My name is "Lidia" For now! I don't want to share my real name at this time.. I am a second life gamer, I am not sure if I am really addicted but my husband says I am.. I started playing Sl about 2 years 5 months ago, at first it was quite boring and after I played didn't go back.. I had been married at that time for 9 years, my husband is bipolar, manic depressive, & has low T.. That means He is moody, sad and won't have sex with me. So I went back to sl to try and find something fun! My first year on second life was a on and off thing, than I met this guy. He made me feel special again, he made me feel wanted, needed, loved... Something I was not getting from my husband, my husband i had started to talk about separation when he found out about my Sl relationship.. He than went to divorce because I was cheating on him, I understood life with him was hard and agreed.. Shortly after that my sl relationship ended and started playing sl less... I would go back when I had time for it for the next year, my husband promised things would be different and we didn't divorce.. Now here it is 2 years 5 months later and nothing has changed.. I still don't get sex, he is still moody, and is still sad.. I try to help him but when it gets to much for me I escape in to sl.. I don't want to cheat on him, I am a very sexually active person.. I LOVE SEX! Not that I want it every day but when you only get it a couple times a year, it sucks!!! I started doing something called Role Playing on a Role play sim.. It was fun, but shortly after I found that rping sex acts was fun as well! So I talk to my husband before doing it and he said it was fine, as long as it was only rp and not any out of character stuff.. So after he moved to a new job I started play sl a little more, rping regular stuff and sex act from time to time.. Not really that often either, I would do it mostly because in order for my character to get things and do things some high powered rp characters need that lol!! Stupid but is the way it goes lol! So my husband came back to get us to move down with him, well when we were putting things in the truck for the move his phone goes off.. I looked and saw he was on a sight to meet women in RL for a hook up while he was down by himself.. REALLY? I was ****ed but I felt like I deserved it with all the Sl from the previous year.. I started working when I got down here so wasn't much time for sl, i would play when i got home for a couple hours than log off.. When we got into our own place with the next it because an everyday thing, i was there everyday! I started RPing more sex acts and we started talking less. When he found out about it, it blew up.. Literally, threw our phone against the wall than flipped our bed over scaring me.. The second time he found about about a month later he said he was giving up and was suicidal and now he is in an intake hospital to treat his metal illness.. Was I cheating, he says I was? I mean really? I did it to keep myself happy because he wasn't doing his **** job as my husband.. No because he can't the man has no penis issues, he just doesn't want to.. Yet he can log on to a hook up sight and try and get women to come over to see, I am sure he would have ****ed them had any showed up.. Yet he can't have sex with his god**** wife? So i am the one with the problem and I have to stop playing sl.. Was I cheating?
Love your life, not the made up one!!!
Thanks, I am taking a month break from the game to figure out what I want.. I think it iwll help in the long run and help me decide if this non affectionate marriage is where I want to be.. He says things will be different but when you have heard the same thing over and over again it's hard to beleive.. The thought of throwing away 11 years of my life is what hurts the most, i love him but I can't stand the way he is and i am sure the same goes for him with me.. He loves me but can't stand the way I am.. I only asked if I was cheating, because it didn't feel like I was.. I wasn't having an ooc relationships, and was only rping.. No one gets it unless they play the game, they look at you like your a freak or something.. I am going to try and cut back even after my month break maybe only play a few hours a week.. Thanks for you advise!
Love your life, not the made up one!!!
I really hope you can get some help with this, an advisor, therapist or counselor. Judging by what you say about your marriage, it isn't a marriage. It's two single people cohabitating. Which is what I had.
When I had my online affairs, it felt very real. No it wasn't an outside, real life one, but if I had needed to go outside marriage I wouldn't have. In the game I could pretend to be something I wasn't: young, sexy, seductive, beautiful. But in real life I'm retired, not very sexy, not seductive at all, and not beautiful but pleasant looking. And since I'm not rich, no handsome stud would look at me twice.
Online affairs worked great for me because it felt real, without having to experience reality. But just because it was a game, didn't really change the fact that I was looking outside of marriage to have love and sex. Maybe the physical body wasn't in an affair, but the mental body was. Mentally I was totally there.
This isn't what I want out of life. I don't want fantasy. I want real life. And because it's now real and not fantasy, I'm working at recovering from the fantasy so that I can create a real life that I love.
But this is just me. Just sharing what was true for me.
Patria's bare honesty is an inspiration.
Lidia,
I too was caught up in emotional affairs during my gaming stint. They were every bit as harmful to my relationship and life as a "RL" affair would have been.
I played a slew of MMORPGs, but I was a social gamer at heart.
Gaming affairs satisfy the basest of human needs and smack of a deceit so selfish and primal that I burn in shame whenever I remember how I used to act online.
A real marriage has its share of ups and downs, both in and out of the bedroom.
Online romances are truly "perfect." No one is tired from work, upset at the kids, drowning in debt or resentful about how often s/he has to do the dishes. It's all an illusion with advanced graphics that represent the smoke and mirrors.
You're not worrying about your partner's satisfaction. You're not thinking about the condition of your face, greasy from staring at a glowing screen for hours. You're not concerned about your stale breath or wrinkled clothing.
Fantasy at its true and finest definition.
Selfishness at its true and finest definition.
We are here for you, dear friend, if you need help climbing out of the fantasy life that online games disguise as "entertainment."
-6 Years Free of Online Gaming-
Solei! you said it absolutely how it is.
Yep no online socks to fold, carpools to drive, floors to mop, or kids (or dog) up in the middle of the night. Got it.
I can identify with the pain that's built up in your marriage, and the feeling that you need an outlet to escape. I hope you can come to terms with everything on your plate and figure out what to do about it.
Twelve miles into the forest, 12 miles out.
Left my poisonous game July 4, 2012. Left online communities June 4, 2013.
Hi
Your story is the same i heard from many people from that game who are married. My ex partner is married and he was in the game because he wasn't 100% happy. Many people goes to sl trying to find what they don't have in their lives with their partners. In sl, that's not cheating, it's just a game, it's nothing but words and avatars jumping into the animations and you just watch, it's like watch porn.
I have a different idea now, and it's my personal opinion. Agree, you don't have physical contact, maybe you don't even need to use webcam, it's only between the avatars, but for me it's a way of cheating. It's time that you can use to get close to your real partner or even find ways to improve your relationship. It's my opinion.
Maybe if you and your hubby goes to some couple therapy would help in any way?... just a suggestion.
Hugs i hope things get better for you... sl is not the solution for your problems, trust me, it will add more and more.
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