hi im new here. im not really sure where i fit into all of this so i am just posting this here. i will certainly lurk around here more often at least in theory. i have read several threads here in the past which is houw i found this site. well anyway i hope to enjoy my stay here.
you know. im not entirely sure why im here or posting this or even if this is the right spot.
i want to say i am not addicted to playing games in the traditional sense. for starters i dont play MMORPG's. i dont always even play games everyday(though im aware that doesnt mean someone isnt addicted before i recovered from porn i could skip days but hell if i wasnt addicted) nor am i addicted to facebook or twitter. though my phone auto updates and shows me facebook updates i am OCD about checking those. though i dont actually load facebook. i have gotten better about not looking at them or if i do scroll by so fast that i dont read them.
im not even a huge online gamer i do prefer single player games. but me and a friend from back home(away many states for college) play so we stay in touch and "hang out" that way.
however my backlog is crazy. i think this stems from i shifted from five finger discounting a lot to compulsive buying as at least that is legal as if i am collecting games and movies which ive done before with cards and sold them all and only ended up rebuying them all again. though i do stay within my budget especially after a couple of times of over spending on the old credit card and paying off all of that crap i think few things ive hated more than having a few thousand on the credit card making 800 bucks a month. ouch. sure small compared to what ive heard some people do. and then only to turn around and DO IT AGAIN. argh. but never ever ever again.
however all that said. i game into the late hours why? i cant sleep. my insomnia has been brutal since i was 5 years old. ive never in all my years been the most social of people. though that isnt entirely true i used to be quite social but i always did enjoy kicking back and having some alone time. but my social life especially in a strange new state has fallen off the map im trying to create a social life but im not entirely good at it. years of depression amongst other things like the old porn addiction and drugs and other crap have sort of left a shell of myself in its place that has severely hurt my social skills. porn really crushed my ability to interact with the opposite sex aka those of the female persuasion. in short my social life in the past 9 years has continuely gotten worse and worse.
ironically i didnt really game much for 4 years besides worms and colonization and my social life was AMAZING. however that said i was during that time miserable, depressed and caught in the chains of the other mentioned addictions...well except porn that came right at the beginning of when my social life would start falling apart. shortly before that i reclaimed my gamecube from my friend that i bought at launch i bought several games for it too. but he kept the gamecube for like 4 years. however i want to be clear porn came from something besides gaming. and i'd blame porn more for my downfall in socializing than gaming as i was entirely ashamed of myself for it considering i had built a reputation of being like the only person in a rather shady group of people that wasnt sex addicted and i was respected for that and i enjoyed that respect. also religiously im against porn too. and ive learned scientificly speaking porn is bad.
should i be doing homework? yea. but i cant always concentrate on it. hell i cant always concentrate on gaming. more than once ill roam the internet, get up, and almost with an OCD ADHD combo switch out the game i am playing like i cant settle on one thing usually when im in the mood to go out but have nothing to do. i cant if you will game for 100 hours straight like i could in my youth i need a break.
my problem is i have no social life. i moved away for school. i have rampant insomnia. and a collector like tendency and ive been addicted to more than one thing in the past. all this means i am nothing short of an expert in secrecy. im addicted to keeping secrets really or at least doing one or two things in secret. so naturally i keep this gaming buying playing OCD cycle of mine completely secret because it also feeds my urge to be secretive.
the point is i know i have some form of a problem here. im just not sure where exactly it lies as i can go a week or two and not game. its only really when i get a huge itch to do it or if i have homework that totally sucks. i also dont see gaming itsself as a problem. i just see the way i go about it as the problem. ive come to conclusion that there will always be something that has to take up my time. if i want to relax and game that is fine. but when it crosses into the unholy backlog ive amassed and eats away at my school time THEN it is a problem. i mean in all honesty how is this any worse than people watching jershey shore? or any of the other crap for hours on end on TV? its not. in fact gaming is far better than that crap. so i think the problem is if i spend too much time on it. too much effort on it. and i really should save more money than i do and i really should do more school work than gaming or internet roaming. but the thing is i will want to come home and relax. i think my ultimate problem is i dont have a social life to balance out anything. also as stated watching TV and gaming are ultimately the same.
at least back home with other gamer friends that was consisting of a social life and we didnt have to game to hang out.
i also inherently love computers. i can build them. i know some programming and i do know my way around them. i do just in general love them. so i have a natural draw to electronics. this is why i am convinced i wont ever STOP gaming completely but i do think i need to change it from it being the master to me being the master. i think my biggest problem is likely the compulsive collecting. im not keen on selling off a collection of stuff for a second time only to rebuy it all again as i fear i would do that. i do have some rather rare stuff too. so that option is clearly off the table.
what bugs me the most here really is that it seems there is no end. its like anything can become addicting. im almost frightened to know what i am still addicted to that i am not noticing as i am focusing on gaming.
i think just need other stuff to occupy my time to balance out the game sessions. everything in moderation i just need to figure out how to moderate it.
yes i realize these are the clouded thoughts of an addicted mind and aside from the history lessons part of this post a lot of subject to a jaded perception and may completely change.
i guess this can be my progress thread. ill try and keep this thread updated if that is ok. i think it will help me keep a balance if i have to check in with people. it helped with the porn recovery so might help set this in order too.
Welcome,
I wish to ask some questions if I may:
did you try cognitive behavior therapy as solution to your ocd? How much time do you game? How much time do you spend behind a computer ?.. And how strong is your urge to switch it on?
OCD may lead to machine addiction..often, and water streams to the lowest point so gaming, porn are the ost obvious points it all leads too. You may find CBT useful.
pre- diagnosed with Autism.
welcome Kayne
if you are here and told your story you definitely have a problem, and need help.
when i got here, i know i needed help, and later found out how much help i really needed.
like i told a client today, "this my friend needs more then just a pat on the DA's back"
keep coming back, your worth the time!
leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized) sober from all electronic games since 11/19/2010
There is a bible scripture that says: "The world will die and the lust there of, but he who follows the way of the Lord will abideth forever."
You see lust is a sin. In fact it is one of the 7 deadly sins. Many scriptures warn about it. The thing is it is the only sin you do against your own body. The people who indulge in it simply die, physically. That tends to destroy your social life. Your social life has "died", as did you when you decided to lust. Not only that but spiritually, your soul is taking hits the more you lust too.
About games, they are just tools that satan uses to distract people from God. Not only that he uses games, to help possess weak minded individuals and put false or wrong thoughts in their heads. TV is just as bad. Many games also are laced with witchcraft and it is disguised as childs play or harmless. When indeed it is much worse. Basically satan is battling for your mind, and even mind control. Games are a perfect outlet for satan to achieve this. Not only that but gaming too is a sin especially when you san say everything you learned about your game, but can't say what you learned in school that day, or even worse can't recite a scripture.
I am sure if you are addicted to porn and gaming, that you are also addicted to music. Here is site that tells my story on music addiction. I feel that is yet, just another tool satan uses for mind control. http://www.xamuel.com/music-addiction/
The witchcraft that is in games, sometimes the intent is simply to put a hex on the people who play the game. It sounds crazy I know, but when you look at what actually happens some people actually get hex'd. Which makes me feel that it is real. The game I played was laced with witchcraft and I was performing it, and eventually my life followed path of "being hex'd". I think it is not only a physical battle against these games, it is also very spiritual, and you may become demon possessed with out even realizing it. Someone may have cast a curse on you with out you even realizing it, and your weak mind allowed it to go into fruitation. You can over come it through the grace of God. You got to start following the ways of the Lord. Ask your self this: Would Jesus be playing video games if he was alive today?. I don't think so.
The bible also warns to stay away from witchcraft and all that stuff. Witchcraft is in more places than you may realized. It is no longer only in psychic shops. It is everywhere in all sized shapes and forms. Much of it is hidden or disguised, as fun or play or entertainment.
Keep coming back. Don't game, just for today, no matter what. How do you do that? Keep coming back.
We help each other with this. Everything else falls into place over time.
Sometimes I tell myself that I'm going to go on a huge gaming binge and play for a zillion hours until I become like the guy playing wow in the South Park video.
But, that's tomorrow....not today. Then tomorrow comes, and I say that again. But, if I didn't stay plugged into recovery with others like myself, I'd forget to use little tricks like that.
Peace,
"When we stop living in the here and now, our problems become magnified unreasonably" (Basic Text, p. 9).
Satan? really? Lets not become preachy here, theres a forum just for that in General Spiritual Discussions. Fear-mongering need not exist on these friendly pages, imho.
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone
I see what you're saying John, however it could just be that someone is trying to express what they believe in order to hopefully help another person. It isn't fear mongering, personally I think kaww may be taking it too far, but if that's what kaww believes then so be it.
Who knows, it may help some one stop gaming and find strength, and if it does then that's fine with me. If it doesn't, at least it's there.
Could it be put under the spiritual section? Probably, but either way I don't think he meant any harm by it, and only posted it in an attempt to help someone.
-FF
That's why it's important for multiple people to respond. This is a 12-step fellowship; our strength, experience, and hope comes from working the steps and traditions. It's not designed to be a site to promote someone's book, religious fanatacism, or some other therapeutic technique. It's easy to forget that but if enough people jump in to help the person in need; hopefully, he or she will be able to see past the stuff that might scare him or her away.
As long as the ties that bind us together are stronger than those that would tear us apart, all will be well.
"When we stop living in the here and now, our problems become magnified unreasonably" (Basic Text, p. 9).
Welcome Kayne! You sound like a great candidate for a 12 step program. Either this one, or Narcotics Anonymous (which accepts all and doesn't label the substance). You could find a social network there, go to meetings, work the steps with a sponsor, and learn how to live.
You sound a lot like me. When I was younger I had no clue what to do. Someone forget to give me the life manual when I was born. My parents had no clue either, but they did try.
The 12 steps aren't for everyone, but for those of us who have no idea how to live at all, except with their substances (for me gaming), it helped me to get organized.
Before the 12 steps I was anxious, nervous, afraid, controlling, and fearful.
Sometimes I am that now, but I have the tools to take care of it and get back into a happy life.
well i do want to be clear i dont inheritely find gaming evil or bad. as i said i am not sure where exactly the problem lies.
did you try cognitive behavior therapy as solution to your ocd? How much time do you game? How much time do you spend behind a computer ?.. And how strong is your urge to switch it on?
OCD may lead to machine addiction..often, and water streams to the lowest point so gaming, porn are the ost obvious points it all leads too. You may find CBT useful.
the OCD....well i dont really label it as such. in fact i dont find OCD a problem itsself its when it runs rampant it can be somewhat problematic but whatever form of it i might have it isnt really a problem and just sort of isolates itsself to something in particular that can vary. one moment i might go OCD about finishing a game. another i might go OCD and finish homework for 7 hours its not any one particular thing.
so no no therapy for it. nor do i intend to. therapy when i went through it years ago for depression failed miserably. any and all recoveries ive done were without therapy. well i dont know my porn recovery at candeo probably was therapy like though it was online and annouymous. but still i followed there plan(which was not a 12 step plan). i think i just need to reapply to here. i just need to fully isolate what the problem and its true source. for instance porn's true source of pain and addiction for me was not even porn. it was the fact i possessed such a deep seated hatred for everyone and everything and i kept tackling everything but the deep seated rooted problem. so i just need to figure out what that is in this case. i have a clue or two on what it could be. Pride and lust seem like the likely candidates but im not 100% sure. and even still im not entirely sure how to curb those two things off the top of my head.
i think though ultimately i am going to repeat what i did to overcome porn. though with a different set of goals in mind as i dont find gaming bad. its the fact i let it go out of control that is the problem and i dont see it as worse than TV watching for instance why would watching the immortals like i did today be better than playing xbox for 2 hours? this was a goal at the beginning of the year i did ok for a while i just need to get back on track.
to urge to switch it on really does depend. and candeo i guess might of been behavior training? never thought of it that way. as said i game 1-3 hours usually a day if that. i spend tons and tons of time on the computer(sometimes that is school neccessary but i know i get distracted a lot) i couldnt put a fair name on the computer time. if i had more of a social life i probably would go out instead but i dont. then again i havent been faced with the question friends or computer time at a frequent level so i dont think i'd pick the computer but i know me well enough to know ive done far dumber things.
if you are here and told your story you definitely have a problem, and need help.
well see im not sure where exactly my problem lies. i mean i might only on average game 1 or 2 hours a day. i really dont game obbessively like many here but gaming is somewhere tied into the larger problem. i know i certainly visit game message boards way way way too much. i'd like if i gamed half as much as i do that. that i know i need to cut out except maybe when i have a legit question about something.
Kaww said....
ah good ol Kaww. theres some sweet irony in all that. i see you too see things that arent seen by most. so i get your post. i understand it fully and i see what you mean with eyes that see far more concerning those matters than you probably do. i too am very spirtually in tune. your post makes sense and sounds like something that i needed to hear related to gaming or not. i admit this conversation problem isnt too great to have here but feel free to PM.
though i do take issue with ONE thing.
Would Jesus be playing video games if he was alive today?. I don't think so.
i dont think he would because he spent all of his time helping people because he was perfect. however i dont think he wouldnt because i dont think games or at least all games are evil. some books are evil some are great. some TV is great some is evil. same with games. i do think though if the means to connect and save a soul involved sitting down and having a gaming session Jesus would sit down and have one why? because saving that soul is far more important and He could game without getting addicted. who knows though up in heaven He could be rocking out on halo 5000
however that said Kaww. i do think your post was divinely inspired. quite frankly it speaks to the soul i swear i think you were reading my mind. so i find it odd i contend with any part of it. perhaps you didnt quite get that part right? or perhaps i see things you just missed? regardless it was a good solid post. i appreciate it.
Keep coming back. Don't game, just for today, no matter what. How do you do that? Keep coming back.
i agree a community of people is great. i think for me if i can drastically cut back or cut out completely my time spent on game message boards, reading pointless junk by roaming the internet, and not collect obbessively i know because my habits are already as such i can game for only 1-3 hours a day because that is honestly my average. i think im more addicted to wasting time on the internet truthly but a lot that is looking up stuff concerning games.
however good progress for today is ive only spent an hour on message boards so far and pointlessly roaming the internet.
well regardless i appreciate the replies. sorry i dont mean to sound spiteful or too arguementive or ungreatful. but by nature i am very arguementive and questioning which before anyone might try and change that i find that trait extremely good and intend to hang onto it for dear life.
There is a story that runs in AA: A house is burning to the ground, and the owner is in the bedroom; the firemen rush to save the man from being burnt, but he won't leave the house until they (the firemen) assure him that he will be saved, but first he needs to finds out how the fire started before he leaves. Say what?
I've been taught that the answers to our dilemma are inside of us. That's why I love the 12 steps; it gets right to the root of my problem; not your problem, not his problem, not their problem, but my problem.
My husband has ADHD, OCD, Dyslexia, etc. so are those contributing factors to his alcoholism? probably. But I don't have any of those things, why did I become an alcoholic or gaming addict. I can't rely on his story to figure it out.
Therapy, whether self-help (like the 12 steps) or with a therpist, still means getting inside your head and figuring you out.
All we can do is suggest to you to leave the burning building and save yourself, THEN figure out why the fire got started.
i failed miserably at therapy too:)
I can't tell exactly how your brain works. let me tell you how my brain works.
From the first min in the game, my brain is going at full speed to "rise to the challenge".
this is a thrilling feeling
one of the things that happens is, my mind -which holds countless peaces of info, arguments i have had, every single detail i can recall if i think into them. legal information that i have memorized. religious systems which i have studied. books. relationship dynamics. and much much more,- all starts to fade ever so slightly.
one of the things which really started to bug me was the fact it took a long time to recall all the things i needed to remember to function!
I don't consider this a evil thing, it was a great thing. a pass time which would release me of all stress in my life.
Teenagers with behavior issues? not s life style problem! i go home at night, and it falls off my back like water off a duck. i could game, and take my mind off everything.
why did i end up closing my computer to go to work a few min late in the morning????!??!
i can't be sure. but could it have been that it felt too good to game? i think for me it was.
Gaming was awesome.
For me it worked better than alcohol. (i have no problems with drinking)
it felt better, worked better, lasted longer, didn't interfere with my life (i thought).
when i heard of addiction, i understood right away why people got addicted to drugs and alcohol.
i didn't understand why i related to them so easily....
then i realized that i was using!!!
not a drug that most people recognized as a problem, but cigarets have had people addicted for a long time before anyone recognized addiction.
gaming was awesome. it was the best thing i ever did.
and if i didn't have this fellowship, i would EASILY forget when i don't game. and it would be another 6 months of "handling it" before i came crawling back into these rooms, begging someone to help me.
I don't believe anything in this world is evil, but i do believe that many things are harmful to us right away.
boy are we so alike.....
gl hf keep coming back
leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized) sober from all electronic games since 11/19/2010
sometimes depression and/or OCD need medication.
Therapy doesn't work for bipolar disorder. It's a chemical imbalance.
I also think that addiction can sometimes result from these pre existing disorders. Some people suffer from emotional trauma as well which is greatly benefited by therapy. I think there is a many tiered approach to recovering from any addictive behaviour.
As a person with depression here is what I have to say about that;
When I was first diagnosed with depression the doctor I went to see suggested medication, at that time (before I considered pharmacy as a profession) I didn't want to take medications because I thought it was bad??? lol...some how medication has a bad rap, but I'm not going to get into that. Any way, I told the doctor that I had just started working out, taking a multi-vitamin, was reading self-help books, and was taking extra vitamin D, getting sunlight, and taking walks. All of which are truly helpful to someone which has depression.
The response I got though was something like this, "While those things are good for depression, usually therapy for depressed people and activities like that fall off, or are too hard to continue doing regularly because of the nature of the disorder." At that point, I knew the doctor was right and agreed to taking medication, it's much easier to take a pill or two in the morning or afternoon when you're feeling down than try to go workout. The reason I mention that is because there was mention of failing at therapy.
As far as just gaming is concerned, you're here, which is great, but you aren't really saying if you know for sure that gaming is a problem for you or not, I can't tell if you think it is, or if you don't think it is. Maybe you're looking for a way to rationalize that it could be a problem but you have it under control? Or you could be like me, for the longest time I knew gaming was a problem, but I tried time and time again to casually game, and I could for a week or two, but it gradually got worse and worse until it was full blown addiction again. If you can game casually, and only from 1 to 3 hours a day then that's great, it doesn't seem to be a problem for you.
But if you're looking for some deep seated reason that you are addicted to something before you try to stop gaming, I know where you are coming from, I too tried to do that. I thought, if I can find the root of this problem then I'll be able to quit lickedy split, easy peasy no problem. I was constantly trying to find some sort of specific way to stop gaming, some sort of specific step by step plan to stop that would make it super easy for me to do. The truth was, there is no plan like that. No matter what you come up with, there will never be a plan out there that will make it any easier to quit, you just have to quit. And that sucks. Finally I did it, for now, I'm on day 8, and yes the temptation has definately been there. I guess what I'm trying to say is; admit that you have a problem, try to stop now, and while you aren't gaming, use that time to find the reason why you're addicted. If you don't think you have a problem, then great, for real, that's good for you, and personally I'm jealous :P I wish I could game casually. But I have had plenty of self-exploration times where I finally know my limits, and can admit that casually gaming is beyond me.
I hope I haven't come off as mean, or a d-bag or anything, all this is just my opinion, and I'm putting it here in a spirit of helping and that's all. If you disagree with it, that's fine, this is some of what I believe and how I think, that's all. Just do the grocery cart with it, take what you find useful, throw the rest away.
--FF
There is a story that runs in AA: A house is burning to the ground, and the owner is in the bedroom; the firemen rush to save the man from being burnt, but he won't leave the house until they (the firemen) assure him that he will be saved, but first he needs to finds out how the fire started before he leaves. Say what?
i get the analogy but im not entirely sure it applies here. personally if there was a fire i'd try at a minimum to grab my keys which are usually in the same spot(you know so i can at least have access to my car) and perhaps my wallet and phone and thats if it doesnt take more than 10 seconds. thats about the only thing i'd be doing. also the phone so i can call 911. this is assuming a huge fire.
i failed miserably at therapy too:)
lol yep. i have a medicine cabinent full of old drugs cause of it assuming my mom hasnt tossed them out yet im guessing she hasnt knowing her.
one of the things that happens is, my mind -which holds countless peaces of info, arguments i have had, every single detail i can recall if i think into them. legal information that i have memorized. religious systems which i have studied. books. relationship dynamics. and much much more,- all starts to fade ever so slightly.
well using this logic the years i worked at a grocery store are taking up valueable information. i know 17 look up is the scratch off lottery ticket code when i could be using that space for say school or something of value. not 4065 is the green pepper code.
one of the things which really started to bug me was the fact it took a long time to recall all the things i needed to remember to function!
for me this really depends. i can think on my feet quite well so this ends up meaning i can recall information instantly but when given time to think about it or not put under a think on my feet scenario i in fact cant always recall what i need. unfortunently tests dont fall under this category.
why did i end up closing my computer to go to work a few min late in the morning????!??!
lol ive asked myself that too. but mostly realized i hated my job im not working now just school but i havent had a job i enjoyed and well i could get away with it because i was still about one of their best employees lol and everyone was always late except one person...a regular old cashier who simply hated being at home lol. and school isnt always exciting though im trying to get more out of this go around but school isnt my speciality. also insomnia....freakin an a the horrible insomnia.
not a drug that most people recognized as a problem, but cigarets have had people addicted for a long time before anyone recognized addiction.
yea im certainly getting the feeling gaming is a new age drug for some people well hell the internet in general as well.
As far as just gaming is concerned, you're here, which is great, but you aren't really saying if you know for sure that gaming is a problem for you or not, I can't tell if you think it is, or if you don't think it is. Maybe you're looking for a way to rationalize that it could be a problem but you have it under control? Or you could be like me, for the longest time I knew gaming was a problem, but I tried time and time again to casually game, and I could for a week or two, but it gradually got worse and worse until it was full blown addiction again. If you can game casually, and only from 1 to 3 hours a day then that's great, it doesn't seem to be a problem for you.
on average it is 1-3 hours a day. i can still do a 10 hour marathon. but i do have to get up and walk around or take a break. and perhaps thinking on it more it can be a way of drowning the sorrows or even sometimes pure boredom. but i do also sometimes not game every day so it is weird. i am trying to see exactly how much time i game now and waste on message boards.
this kind of sounds like me. however the thing is ive been addicted to multiple things in the past. it really just all depends. whether it was trading card games, stealing, lieing, keeping secrets(yes im addicted to having at least a couple of things i do in secret im not entirely sure why lol). i think i just have an addictive personality. so to me the thing is i know say hypothetical it is gaming that is the problem. and hypothetically i kick the habit....well ive done this many times before and ultimatelly i just find another source something else i latch onto. so i dont want to kick this habit because i know ill repeat it with something else if my past behavior is an indication. just right now gaming is the flavor of the month if you know what i mean.
so i think i am just trying to get to heart of the entire addictive personality. and its why im not sure giving up gaming will solve the problem for me. in fact i doubt it will unless i learn to curb my natural tendencies to just go completely OCD addict on something. it'd be nice if i could use this laser like focus on say school lol.
see ive noticed that pattern. to mildly sum it up. i just bounced from one addiction to another. one compulsive urge to another. i mean in comparison lieing and porn are terrible and next to say gaming well games look like a good alternative really. hell even with porn i had that collective tendency and collected craploads of it. with lies it is a carefully orchestrated collection its like i let one person handle this. another handle that. i organize it some similar crazy manner. and i think the more ive thought about it the past few days and really the past two months i think i dont need to tackle say gaming....i need to tackle why i latch onto something and have this OCD like laser focus that morphs into being addicted. i know there are some reasons. certainly my social life and certainly my insomnia. and some other things.
ive no problem if this is how my brain truely functions. but i just dont need something ruling me and addictions rule the person. where this is something that i do as a hobby and it isnt something that rules me. and most importantly not create a new addiciton out of overcoming this one.
i found something i wrote while cleaning my room...in an effort to try and create a new me yes that is an odd step but it is neccessary. i found some torn piece of paper i apparently wrote and i dont remeber writing it and it said "your genes influence your personality". now i am certainly trying to copy my parents and their extremely good honest hard working ethics, their strong religious values as well. but also they both have this addictive trait. however it seems they are the master of it and not vice versa. yes my dad loves collecting phone books but it isnt the master of him. my mom has collecting a lot of crap too but that is also in large part to having 5 kids but her collective tendancies dont rule her. i seem to have these same traits i just havent quite gotten a handle on them. and if my 4 siblings are to be believed i think only my brother has overcome and copied these traits well. the three sisters seem to still suffer. two sisters are complusive buyers and collectors. another is too but she is what we call a flipper constantly getting the best deal by flipping merchandise around. it seems only my brother hasnt surcome to this trait and let it rule over him.
i guess what i am saying is i need to overcome and master this apparent genetic trait i have to go into an OCD laser like focus on things and not let it turn into addictions.
hope I haven't come off as mean, or a d-bag or anything, all this is just my opinion, and I'm putting it here in a spirit of helping and that's all. If you disagree with it, that's fine, this is some of what I believe and how I think, that's all. Just do the grocery cart with it, take what you find useful, throw the rest away.
no worries.
sometimes depression and/or OCD need medication.
Therapy doesn't work for bipolar disorder. It's a chemical imbalance.
I also think that addiction can sometimes result from these pre existing disorders. Some people suffer from emotional trauma as well which is greatly benefited by therapy. I think there is a many tiered approach to recovering from any addictive behaviour.
oh there is trauma. but nothing therapy stands a chance in hell of fixing.
boy are we so alike.....
gl hf keep coming back
that would be just frightening.
a- Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere. -Albert Einstein
Never acquire anything in life that you will not be willing to let go
that sig is amazing....i love it.
"Be brave and let go. Let go of fear, and pain. Stop holding to the thing that is tearing you apart. While you hang on, grimly gripping and clutching this to you, you deny yourself freedom, new gifts, love. It is madness to presume that you are more wise than the Universe. Let go. Trust." - Nicole Cody
this one is pretty good too
All we can do is suggest to you to leave the burning building and save yourself, THEN figure out why the fire got started.
well ive been in many burning buildings if we are using this analogy. i suppose it is time to start figuring out why i keep going back into one.
I really hope you'll locate a hard copy of Alcoholics Anonymous aka The Big Book (online version here - http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/ ), Kayne. Asking why isn't as useful as asking what do I do now? Glad you're here.
Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!
not true, the brain is capable of holding practically infinite amounts of info
the heart however can't, and that is where problems may arise
how have you stayed up all night and only played 3 hours? how often did this happen?
problem.
Then i saw this.
let me ask you a question, is there any good reason i should trust the numbers you give me?
also, you spend a long time on a website talking about a problem you don't feel is a problem.
most gamers with problems don't spend as much time as they should here.
this is puzzling.
but you have a great Tory
gl hf, and keep coming back
leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized) sober from all electronic games since 11/19/2010
let me ask you a question, is there any good reason i should trust the numbers you give me?
you are right this is the internet. how we can we trust anyone. for all i know you have already hacked me and are stalking me preparing to kill me. point is your word is as good as mine at this point. in fact this entire story could be one huge lie. i might just be an internet troll. hell i could be bill freakin gates. lets just assume neither of us are lieing ok angelonia jolie???? thats your name right????
but you have a great Tory
???
how have you stayed up all night and only played 3 hours? how often did this happen?
as stated gaming message boards, roaming the internet. even sometimes pointless day dreaming. if i dont turn on the xbox till 3 AM....well its quite easy to log only 3 hours and this is assuming i dont get internet distracted or distracted with something else. TV or being up that late i will get hungry at some point. as i said i dont game everyday so its entirely possible it doesnt hit until the late hours. that said sometimes i can and do go on a longer spurts. sometimes i just lie down at 1 AM and at 5 AM i cant take it anymore and get up.
not true, the brain is capable of holding practically infinite amounts of info
the heart however can't, and that is where problems may arise
explain? how does the heart store info. also this is about recalling info and why i can recall say a video game or lottery ticket info(even though i dont work there anymore) but cant recall info for a test.
I really hope you'll locate a hard copy of Alcoholics Anonymous aka The Big Book (online version here - http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/ ), Kayne. Asking why isn't as useful as asking what do I do now? Glad you're here.
true. but i do think a why and what do i do now can go hand and hand. while i havent read that book i have read other addiction recovery material. i may check out that one.
also, you spend a long time on a website talking about a problem you don't feel is a problem.
most gamers with problems don't spend as much time as they should here.
this is puzzling.
well im still trying to figure out exactly what the problem. why i always find something to get addicted too. it just happens to be gaming and gaming message boards and looking up stuff on gaming is the new drug. especially the last two. so this is a natural place for me to search out answers on how to deal with it. irregardless im posting here simply at the very least because with the porn recovery it helped greatly if i kept on posting on their forums daily. heck the private journal we were supposed to keep i just made all but a few select entries that i couldnt shield(involved too many names and other things) i just posted in one long thread. so in a way in attempting to recover i need a place i can daily post and keep on track. and this way i stand a better chance of actually journaling and keeping myself going. in essence i need someone to check in with even if it is a message board just to keep myself in line. perhaps this a fault. perhaps not. regardless i wont do it otherwise. at least this way i am concentrating on the problem and dealing with it. and while i havent kept all my goals the past two days i have kept some of them which for me is a good start.
i spent far more time then than i currently am investing effort in recovery there. im fairly certain at least 5 hours a day was devoted to that. in addition to fighting off the waves and temptations. so if anything i argue i havent spent enough time.
regardless of whether gaming is the true problem or not this is all helping me slowly isolate the triggers and figure out what the problem is and then dealing with it because this is in some way tied to it.
you are right i doubt enough gamers that should be are here. its not really puzzling though gaming isnt seen as an addiction to most. and it may very well not be except for some games like WoW and second life etc. but ultimately that is all because of something else. not neccessarly the game itsself. they just happened to try WoW before say cocaine. or perhaps cocaine doesnt do it but boy WoW does. i do see gaming really coming to center stage as a potential problem especially in the next 10-15 years as then we truely will have a generation that grew up on the computer. at least people like me in their 20's had a child's time that consisted of playing outside. i think i am the end of an era(my generation). to have a childhood that consisted of playing outside on regular basis. heck my 1 1/2 year old nephew can operate and ipad and by this i mean turn it on and off, find a few of his favorite games and play them, and even find the app that plays music. ive seen them sit there and try and get the slide open touch screen control to work for like 15 minutes, find the music app then put the ipad down and leave after he set music to play. truely computer addiction is going to take a center stage it almost has too. me who knows C++ cant even do that i suck with ipads lol
also younger gamers 25 or younger might see it as a problem. but im 27 heck ill be 28 in a few months. i do at some point want to get married have my own family. but i also dont want to be ruled by pointless addictions this is why ive spent the past many years trying to weed out these things. this just happens to be where i am at now. though i think if i conquer this mountain ill have sufficiently mastered myself to a point that i wont be a d-bag husband. heck i might even recover some lost social skills(needed to even date). hell porn accounts for 50% of divorces. i had no desire to be that guy. drugs and stealing? what lamo father/husband does this? while im not perfect nor will i ever be i can at least cut out the bigger problems that always lead to destruction. in part i do want to thank websites like this where i see people caught in horrible addictions of all kinds ruining families. i decided i dont want be that guy. its hard painful work but im trying ****it.
i suspect these people will see it as a problem sooner or later. hopefully not with kids and a spouse. but thus is life eh?
Thr problem with Therepy is often the psychologist tries to solve bipolar or addiction.
Both wont work. Also talking about the past wont work on OCD..although the way being raised can be off importance. The key is to learn to set borders to behavior
pre- diagnosed with Autism.
arght started replying. nature called. came back and accidentally hit X and lost what i wrote. oh well.
well how should a psychologists try and handle addiction? arent we supposed to solve it? irregardless you are right psychologists cant handle everything correctly. some people might need it solved some might not. and there are just things they cant fathom really. whether it be pedophiles or people that have to be talked out of suicide....i bring that up cause i see suicide mentioned in quite a few threads. i want to make a clear distinction between depression, suicidal and having to be talked out of it. i think unless youve been in that state where you had to be talked out of it then and only then can you understand that frame of mind. and there are a number of things like that. its ultimatelly why i do think the entire science is at times a crock made worse when a 2 year old gets diagonosed with severe depression. other problems they clearly dont understand too well yet are gaming addiction and internet addiction and im sure facebook and twitter addiction will be there soon enough.
however it works for some people for various reasons so that is good. same with the medications it works for some people so that is good.
however as for today well i started getting sick on thursday but today it really hit me. so ive only been up for 8 hours, 2 of which were on the xbox, 2 of which were on the internet(not including this site), the other 4 eating and tv watching. and im about to goto sleep. being sick cures the insomnia and i generally sleep 16 hours in a 24 hour period while sick.
i do think the pointless internet roaming is likely my bigger problem and the ultimate symptom of what i have been failing to accomplish for a while now and that is create relationships with people. however i realize that cant really be done if i am a seeping pile of insanity. that said i do for whatever reason have an affect on people and they generally seem to think highly of me despite this. so i just need to be able to create relationships with people. something the internet has always been a part of for me. i grew up on aol chatrooms. that has migrated to message boards.
however between my laid back nature, internet roaming and gaming this all leads to a master of procrastination and sometimes inablity to focus. i think i am just far too out of balance.
however problems for me are at least the years of porn have several crippled my social skills as ive mentioned, and in order to overcome all the previous junk ive spent the past many years overcoming i isolated myself quite a bit. this has lead to a bit of dead social skills. and ultimately this is the hole in me. i dont require a huge amount of friends but i struggle with making friendships period anymore. granted ive made a few since i moved out to college but its been scattered hit and miss and i still feel like 95% of the time i have nothing to do except homework which i then procrastinate. and this homework i could finish a lot faster than i do if i didnt goof off this ultimately means my grades arent as good as im sure they could be. granted for a high school drop out getting an odd C and mostly B's and an the odd A is pretty good for me. but im not really applying myself so i know it could be better.
i also flat out dont like living here but im forced to live with 7 other roommates. this is a bit tiresome and taxing so i dont have a place to really come home to and relax. ive always required a bit of me time to do nothing and recharge but i dont really have that here. yes its a private room but it still doesnt do it for me.
irregardless the goals ive set for myself to follow since a few days ago ive followed for the most part. and i am just going with the one day at time approach because that always worked best.
hmm well i suppose we shall see what happens eh? 3 days of good solid progress of reapplying the previous life improvement skills i once acquired.
Kayne
Those skills will come back. Yesterday I was visiting my parents what would have been impossible 4 weeks ago..Totally impossible. yesterday I did not feel any stress w hile sitting there, That great for me, but what I like to tell you is that what I held impossible 4 weeks ago, felt yesterday as the most normal thing int the world. That means I am improving social skills, and All I had to do..is quite excessive gaming and internet. I read books, I bike, I hike, I work..all with two toddlers who demand loads of energy...but it works out.
You will find your ways in social life too. All you need is a special friend to start a relationship with. And !4 years ago I was in the same mess, being alone after work addicted, and that recovery took me 6 full months as burnout founds its way too. But after 6 months I found a woman I married with we now have 2 lovely kids.
Then I felt desperate I thought I never would achieve anything. But they key is, as in step 2 of the 12 steps program to let your will go..You cannot want relations, or get better ..or find friends..while you are at the start of recovery. First get well...then the rest will come later.
As you are younger your social skills will recover. You will one day be able to read a novel and relax...or go out biking and enjoy the landscape. But that takes time...
I have been sick 6 times last 3 months. Being game or internet addicted destroys the restance system of the body...Once I think we are a few months further those problems should be less...although I noticed for the first time my wife had more problems with the flu then I did.
Just allow yourself to heal. Dont want to get better...Just release your thoughts and try to stay from the computer when its not needed. thats all advice I can give,,It sounds simple, but I know..its almost impossible...yet the only way.,
pre- diagnosed with Autism.
you seem to be the me of the porn candeo boards lol. posting constantly. and devoting an insane amount of time to this. which is good. it means youll leave your mark here as i left my mark there. hell i added to their program by taking their idea and giving it a good addition or two that people started using. im sure people will in time stumble across your posts for the sincere(whether good or not but i suspect good i havent read enough of your posts to say for 100% yet no offense) honest advice. also means youll likely sooner or later recover.
i am and im not too worried about my social skills returning. i do have them still in a bit more of a limited stated despite that people tend to know who i am and remeber. and i am far more popular than i think i am. yet despite this my social life isnt very active. its quite the paradox. still its just bothersome in the meantime. i do know i need to work at it whatever that entails.
the ultimate problem is i have no matter the stage of my life not always opened up too people. i take a while to find those special friends. i do have close friends....2200 miles away in my home state. but the ultimate problem is ive told quite a few special friends to go bug off and die to put it nicely cause they happened to get caught in the crazy tornado known as my psychotic episodes of insanity. i am to put it bluntly i have been the walking embodiment if pure evil from time to time. and that is why ive ended up isolating myself...well that is one reason. but now im trying not too unfortunently ive spent the past many years ending friendships not creating them.
you are right get well first. that is always the key. that is why on a deep sub conscious level i isolated myself. i couldnt focus on my health while intangled in social situations no matter how hypcrotical that might sound. however i do need somewhat of a social life to function....or ill just binge and create it on the internet as ive done in the past. there are some problems with that around here....im 27 in a student apartment going to school. a large chunk of people are 20 or younger and in the party all the time mode. im mostly therefore left to my own.
about being sick....well ive always been kind of sickly. i cant really blame addictions on that. however you are right addictions can certainly lower the immune system. i know they can make me sicker or not feel all there. but im normally sick a lot since i was a little child. but hey at least all my limbs are working and i can walk right???
yes that evil computer lol. well on that note ive been looking while playing xbox and endulging on pointless internet surfing addictive personalities(yes that is hypocrtical as all hell to do those 3 at once lol....but heck ive looked at porn while looking at porn recovery at the same time....my brain just functions weirdly...heck i read threads starting from the last page for some insane reason). it seems there isnt a lot on it other than it likely exists. the key and what i am trying to get at and figure out how to master here is it doesnt matter what your addicted too. it can be anything. and chances are as i have done youll recover from multiple things and replace it with something else. which is why i am so determined not to quite saying gaming or internet use(impossible especially with school) because ill just replace with another thing. perhaps this isnt all bad perhaps i merely need to keep it all in check and then i can still be i suppose addicted...but that sounds too hypocritcal to have an addiction in check yet be addicted lol?
interesting i found these links
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/24/opinion/sunday/24addicts.html
http://gaijinass.com/2010/07/12/world-leaders-that-had-serious-drug-addictions/
http://www.nytimes.com/1983/01/18/science/the-addictive-personality-common-traits-are-found.html?pagewanted=all
so perhaps it isnt all bad really in the long run.
i do however need to keep things in check. the more im dwelling on yea internet roaming is a key one. perhaps gaming on some circumstances. but the internet one is by far the strongest compulsion. this does ultimately mean therapy if i even felt like going is useless as this is so new people dont know what to do. but it still wont get to the root cause and this is what i am trying to tackle. i suppose i just havent come to terms with some things in my life that i just need to come to terms with.
as for how i did today and yesterday? yesterday(sunday) i slept alot cause i was sick. but then i hung out for a few hours. so didnt indulge much. today i really would say ive failed and indulged but unlike sunday where i had to get up really fast so i messed my morning routine. today i was able to do my routine. morning prayer,scripture reading. journaling now including this post and will pray and scripture read....the biggie is the reading. this has been a goal ive been trying to stick to for years. i need to finnally stick to it.
as for you? thats great you are getting your energy back. its not easy i know ive been there with 1000x things before. keep at it. stay strong. i have noticed for me too like you....all the other prior self improvement i made certainly made time with the family a lot easier. sure i dont see them but once a year right now....but even still the old me would of hid away and not enjoyed time with them. i oddly have found i miss them. so i was there where you were once before at some point in my life. i suppose i just addressed it sooner than you did thankfully. its ironic i suppose or maybe not but im the youngest in the family yet my three oldest sisters are chalk full of addictions theyve yet to deal with. two are going to have to really deal with it soon as its about to hit them in the face. another will have to deal with it one of these days. so its good im not going to be in my 40s(yes our family is spread out lol) and dealing with pointless addictions at least that is my goal as ideally this chapter will be the end of the addictions chapter where my mind,body, and soul can finnally be free as i am mostly otherwise happy my life when i stop and think about but its crazy how addiction can really make you miserable or maybe its just me but i despise being controlled by anything i very much adhere to concept of free will and freedom and anything less than that drives me nuts.
Kayne..i am sure you will be fine.,..I just keep record of things I do , hoping people will recognize it, and say yes I have had that too, or they think, if that chap being addicted 25 years can reover, then I can do that better .
About porn. People saying porn is bad, and have sex with their loved ones every day .. are hipocryts...But people live single are known to watch 3 times more porn then people maried or in relationship...So dont be to hrash..only everything is about balance. Someeone wrote 3 times porn for 45 max per session is ok, but dont overdo :)
Others say, Only game in the weekend and not on working days, to avoid stress after work.
yesterday I read a article in the newspaper about a mom that made 128.000 tweets in 3 years ranked 12 in the Dutch number of tweets post. She has 2 kids..and tweets if I calculate correct 100 times a day...what is insane..but she seems happy so who am I to judge.
But to come back to you. You will be fine, in time you make new friends...or visit a society,club..sport - cafe..and get involved in playing baord games...just to meet people. I will do the same as soon my daughters get a little bit older...so dad can play chess at the club too, I also need more friends..as I exualy hate my old friends.(one abandonded his kid, the other beat his kid)
No one is evil. We are selfish by nature. But thats ok I guess. The reptile brain driving th eaddiction doesnt drive on intellect...once that gets less dominant, you will become a better person. Once I had burnout ( what is worse then this) I cam out as a much better and understanding person...I hope overcoming this addiction makes me even more aware of other people needs, and their interactions with me...
your doing great, just keep coming back
pre- diagnosed with Autism.