My wife had inappropriate chats with guys on Discord

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Ijsje1979
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Joined: 01/07/2022 - 11:29am
My wife had inappropriate chats with guys on Discord

Hi everybody,

I'm at a loss for what to do , ..

Recently I found out by pure coincidence that my wife (been together for 18 years married for 14 years) is having sexual convesations with guys on discord.
These guys are part of her guild in an online game she plays on her cellphone.

When I confronted her about it she "said nothing is going on" at first,... saying that she confused "cum"  with "come"and she was just flirting.

(we are both not native english speakers so ) .

We had multiple arguments about this , and finally she admitted she masturbated with this guy twice and has been flirting with him for 2 months.

the sentence I did see was : him : " that was amazing what you did yesterday , I'm sorry I cum"
                                          Her : "that's okay I love to see you cum ...kiss kiss "

I asked her if she used camchat or sent pictures for this masturbating together , she denies this and says she just told him sexy things (which is just very hard to believe, I just know she is lying)

After we had this "fight" she immediately deleted all of her message history in discord and later (as I found out when I wanted to fix an issue she was having on her laptop) she changed all her passwords .
Her discord is now set to always ask for a login (not autologin like it used to be) , her lappy , cells and tablets all have new passwords)
Why delete the one thing that could prove me wrong ??

after countless fights about this subject she agreed she would stop , and never do this again.

But what happened was this :

She hides it !!
 When I found out and confronted her about it once again :

She refused to stop playing the game or stop using discord , using the excuse "i'm not allowed to have fun and relax and talk to other people " or brings up the fact that I lost my job 2 weeks ago .
And somehow always tries making me the person that is to blame .

I asked her if she loved me she says "I don't know"
I asked her if I'm not satisfying her sexually ...she says : " that is not the problem at all , I just want something different" &" I like writing about sexual fantasies"
(yet she never initiates sex , since our son was born it always has to be me who does , and she strings me along for days sometimes)

So I tried writing letters to her about my fantasies , and asked her to respond , ...why can't she do that with me ?? I would love it if she did that !!

She never ever replied to me not even once !!!

Now she always leaves the room when I enter it ,(or will do so within a short timeframe ) I'm always alone with my son in the evening or sometimes even in the afternoon .
Everytime I walk into our bedroom (where she spends 80 % of her time ) her smile disappears and she quickly closes discord or the game she plays and pretends she's watching a movie or is working (works from home)
She never spends time with me , and recently she started sleeping in my sons room on our guestbed because as she says it "you snore"..so as soon as I want to go to bed and sleep she takes all of her devices and moves to another room .

Today I voiced my concerns about her secretive behaviour and that this is not the sollution I was looking for .
She responds to me by telling me she is sick of me bringing it up, and now even says that it never happened and I'm being paranoid.

Now she is sitting in our bedroom with her laptop tablet and cell while I am sitting here with my son in the living room writing this.
When I try to talk to her she tells me to go away and "I don't want to talk "

Am I being unreasonable here ??

Should I trust her when she says nothing is going on anymore ?

The doubt is killing me , I'm always on edge and everytime I see her using discord or playing that game... I in my mind she is stripping for a stranger that wants to masturbate with her.

I don't want this marriage to end , I love her , and I'm terrified of her taking my son from me ...but I really don't know how to save this marriage anymore !

Sorry for the long rant but I have nobody I can talk to about this (I don't want my friends and family to know )

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome to the forums.

Welcome to the forums.

Your feelings around her behaviour are justified.  However gaming addiction is very powerful and also very fun for the user. It alters their brain chemistry and they do stuff that they would not do in their right mind.

The problem with addiction is that gamers are often in deep denial about the effects on others around their gaming. They have to build a defense to justify carrying on with the fun. She will also be experiencing a lot of shame to be discovered by you. Therefore I would not expect you to get a straight answer out of her. It's very easy to ramp up accusations and drama that will only make her more defensive. It's not fair what she is doing, but if you want to keep the relationship you have to be careful how you play your hand.

I recommend you do a lot of research starting with the first aid kit for spouses, see link for spouses in my signature below. There is a section on communication that might help you. Read  all the threads carefully and then make a plan if you want to have the best outcome.

INFO

Help for gamers here

Help for parents of gamers here

Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

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