Ok, I am well on my way to recovery, though I still lack balance
Yesterday I made a great meal... all fresh ingredients, ravioli stuffed with cheese, in a dressing of lot's of other vegetables.
Need I say more than that the ravioli were not the only thing stuffed yesterday evening...
What this has ended in, was that I had great cooking and a great time eating, but have completely disabled myself from Yoga at least timm today's noon, which is a pity as I would have liked to do some this morning.
My time table has reverted back to normal, I get up at 4-6, do some hours yoga, then either learn and write stuff for the or go to the exams. Exams are fine, have already written half of them, and the one which I think will stay the worst, macroeconomics, (it was in spanish and it had to do with giving mathematical proof, which I have never learned to do) was 6,5/10 which is a little balanced out by a 10/10 project. Am quite proud of myself as I have not put in as much effort into studies since my first semester.
Sometimes I am too fond of my dreams to get up, so today I stayed in bed till 9. Am still in love in 2-3 girls from past relationships, so when I meet them in my dreams, I am reluctant to let go .
Was not good, as I am tired now instead of rested. A friend from the U wanted to come along and take me to the beach today. Still did not come, but that's ok, I may as well prepare myself for the exam next week. I seem to have finally learned that it pays do do some preparation beforehand, instead of always jumping at it on the last day
Am also trying to curb my sweets craving, and am moderately successful.
So all in all *ding* (another level)
Today I feel like I chose the perk "the stuffed one"
Anyone else here played planescape?
Maxim
"Live without dead time" Guy Debord
ok, life is mooving along. Wrote my second to last exam today (Marketing...which I hate, though I had quite some fun, because I was listening to psychopathology lectures on the way to the university and managed to integrate them quite hilariously into the exam)
I have almost? completed the 1st step together with my Sponsor, Danni, who does a great job of coaching (and coaxing) me I know that I cannot play games normally, I am in a bit more "unfortunate" state than many here, as I was never addicted to a particular genre like MMORPGs, but rather to gaming in general. I could even addict myself to tabletops or pen and paper RPGs if given the chance. I was sure reading everything I could get my hands on obsessively, and still sometimes squander time by reading em up.
Have not played any games, and no craving. Have wasted about 3 hours on the weekend for reading up some old faqs for "master of orion" 2 and 3. I guess I will have to throw out my whole interested for the industry out of the window as reading up on computer game design or whatever, always makes me remember some pleasurable game I had played. Have not been visiting any game related sites for longer and longer stretches, and the "escapist" magazine bores me - though that might be due to the quality of the articles, and the repetitive topic... games
Another instance of addict behaviour: was going to my favourite indian shop yesterday, and found it closed. Wanted to buy some indian sauce for rice, and some indian sweets. Went into a shop to buy some handkerchiefs, and went out with 3 packages of cookies - though all what I would consider ok (organic, good ingredients, etc)
I did NOT plan to buy them, in fact I had recently planned to phase out sweets completely from my food. Well... way to go I guess.
On a better note, did wake up at 3 today, did some Reiki, meditation and yoga till 7.30 and then had good breakfast before the exam. So my timetable is slowly approaching stability and quality, though the times I wake up still oscillate between 3 and 7.
I have lotA's of contact with friends and family, my family is going through a strong transition too, very similar to mine, though with different issues, so all in all its sunshine with a few clouds, and lots of fresh salty seawind.
Well, thats it for now.
Faith (oh yeah, I talk to god regularly again, which makes me grin like a madman quite often - especially when we debate some funny or philosophical stuff... umm when I think about it, this was the best and most important news, so the best came last here)
Maxim
"Live without dead time" Guy Debord
Ok, today I wrote my last Exam. Was ok, and I expect a good mark. I do not know what would have happened if I had continued gaming like I had in December.
Now only 50-100 pages of paper are left to finish my college.
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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.
How did you do on your exam?
Liz
Liz Woolley
the exams were soso,
I had 6,5/10 and 10/10 on macroeconomics ... they used different procedures than we did in Germany, more equations, less graphs
5/10 9/10 on business organization ... but the 5/10 was a joke, as the exam was on mativational theory, which is a hobby of mine. I had actually studied the original papers os say - Maslow, and the exam was based on secondary literature and the lecturers understanding. So after he told me I was surprisingy bad, I asked him to show me my errors and could refute every "failure" with using the research (I have much on my PC)...he did not change the grade though
9/10 on finance
someting between 8/10 and 10/10 on marketing, I left before it was graded.
Strategic management should be around the same marks.
I did not really care for the grades, as I have hated studying business since 2001 and after I am ready with my paper I am finally able to study my beloved psychology officially and not only as a hobby like in the last 4 years.
I do get somewhat grumpy though when grades are unfair, which was the case in business org, but I decided to rest the case. Without the diploma I am somewhere aroung 5/6 ... so it is the second best mark.
Well, what else.
Am back in Germany, doing yoga almost every day and teaching it a few days a week, have started singing and playing the guitar (again, am happy to be with friends and family.
My mum is doing "laying on hands" for me and my friends, which helps a lot.
I am taking care of my small brother, as he got kicked out of already 2 higher schools, so he only finished the 10th grade and we need 12 here to go to university, so now he is doing in in a remote way, which means I get to babysit him for a while.
This is good, as it also stops me from having stupid ideas on gaming and such.
I will be writing my diploma on organic food retail, which is quite up to time, with the recent "avian flu" crisis, which has a lot to do with factory farming methods (tv wonA't tell you this though )
Additionally I am workig on 2 projects for our business, both a bit long term, and get paid for it, which is good as I have hated to live on my parentA's money for such a long time now. Will be paying for my next studies myself.
Well, thats it for now, off to reading up stuff for my diploma.
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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.
Things have slowed down and steadied themselfes a bit here. Have been not gaming for more than 2 months, and I would lie if I said the thoughts of playing do not pop up inside my mind at all.
Sometimes it is at strange and inapropriate moments like me lying in bed reading, and all of a sudden a scene from a game pops up. Someone of you people wrote that it helped them to replace that picture with some other nice picture of something nice like going for a walk on a beach or in a snowy forest.
Have been tempted a bit to propose some matches of "whatever" to my brother, as he is sitting right next to me (we mostly work in the same room so I can keep an eye on him, he is doing his high school exam from home). Did not do it though, as he still plays occassionally and I can see how destructive an influence it is on him. So I have a responsibility wowards him as well as me right now. He had initially proposed to game a bit together in the free time after learning, but knowing us I know it would develop into playing in beetween learning, and then playing instead of learning sooner or later.
I also have fun keeping the flat clean. For one, cause it is easier living, which ammounts to better learning, and I am listening to philosophy lectures. And contemplating native american worldviews and comparing them to hindi philosophy is a cool thing to do while washing the dishes.
Work is moving along slower than I would like to. I had sent my notebook for repairs 2 weeks ago and have not received it back yet, though it was scheduled to be back in 1 at most. Trouble is that I have delayed work on my diploma for that time as I basically had decided from the beginning on that I would not work on my diploma on the slow slow slow and loud old notebook I am using right now. Reading large PDFs is really not a pleasure without lotA's of CPU and memory. Seems that I have no choice now, so starting tomorrow I till put all my effort into the diploma.
Meanwhile I was busy studying anatomy as well as exercises for yoga. Have researched a bit into alternative mind-body systems like "alexander technique" and "feldenkrais".
here: alexandertechnique.com/ar...brockbank/ is a very good article on the "al. techn." with a wonderful exercise for the head. Can recommend it to anyone, it is easy to do and brings lotA's of awareness.
Doing all this anatomy lookup had got me thinking. I have been wanting to study psychology since 2001 and have been spending time on it ever since in my spare time, learning and reading. Over the last week, I have gotten into thinking that if I want to continue being a yoga instructor, I would benefit from having a medical education, So I have been looking into the possibility of studying medicine. I will have no time to study both parallelly as I will need to earn my money - no government help, maybe a bit from the parents.
Psychology - at least in Germany - is a very behaviouristic study, also often called "Rat and Stat Psychology" for itA's preoccupation with "scientific" observation. About 30-40% of the studies is statistics. While I have no problem with it, it is not what psychology is like for me. I do respect the need for experiments and enlarging our knowledge, but I prefer personality analysis and healing techniques to experiments on rats any day
I have a similar problem with medicine, as the allopathic worldview, where the illness is only treated in itself and not as a symptom of a greater underlying imbalance runs against everything that I consider true in life.
Medicine will allow me to spend time on learning anatomy and human body function, which I need to do anyway to continue teaching yoga. I really need to talk to some people who like me are more eastern minded, yet still have studied modern western medicine, which have no doubt I admire throughly for its achievements in chirurgy, but especially the treatment of chronic illnesses I regard to be severely crippled. Same with psychiatric treatment, concentrating ever more on new drugs and ever less on helping people to help themselfes.
Will be leading 4 yoga classes the next 2 weeks, which is more than I am used to, my dad who is teaching advanced classes has gone on a business trip.
Have found that it is not easy to keep my work-life balance and still do yoga. My friends, though all very spiritual in their own way still like to meet late at night. Sometimes in pubs etc. I have decided to put my Self first in these issues and have firmly declined any invitation that would throw me off balance in the way of time schedule.
I am quite a jumpy person, so a minor imbalance causes me to trash my whole rhythm, a behaviour that has caused not only 1 gaming binge in the past. Eerything is perfect, than 1 small thing gets in the way and my life is messed up for 2 weeks afterwards (in the case of heavy gaming much longer)
I need to train 3-4 hours of yoga per day if I want to have a real chance to earn my money with it while studying. I definitely would not like to work in business, and working in a pub, with smoke and irregular schedule is even less desirable, though I guess I will do whatever it takes.
Oh, and my guitar playing is getting better, already have callouses on my fingertips again.
Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day.
Maxim
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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.