I have recently found your website and have found it very helpful so far. I was wondering if I could ask for some advice. We have a son who was a gamer through high school, we tried every scenario to keep him motivated and he did graduate with an advanced degree barely. We thought signing up for the Air Force to become an Air Traffic Controller would help him with the displine and it would be the perfect job for him. Unfortunately coming in late several times and being given an ultimatum gaming or air force career cost him that job. Now we managed to keep him in the air force for three years so he has just been released with an honorable discharge as they had budget cuts and since they pulled him from ATC training he didn't have a job so all those without a job were given early honorable discharges.
Now he is signed up to start college May 10th to study for a Bachelos in Internet Security paid for by the Air Force. In the meantime he has been back online playing and has me really concerned. He lives in Florida with his girlfriend and we are in Virginia. She has recently sent me an email asking for my help as he was playing until 7am in the morning. I have booked a ticket to go down and see him which I am looking forward to but would like advice on how to coach him into coming to a Meeting, should we all go? http://www.alnwfl-al-anon.org/_districtpages/area64_d15_meetings.htm
I have read up about the reptile brain and think helping him understand what is happening to his brain will work. He is a believer but still has questions so the link to the twelve steps for atheists is great!
Appreciate your help and advice! Concerned Mom
I forgot to mention how old he is, he will be turning 22 in June!
Welcome Stephanie! Sorry to hear about your son. 22 is a tough age. He is an adult, so you have no control over him. If you haven't yet, please read the post at the top of this forum that deals with adult children. On the plus side, he does not live with you and you are not supporting him. That's good. Unfortunately, he is likely not ready to start college on May 10, and if he does, he will likely fail. Unless he is an absolute genius, there is no way he can game that much and pass his classes. He has already demonstrated that gaming interferes with his responsibilities.
How to get him to go to a meeting? I don't know. He will only go when he is ready.
Your job is to make it clear to him that he can never expect to come home to your house and sit around and play games. He is 22 and you expect him to support himself. If he blows the Air Force scholarship, you will not step in and pay for school. He can get a job, wait until he is 24, and apply for financial aid based on his own income instead of yours, or he can go to community college and get his gen eds (very inexpensive in most places).
Even if he stops gaming right now, cold turkey, he will still be in withdrawal on the first day of classes. I would strongly suggest he look into deferring until the fall semester and get his head together this summer.
Good luck to you! You are not alone.
"Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one
The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth
Welcome Stephanie :)
Gamersmom has great suggestions.
I am the excessive gamer in my family, and unfortunately I got my two grandsons started on gaming. I have deep regret over that, but, I have quit gaming (last June 1, 2011) and one of the grandsons doesn't play anymore either.
One thing I've learned in my own gaming addiction is nothing could stop me gaming until I couldn't get away with it anymore. People tend think enabling will help "us" get well. No. Enabling helps us stay in our addiction.
The best thing I can tell you is to not ever enable him, let HIM suffer the consequences of HIS actions. You might find some help in CODA (Co-dependence Anonymous) and/or Nar-anon meetings for families and friends of addicted people. The more you learn about the disease and treatment of addiction, the better armed you are to deal with it appropriately. You might suggest this to his girlfriend.
You didn't Cause it, you can't Control it and you can't Cure it. Believe me, my family tried. Nothing got through to me more than when my husband stopped enabling me.