Starting my journey today

You can do this, Alan! One day at a time.

Alan,

I do wish you luck. And more than luck.

Please be sure you read the withdrawal symptoms (can get there from the home page) on the site--you may feel a little less helpless and lost in the tough early days.

You will start enjoying other things, but it will take time. I got off games and replaced them mostly with TV (better than games but only a little better). Now I'm off TV and starting to get into life even more--friends, family connections, cooking, gardening, improving my work situation, and especially reading. When I first quit I wanted NONE of these things. Only games seemed attractive. That's the addiction and it will change slowly.

Keep coming back to OLGA--read forums and find the information that speaks to you--not everything will help but there's a huge amount here and someone has a story that will speak to you and help you. I found going to the chat meetings to be very important during my first 3 months and I still go quite often. Whatever helps you rejoin RL is what you should move towards.

Best wishes to you!

Have a great day today, it won't be easy but it is worth it!

Any movies/TV shows you always wanted to watch and never got around to? I never watched How I met your mother until recently and now I'm hooked (well in a good way) and I'm always keeping some episodes on my ipad in case that gaming urge kicks in.

In my fourth week right now, and I'm not going to lie to you, its been rough but I also feel its been getting easier for the last couple of days. Good luck!!

I whish you good luck. Hey one thing that works for me is to do my workout. Exercise reduces the anxiety and boredom. I fill a couple of hours doing exercise and then I'm exhausted so if I do my workout at night I only want to go to sleep after my routine. When you quit videogames nothing seems to be funnier that play a videogame but it is because of the adiction. Here is a list of things you can do in your free time, if you have some others to add please do it:

http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/31034

Also, whenever you feel the urge of play a videogame while you're using your laptop try to visit this site and read as much posts as you can instead of videogame websites.

I hope you had a good day today. Congratulations on taking this big step.

Go outside, take a walk. Take a shower. Watch TV. Read. Call a friend. Don't sit in front of the PC.

When I first quit, I when I felt like gaming I'd sit there and think about what was going on inside of me. Like, what's REALLY going on. Almost like pulling myself, out of myself, and observing.

A lot of time, I was feeling anxiety, or stress... and I really wanted to find a way to calm down. Somehow I felt like gaming could do that for me, or distract me, but since I didn't want to go back down that road, I learned ways to calm myself "get through that moment" without going to logging into a game.

Learning to "self soothe" was a valuble tool.

I found that if I didn't give in to that first "impulse" eventually, it went away. Like standing on a river bank, and letting that "craving" float away.

Bigalaz1 wrote:

but I did that stuff and feel guilty and shameful for it..... :(

Another big trigger.. Just before I quit this last time I felt so awful about myself that I truly felt suicidal. I thought "I can never.. ever.. quit"

Another of those lies Big.. that I let float down the river..

Delete.. delete.. delete..

big hugs.. Have courage Big.. you can do this.

I suggest you make a list of why you wanted to quit in the first place, the negative effect that gaming had on your life...

I hope that you re-delete the games... If you're patient things will get a lot easier. The first few days are the hardest, don't put yourself through them over and over again...

I understand that giving in to a craving and playing can make you feel guilty and shameful. But realize that accepting those feelings as total reality (not just your feelings, but the TRUTH) could just push you back into more playing.

You are a person who wants to restore their life. You are worth having a good life. It's not about guilt, it's about how terribly hard it is to stop addictive behavior.

Keep coming back to OLGA, and keep trying to find other things to do away from the computer.

We're pulling for you here!

Please see this article about willpower.
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/06/self-discipline-willpower/
The central premise of the article is that overcoming bad habits/developing new habits requires an overwhelming application of force, which can be sustained, but not for a long time.

In your first post you wrote about the feeling of depression that the idea of not having gaming to come home to after work created in you. It might not be a bad idea to plan an overall agenda for the first week of quitting, adding as many non-gaming activities to look forward to and get your mind off the game. And get your girlfriend onside, swallow your pride and ask her to help you.

This may be one the harderst things you have ever done, so please do not understimate the difficulty. Plan accordingly and bring all the resources you can to bear on this problem.

Tommi wrote:

This may be one the harderst things you have ever done, so please do not understimate the difficulty. Plan accordingly and bring all the resources you can to bear on this problem.

Bears repeating. I wanted to quit desperately enough that I was more than willing to pull out all the stops. I've looked for help under every possible rock and done my best to apply that help. For me, working a 12 Step program is a good fit because I'm open to a spiritual approach and so much of what I read in my search for answers ultimately pointed in that direction. The simple willingness to recognize where we're wrong, where we need help is a big first step, I think. We all need help, and we're here to help each other.

You're doing great, Alan. It isn't easy, but you're worth it. And in 6 mos, each of these challenging good days will have begun to collect, build on each other toward a challenging good life.

I'll second Gettingalife, you're doing great. All the right moves. :-) The cravings absolutely will get better (but only if you don't feed them of course).

Bigalaz1 wrote:

I can't do anything to feed it and I can't play around with it, I'm not strong enough to tempt myself and not start playing again. So powerless. So some progress, but I've been binge eating some this past week so that's not good :/

Yeah, powerlessness is Step 1. No food for the big dog or he bites you. And the replacement activity--welcome to the joy of being an addict. I'm a free-range addict, and I can use just about anything as a replacement. But what is best is to use more productive activities as replacements. These other activities keep you from gaming, and that's a good thing. Now work on replacing them with better and better things.

My big non-productive replacement activity was TV. Now TV is gone for me, a very very positive step that took me 5 months after I quit games. OLGA was my productive replacement activity, and now I'm cutting that back a little bit (because some days it was my ONLY productive replacement activity--now I have others that are also good). I'm now also replacing with connecting with family and friends. The next thing for me to moderate is social networking. At least it's interacting with actual people, although in a somewhat artificial way. I'll reduce that, too, as my better and more healthy activities increase.

But I killed the big dog first. Starved that sucker. So you can be aware of the replacement activities, but be gentle with yourself also. Change takes time. Step by step you will be able to replace the bad with less bad, the less bad with OK, and the OK with good. Then the good will become enjoyable and fulfilling. That's my hope for me, and my hope for you. Best wishes.

Big,

It is natural, and so easy. Don't beat yourself up. Playing is easy, quitting is hard.

I recall reading that those who successfully quit smoking often try several times. I believe this principle applies here. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again.

Bigalaz1 wrote:

I relapsed :( :( :(

Hugs Big. You mentioned attending a 12 step group.

I found distracting myself with recovery helped me to let go of the gaming...

Several members here are going through the NA workbook.

No matter how many times this happens, keep coming back here. Remember, staying quit is easier than relapsing, it just *seems* like it's the other way at the moment. Keep that in mind if you can, and if you can't, just come back anyway. You will be able to do it soon. Hugs.

Let your fear and pain carry you to meetings, Alan. Be desperate enough to do whatever it takes. Come here, read and post, come to nightly chat meetings every night, find f2f NA meetings and go to them. Get a copy of AA's Big Book and read it. There is hope. Reach out and hold onto it.

You feel terrible because gaming does terrible things to your brain. It can heal but you have to quit and stay quit. You addiction has taken over your brain and nothing else feels like it's worthwhile. This is not a permanent situation. It's not who you are. It's what your addiction is.

Are you sure you need to destroy your computer? And then keep the graphics card? Won't you just use another computer? Maybe you could find another way to quit, so that you could still have some support here at OLGA. But if you have to do it, do it, and then dump yourself into NA. Quit and your brain will heal. You will start to want life again. You will feel different. Better. Not at first but soon. Very best wishes.

Bigalaz1 wrote:

I can't imagine how free I'll feel if I were to do that. But god is that scary.

I can't bare to think of having to face reality and all the mess I've created and currently have sitting on top of me. So I just keep escaping into the games. I seriously can't imagine having to face myself and trying to live life without this. What would I even do or who would I be?

Yes it is scary. That's why we escaped. We couldn't handle life on life's terms.

Yes, it IS a struggle. Yes, it IS difficult. But what you were doing is no longer working for you. You'll need to do something different.

And here's a little secret. You don't have to face it all at once. You don't have to call all the friends from high school you've lost touch with and beg their forgiveness today (or ever). You don't have to face ANYTHING but trying to not game for today. That's it. Later, when you've made progress on that, you can bite off a little more. It took a long time for us to get into this mess, and it will not get fixed in one day or a few days.

Set your sights lower, and give yourself credit for taking on something HARD, which will not be easy, you will not want to give yourself credit.

Hi Bigalaz! oh I kept my computer because I wanted internet to get to meetings. But it takes what it takes. Good luck and I wish you well!

Big hugs

Don't beat yourself up too much over these relapses. We all relapse, and it can take weeks to months to quit. The secret to success is not "willpower," since your mood can change so suddenly and cause your iron resolve to disintigrate within moments. The secret to success is "time" and simply KNOWING that if you stay on this road long enough, you will succeed. Jeff Olson in his book The Slight Edge puts it best:

"When you enter a darkened room, why does your hand reach out for the light switch? Because you know that when you hit the switch, the light will go on. You don't have to give yourself positive self-talk about how you really ought to hit that light switch, or set up a system of rewards and punishments for yourself around whether you follow through or not with hitting the light switch. You don't need any rigmarole; you just hit the switch. Why? Because you know what will happen. You KNOW."

In the same way, you know that if you stay away from gaming long enough (hit the switch), you will break your addiction (the light will go on). It will take work, but give time a chance!

Katniss wrote:

In the same way, you know that if you stay away from gaming long enough (hit the switch), you will break your addiction (the light will go on). It will take work, but give time a chance!

I disagree with that stance--in fact, I believe that it is our inability to safely game, now or at any point in the future, that differentiates addicts from normal gamers. There may come a time in my life when I no longer think about gaming at all, but I wouldn't delude myself that my addiction was cured or broken, merely in remission. The more power you imagine you have, the less you really have.

Katniss wrote:

Don't beat yourself up too much over these relapses. We all relapse, and it can take weeks to months to quit. The secret to success is not "willpower," since your mood can change so suddenly and cause your iron resolve to disintigrate within moments. The secret to success is "time" and simply KNOWING that if you stay on this road long enough, you will succeed. Jeff Olson in his book The Slight Edge puts it best:

"When you enter a darkened room, why does your hand reach out for the light switch? Because you know that when you hit the switch, the light will go on. You don't have to give yourself positive self-talk about how you really ought to hit that light switch, or set up a system of rewards and punishments for yourself around whether you follow through or not with hitting the light switch. You don't need any rigmarole; you just hit the switch. Why? Because you know what will happen. You KNOW."

In the same way, you know that if you stay away from gaming long enough (hit the switch), you will break your addiction (the light will go on). It will take work, but give time a chance!

This entire thing bears repeating. Thank you for quoting this, Katniss.

I think this is why it was so hard for me during those first few days and weeks off games. I didn't "know" yet, and had to self-talk me into doing the right thing, even though it didn't feel right yet. Meetings helped me keep on with doing the right thing along with the others who were too.

Allerseelen wrote:

I disagree with that stance--in fact, I believe that it is our inability to safely game, now or at any point in the future, that differentiates addicts from normal gamers. There may come a time in my life when I no longer think about gaming at all, but I wouldn't delude myself that my addiction was cured or broken, merely in remission. The more power you imagine you have, the less you really have.

I believe that some addictions truly CAN be completely broken, but you're right. Feeling "cured" from an addiction does not mean it is wise to knowingly expose ourselves to its triggers. All it takes is one small bite of the apple, and our old desires and impulses can resurface...

Interesting concept: do we "break the addiction"?

Well in AA there are those who think they are still "recovering" and some who feel they've "recovered" (it says "recovered" in the big book. What they mean is we've recovered from a hopeless mind and body cycle of active alcoholism).

They have recovered from drinking, but this result rests on the daily maintenance of our spiritual (read "recovering") life. Without it, we go back to the addiction.

I am addicted to both gaming and alcohol (cigarettes too), and no, I don't want to use them or go back to the same miserable place as before.

I live a fairly normal life now without these substances, but this is based on keeping myself emotionally fit everyday. Like a diabetic needs some form of medicine everyday.

Whether I am recovering or "recovered", I know I am nothing without my program of recovery. And this means with or without the 12 steps, since I generally like a lot of approaches.

Do I label myself as an addict? only here and in AA. I also like to look at life that I am many other things as well.

Go, Alan, go! It's great that it is going well for you. Best wishes.

That's really great to hear Alan! Best of luck, don't give up!

Bigalaz

It gets better, trust me.

You're doing an amazing job and freeing yourself of this is all that you need to worry about right now.

Take each day as it comes and just stay away from pcs.

I ticked off my 18th month yesterday and could not ever believe that I would have told you I'd be free for that long.

You can do it too.

Go, Alan, go!

Great report, Alan! Thanks for stopping by and keeping us updated.