Our 20 yr old son is addicted and won’t accept help

Hello all,

I've lurked for a bit and read many things that ppl have posted. It has helped me see that not only is our son an actual addict (which we all but knew), but that it isn't fault. We literally tried every single thing to eliminate the gaming, outside of getting rid of our internet which we need for our work. We have password protected and double protected everything, he doesn't have a computer anymore (after all but failing out of of college), cannot access his phone (which we pay for) except for to receive text and phone calls, and have tried everything else. He is extremely manipulative and has lied too many times to count. We told him to get a job but he kept dragging his feet, saying he needed the phone to apply. He has stolen from our older son and even tried to order a computer and headphones for himself and had it sent to a neighbors house so we wouldn't find it. I could go on and on. It's been going on for easily a decade and has gotten worst in the last couple of years. He loves to pull the "I'm an adult" card now on us, telling us what we can't make him do, all while living in our house on our dime. There have been huge fights as a result. He states that he knows he has a problem but doesn't care. We've spoken to his pediatrician, counselors, etc and insisted he start therapy 2 months ago for all this. He agreed but admitted he is untruthful with the therapist, or tells half-truths. We have told him if this didn't stop, he would have to leave our house. He always promised it would, but within a week would be seeking electronics somewhere or somehow. Finally, a week ago it all reached a boiling point after we discovered he had to tried to access my husbands secure work computer (but wasn't able to). We said that was it and asked him to leave. He didn't want to and put up a fight, but we opened the door and said to go. He walked out with his ID, passport, and no money (or so we thought). He didn't even pick a bag. He so exceptionally stubborn and we assumed he was waiting for us to come get him back, but we didn't this time. When we didn't hear from him after 24 hours, we contacted the sheriff who said there wasn't much to be done since we didn't suspect foul play, but they would be on the lookout. It's been over a week now and we found out he is safe and has been at a homeless shelter (one where they focus on helping people get back on their feet etc). He never contacted us, but a friend works there and let us know. They recommended he stay and maybe this would set him straight and they could reach him through the therapy/counseling sessions they have to do. He can stay as long as he needs to, but the only caveat is he cannot do the behavior that landed him there. He admitted on intake that his gaming was the reason he was kicked out. We found out he got a job at a local grocery store and set up a bank account, BUT that he also got a new phone. I cannot fathom how he had the money for phone and cell service. He told the shelter counselor that it doesn't get internet but we just received an alert on his old phone (which we have here and we paid for) that he tried to recover a gaming account his dad deleted with him days before he left. So I'm pretty sure he will be asked to leave the shelter in a matter of days and that he will show up here on our doorstep again. I feel the whole cycle will start again (and he has put our dogs through hell with his yelling and throwing things when he has played games). So, I need advice- what do we do if he shows up here? We don't want him back here untilhe truly quits, but I don't think he ever will. You would think this is rock bottom, but it obviously isn't for him. So do we give him money to get an apartment? Do we co-sign since he's under 21? We don't want to be legally tied to him and his issues like that, but we aren't sure what to do when he shows and we feel very very very guilty over this. Any advice would be very much appreciated because we are at a loss. Thanks in advance. :)