I just had a major relapse.

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Andrew28
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I just had a major relapse.

For 9 months I was mostly clean from gaming. There were a few small relapses, but they only lasted a few hours. Then the TV started advertising that "Dishonored" game, and the urge to play came back. I don't know if it was the setting, or the storyline, but I was pulled to that game. The more advertisements I saw, the harder it was to resist.

When Dishonored finally came out on October 9th, I couldn't stop myself. Bought it on Steam and was playing it that very day. My PC couldn't handle it well, so I paid $200 (plus next day air shipping) for a new graphics card. I was lost in the game for nearly two weeks. I'm actually amazed I didn't miss work for it.

So I finally snapped out of it yesterday, and now I have to pick up the pieces. Two weeks of neglected projects and I've gained 20 pounds from sitting. Frustrated doesn't begin to describe how I feel. I've already put the graphics card on sale at Amazon.com, hopefully someone buys it fast. I thought the gaming chapter of my life was over. Guess I was wrong.

Stopped Gaming: June 22nd, 2014.

exazzy
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Well, you learned a lot

Well, you learned a lot about your triggers, that you still can't moderate, that there are unflattering consequences to binging. And you get another chance to start again.

Id say that's a huge victory.

Twelve miles into the forest, 12 miles out.
Left my poisonous game July 4, 2012. Left online communities June 4, 2013.

dan1
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Hugs, Andrew.  Two weeks

Hugs, Andrew. Two weeks doesn't ruin a life, but it's apparently long enough to remind you of how bad things got before. Up close and personal. Best wishes for crawling out and maintaining recovery. Great that you came here and were so honest about it.

I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.

Awakened
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And you just had a major

And you just had a major recovery as well, keep up the good fight. Good for you for getting back into the saddle of real life, the more you ride the less you will fall off.

Patria
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Thank you for posting this

Thank you for posting this Andrew, it reminds all of us what can happen, and it can happen to any of us.

Just when I think I have a "handle" on life, the addict brain gets busy and tells me one small game shouldn't hurt...I can control it this time. Your reminder to us lets me know that it isn't true.

I am sorry it happened to you though, I know how hard it is to come out of it and begin again. Just call it research into the real disease of addiction.

Big hugs!

Andrew28
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EDIT: I just clawed my way

EDIT: I just clawed my way out of a second relapse. This one was much worse than the first one, so as far as I'm concerned, I'm starting over with quitting gaming. Sold my main desktop, and bought a small one that can't hold any graphics card. I should have done this long ago, but money is tight. Now I have no choice.

I'm not sure if I can ever be completely free from gaming, but I will keep trying.

Stopped Gaming: June 22nd, 2014.

bebetterhusband
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ouchy. well20 years of

ouchy. well20 years of habit will take sucn effort and lesons to correct to healthy new habits. downgradi.g the cpu was a good move. hard to play high graphic stuff on a gimputer. now, have you a slponsor? any step progress? at least a big " my story" and some admission of beinv powerless over games? if not, maybe ytrying whats helped many others will help you now.

OLGA Home Page: "We advocate and provide a 12-Step Program of recovery. For those who are interested in a formalized meeting approach, we provide both a traditional 12-step program and a modified program for atheists and agnostics." I advocate and use the 12 steps programs, which have helped tens of millions of addicts of all kinds recover.

Andrew28
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I'm afraid my work schedule

I'm afraid my work schedule is messy this time of year. Can't do much with a sponsor now.

Stopped Gaming: June 22nd, 2014.

Allerseelen
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You can and you will be free

You can and you will be free of gaming. The game that you mentioned earlier caused me to relapse, too, but fortunately it only lasted a day or two. Keep fighting the good fight--that's all anyone can ask, including yourself.

Taking Steps toward recovery since November 2, 2012. The difficulty of the path makes it worth the walking.

Kate1song
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Allerseelen wrote: You can
Allerseelen wrote:

You can and you will be free of gaming. The game that you mentioned earlier caused me to relapse, too, but fortunately it only lasted a day or two. Keep fighting the good fight--that's all anyone can ask, including yourself.

Exactly. I found that pinpointing and positively dealing with my triggers, helped me a lot.

Bill F.
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Stay strong Andrew. Getting

Stay strong Andrew. Getting rid of your equipment was a big and necessary first step towards living life without games. If you're getting a new computer (IDK about your situation, but you may not really even need one at home) try putting it in a different and preferably public/open place in your home. Your old spot where you used to game is contaminated now. Putting yourself in a more public place also, may help you to not game if the people you live with know your situation.

Last game played: April 24th 2014

hirshthg
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hey andrew, It looks like

hey andrew,

It looks like there is no time in a day especially when we are coming from behind, trying to make up for lost time.

However, in my experience being a gamer, there is nothing that bought me more time in my life then working a strong program. Instead of 8 hours a day gaming, i only had 3 or 4 "fixing" myself.

If you can stay quit, go for it!

But if you find that your sobriety is resting on shaky grounds, you may want to surrender to that fact, and double down on your recovery.

hugs

gl hf

leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized) sober from all electronic games since 11/19/2010

Patria
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Andrew28 wrote: I'm afraid
Andrew28 wrote:

I'm afraid my work schedule is messy this time of year. Can't do much with a sponsor now.

What about all that left over time from not gaming? sure you can't squeeze in a bit of recovery?

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