I never thought that what started as helping a friend supposedly finish up a RPG story line would become the addiction it has. Not only has the character that I created become everything I wanted to be in life but now I have trouble leaving her behind. It started out hard where i could use my imagination in creating a story and that's where we kept it for a few months I think but then I became more obsessed with it and my husband started getting annoyed and that made it worse. I didn't want to be me anymore, I wanted to be her, Nova Angeni or Chases Butterfly Spirit. Seems weird to think that I would want this so badly. Is it a online game, I have the chat logs to show it. Many for hours on end of us going back and forth writing this story with periodic inserts of how annoyed I was as any interuption. I've tried quitting a few times and my mother in law is afraid I need to hit rock bottom before I quit, I'm trying to quit before I hit that bottom and I've lost my family and everything else that means anything to me. The sad thing is while I'm typing this part of me wants to get on and game more or read chat logs so that when next on I'm ready to continue the story. So this Monday morning at 2:50am I'm going to quit, there I've said it and typed it. The story doesn't end, there is always one more person for Chepi to help save but Chepi isn't real. My husband who is trying to be as supportive as he can in the room next to me is and the kids asleep down the hall are. As people have told me aren't they worth quitting the game for, yes I reply. It's just been a lot harder then I thought it would be to quit. I've spent 18 months looking forward to when I could be Chepi again. Now I'm looking forward to being Liz, wife and mother who enjoys her life again. So I'll go back to sleep for 3 hrs to get up and go to work and take it one hour at a time which isn't easy since my gaming partner is at work and sits next to me. Then again if I can make it a hour then two shouldn't be so bad and a day is then seems possible.
Roxi. Big hugs and welcome to Olga. You CAN do this.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I will be thinking of you today and sending peaceful game free thoughts.
I quit several months ago after a 6 month relapse, and I do not regret it.
I struggled a bit with anxiety at first. But in those moments I learned to close my eyes and breathe deep to relax and clear my thoughts for a few minutes and those feelings would pass.
Be gentle with yourself over the next few weeks and get as much sleep as you can. You will feel better.
Hi Roxiepic, I'm in the early stages too. It's super hard. I'm trying substitute behaviors now, such as reading fantasy novels (my favorite genre) and they are helping a lot. Also doing some writing myself (no editing and getting ready for NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month in november). Absolutely anything is less addicting and more productive than the !@#$# game (except doing meth and such things)
Welcome!!! We definitely know how you feel, we have been there.
There are meetings every night (http://www.olganon.org/chat/flashchat.php), please come to the meetings. There is a lot of support in the meetings.
My sponsor, and wonderful step buddy in OLGA told me that the best part of our characters in the game, are really parts of ourselves. We now spend time nurturing that wonderful part of us in the real life and not in our games. I didn't understand that at first but she is so right. The part of my avatar I loved the most, was actually me. But I didn't know that before. Now I nurture that part of me that truly is me.
Big hugs! (lots of wives and mothers here too)
Welcome Roxie, yes, it is superhard, but after a while, it DOES get easier, and it is worth it. Keep coming back!
Twelve miles into the forest, 12 miles out.
Left my poisonous game July 4, 2012. Left online communities June 4, 2013.
Thanks to all of you for your comments. I can honestly say I didn't make it all day but for the first time I was able to not start till after 3 which is a first but when my hubby sent me a text I found the strength somehow to actully stop and get off shortly after. So goal for tomorrow, make it all day.
Glad you're here, Roxie. In fact, coming here instead of heading to the game can be a huge help in quitting. Also, be aware you'll likely experience very real withdrawal symptoms. Having an idea of what to expect somehow makes it more tolerable. http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/4974
Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!
Thanks for sharing your story!! I know for myself I tried a thousand forms of moderation and ways to control my behaviors, but the bottom line is that I'm powerless and the addiction always wins out, resulting in less and less control and more and more Unmanageability in my life.
I'll share with you something that I've heard in other 12 step meetings I go to: We hit bottom when we stop digging. how far do you want to dig?
I'm rooting for you to make it all day today, Roxie! I hope you can make it, and then come to the 9 p.m. chat meeting and boast. :-) Or just come to the chat meeting regardless...
"She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)." --Lewis Carroll
Can't be there today, have Rock Climbing with the husband. I'm trying like hell to not miss them since it's something that I started with him to get me away from the gaming. Thank you though, I appreciate it!
Doing things with husband is GREAT! we've spent a lot of time gaming and not with family and friends, my sponsor always told me to say "yes" to these things.
Good for you; luckily meetings happen every night of the week.
Welcome to olga Roxi!
There is a saying in the rooms that "hitting bottom" is not on the outside, but rather on the inside. As soon are you are "done" holding on to games that is your bottom. There are "high bottom" addicts, who surrender to their addiction when they still have the family, job, house, car, large bank accounts, and lots of friends. Other wait until they lost a few jobs, get into several fights with their family, and have lost a lot of stuff. Other only "hit bottom" after losings everything they have, and others still never surrender.
The only thing that you can quit a addiction for is because it is the right thing to do!
good luck, I hope you find what you are looking for.
leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized) sober from all electronic games since 11/19/2010
Well I stopped digging and just severed all ties with my gaming friends. Blocked the numbers, emails, messangers and everything as I sat almost numb but I had to. So many if only's but now I have to remember to say next time.
Good for you Roxie. Tough, tough thing to do. Hopefully those feelings will calm down soon.
I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.
Sometimes the insanity continues. Sp very thankful for being able to come on here and read things though I know I should post more. Even to help others but things have been kinda choatic. Now not only quitting the gaming which I've gone a week without even looking at the chat logs which is amazing I'm stepping off the adderal. Talk about a eye opener that leaves you in the corner sitting and rocking back and forth. Makes me wonder why I even started on the stuff in the first place.
I appreciate the honesty.... I just came out of denial yesterday. For years I have gone back and forth making excuses for my gaming. I understand the insanity you are talking about. Not being able to medicate by going into a fantasy world is making me face dark places inside myself I have been hiding from. Fears, post tramatic stress, depression. I started a cool 12 step group I have been going on and off for 3 years now. I finally got a sponsor and am a quarter of the way through my fourth step. It sucks lol. But it is good and it takes courage to keep going. I am having a tough time right now though. My wow account expired yesterday and I am panicking about losing my drug. I am REALLY fighting myself about not re-subscribing. It's all I can think about right now.
Hoping you where able to not resubscribe for your wow account Bluelf and that you are doing well.