Hi, everyone. I would like to share my progress report just like everybody else. To be honest, I was reluctant to share my story since I have been always the 'hermit' type of gamer that focus entirely on gaming and decided that other things like socializing is boring, annoying, etc. I spent most of my active lifetime gaming, even when I am not gaming, my mind will constantly thinking about anything related to game. As I grew older, I realized just how much I was left behind by everyone, cause... you know, I never really cared about my real life, obviously my growth as proper human being was neglected. I was heavily depressed and this feeling of course make me want to escape further from reality and I gamed more and more, untill I was fed up with all the gaming and searched the internet about game addiction. Then I found this site.
Here, I read many stories of others struggling with game addiction, I feel sad and relieved at the same time that I am not the only one with game issues. Because in my country, people are still unaware of the catastrophic effect of escessive gaming. In fact, they made fun of this game addiction, saying something like people who are addicted to game are crazy, stupid, mentally disturbed, etc. I am not crazy, I just love to play game and the game is designed to fulfill gamer's needs. I love to play the game and I hate my real life, its just the perfect. Anyway, after I read many sad stories, I decided to never play again just like a heavy smoker decided to never smoke again, but... he did smoke again.
It has been a year since I decided to quit and I forgot to count how many relapses and quit I have done. At one moment, I played a game, and then I deleted it. I built my character, I watched it grow stronger, I felt good and then I destroyed my character. I am not good at expressing my feeling in words, but repeating this cycle of building and destroying is taking its toll on my mind. If this continues, I will break myself. I know many people said 'get a life!' and I tried. I tried exercise in the morning, sports, reading books, talk to people, get a job, etc. But all those activities are nowhere as good as playing game, not to mention that I sucks at any other activities besides gaming. This is going to be a hard and tedious long journey to recovery, but I guess I deserved this harsh consequences after I ditched my own real life to pursue virtual one.
Well, I think I have ranted long enough. I was never good at writing, but at least I'm not gaming and more importantly this is about my real life progress, not about my game character. I will post more in the future about my progress, or when I can't hold the urge to game again.
Welcome back, Suranta. Just hang with us for a while instead of gaming. Life does improve the farther away we get from the games. Really it does.
Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!
Yeah, you're right gettingalife. Even though the withdrawal symptom is intense, I have to remind myself that gaming won't improve my life at all. In fact, I think gaming messed my mind. I remember back then after a long period of intense gaming, I can't focus at all. My mind was like a wild horse, I couldn't control it at all. Does anyone else had experienced this? or am I the only one? In any case, thanks for the reply gettingalife, I will stay away from game.
You are definately NOT the only one, even if it really seems like that. Most of us here on Olganon.org have been exactly where you are now, so don't lose hope.
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone
You are definitely not alone.
My mind--during the first month or two of withdrawals--was like a small room of drunken monkeys. I couldn't concentrate, couldn't read anything, or watch anything. I felt like I was climbing the walls and swinging from the ceiling if I could.
I couldn't rest or nap, and barely slept at night.
What helped:
Walking. Lots of physical exercise.
Got an ebook and started about 5 books; got some books on addiction which helped me a lot.
Went to the meetings, got a sponsor and worked the steps. Others get great help with CBT.
Glad you're here, Suranta. It takes real courage to even try to quit gaming when it has been the dominant force in your life for so long, and to share your story with strangers when you're not used to being open with people. I hope you keep coming back, going to meetings, and talking to people here. OF COURSE nothing feels as good as gaming right now, but also nothing does more harm to your life. As you keep away from games longer you'll be able to take more pleasure in these positive, non-life destroying activities. Also: it is a hard journey but it doesn't have to be tedious at all. There are interesting people to meet along the way and a lot to learn about yourself and the world. Good luck, hope to see you around.
"She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)." --Lewis Carroll
It's similiar to me, I couldn't rest. I would constantly thinking about game as I went unconscious. But right now I feel better and I would really hate to repeat the same mistake again.
Well, thanks for the support everyone, I will keep my non-gaming streak as long as possible.
Progress update, another bad relapse yesterday. Played for around 10 hours, I had been off the game for several weeks, I must have forgotten my tendencies to play excessively. Before the relapse, I thought to play for awhile to undwind. Unfortunately, it was more than that. I guess for me game is no longer a hobby, but something much deeper that roots in my life. I need to be more careful when dealing with game, I need to remember that in the past I had forsaken god, family, friends and my life to play. I don't want to blame the game though, it's not like I can send dozens of nuclear warheads to large game companies, :) it's a joke, I hope nobody really do it
Well, the only thing I can do right now is to make progress in real life. I need to learn to be content with my real life.
Very true and very hard Suranta, real life doesnt give so much reward so fast as gaming. We have to learn to cope with that. What helped me and still helps is to have some clear real-life goals/tasks with various levels of difficulty for each day at the end of the previous the day. I do the first one as soon as I can after waking up (which proofs me I can accoplish such things) and do my best to get as much done during the day. Accomplishing these gives me a feeling of reward and pride!
You're right dinges. I need to make my life more simple, I should be happy when I accomplish my real life goal like doing daily chores or other healthy activities like sports or jogging in the morning. I shouldn,t depend on the game reward system anymore if I want to lead a simple happy healthy life. I wasted about ten years chasing for equipments, items, experiences, etc. I guess I was stupid to let the game take control of my reward system.
Ooooo, Suranta, easy on the "shoulds" and "stupids." If you want a simpler, healthier life you can make one that pleases you starting today. As for the past, if you'd known better, you'd have done better. You're learning and open to making some changes. That's great!
Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!
Very true Gettingalife, easy to say hard to done. Especially hard after many years of gaming; My brain was hardwired to the activities in game like beating monsters, fighting bosses, grinding, etc. Still, I have to keep trying to change myself, one step at a time.