Hello
Its about a year ago when I hit my rock bottom. I had stopped gaming on the xmas of 2011 but gaming was the tip of my iceberg. My life had been littered with other addictions which brought me to the bottom when a relationship ended and I had no money, no job , no savings, nowhere to live, no relationship with my family, no friendship network. I had that moment of utter oblivion.
I was lucky in that there was one person who I hadn't spoken to for years who by 'chance' emailed me, and for the 16 days I was homeless she and a freind of hers let me sleep in their basement. At 44 I had not many more possessions than could be held in two large suitcases.
I found this website, and from January 2014 till around late April the people here helped me. I was lucky in that my mother was still prepared to talk with me though my father wasn't and still doesn't. So with some money from her and the support of a local Narcotics anonymous and OLGANON here, I began the climb out of a lifetime of mental illness. My therapist was a huge help as well. I know there are some using this website who will not have been able to afford a therapist or have a mother prepared to loan them money even after decades of addiction showed I was not trustworthy with money.
Anyhow I am not dependant on any substance person or other phenomena for my peace. I don't know how useful it is for you to read this. Some of you might not believe me , others might interpret my words in ways I cannot even imagine. All I want to show is that there is a person on the planet who found OLGANON useful and along with the support of other people I am not now mentally ill anymore.
Its a long road to recovery , and I am still taking sleeping pills which have a side effect of dampening anxiety issues. Maybe I will be on them for many years. I am not too bothered because they are what is useful for me now. The point is I am in a full time job and it is stressful and I am able to cope.
My sister (who I hadn't really spoken to for years) recently asked me what I 'did' in my spare time and I told her "Ive been ill most of my life and now I am well and you know, I don't need to 'do' very much , just being well is enough. " she smiled.
Because of decades of addictions I now live a life that is quite solitary outside my job. To my family who are all married with kids: I think they cannot relate. Why should they? Its not a life they've lived.
A website I found greatly helpful (but only quite far down the road to recovery, I am not sure it is right when you're just in early recovery, but I don't know, everyone is different)
I am writing here to tell you all - It CAN be done.
Love
And a merry xmas
Mother Nature, Buddha nature, God, Shiva, Energy.....many religions, beliefs and values.....
different doors into the same room
Hi Adrian,
I remember when you came in mate, and so glad you are doing well. I too get a lot of support from NA and recommend it to anyone. Going to a meeting tonight...
It is possible to recover, if you ask for help.
Olga/non member since Dec. 2008 Check out my latest video on Gaming Addiction and public awareness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-6JZLnQ29o
Thanks for sharing your story, Adrian. I'm glad you have made it out of that dark hole.
What I have learned by going to local AA meetings is that there is a path to walk. It is long, but it is an upward path. All of us here (even those with the most time) are newcomers compared to someone with 20 years of sobriety. Meeting people like that is inspirational to me, as your story is also. Every day of sobriety is a day we haven't thrown away.
Best wishes to you for continued recovery.
I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.
Hi
I was writing on another forum about addiction and it made me think to post something here today.
My earlier post just before xmas was (i think) full of positivity. Well, I am still not gaming, but the challenges of living a 'clean' life are taking a toll on me.
I took a job when I had to, and its sure better than being unemployed. But relying on "its better than the sh** I was in last year" gives only so much succour.
That basically greedy nature that is the source of addiction was cultivated for decades, Its amazing that I expect it to be leaving me after only really 13 months post my 'rock-bottom'.
My bosses say my teaching is not satisfactory. I know that given my circumstances I'm doing amazingly well. My conscience is clean, I am doing the best I can with the cards I was dealt.
However walking into classrooms knowing that I could do more but just not having the time or energy to do more than I can do is a bit fatiguing. I guess the simple way to deal with it is to say :- "give yourself a break" . I do manage to sometimes.
I have kids expecting more and demanding it , and managers and me in the middle with my big secret about my past. Its not my first teaching job and I know this employer is relatively speaking at the poorest end of education. I am looking for other work. But in the mean time the daily grind is tough.
Just letting others know that even though its 25/12/11 when I last played games in anger and addiction, its still bloody hard holding down a full time job.
Love and all the best to you all
Mother Nature, Buddha nature, God, Shiva, Energy.....many religions, beliefs and values.....
different doors into the same room
Hi
I was writing on another forum about addiction and it made me think to post something here today.
My earlier post just before xmas was (i think) full of positivity. Well, I am still not gaming, but the challenges of living a 'clean' life are taking a toll on me.
I took a job when I had to, and its sure better than being unemployed. But relying on "its better than the sh** I was in last year" gives only so much succour.
That basically greedy nature that is the source of addiction was cultivated for decades, Its amazing that I expect it to be leaving me after only really 13 months post my 'rock-bottom'.
My bosses say my teaching is not satisfactory. I know that given my circumstances I'm doing amazingly well. My conscience is clean, I am doing the best I can with the cards I was dealt.
However walking into classrooms knowing that I could do more but just not having the time or energy to do more than I can do is a bit fatiguing. I guess the simple way to deal with it is to say :- "give yourself a break" . I do manage to sometimes.
I have kids expecting more and demanding it , and managers and me in the middle with my big secret about my past. Its not my first teaching job and I know this employer is relatively speaking at the poorest end of education. I am looking for other work. But in the mean time the daily grind is tough.
Just letting others know that even though its 25/12/11 when I last played games in anger and addiction, its still bloody hard holding down a full time job.
Love and all the best to you all
Mother Nature, Buddha nature, God, Shiva, Energy.....many religions, beliefs and values.....
different doors into the same room
Well done, 10Adrian01! It's a sad fact that quitting gaming or any kind of complex maladaptive behavior does not mean an immediate end to trouble, challenge, grief, pain and other negative elements of life. For my part, I am pretty well comforted to think that life now is at least better than it was when I was gaming all the time. And I feel there is an incremental effect. That is, a little improvement today and a little improvement tomorrow, if repeated for a while, adds up to a major improvement over time. I can say for sure that my life today is much, much better in most of the ways that count than it was when I was drinking like a lunatic and playing games day and night. It's still not perfect, but I do feel much more courageous, confident and able to look my hopes and dreams in the eye and come up with reasonable plans for making them come true. Then I'm able, much of the time anyway, to take steps to make them reality. And this I find to be very pleasing.
Also, of course, it helps to be lucky, which I have generally been throughout my life. Long may that last and, if it fails completely and bad luck descends in force, I hope I have the balls to not let it completely break me.
Meanwhile, no plans to game today. Thanks for your help with that.