My young adult child has had many years of gaming on line. In the last 3 years I believe it has adverlsy affected his life. I can only see gaming as a black hole that sucks all the connections to the outside world, education, personal relationships, work ethic, etc. My adult child as of the last three weeks is currently unemployed, has no intention of gaining employment, and express his sole ambition as gaming. While he lives at home he pays minimal rent. Our house does not have any internect access, no cable, no wifi but the local library does. The library hours provide amble time to use the wifi as do local coffee shops. Struggling to see hope for his future.
-motherindarkness
—
Lookingforlight
Welcome Ana to the parents forum
I know the sadness of this baffling addiction. To us it makes no sense.
Keep coming back here to read the stories from parents of gamers. Make a plan. Give it some thought and consideration and get support you need to carry it through
You have got to look at the ways you are enabling and make a plan about how you are going to stop. You may be making life too comfortable for him. If he has everything he needs, then there is no motivation to change. You need to make him responsible for his future. He needs to learn to fly by himself.
One way would be to set a time limit for him to find a paying job to support himself so he can move in to his own home, unless he changes radically changes his lifestyle. Let him know that after that date he will be going to the homeless shelter if he hasn't moved out.
Another way would be to say if he is admitting he has difficulties that he agrees to accept treatment eg enter a wilderness program to learn life skills free from technology
Seeing him waste his life is not healthy for you, so get him to do it some place else. Its up to him to make his choice of life and you to set your boundaries to look after you. You do not have to stay together, Your job as parent ends when he is of age. He will not be happy when you stop enabling him, but we are not here to be liked...for me it's importnant to see the greater good. There is no authentic relationship with an addict. We want to 'help' them because it makes us feel good that we do the parenty thing. But it only makes them need us and resent us at the same time, and stops them waking up from their dream land.
To get you started
Welcome information;
http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-parents-gamers-open-forum/help-i-think-my-adult-child-addicted-video-games
Some of our stories;
http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-parents-gamers/members-stories
About enabling;
http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-parents-olg-anon-members-only/about-enabling
Once you have made your plan, then you need to "detach with love about his situation". He must find his way forward. We cannot do it for them. We just need to accept that we are not in control. let them find their own way
http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-spousessignificant-others-olg-anon-members-only/detachment-what-means-and-how-do-it
Keep coming back ! Please update us some time in the future if you are able.
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