Well, yesterday was Day 15 for my 15 year old son, and things are going just ok, but the desire, the asking, the wanting of the system is still there on a daily basis. There was only one day he didn't ask (Thought I had it licked! Haha!). Anyhow - I'm still awaiting a response to see if there's any help here where we live. I've contacted the governments Health & Social Services Dept and my email to them was forwarded from the Manager of Planning & Communications over to the Mental Health Specialist (Addictions) who gave me 2 options: For my Son to go see a Drug/Alcohol Counsellor or this one particular Youth Counsellor. When the Manager of P&C forwarded the email to that Specialist, he wrote, "these are interesting questions". So just by that, it seems to me there's not enough awareness in this place where we live, yet I've heard of a few women who have a gaming addict in their family. I did a REPLY ALL to the email and advised them of this and said there needs to be more awareness here. Hope they get on the ball with it! Haha
ANYHOW - I have been here reading now for over a week now, and it looks like majority (if not, all) those that are recovering, each recognized they had a problem and wanted out, therefore, making the effort to get better and put the addiction behind them "easier" (not saying it is; I know they're struggling).....but my son didn't see his game playing as a problem, and wasn't wanting out....and so of course, he's not going to cooperate in going see someone about it. I believe this is why he's still continuing to ask, trying to negotiate with me, not trying as hard as he could be to change his life around, etc.etc. As his mother, I am trying, trying, TRYING everyday for a couple years now to get him involved in other things, try to get him out for some fresh air, still having to ask him over and over to shower, etc., but he doesn't find doing all the things I suggest, "fun" bcuz its always with just me, or his grandparents. He says he's been trying to hook up with friends whom he use to chum with, but his messages go unresponded to. This has all got to be really tough on him - especially at his age. I think I'm going to have to go speak with someone first and see what they have to say about all this and how to get him to see things and to help himself.
Thoughts/suggestions? Appreciate it.
well i think what you are doing is super fantastic and you have a lot of courage.
A lot of parents cave in and do what at the moment seems easier, giving in.
Keep your house game free and your expectations for him high. No one ever died of boredom, but lives are wrecked with excessive gaming.
I must agree with Kate....you are doing absolutely the right thing by your son. If you need any encouragement, I urge you to read the posts from what I have been thinking of as "The Lost Boys". They are for the most part males and all have the same thing in common, "I started gaming when I was a little boy" I've seen posts from guys who started at 4 years old. The other thing they have in common is they are now 19 or 20 or 21 and they have lost the abiliity to participate in the real world. Somehow, during that teenage period, they lost the plot.
The games are filled with young men who don't know how to function outside of the game. Sure, they can raid. But they can't call up a girl and ask her out. And they'll never be able to finish a college degree....at least while they continue to be addicted to games.
I believe that the games are breaking these young people. I know they ache to get out of the addiction too....they just don't know how. I think with certainty that the only hope for these kids is parents who say "no, you may not do that". Pete (an admin on this site) recommends that the computer never "live" in a childs room. And that time on line and sites are absolutely monitored. I'm a parent, but my daughter is in her 20s...she thought games were stupid. If she'd wanted to game, knowing what I know now, I would never, ever permit it.
Please, Giver, stay strong and keep working with your boy to find interests that will keep him engaged that are NOT games.
ElizA
.Left the games behind Tuesday, March 28, 2011...I have a new left knee and a lot more appreciation for the word "recovery"....blessings come in the darndest forms!
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Giver,
My son, 14 is addicted, and it was my fault. I gave him the games because I wanted to "justify" my own addiction. I went cold turkey, and struggled with him for 2 years with restricted time. He is an addict, he cannot handle it, so we cut him off completely. Sell the games. It will be difficult for your son, like it was mine, but with time... he will get over it! Do your son a favor and help him regain his life. Help him discover his dreams and goals, and assist him in finding out how to achieve those goals.
Do not let him fall in the trap of being addicted, becoming a college dropout, and wasting his most productive years of his life due to games.
Wishing you strength and courage!
Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD
My Gaming Addiction Videos on YouTube: YouTube.com/@DrAndrewDoan
*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy, DHA or Department of Defense.
Hang in there! It sounds like you're doing all the right things. It may take months before your son stops asking and finds other things to occupy his time. Come fall, he'll be a different person (less of a game-influenced brain) and have the opportunity to meet new friends. It's rough during the summer but I really do believe it will get better once he's naturally around others.
Agree with WoW Parent. It takes time, a lot more time than you think it will take. Stay strong.
"Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one
The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth
GiverInner, this is a brilliant post but I do not agree with your screen-name. I can't add much to what has already been said here - keep up the good work! Your son sounds wonderful, and like he has reacted to it in a sensitive and caring way. Don't ease the pressure, because he will keep asking, but at least it sounds like he is being agreeable.
I think you must expect this to be difficult, because he is only 15. It is taking an immense amount of courage and an adult outlook for him to be doing this at all! Stand by your decision, because you're doing the right thing. You absolutely have time to save him - if you keep cranking up the pressure, he will eventually get bored of being denied games and sitting around the house all day. He will go and find friends and discover things again of his own accord. I know it is difficult for both of you, but I'm proud to see you both take a stance for what is right.
Silent
I quit gaming on 16 May 2011. Thank you Online Gamers Anonymous for setting me on the right path to conquering my addiction.
My son is 24 years old, kind good and really smart. Life gave him a kick when he lost his scholarship to a very prestigious college, and he had to borrow money to finish at a much less respected school. He finally got a good job and looked like he was going to start living life when I found out his step brother invited him to start playing World of Warcraft.
I am heartbroken. My son never admitted gaming was a problem for him and still doesn't think it is. There is nothing to do buy pray in this situation. It seems with such a smart kid, that he would understand the way gaming sucks the life out of people and changes how they see the real world. Isn't there anything to say that they can understand?
Point him to articles and this website. Hopefully he will understand the dangers and see that he has a problem.
Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD
My Gaming Addiction Videos on YouTube: YouTube.com/@DrAndrewDoan
*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy, DHA or Department of Defense.