Day 100 Journey Progress Report (Next goal: Recover from Relapse!)

This seemed like a great idea. Someone had posted that this progress report is like "leveling up" in gaming and that really is something I need: Measurable, visual progress in my discipline. To Day 100, Level 100!

Day 100 Tuesday

Thank you for all the support and replies. I really appreciated those of you who left me messages of encouragement and support. To be held accountable in a community setting really helped me stick to this 100-day goal.

As for me, I am so glad that I've been able to build this good momentum. Come May, I will be studying computer programming, and my daily life structure will dramatically change (no more work but I will need to hold myself accountable for studying everyday, not wasting time/money) so this momentum will be extra valuable for the rest of 2014 as I step into a new career direction.

There's certain obstacles I still have to overcome ... for example, my roommate is still very much into gaming so even if I allow myself "social gaming" with him from time to time, I will have to be careful and not get sucked back in, and kinda block out his influences.

Thank you, OLGA!!! I feel so much better than I did in January.

I will be back :)

Day 99 Monday

Came home from work and cooked for the first time in awhile. Exercised a little bit.

Watched some TV shows at night and studied a little bit. Fell asleep pretty early.

Day 98 Sunday

Had a couple friends staying over the Easter weekend so got up kinda late and went to grab lunch with them, and went to 3PM church service. Volunteered at church until 7PM. Got home and chilled before going to sleep earlier than usual.

For anybody's who's been kind enough to read all of these entries that I wrote, and are still struggling to kinda get going themselves, I just wanted to say something. I hope you don't think I'm writing this here so I can prance around and brag about myself. When I first started, I wrote mainly for myself. It was necessary for me to commit myself to keep coming here and write everyday. And that kept me disciplined. It became a tool I can rely on. In the beginning, I was making the habit, but after awhile, the habit was making me.

I think the biggest personal lesson for me was, we really need to take this one step at a time. Not just this videogaming addiction but in all other areas of life as well. We need a holistic approach to transforming many different areas of our lives if we really want to attack addictions at the root. It wasn't just videogaming addiction that was dragging me down in life and making me sad. It was lack of a fulfilling job. It was lack of good relationships. It was lack of valuable social activities. It was lack of purpose. Lack of focus. Lack of determination. Lack of commitment. Lack of exercise. Lack of self-belief. Habit for escapism.

But just like others who came before me in this community, overcame their addictions and inspired me to action & change, this task that seemed so overwhelming ... became easier and easier everyday. Sure, the first few weeks were grueling, but afterwards, the momentum basically snowballed by itself. It was just that inertia off the ground that was difficult. Then, it was just going through the motions everyday. One day at a time. One day at a time.

Everytime we fail, we get just that much closer to success. Trial & Error, right? Before coming to OLGA, I cannot even count how many relapses I had and all the times I reverted back to misery. But it was those failures that eventually led us to this community ... out of desperation, out of desire to try something new. Our approach gets refined, our strategy gets refined, our focus gets more clear and pointed everytime we fail. I think that's really the reason why I was able to gain so much from this community and this progress report writing habit.

To sum it up, I think the three things that helped drive me for the past 3 months were

1) Deciding to transform my career, quit my job and restart my education from scratch

2) Finding social activities in my life - a good social network (church, volunteering)

3) Focusing on mental, physical, professional and spiritual growth

And I can honestly say, I am at one of the most mentally mature, stable and clear periods in my life.

Day 97 Saturday

Went to grab lunch with a few friends and then did a lot of studying during the day. Church has been taking up too much time (Esp on saturdays) but today, I didn't have any duties for the youth group so it was good to have more time for myself today and stay at home. Took a nap in the afternoon, and did more reading. A friend came over and told me his sob stories of his recent break-up, and I had to console him a little. Did more studying. More I study computer science, more I feel is exciting. I am glad I have found a new career passion.

3 more days til D day!!!

Day 96 Friday

Watched some TV in the morning, went grocery shopping with Mom. This freaking dentist has me coming back for 4 months straight now ... it's been quite a torture and basically spent the entire afternoon going to this dentist and waiting. Hung out with a couple friends later at night. Did some studying before passing out at night.

Day 95 Thursday

Came back home after getting off work early and chatting with a friend at a coffee shop.

Did P90X exercises that I had not done for the past year. Felt good to push myself once again. I need to get myself back into shape ... this winter has been terribly stressful, especially with cutting videogames, and I had been resorting to sugary, fatty foods as an escape. No more. I need to fix my diet and up my exercise plan.

The financial piece is definitely going to be a problem after I quit my day-job ... but I will have to find a way. While I catch up on this new education, I will have to rely on my mother's income for at least 3-4 months. I'm going to have to talk about that with her. I am fortunate that my mother has a stable job ... without her being stable in her own way, I would not have been able to make these decisions.

In the past, there were periods where I would just not do anything and look for immediate gratification everday (playing videogames, watching movies) and accomplish nothing and learn nothing in a 3-4 month periods (like during summer breaks, in-between jobs). No more. Until I become the person I want to become, there's no time for me to stay complacent. I'm nowhere near my potential. With videogames slowing down my life, ignorant career decisions slowing down my life, with personal dramas slowing down my life ... my 20s have gone by like a lightening without me being able to accomplish/learn half the things I wanted to accomplish and learn. Granted, I will need leisure here and there to pick myself up ... but I promise myself I will devote myself wholeheartedly to self-development, self-discipline and learning in this next period of my life. No more slacking. No more "being a college kid". No more frivolous spending. No more immaturity. No more partying excessively and craving to be "cool" and "social" every weekend. No more craving for "stuff" like new clothes or things I don't need. No more TV sitcom marathons. No more videogames. No more time-wasting.

I wanna grow up. I gotta grow up ... without videogames

Day 94 Wednesday

Recently, I have begun to restrict visual entertainment down to occasional 1-2 hours of variety TV. No more binging on TV dramas or movies for days on end. Frankly, I don't have time because I need to make this big career change, and I'm running out of money.

And weirdly, it's paying off. I actually feel quiet happier. I don't know why I used to be so addicted to shows like "Breaking Bad", "Game of Thrones", "Walking Dead", etc ... I'd watch those shows for hours and hours every single night after coming home. It was like clock-work, every single day. Catch up on that show, catch up on this show. No learning, no education, no social activity, nothing. It was 1) get up, go to work, make cold-calls and do stupid menial work like a slave 2) get home and either watch TV shows or play video games and 3) Go to sleep. It was like a mental prison. A never-ending cycle of torture. I couldn't believe that was real life. Real adult life. I'd think to myself, is this what I've been working so hard toward in college? Getting a job so I could do this? On the weekends, I woudl binge on videogames and on Sunday night, there was this huge anxiety and depression on going back to "work slavery" the next day.

All in all, entertainment can be such a distraction ... I mean, we all know that through videogaming but if you think about it, there's all kinds of entertainment out there that just suck the life out of us besides gaming. TV shows that just stupidfy people. Shows that are a waste of time. I never noticed how distracting and harmful they could be ... until I kinda arrived here and really objectively looked at what kind of misery these forms of entertainment are causing people. Sure, it is fun and stress-reducing to a "degree" but ... nowadays, it's just gone completely haywire.

Day 91 Sunday

Went to work out at the gym in the morning and then church between 1PM to 7PM. Whew, exhuasting. I'm glad I have found more ways to be social during the weekends ... but I'm craving more personal time for myself (maybe because I was so used to spending time by myself on the weekends) ... hopefully I can balance everything, and if not, I may have to step down from church obligations sometime into the future if my schedule becomes overwhelming.

But I do feel more like a "human being" now that I'm socializing more ... I remember when I used to just sit at home in my cave not wanting to go out at all basically a hermit in my own world ... I wish I had gotten out sooner. Not just go drinking or partying but find worthwhile social activities ... I guess we really cannot deny that we are social creatures. I was somewhat craving that.

Day 90 Saturday

Studied in the morning and went running during the morning. Then went to a church event for lunch until late afternoon. I do love socializing with the new church folks. It was really awkward for me in the beginning but I'm very glad I found a new group of great people ... it's still kinda awkward but I'm getting to know them little by little.

Came back late afternoon and went walking with a couple friends to the park because it was finally a nice spring temperature outside. We played basketball for a little bit and grabbed dinner. Did laundry at night.

Whew, overall an exhausting day ...

Just a little bit more to my goal ... i'm looking forward to it. After the 100 day mark, my plan is to allow myself for social gaming with friends only, but definitely no "sit-down-by-myself" type of gaming in the future.

Day 89 Friday

Stayed later at work, went to dentist and came home late. Pushed myself to go running because i'm getting fat lately from not working out diligently and eating a lot out of stress lol (I've definitely been eating a lot of sweets ... and skipping on working out for the past months ... maybe all that sweet-eating was related to not gaming ... kinda trying to get that dopamine and rewarding feeling from eating)

Day 88 Thursday

Told one of my bosses my official intent to leave. Letter of resignation ... probably writing it next week. I'm guessing I will have to give my 2 weeks notice. Things are less scary than I thought. People are relatively understanding of my decision. Maybe they want to leave too but they can't? lol ... I should feel lucky that I can float on my parent's savings for a while ... some people don't have that privilege and have to work day and night ... I need to find a source of income soon after this if I don't wanna become homeless. Ugh this money-driven society of ours ...

Day 87 Wednesday

Finalizing on my letter of resignation and waiting for the right timing. My senior managers may freak out but I do have a very good relationship with a person in HR who understands my situation well. We are going to work together to make sure that this transition period goes smoothly.

Had dinner after work with an acquintance I met through church. I don't have that many friends in the area since I moved here for work ... so it was great to spend time with this person and talk about our lives and our future plans.

I was really frustrated at my boss yesterday but now I feel good. He won't be my boss very long.

Day 86 Tuesday

Felt frustrated at work because I got yelled at by the boss. Went to the gym afterwards and got my stress out on the treadmill, haha. But overall, I'm glad I am going to quit this miserable job ... I would love to give that boss a middle finger when I leave ... what a douche. He's been exploiting my potential and intelligence all this time into something as dead as cold-calling and using me in this miserable job while he sits on his cushy managerial sofa and does nothing. Sometimes I feel like he loves making me feel stupid so that he can have this "power" over me, making me feel like he's "doing me a favor" by giving me this job in this place. You miserable SOB. Why should I stay, so I can make you more money? So that I can take 5% commission while you take home the 95% so you can afford to hire more young kids like me to exploit and waste our time working for you doing meaningless crap for your profit? He dangles commission checks in front of our eyes and makes us do meaningless phone coldcalling, promising us a "baller rich lifestyle like him" with 6-figure income, a nice car, a nice house, a nice family life and a nice vacation house on the beach. Stupid selfish douche who gives no value back to society and hoards it all for himself. I'm sorry i'm venting this out here but I thought that older people, especially "bosses" at work, were supposed to be all wiser than me. I was dead wrong. I hope that all of us here can find meaningful work that gives back value to society, and not be like my douche boss.

Day 84 Sunday

Went to church around noon and volunteered until late afternoon. Got home and grabbed dinner with roommate. Whew, it's a big time-commitment but I think it's definitely worth it ... being with liked-minded young peers make me feel good ... and the church environment is very supportive and good as we can talk about all our problems out in the group setting.

Day 83 Saturday

Went to the gym early in the morning, and then went to the dentist in the afternoon. Came home and chilled with a few friends. Finally got internet and a good computer set-up!! Feel like I'm back alive again.

Living with this new roommate may pay off for me. Although he does play a lot of videogames, he is definitely more socially active than I am, inviting people over to our place and initiating things. I like that about him, as I'm lazy to initiate things usually but still do feel good when I hang out with those people. Perhaps all this would turn out well for me. I am grateful to God.

Day 82 Friday

Got back home late from work. Still no computer, no internet (I'm writing this the next day by the way ^_^) kinda stuck on watching YouTube videos on my 4G smartphone and gave up. A bunch of friends came over to see the new apartment and played video games. I just observed and cheered them on as they played NBA 2k14. They kept trying to hand me the controller but I kept saying no. After awhile, they got the message. How can I give up now? I'm only 18 days away!!

Day 80 Wednesday

Basically spent the whole day reorganizing around the new apartment. Getting settled in. I have no monitor at home, so can't even use the internet while I'm at home. Restricted to internet use only at work. At first, I thought this was terrible but at least it keeps me away frmo frivolous time-spending with gaming or TV watching.

My roommate is nice but he also plays a lot of games so I will do my best to keep a certain distance from him in that way. I have no plans to convince him to stop gaming but ... I really hope he eventually finds other ways to enjoy life.

Day 79 Tuesday

Spent all day moving! Packed all my stuff, rented a U-Haul van (it was a bi&*h to drive but worth it ... pretty cheap all around) and got it to the new place by myself.

The new place is spacious, and I like my roommate. Whew, I'm very grateful to God for all these little improvements that are happening in my life ... end of 2013, beginning of 2014 was definitely a hellish period for me.

Thank you, Lord, for OLGA, for helping me quit my bad addictions, for giving me these little things in life that has given me hope that I can indeed change my life ... one day at a time.

Day 77 Sunday

Church all day. Dog tired although I had a enjoable time volunteering and meeting new people at the church. Sometimes when I'm home alone, I feel good that I get to spend private time by myself but once I start interacting with other people at a place like church, I realize what I had been missing. There's lots of people out there who do share and appreciate the same things I do. I met a person today who shared my views on career planning, passion discovery and finding purpose-driven work. I was so happy that we could have an intelligent conversation about something that I deeply cared about - that someone else shared my passion.

Personally, being with too many people constantly is very annoying. I don't want to go to a bar and talk to random people about their jobs, or what kind of TV programs they like. But in the right settings, I love being able to find out what people value, what they think about today's society, what they are pursuing, discuss high-level ideas ...

Perhaps I shouldn't hole myself up all the time. I forgot that we are social creatures. We are meant to live together.

Day 75 Friday

Second work-out of the entire week! Felt good although I was aiming for more like 4x this week. Will try harder once I finish moving into a new apartment.

Some of my peers seem to wonder why I don't party hard on the weekends. "Be more social and enjoy your 20s!" they say. Maybe it's because I've matured more than them while thinking about pain and struggles over something like gaming addiction, and how much that has robbed me of my life. I can't let other things rob me of my future anymore. This is time to sow for me, not time to reap.

I truly do believe that investing in myself, removing negative habits and believing in myself, will pay off in the 10-year timeframe. Enjoying life is obviously a good idea. But not for me. Not right now. I can't wait any longer not living my full potential. I need to try harder. I can try harder. Reclaim the life I was meant to live.

Day 74 Thursday

Copping out of working out for the past few days ... feeling a little down as a result. Need to push my ass to the gym. Am steadily studying programming a few chapters in my book a day. It's really hard. But I find it enjoyable.

Work is getting less stressful now that I've decided on my long-term vision. It really doesn't matter if my boss thinks I'm not doing a good job. I'm actually applying to a programming school to see if I can get admitted there. Hopefully my "exit period" between my current job and programming school works out gracefully ...

Day 70 Sunday

Studied programming in the morning. Went to church. I've joined a volunteer group on church and that takes place between 12PM to 6PM so it definitely eats up a lot of my Sunday. It's good and bad at the same time ... but I find it meaningful and spiritually fulfilling despite the time investment. Watched a lot of TedTalks videos at night.

I've recently told some friends about my plans to change careers (pretty radical from business into software engineering) and they look at me pretty incredulously. But then again, I have nothing to lose and feel excited about my future despite their lack of understanding for my decision. To this day, I still have friends who slightly "mock" me for stopping video-games. They say "how come you have no self-control? I'm fine with playing videogames because I can control myself". I so wish I could get them to see what I've seen within this community and all the people who's suffered from video-gaming ... But I cannot change everybody.

Day 69 Saturday

Went to sign a new apartment lease ... and then went to the dentist. Came back home and studied. Watched some good online lectures.

Day 68 Friday

Worked from home and then went to visit a new apartment I will be moving into. Liked the place. Came home and studied.

Day 67 Thursday

Happy hour after work - got home and passed out

Day 66 Wednesday

Will go to gym again today, no exception!!!

Day 65 Tuesday

So glad to go back to the gym! Finally got my butt there and cooked for dinner.

My work situation ... or just my mindset about the work? is getting better. I'm planning to quit my sales job after this summer and go back to school for web programming and computer science. I've actually started studying by myself and oh boy it's pretty challenging but it's fun and something I can definitely see myself doing. I will finally give a try at studying something I've always wanted to ... instead of following whatever my parents think is best.

I am excited about my future ... for the first time in awhile ... !

Day 64 Monday

Yay decided on a pretty good new place over the weekend!

Promised myself to go to the gym after work but copped out at the last minute due to fatigue ... ugh I regret it. Instead, I spent the time watching TV. Tomorrow I will definitely go.

Day 61 Friday

Will be moving into another town soon so shopping around for apartments with a roommate. It's definitely not an easy task but hopefully God will bless us with some good places this weekend.

Wow can't believe it's been 2 months since I was struggling so much with gaming ... back in January, PC games like Skyrim had a "death grip" on me and I was so afraid and nervous every weekend because I felt like I couldn't control myself, couldn't tear myself away from gaming ... the key definitely was being busy + not being afraid to reach out to others for help ... not just relying on yourself or being by yourself.

Day 60 Thursday

WOOT Day 60!! HECK YEA WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I rewarded myself with some TV watching and desserts today ;)

Day 57, 58, 59 Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday

Was away on a business trip at Indianapolis. Spent a lot of time mingling and eating at business lunches. I only brought my iPad there so there was no opportunity to even think about gaming. Good.

Day 56 Sunday

Went to gym then church all day.

Recently I have begun to see gaming as repulsive ... my friend was suggesting he was going to bring the new XBOX to my house and I just flat-out said no. And that's a good thing. It angers me whenever I think of gaming, and all the time I wasted on gaming. All my life I wasted, all my youth wasted on gaming. I could have invested that time, something like 10,000 hours, into something else, like a skill, craft/and I could be far richer or more successful or just have a better life right now at age 25. This may be a slight exaggeration but I could be a freaking astrophysicist or freaking Bill Gates if I had invested the amount of time I dumped on gaming into studying physics or software engineering!! And that makes me really mad. At myself. At my dumb past self. And at my parents for never stopping me from playing videogames.

And that's a good, surprising thing. Even a couple months ago, I used to think gaming as my "only escape" ... my only source of pleasure. A place where I could get away from my less-than-perfect life for a few hours and just focus solely on the pleasures of gaming. I would cherish the time I had for gaming. It was almost like my reason for living. I went to work so I could game afterwards. Isn't that crazy?

But now, I don't know what I was escaping so hard from ... I finally realize that I didn't have to escape anywhere. All I had to do was decide. Deciding to live everyday a little bit better than yesterday. Deciding to progress just a little bit more than yesterday. That's how you improve your life. Not give up on my life like "oh my life is never gonna get better. My job situation is never gonna get any better and I'm gonna be a loser for the rest of my life ... I might as well game so I don't have to think about my miserable life for awhile" " ... coz that's what was keeping me in gaming ... I only realized all this through the help of counselors and self-introspection.

If you are reading this, and having a hard time with video-game addiction, I really recommend analyzing what's making you game. Ultimately, in my personal opinion, we all try to fill "gaps in our life" with gaming. For me, it was deep self-hatred. I hated my life. I hated my job. I hated everything. I just needed to get away ... so instead of spending energy thinking of ways to improve my life (socially, physically, mentally, professionally), I spent my time gaming, looking for time to game, looking for ways to cut down on other activities so I could game more.

I don't wanna do that anymore. I had forgotten for so long all of God's blessings in my life ... and all I had to appreciate. And "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" - Phillipians 4:13.

Already over 50%. Let's go. Can't wait til Day 100.

Day 55 Saturday

Went to the dentist in the morning and then hung out at my friend's place because it was her birthday. We went ice-skating during the day and then bar-hopping at night. Bar-hopping was excruciatingly painful because I don't like drinking anymore for health reasons and I feel a lot more relaxed and comfortable in front of a computer than being jam-packed in a hot, crowded bar paying for expensive drinks on a Saturday night. I know I should try to be more social but ... there's def other ways to be social, I feel like.

Day 54 Friday

I'm picking up computer programming so it's been good to spend time on it after work in the evenings when I'm alone at home. It's challenging, and I almost gave up a few times but it gets more fun as you get more into it.

I do get a pang for video-games sometimes ... like right now it's 9PM and I don't really have a plan nor do I want to go out in this cold. So with a few hours to kill, you always get that itch for video-games.

But overall, I know that it will only make me "happy" in the short-term and miserable in the long-term. And I'd hate to crumble this 54-Day momentum.

I think I will watch some TV and go to sleep early tonight.

Day 50 Monday

WOAH I can't believe it's been 50 days already, HOORAY!! ... but I'm still severely sick with a flu, haha. I guess not much celebrating except for going home after work and relaxing with a few hours of TV for me.

I haven't been thinking of gaming at all for awhile ... I think that's good. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that I have very limited free time anyways due to the nature of my day-job.

Anyways Hooray it seems like yesterday when I was hating myself for playing Skyrim until 5AM for like 17 hours staright

Day 49 Sunday

Read a lot at a nearby cafe in the morning.

Day 48 Saturday

Dragged myself to the gym and did 1-hour of cardio. Felt good but still sick. Got some personal writing done and rested at home

Day 47 Friday

Sick all day ... was sleeping all day. Must be the flu

Day 44 Tuesday

Stayed a little late at work and then did laundry at home watching TV between 8PM to 11PM .. injured my wrist from working out last week and haven't been going to the gym ... feeling a little depressed

Day 43 Monday

Went to a public-speaking group after work ... didn't do so well but did get myself out of the house, whew.

Day 42 Sunday

Gym in the morning followed by church all day. Planning to volunteer even more time at church as one of the small-group members of the praise team.

Any free-time I have is going into movie-watching but i barely have 1-2 hours of free-time sitting at home lately. Packing your day in advance with activities definitely helps me keep my mind off videogaming.

Day 41 Saturday

Dentist in the morning, social function at night. No time to stay at home.

Day 40 Friday

Was planning to go to gym after work but ran into an old friend and had a long talk. Passed out.

Day 39 Thursday

Had to get up early for work. Went home after work and passed out very early.

Day 38 Wednesday

Another push to the gym after work ... pre-planned.

Day 37 Tuesday

Stayed really late after work. Felt good because I got a lot done. Went home and passed out.

Day 36 Monday

Planned to go to gym after work. Stayed late after work and pushed myself to go to gym. Felt good.

Day 35 Sunday

Went to church and slept a lot today. Woah can't believe it's already been 5 weeks since I started this thing. Can't wait to pass Day 50!!

Day 34 Saturday

Basically spent the entire day outside. Gym (oh god I needed that ... first time this week), dentist appointment and then took a long bus-ride back to parents' place. Slept over.

Day 33 Friday

Didn't really get to celebrate Day 30 much but I'm glad!

I've definitely replaced my videogaming addiction with "over-sleeping" and "YouTube variety TV show watching" ... sigh haha ... this week went by really fast due to work.

Another thing I recommend for staying away from videogames is to "GET REALLY STRESSED OUT OVER WORK" or get a job doing telephone sales. It will really drive you crazy to the point where you don't have any time to play videogames at home. UGH

Day 28 Sunday

Went to church. I'm so glad I've decided to regularly go out to church since 3 weeks ago. For the longest time (like 2 years), I've been afraid to go to this church because I thought people would think I'm a loser for going there alone and I'd feel left out without any friends ... but people there turned out to be really nice, and around my age range, all with their own problems, insecurities and struggles just like me and always looking to meet more people.

Before I decided to go to church, I'd wake up around 10, 11AM on a sunday after a late night of gaming, not know what to do, often just binge-game on whatever I decided to play on Friday night. Now, my Sundays have meaning and I love that ... I can get up early in the morning, knowing that I have to get my butt to the church, so that I can meet new people and attend church service.

Another element was the "promise/obligation" factor. The church people had me on a 4-week introductory program where they wanted me to consistently come to small-group gathering for 4 weeks and I had promised them I will keep coming back. So I didn't want to disappoint them, just like I promised here at OLGA that I would do 100 days and that promise is helping me. I think I really find that "social obligation" factor very helpful in motivating myself to do something or NOT do something. The feeling that someone else cares about my actions is very strong and moves me to action and discipline and positive progress even when I feel lazy, discouraged and tempted.

Rewarded myself with some sweets and good food today. 4 weeks down, Yay

Day 27 Saturday

Morning dental appointment, then went to the library for a free career consultation session. The career session turned out to be a waste of time but finding the library's quiet study area turned out to be useful because it was very clean and quiet. Got some studying done. need to go back there someday.

Got home around 7PM and watched online variety TV show until midnight-ish. I'm glad I didn't get any strong pangs of videogame craving. I've been thinking about it from time to time but I know I shouldn't do it so trying to just "move past it" whenever I think of my old games like Skyrim. I think it's good not to "resist" the thought but just let it pass you by, like not something to fear, but something that's always going to be there with me, that desire, craving. But I find it empowering that I can somewhat control it better now, that I'm not a slave to it looking for immediate gratification. (Now, if online TV watching is "another harmful addiction" altogether, that's probably right and a different story lol ... but for the time-being, I like it)

Day 26 Friday

Got off early from work and went to the gym for the first time this week. Whew, felt good. Watched movie (12 years a slave ... I recommend it!) at home computer after getting home around 7PM. Fell asleep at 11PM.

Day 25 Thursday

Got done at work around regular time 5PM and wanted to just veggie out at home but decided to go to social function instead. It was very enjoyable ... normally I would have just gone home but I'm glad I pushed myself this time (even though it was freezing out). Came home around 9PM. 25% done!! YESS 1/4 done!

Day 24 Wednesday

Got done late at work and went to dinner around the office. Passed out at a cafe for a quick nap and went to public-speaking class at 8:30PM which took until 11PM to get out. Being outside with all this activity is driving me crazy without ANY relaxation time whatsoever but ... i'm glad it's keeping me off games.

Day 23 Tuesday

Had a class after work and got home around 8PM. Recently I'm binging on watching comedy sitcoms on YouTube and a lot of sweet stuff ... Maybe I'm craving that "good feeling" from sugars nowadays to replace my "gaming highs" ... I had like 12 Ferrer Rochers and a cupcake so my diet might be a problem ... I'm actually noticing myself getting fatter. Work stress and gaming abstience may be the cause to these cravings. Staying away from gaming now is not too difficult but these other activities that have come to "replace gaming" may turn out to be harmful.

Day 22 Monday

Horrible snowy weather after work. Took 2 hours to get home. It was 8PM when I got home so wanted to veggie out in front of the TV. Ate dinner and passed out

Day 21 Sunday

Church in the morning, spent sometime reading at a bookstore afterwards, worked out at the gym. I had the urge to stay at home and do nothing during the afternoon but decided to go back into the city to get some work done instead. I've been officially 3 weeks free! 20% Done, yess!!

Day 20 Saturday

Wow, I'm glad I almost made it 3-weeks free. It seems like yesterday when I joined.

I'm having weird cravings in my head though. Like for the past 2 weeks, whenever I thought of gaming, I immediately thought about how much I hated wasting time on it and all that guilt and regret and strong feeling of hatred. Now that 2-3 weeks have gone by, that feeling has subsided and that "fun wanting" sensation has come back. I need to be careful.

Day 19 Friday

After work, went straight to the gym and felt good. God, I need to motivate myself to go to the gym more often. I know it will feel good afterwards but getting my butt there is such a pain in the butt. Ate left-overs and chilled all night.

Day 18 Thursday

Wanted to relax after work so did laundry and cooked dinner at home while watching online TV.

Day 17 Wednesday

Stayed late at work and then went to class. Got home around 10PM. dog tired. I think these busy-ass days are tiring but good in a way that they take up all my time so I don't have time to think about gaming ...

Day 16 Tuesday

Stayed late at work and then went to public-speaking class. class ended around 9PM so it was already 10PM when I got home ... showered and passed out.

Day 15 Monday

Stayed late at work and went to gym afterwards. Felt good. Passed out after TV.

Day 14 Sunday

Woke up and went to church soon after. After church, went to the office to do some more extra work. At night, went to class. When I got home, I was dead tired.

Day 13 Saturday

Had slept for 12 hours when I woke up in the morning. Wanted to keep sleeping but I felt really lazy and terrible for sleeping so long, and couldn't possibly get myself to fall asleep anymore so got up and worked out instead for the first time this week. God, that changed up a lot of things. Working out really fixed up my mood again and got some endorphins pumping so I could feel optimistic about my future. can't believe I'd been procrastinating from gym all week.

2nd weekend game-free, whew. What's been helping me is ironically "overwhelmingly stressful work" which is making me pass out eveytime I come home. I've gone 13-days free which I'm very happy about. 2 months ago in November, I had gone 21-days free before breaking bad during Thanksgiving under a false sense of security with all that free time during holiday break but no more of that BS. Going to aim for another 21-days free ... that's next Sunday.

Day 12 Friday

Finally got off early from work today around 5PM. Ate a big dinner while sitting in front of TV and just passed out around 7:30PM. Woke up next morning at 7:30AM.

Day 11 Thursday

Got home very late 11PM after work (maybe it's good that I'm getting done late at work because I don't have time to install games sitting in front of my home computer ... ) was exhuased but still watched some online TV for 1-2 hours before passing out.

Day 10 Wednesday

Work's been really tough on me. Got home around 8:30PM after work. Copped out of gym because felt too lazy and tired. Instead watched a lot of online TV. Ugh, should have gone to gym! it's always hard dragging yourself after a stressful day at work.

Day 9 Tuesday

Work has been stressful ... watched a lot of online TV for 3-4 hours after work while eating dinner. Went to sleep 10PM.

Day 8 Monday

Tried going to a "Meet-Up.com" event after work to be more social. Turned out be lame but it was worth knowing what that was all about. Got home around 9PM and relaxed watching TV. Sleep at 11PM.

Day 7 Sunday

Man, this was the most productive Sunday I've had in awhile. I finally forced myself to go to this church I'd been dying to go to but couldn't. I've been very afraid because I felt shy going by myself without any friends but I finally mustered up the courage (esp because I used to play videogames on Sunday instead) ... in the beginning, I felt awkward and out-of-place there but they had a pretty warm welcome for new-comers and I had a good time. I got to meet a couple few new people who seemed very nice. Definitely doing it again next Sunday.

After church, I did some shopping, did some work, and by the time I got home, it was 9PM so I felt very happy about spending time outdoors for like 12 hours today instead of vegging out at home sitting in front of the computer. I felt very proud. Definitely better than last Sunday when I was busy installing and uninstalling games.

One week down!! WOOT! End of Week 1. Onto Week 2

Day 6 Saturday

Got up very early to go snowboarding with a couple of old friends. Got back at home at 11PM after group dinner. Definitely no time or energy to game, which is just what I wanted.

My friends started playing new videogames at their place and asked me to play. I had to tell them "I'm on a serious commitment to quit videogaming". One friend said that "Playing with your friends once in a while won't hurt as long as you manage your time" but I said I won't hear any of it. Especially after making this commitment on OLGA, there's no way I can go near videogaming, even if its in a social setting. They kinda stopped trying after awhile but I basically decided to get out of there, knowing that they weren't very pleased with me refusing to play videogames with them. Sometimes, you need to say no adamantly even to your friends. I guess it's just a good idea to have good friends who don't play videogames and understand your commitments.

Need to commit to going to church tomorrow morning so will go to bed relatively early today. Busy is good.

Day 5 Friday

Did sleep a lot today, but its 10:35PM and haven't touched any gaming! Finally got myself to gym and feel really good post-workout. Will go to sleep early tonight. This will be the first weekend in like 3 months where I don't binge on videogames, I promise!!

I kinda feel a different energy this week due to joining OLGA and having a new commitment. I'm very glad I found this community.

Day 4 Thursday

Got done with work late. Didn't want to go to gym - too tired. Went to sleep early. Feeling like getting a lot of sleep lately ... Withdrawal symptom? stress? Haven't had much game craving.

Day 3 1.15 Wednesday

Got some planning done for the weekend. I'm terrified of sitting at home so gonna commit myself to doing some things:

Friday night = work-out, prepack lunch for snowboarding trip tomorrow, TV, sleep early

Saturday = snowboarding during day, social event at night, TV, sleep early

Sunday = church (first time going in two years), work-out, social event at night, TV, sleep early

Day 2 1.14 Tues

Was stressed out from work and didn't want to do anything after getting home. Ate some leftovers. Watched a lot of online TV (4 hours?) ... I'm glad I didn't resort to gaming but still I don't want to replace my downtime with "another" addiction in online TV watching .. it was relaxing and all but I could have done something more productive.

Day 1 1.13 Mon

Decided to try something new to fight addiction. Found OLGA. Signed up.

Went to workout as soon as getting back home from work. The period between getting home and getting dressed for gym was tough (keep telling myself "ugh I don't wanna go") but got my butt to the gym anyways, had a great workout and felt good afterwards. Rewarded myself with relaxing TV afterwards and slept.

Day 0 1.12 Sun

Uninstalled everything at night after a severe binge session of gaming. Felt terribly guilty and disliked myself for relapsing so many times (probably 41,42nd time I relapsed in the past 3 years ... )