The Long Journey

I think our story began in the fall of 2009. It most likely began earlier and I was just late to catch on to it. Our bright and athletic son was a sophomore in high school and his behavior drastically began to change. First it was grand theft auto, then Runescape and the granddaddy, making our life miserable, was League of Legends. My husband and I knew nothing about the games and hated all of them. We never thought they were okay to play even for a reward or a little bit of time each day. Our son was sneaky, manipulative and determined. Anyone reading this who has a familiar situation can fill in all the blanks of what transpired for the next years of our lives. Pleading, yelling, crying ( a lot from me), contracts and more contracts, therapy sessions, hope, no hope, hope again, no hope, college, failing, another attempt at college, outdoor school and more broken dreams. This process was so hard on the entire family and our marriage. We survived. During this time, my husband and I each had a parent die and I had a very close sibling die with our son having little reaction. Every day of these years, I had such a heavy heart as LOL had hold of my son. It was exactly like he was part of a cult. He looked like a shell of himself, he lied, he was intolerable and he was a stranger to us. He hated us. All that matter to him was that he got his drug.

I had a slimmer of hope he could be the exception regarding college. Part of sending him away was giving him the opportunity to change and quite frankly it gave us a break from the constant reality of League of Legends. I am not even sure he went to class. While the break was nice for us, it only compounded the problem. The money and the tears poured out.

Fast forward 7 years, he moved out a few years ago and we try to let his problems be his problems. This past summer was another rock bottom for him. No job and an angry person and we knew he was gaming. A light must have gone off for him. The last 4 months our son has been great. When he is busy he is fantastic. He has a great job now. He looks good, he looks well rested and like he is eating regularly. He seems proud of himself. Free time is not his friend. In the past, my husband and I tried to find the opportunities for our son, we offered to have him work for us in our business. This does not work. Our son is a part of our lives but he limits the time he sees us. He commits to nothing with us but usually shows up if invited but for short intervals. He rejects any offers of help. He refuses to acknowledge the game was any more of a problem than reading or watching TV. He admits to not being in good places with his life. I do not know if he will go back to gaming or not, but for now I fall asleep without the same concern for him. I have a positive answer when friends ask about our son. I mourn the years we missed with him because of LOL but right now I can celebrate today having a relationship again with my son. We are all different and guarded, I am not sure our relationship will never be outwardly affectionate but there is a relationship. There are smiles and laughter. I do get a call from him out of the blue and I do get an I LOVE YOU from him.

After initially trying to hide our son’s gaming from others, I have tried to never hide it. By speaking about how addictive gaming can be, I know I have saved other families from our same fate. I have been surprised by the people who have supported us and in dismay from those who did not. I have been laughed at by family members when I have said our son is addicted to gaming. I was disgusted at the small high school our son attended for not taking our concerns seriously and in my opinion helped create and environment for him to game all day at school. I try not to point fingers or place blame on others for this problem but gamers are masters of finding their opportunities to use their drug and avenues outside the home are everywhere. I believe gaming addiction will continue to become more recognized as an actual addiction and treatment options will improve.

I found Olganon invaluable on my journey. I could not spend much time on the site as I would have to bury my head and cry for hours after reading stories. Olganon is honest. There are no quick and easy solutions to this problem and reality hits hard reading other parents’ posts and those from gamers themselves. If you are new to your journey I have empathy. My advice is take control immediately. Use

Every resource available. Don’t believe your child, like any addict they will do whatever needed to get their drug. Interview a therapist before sending your child and make certain the therapist understands gaming is addictive as drugs and alcohol. Nothing about this process will be easy. Make a decision, make the rules and stick to them. Do not negotiate. Do not be fooled. If your child is under 18, set up and enforce everything while you still can as once they become 18 it all becomes harder. You have to change your lifestyle too. Family dinners, homework done in common areas (so no TV for you) and all eyes on the gamer. Much like having a toddler. If you are reading this because you think your child has a problem then you KNOW your child has a problem and act. What ever you do DO NOT ENABLE. ENABLING=ADDICTION. I would classify enabling as providing anything that allows your child to do as he pleases and making any excuse for their behavior. I was guilty.