My gamerson returns to us mid April. He has been gone since mid January. He is in the wilderness where he has no use of any technology. He can't even send us a post card or call us. As the time gets closer, I have become more filled with anxiety. I normally do not have much anxiety. I am very short with my husband, if he asks me something when I am thinking about our son and his return. During my son's absence, I really worked on myself with running (I used to be a competitive runner) or some other hard cardio workout. I ate less and better. I slept more and better. I have worked harder at my job. Just thinking about this kid returning zaps my energy from me. I had lost weight but lately I feel like I am putting it back on thinking about him which causes me to eat a bit more. I knew his gaming was bad/horrible before he left on this trip, but having no contact with him since mid January makes me realize how bad it really was. I don't want to return to the dark days of him in my house playing the stupid games and telling lies. I feel like the real child left us so long ago that my mourning period for him has past and I have been able to get on with my life. I don't want the gamer to bring his deception back into my life and house. If he still wants to game, I don't want to even see him. He can just figure out what /where he can go or do (or not do) on his own. This gamer person is not my child he is the one who stole my child from me. He is not the fun, funny, adventurous, smart child that was my son. If the gamer comes back it is like having to live with criminal that kidnapped or murdered your child and stole all your hard earned money, hopes and dreams. I feel like a dark shadow is approaching my life again.
On the other side, some days I am so excited about his return. I dream that my son not the gamer will get off of the plane. He will be ready to leave League of Legends and any other game in his past. He will smile and tell us he loves us. He will come back a man with a great future. I like this vision so much better. My heart melts with love when I think about this scenario.
Thank you for all the wisdom you all have given me.
Last of all I want to remind you that your strength must come from the Lord's mighty power within you. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand safe against all strategies and tricks of satan. For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but agains persons without bodies--the evil princes of darkness who rule this world; and against huge numbers of wicked spirits in the spirit world. Ephesians 6: 10-12
Jesus please find the lost sheep, my son, and bring him back to me. I love him very much.
God shine your light and love on all the people here.
Well........He isn't home yet...I can understand some of your anxiety about him coming home...definitely don't enable him when he comes home, remember he is an addict like me...I am not so bad as a lot of people I have seen but none the less I had a big taste of the gaming world that went badly and don't want to return to that.......So I understand about that addiction...When he comes home, encouragement will go a long way....him getting out of the house and doing other things. The internet connection for him has to be disconnected for a while it seems because he was such an addict. I will be praying for your family from one Christian to another....I dealy hope God brings your son home happy, well adjusted, and ready to start a new life in our real tangible world.....Bless you
Second Life escapee as of Oct 26, 2012 (feel free to Private Message me, I will always return a response) ~Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment~. Buddha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXr8-D8rJ6c&feature=fvwrel Abandon-HOLD ON!
I hope your son returns to you, but be prepared for the possibility that it may be the gamer. Come to our parents' meeting in the chatroom next Thursday, 8 PM CDT.
"Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one
The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth
Prolly a bit of both. Hopefully the one that recognizes the dangers of going back to the way he was. I agree with Gamersmom, have high hopes but realistic expectations. Even though I am fully aware of how bad gaming is for me, I still get tempted sometimes.
I'd say, he needs to be made aware of the strong consequences of his return to that lifestyle.
Praying for you, your son, and your family.
Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD
My Gaming Addiction Videos on YouTube: YouTube.com/@DrAndrewDoan
*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy, DHA or Department of Defense.
Hope things go well for you, and can completely understand your mixed emotions, we all want our sons and daughters to be well and whole again...
For me, a positive is the fact that your son isn't a minor and went willingly to wilderness. That means he saw his gaming as a problem and puts him a step ahead of others. Remain very cautious for a while, though. I would also be very honest about my fears and clear about the consequences of gaming again. I'm ready to hear about another success story!
Hi Tiredofitmom,
I feel your anxiety over your son's return. I have been there. Our son went to a wilderness program last spring for two months. We only spoke to him on the parent weekend about six weeks in when we spent several hours with him. He seemed so different, we thought for sure he was ready to come home when he graduated two weeks later. Other than that visit, we had no contact with him. Upon completion, his therapist recommended he go to a therapeutic boarding school. We were not ready for that so we made the decision to have him come home and do his aftercare at home.
It was a disaster. On his first day home he convinced us it was a good idea for him to not honor his home contract. On the second day, he put his fist through a wall. He never did honor that home contract. Over the next six month period he got worse and worse. I recognized the need for further out of home care before my husband did and it nearly destroyed our marriage. Our house was a miserable place to live. Finally, six months after he came home frome wilderness therapy, we decided to take him to Ironwood, a therapeutic boarding school in Maine.
He's been there five months now and there's still work to be done. These kids are sick, really sick and I don't know what it will take for them to get well. We dont know when he'll be coming home. It's a financial burden we never could have imagined. It's hard having him gone but it was harder having him here when he was sick. We've decided to give him this one last shot to get well and then we can say we did everything we could. It's up to him if he takes the help. He turns 18 in October and I really hope for a bright future with him in it.
He's a different person now that he's been off gaming and in a therapeutic environment for five months. We're seeing glimpses of the son we lost to this disease but I'm still not confident that he'll have success at home. This program is different in that we have weekly family therapy on video conference and we speak to him unsupervised once a week and his therapist once a week. I'm glad for that involvement because we need help rebuilding our relationship. There was so much damage done.
I too had a similar reaction to the stress of all of this. I've decided to train for an Ironman to give me something just for myself. It provides me great structure, a sense of accomplishment and that all important endorphin boost. I'm glad to hear your taking care of yourself too. It's so important for all of us. My big race is in August and my son proudly brags to his friends about my training. I hope he's able to be there for the big finish.
Sending love and peace.
"Sometimes the purest form of love is a slap."
tiredofitmom,
I feel for you. I have been there and am still living in the hell of this addiction. I know the ups and downs, the roller coaster of all of the hopes, expectations, joys and disappointments. Hang in there. I am praying for you and your son. I am hoping that yours will be a recovery story.
HUGS...
"Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life's sweetest creation." taken from Papyrus, Corp.