Good Morning folks!
This my first post and I don't know the ropes on this site yet so please forgive me in advance if I make any unintended blunders.
My husband has a 21-year-old son who lives full time with his mother and is a gaming addict. He has never worked a day in his life and doesn't have his high school diploma. It is quite obvious to everyone involved that he has a gaming addiction, but oddly, it's not discussed! So we have a 21 year old man, living at home with mommy, not going to school or paying a bill, playing video games all night (sleeping all day) on a brand new gaming computer he duped his family into buying for him!!! Now why am I the only one seeing something wrong with this picture? His parents complain about the amount of time he spends on the computer, complain about his lack of education, but pay his bills! He has a free pass in life - he does nothing!
As I am only the Stepmother, I don't know what I should do or what I CAN do! There was some talk of him coming to live with my husband and I if he put a real effort into doing pre-college classes, but I KNOW where that would lead - he'd ditch school as usual, get expelled, and I'd end up footing his bills! NO WAY!
Anyone else, either in my situation, or has some helpful advice, please respond! I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. His parents don't believe in tough love and I don't know why this kid is living the life of a king, when we're barely middle class! When he visits for a week, my grocery bill quadruples!
Please help
Willdflower
Hi Wildflower,
Sadly there is not much you can do about this situation. It appears your stepson may be an addict. If you read some of the posts on this site you will begin to understand that internet gaming addiction is a serious and powerful as alcoholism and drug addiction.
Recovery is possible for addicts only when and if they admit their addiction and reach out for help. This point seems to depend on their 'hitting bottom' and what this means varies widely from person to person.
Can you do anything to effect this change? Beyond sharing with your stepson and his family what you have learned here, you can look after yourself and set boundaries.
It is your house. If he comes to visit you are entirely within your rights to make it an internet free zone, and set conditions on his living with you. This may be difficult to do and he may not accept it.
But if you simply allow him to stay and game, you risk 'enabling' his behaviour. Make it easy for him to game. And this is precisely what you should not do.
The advice shared by many on this site for family members in your situation is 1) look after yourself 2) do not enable his behaviour, and 3) show him where he can get help (this site, addiction counsellors, rehabs, etc).
Best wishes in managing this difficult situation.
Olga/non member since Dec. 2008 Check out my latest video on Gaming Addiction and public awareness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-6JZLnQ29o
I feel for your situation and your frustration. You are in a difficult position as a stepparent. In my opinion what you might say could cause your husband and sons mother to be defensive. Perhaps it would be a better solution to either show your husband the important information on this website about gaming addiction and its effects on the addict or print out the info for your husband to read. This way it's not about you or your feelings, it's about a real situation discussed by professionals and real people. Hopefully doing so will help instead of you coming off as an 'evil stepmom'. I am in a similar situation as an uncle and god-parent of a game addicted 19-year-old nephew. He used to play football and be active outdoors and had a girlfriend. Then he started gaming and wouldn't leave the game. He was on all night and didn't go to bed till 9 AM. No job. His girlfriend left him over his gaming. His parents were oblivious to what was happening to him. I started sending him links to YouTube videos made by gaming addicts describing how gaming addiction had ruined their lives. He is now in recovery and doing much better.
Great idea!
Olga/non member since Dec. 2008 Check out my latest video on Gaming Addiction and public awareness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-6JZLnQ29o
Welcome
I agree with what Tommi says.
If his stay becomes more than just an occasional visit you will need to have a conversation about your boundaries regarding this young man, with your partner. It might not be easy. That is why I think you should offer something now to your partner, so that your boundaries will not come out of the blue later and he says 'why have you not said anything before about it'. I like the suggestion that is highlighted in the previous post for that purpose.
Believe me, it is hard living with somebody who is gaming and being enabled, when you do not agree with what is happening. You will suffer. You need to look after you. He needs to grow up and learn to take responsibility for his life.
The more you can learn about gaming addiction it may help you and the situation;please keep coming back to read our stories. And if you can also find compassion for this young man it will make your input/guidance more authentic and benficial to his loved ones.
Addiction is a sickness. The effects are strong and lasting. He didn't chose to become and addict and is now trapped. Addicts also tend to have other mental health problems attached so it will not be easy for him or any of you.
INFO
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