least maybe it will give him some thoughts. Don't knwo how to do it since saying 'I think you should check out this sight' would definetly annoy me in my maniac wow days. Then again sometimes honesty is the best thing out there.... Argh Im not making much constructive sense today sorry :) Let us know how its going! Hugs, My

I am of the opinion that this variant of gaming addiction involves a dissociation with reality. Ask your son to describe his character, in detail, to your therapist. When, not if, he starts saying "I did this" in game instead of "My character did this", to the point where its clear he can't tell the difference, and starts to relate how his gaming friends are more real to him, him being his character, than his real life friends are to his real-life persona, perhaps your therapist will come to see as I do, that for many people this isn't about finding oneself, its about finding... someone else. Example from my life, many many years ago. I realize I'm late for a D&D session, because I'm visiting a friend in the hospital. The person answering the phone says, "Johann, where the hell are you?". And I answer to my friend "Nabonitis", where my body is in real life, but make no mistake who was talking to whom. Who's talking to whom in your son's life, while he's online?

If you have read the posts here, you'll find that there are several parents seeking help for their children. In my case it is my almost 17 yr old daughter. I think you are doing the right thing by getting him some help. Intersting that many of our children seem to suffer from depression. If the meds are not working, you should discuss that with the psychiatrist. My daughter's meds were just changed--she says she is feeling a bit better. However, this is only a week now plus she was hospitalized last week. We are trying to monitor how she is doing on all fronts--the gaming, time spent on line, moods, expressions of hostility, incivility, time spent on other constructive activities, finding a job, school work, including not skipping school and getting to school on time, grades and time spent at dinner and with family and real world friends. As you see, this long list tells you that several areas of life slid and virtually all of that time was spent on WoW. We sought help for her (she was getting help for depression including suicidal ideation before getting into WoW which was introduced by now ex boy friend);more recently we sought help for us (my husband and I) because we disagreed on what to do about parenting her. We have now come to an agreement but struggle to stay united. We are in somewhat different situations because we have a minor child and yours is now an adult. There are other parents here with young adult children so their strategies might be a bit different. I do know that things won't work unless both parents agree about how to deal with the situation. I also think that things won't get back to normal if he continues to be consumed by the game. Once he uses up his time cards, you don't have to purchase any more. You should insist that he get a job and contribute to household expenses--food? We are working on getting our child to get a job. So long as he is depressed or gaming or both, there's no point in paying for college courses which he is likely to fail or underperform in. One thing you might consider is cutting off internet to your home if you don't need it for your jobs (drastic measure in these times). We haven't done this but I have raised it even though we both need it for our jobs. I think it is important to get the underlying psychological issues resolved as well as developing some strategies to get him away from the game and involved in a range of activities. This is easier said than done because you have to get him to cooperate. I have found coming to this site helpful for support. You should let the therapist know about this site. My husband and I have worked out some guidelines to follow with our daughter (for monitoring time on internet and game, getting chores done etc.). We have also decided to build in a system of reward points for her achieving goals. This point system was something she liked about the week long program in the hospital she was just in. All of these changes have just started so it is early days yet. I also know that there are parents here for whom the gradual approach did not work with their children. So how long is enough time to feel good about himself? (That is, does he have any sense of a time fame here?) What would it take to feel good about himself? What did he like to do before he got into the gaming?

I have a 20-yr-old who is addicted to WoW. As far as we know, he has been WoW-free since last May and Game-free since last November (he was substituting off-line games after we disconnected his internet). In some ways, I think he realized he needed to quit, so it hasn't been real hard to keep him off the games at home. We unplugged the internet connection to his room and we keep the modem and router behind a locked door when we are not home. We try very hard not to leave him home alone, but that's not always possible. He did get himself a job at UPS where he works 11-2:30 (middle of the night, his former raiding times). Some kids, OTOH are VERY persistent and it's almost impossible to keep them off the game. They pick locks, play at friends' houses, mooch off neighborhood wireless networks, etc etc. Unless you can stay awake 24/7 and follow them wherever they go, it's impossible to stop a determined gamer if they don't want to stop. The best you can do is to make life extremely complicated for them, which might precipitate the kind of crisis that will ultimately convince them they need to quit.
As for depression and ADD, some kids who have pre-existing conditions are more susceptible to gaming addictions, but the flip side is that these games can CREATE depression and ADD in kids who were normal before. If that is the case with your son, i doubt that any meds he takes will work until he stops playing.
There are some things you can do that might hasten his decision that he needs to quit. Do not enable him in any way. Do not keep his favorite foods in the house, do not bring him food at the computer, do not cook for him when he is gaming, do not do his laundry, do not clean his room. Do not pay for any extras that he needs or wants. Hopefully the tax refund will run out sooner and he will have to get a job, which will at least get him out of the house. I agree with Satyaq that there is no point in pushing him to go to school at this time. His brain is so scrambled by the game that he will not be able to focus or concentrate on his studies and he will fail. My son cost us $13000 before we figured out what the problem was. If he is game-free for several months and wants to try school, send him to JC to do his gen eds before sending him away to a big U or expensive private college. You need to know if he'll be able to handle it before you sink a bunch of money into it. Agree with Satyag that you could try disconnecting your internet entirely for a few months if no one in the house needs it daily. Check your e-mails at work if you can or at the local public library. Or try a slow dial-up connection. Impossible to game in any meaningful way over dial-up. Refer his therapist to this site. There is so little understanding of this issue in the mainstream medical and psychiatric community. I am a medical professional myself and I had no clue what was going on with my son until I came here. This site is a wealth of information. Good luck.

I just remebered something I used to say I need to sort out my life and that Im sinking and that it will happen soon to my parents when I was in my maniac period. Until I stopped playing wow like I did it didnt happen. It was indeed impossible. Because as somoen noted somwhere its not solving anythign just letting you runaway and sink in deeper. What my parents did was quite drastic but it worked however it is quite risky so Im not sure it woudl be the best way - they made me move out to live on my own (Im goign to be 23 on Saturday and I was 21 turning 22 then). Stopping my gaming by myself was very hard but I did it after I saw that I dont clean often enough, that I dont have food in my fridge and that I havent seen the sun in ages. It helped me wake up but Ive always been very in touch with myself I alwasy try to knwo what I feel and what I want so it helped me but as I said I dont think its the best solution ever. Maybe its because I study Psychology but meds are meh for me (you know the whole psychologist vs. psychiatrist thing). As a rule I think therapy shoudl go first and meds shoudl be the last resort. In this case I also think until he deals with the gaming the meds might not do him all that much good and you neeeeed to get that therapist on borad. Hugs, My

I highly disagree with your response to meds Mysia,A I think meds are highly effective treating people who have problems with control, depression, OCD and other things.A Sometimes medication is the only means to get to a person rationally and then a psychologist can deal with their issues better.

"SnowWhite " wrote:

I highly disagree with your response to meds Mysia, I think meds are highly effective treating people who have problems with control, depression, OCD and other things. Sometimes medication is the only means to get to a person rationally and then a psychologist can deal with their issues better.

I did say last resort and I know generally often they are used before hand. Disagreeing is healthy if we all had the same point of view we would never have informed decison and opinions... I was expecting it was going to be disagreed with. I dont know the situation fully and I will never know that was just a general comment to be careful Im not suggesting meds are wrong in this or any other case I simply dont know enough about. Maybe it was to much beside the point.

Xandtar's got an excellent point. Even after so long in not playing, I still slip up and say "I was #1 on topscore" or even "I was famous and had lots of friends in game." No I didn't, my character did. I can see where your son feels good about himself when he plays because I was proud of all the stuff I (or my character, actually) accomplished in game. One of the other players in my game asked me once if I was role-playing there or just pretending to be my character (like living through her since my real life isn't so accomplished). It really made a lot of sense. Role-playing games are fine, I guess, if you can separate the fact your real identity isn't as your character. Maybe he likes getting to pretend he is someone else. Debbie