My son is 17 years old, addicted to WOW, spends all of his time on the computer.
I found a therapist who is experienced in dealing with teenage boys and addictions. However, not gaming addiction. I went to see him with the idea that he could help me get my son off of WOW and the computer by giving me strategies, strength, and a place to vent. I explained the situation to him and he feels that I shouldn't take away the game because it gives my son a sense of accomplishment and a sense of social ability. But he does feel that my son needs to earn computer time. So we worked up a plan whereby my son does things to earn computer time, basic things like showering, putting away his laundry, brushing his teeth, as well as things to get him out of the house such as going out with friends, going for a walk, etc.
I also am going to take away the internet at 1am each night.
I have serious doubts that this could work because I really don't believe that my son can deal with moderation on the computer. However this therapist seems confident and I'm willing to give it a try. I can see it being a 24 hour job for me, but if it works it will be worth it.
The therapist emailed me a few days ago with the link to the article on msnbc about how the ama wants gaming addiction to be a medical diagnosis. I said, there you see - I've been trying to tell professionals for months that this is a problem but no one would listen to me. Now that the ama is dealing with it I guess everyone is taking it more seriously, but still no where as seriously as other addictions.
I'll update as things progress.
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You may want to sugest that the therapist read up a little more on Online Gaming. I understand that every case is unique in it's own way, but many of the parents here will tell you that it is best to deal with a therapist that is at least familiar with online gaming issues and recognizes them as such.[/size]
" ... don't question it just go" "... where the body goes the mind will follow"
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Borrowed from "Desire to Stop"
I guess it is not a real problem until the AMA says so, huh? *rolls eyes* Well I guess later is better than never.
Dispite the fact that ALL scientific and/or medical advances were met with THUNDEROUS opposition, both communities sneer at new ideas ... Stay strong, Lp. Your son will thank you for it. :) "Anything easy isn't valuable. Something you sweat or bleed for, is PRICELESS." - Me
My Gamer Bio
"The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend" -Henri Bergson
Hi lptabs. A I feel compelled to respond since our situation is much the same. A You don't mention how long your son has been playing nor what kind of behaviors (other than excessive time) he exhibits. If all he does is play then it's clear that he is spending less time with friends. A How is his health? A Has he gained or lost weight? A Is he eating junk food or skipping meals? A What about his school work and behavior? A When the game playing begins to have negative effects on real-world life then it's likely become much more than a healthy diversion or form of entertainment. I had at least 2 therapists tell us that we should help our son learn to moderate his play time. After all, computers are a way of life and he'll have to use them. A If they're truly addicted, that doesn't work. It's akin to telling your drug addicted kid that they can only snort one line of cocaine a day or an alcoholic that they're cut down to 1 beer a day. Instead, he'll have to learn to use a computer without playing internet games. It took months for our son to lose his daily thoughts of WoW. He now knows that there were personal and emotional issues (lack of self-esteem, etc.) that led him to escape into games. He has also said that he had tired of every other game but that WoW is/was unique. He's now dealing with his issues by facing them and doing what it takes to change them, real-world. I knew we had a problem long before I got assurance from a therapist...and it took several for that to finally happen. I would agree with the previous advice to find a new therapist who has experienced internet gaming addiction and recognizes it as such. Trust your gut on this one!
I agree with Wowparent. My son was hospitalized with depression and Warcraft addiction. Upon release they suggested harm reduction to control the addiction. In my gut I knew it was wrong. Within 3 weeks of release from hospital I had to remove the computer with the result he cut himself until it was returned. (The hospital recommended putting it back.) The final time I removed the computer, things got so bad he was holding assets hostage to get the game back. I had to call the police. I have not seen my son in over 4 months but I know he is still gaming. This truly is an addiction. I hope you have some help in carrying out your boundary setting and I would consider having a plan B. Stay strong.
Well, lptabs, you're going to have to attempt the moderation approach, because it's the only way you will be able to prove to your son and his therapist that this really is a problem, but don't get sucked into the "just one more time" ploy when he fails. Stay strong.
"Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one
The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth
Hi Wowparent - yes he has all the signs of an addiction. I didn't write everything out this time. He never leaves his room. He's not on WOW the whole time, he is in a chat room with "friends" that he has had for about the last 5 years, he's IMing people, and there is a message board that he is on all the time, but he is on the computer at least 12 hours a day. He eats in his room, stays up really late, and sleeps half the day. He's supposed to be looking for a job, but he's not. I'm looking for a job for him harder than he is. Even a volunteer job at this point, to make him leave the house. I had told him that if he doesn't get a job he will lose the computer, and he has another week to find one. So if he loses the computer we won't have to go with the moderation plan. So your son will never be able to use a computer? How will he get through college, and what type of career do you think he'll have where he isn't near a computer? That sounds difficult. Ladyca - what is harm reduction? I'm so sorry about the problems that you have had with your son. How old is he and where is he? Gamersmom - you're absolutely right unfortunately. I'm hoping we don't drag it out too long before "they" realize that its not working. The "they" includes my husband.
I'm sorry if I misled.A Yes, my son will absolutely use a computer, just like anybody else.A He'll have to use the internet, too.A What he won't be able to do is play any online games.A I've told him that I'll clobber him if I ever see him with a set of headphones. ;) If there is any way you can manage it I would highly recommend in-patient treatment while he is still a minor.A My son recently told us that there is absolutely nothing else we could have done at home to stop him.
Lptabs: This may sound a bit harsh, but please take it as it is intended to be with a helping heart. You have given him an ultimatum to get a job or lose his computer. A He is choosing to not look, so you have decided to look for him. A So now, he doesn't have to look for work and if you find him a job he won't lose his computer. A Sounds like he still gets to game without any consequences to me. I know that is over simplified. A I know there is more to it and that I don't have to deal with your son on a day to day basis. A But if you make an ultimatum, you really do need to stand behind it. Kathy
Lp, in our case there was a difference of opinion between my daughter's counselor and her psychiatrist. The counselor (whom I respect and my daughter really opens up to) thoguth we shouldn't take the computer away but that she needed to learn moderation. I think with the kids these ages, the idea is to try to have them self-regulate. Except in this case, I don't think it works with those who are addicted. By the time our daughter got out of her one week stay in a hospital (precipitated by a crisis over the game), I was still trying to get my husband to see that moderation wouldn't work. Being on the same page as a spouse is very important (and we weren't there, still aren't of the same mind about this game). Fortunately for us, when the time card ran out and she had no money, she couldn't play anymore. She's been WoW free for about 3 months now and her behavior has improved quite a bit. If he doesn't have a job, who's paying for WoW? That's one way to cut him off. Don't pay for it. WoW time is not something that he should be able to earn. When the compromise with my husband was reached (with our therapist), we decided that our daughter would earn merit points for limiting play but the merit points could not be cashed in for game time (nothing game related). I was willing to reward her for a movie out with a friend or dinner out with her sister (or something that would encourage positive behaviors). She was earning points too for civility and some chores. In any case just the sort of thing your son's therapist seems to be suggesting. I agree with the others, if you have agreed to give this way a try, you have to and then move to plan B. I'd also suggest you don't look for a job for him. If he's supposed to do it, let him do it. If he doesn't get one and the consequence was that you'd cut him off computer then so be it. Katesha is right, if you make an ultimatum you have to follow through. One thing I have tried to get through to my husband over the years is that he shouldn't make a theat or a promise he can't follow through on with the kids. I know how difficult all this is. All I can say is that life returns to a semblance of normalcy once they are off the game. PM me if you like.
I hate to say it, but we've BTDT with the "moderation" approach and, as Gamersmom so aptly told you, if they're really addicted that's just a joke. In truth... the fact that they canNOT moderate their play is one of the telltale signs that it is an addiction. Don't forget that these games are specifically designed to be addictive, and that by their nature they call for ever-increasing levels of time and commitment. At least according to Willyhog, by the time you're up into the higher levels of WoW, it's literally impossible to play only 1 or 2 hours a day and still stay in your guild. Not to knock your son, but if he's anything like Willyhog or some of the other addicted gamers, he'll lie, cheat, steal, threaten, and do most anything else to get the time he "needs" to play WoW. I can't stress enough that WoW is not something you just putz around with and put away - you have to be there at specific times and you have to put a certain (unacceptably large, IMO) amount of time into it, just to stay with your peers. Many professionals do not understand this about the game and thus their advice about it is, at the very least, underinformed. The model I had in my head about Willy's gaming was Age of Empires, where you can pick it up anytime and leave it alone anytime. One of the reasons our kids get so frantic and disturbed around WoW is because their "guildys" are counting on them and relying on them to be there when a raid or an instance is scheduled... and no amount of "moderation" or "limitation" that we impose is going to supercede that. Just my .02 but I hope it helps! Jane in CT, mom to Willyhog
Harm reduction is basically learning to control the issue with moderation. It does not work for the truly addicted.