Hi. My son is 14. He was diagnosed with ADD when he was 7. He didn't have behavioral problems, but rather severe lack of concentration and organization. Since 1st grade he forgot to bring homework assignments to do homework. Stayed twice in 1st grade. Every morning it was a nightmare to raise him from bed to go to school. Probably suffered from separation anxiety. I remember giving him first Gameboy on his 9th birthday. Since childhood he saw his autistic brother and his father on computer 24/7. He could watch TV for hours, or he could play innocent " pajama Sam " game on computer. When he was 12, he started answering teachers back, which never happened before. His grades were mediocre, every night we fought with him to do homework assignments. Recently, he diagnosed with Opposition defiance disorder, variety of ADD. I took him to doctors since he was 8. No computer parental control was useful. He could hack into any program to enable his computer. I read the good book, called " Glow Kids". Computers is an addiction. Every single day of spending time with your kids matters. But i personally believe that there is underlying cause into any addiction. Anxiety, ODD, ADD, pervasive developmental disorder are the problems that should be treated. My son is 14, but i can't fight him anymore. He is failed by me and his father. No therapy will help.
Welcome Sue
You are not alone. You have had such a lot to deal with. It's all very, very hard. This addiction is baffling. And the ODD diagnosis makes it so much harder too.
I agree that certain groups of kids will be very prone to addiction; for example Aspergers, ADHD, Anxiety,
But the addiction makes all those conditions so much worse. The thread below explains
http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-parents-gamers/what-i-would-say-parents
Effective treatment/management of mental health or disorder can only happen after a period of detox from gaming. All the computers and screens need to be removed. We have many testamonies of how removing the games, and working through the tricky withdrawal period, eventually results in massive improvements in behaviour.
For some parents, it means sending there kids on wilderness therapy and theraputic special school. Before you attempt detox, you need to get educated and understand any potential risks. You may want a therapist to help you. A therapist who understands addiction. Some therapists do not understand it so cannot help... they will only make it worse by wasting time.
Don't give up hope! Keep coming back here to read about the many experiences of other parents. It may help you make a plan for looking after yourself and also make a plan for how you can help your son. from here forward.
To start with, read our member stories. http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-parents-gamers/members-stories
But start with looking after you. You did not know how strong the computer would be over him. Please forgive yourself. You did not cause him to be an addict. Nuture your own needs first, then you can be strong for your family. You could start by seeing a counsellor (one who understands addiction) or attend Al-anon or Nar-anon. They are free and are for people whose loved ones are addicts. Also there is a typed chat online meeting for parents on Thursdays in the chat room.
Your son is still a child and you have legal power to change what goes on with him. When he is 18 that will change.
I suspect that my own son, who is an adult, has a disorder, but he has to learn to live his life with it. Escaping into gaming and me supporting him to do that will never give him a chance. So I now will not enbale him to game in my home again. He will have to learn about life and learn to cope with it. He has choices about what he does about it. I have choices to not enable him.
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here
Hi,
Still you can do something to help your kid with therapist support as he has ADD. First of all video games or maybe other screen obsessive behaviour will make the problem worse. Try please to make your home internet and technology free as much as you could. As Lisa said in link above posted by Polga, Addiction is worser than depression and it will be still there even if you have a healthy life and the treatment should consider that in order to have better results. As an addict working on my recovery, i am dealing with urges to game and its side effects and with triggers such as pressure which could trick someone to believe that its the only cause of addiction.
so i say no screen use at all after consulting a therapist and explaining the reasons for your kid and giving him little time to cop with this idea because at this stage its all what he got. I don’t know how severe is your kid’s health but he will get depressed without games and someone has to stay with him all the time to involve him in healthy activities and to observe his behaviour!!
If you are anxious when you are trying to solve this, your kid will sense it so please try to relax and believe that it is going to be ok.
best wishes
"Recovery is not about dealing with gaming. Recovery is about dealing with Life"
Hi again Sue
There is an interesting post you may find of interest from a mom about finding the underlying causes of her son's gaming addiction here:
http://www.olganon.org/comment/208866#comment-208866
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here