Oooooooookay, so this is weird, but awesome, and I would like your feedback. I sent my sponsor a note, but would like to hear from the rest of the community too. I just got a job offer as a virtual assistant. I could do the work at home, (from my couch, even if I'm puking with the pregnancy) it's in a field I FREAKING LOVE, and it would pay me more than twice what I made all summer long. (I had to stop working once I was too nauseous to stand.) I connect really well with the client/employer, and there's a huge opportunity for advancement and connections with future clients. Also, I'd learn more about the field that I really want to stay in for the rest of my life. My job would, however, involve me doing social media updates in my client's name, managing online contests, and facilitating their (multiple) online communities.
Holy. Cow.
I've been completely facebook-sober for almost three weeks now. I'm convinced this opportunity only came about because I was awake and unplugged enough to ask for it. I'm wondering, could I make this work, and maintain my sobriety? In another fellowship, we "bookend" by calling another member of the program if we're going to be in a tempting situation, or need accountability to take an action. We do this by calling another member before and after the event is passed. Maybe I could have a few accountability partners to stay *only* on the client's internet functions?
Or is this like an alcoholic managing a bar, where he promises not to drink?
I know at least a couple of members have worked at video game stores after getting sober, and found their disease raging and rearing it's ugly head. I don't want to do that here. I'm so sick, my family needs money, and I'm *really good* in the field this client wants me to work in. But I don't want to feed the monster of my internet addiction either. I'm not sure this would, since I'm not doing it for *me* and I'd be getting paid. Would someone please share their experience/strength/hope with me here? Thanks so much,
TaylorJoy
Hi TaylorJoy,
If I were you in this situation, I would definitely give it a try. The worst case scenario, I will relapse but at least I will learn from this experience. I would not let fear be in the way of living, but that is me. I am sure others may disagree with me on this and I can only speak from my personal experience and we are all different.
I also view relapses differently from others, to me is an opportunity to improve myself but it does not mean I will let myself loose easily on gaming (I am talking after trying my best effort to not gaming and having relapse).
Best of luck,
Maggie
It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen
TaylorJoy,
First, I can't tell you what to do. But I'm going to share some thoughts, and perhaps one or two of them will be of help to you.
This decision is a choice. I'd encourage you to carefully think about the what if's:
1. What if you don't take the job? Is your family OK? Or are you in danger of not paying bills?
2. What if you take the job and it works out? What do you gain? Do you gain anything that you can't gain some other way?
3. What if you take the job and it triggers a relapse? What does relapse mean for you? What was your gaming like, and what would happen if you started again?
4. If you take the job and put accountability measures into place, do you have a good reason to think that they will work? It depends on what your triggers are, how strong your cravings are and how good the measures are.
Thinking about each of these in a specific way, might be of help to you.
As for relapses, I must say this: Relapses are dangerous. Saying that we learn from relapses is like saying that we learn something from almost falling off a cliff. Yes we do, but that's no reason to go walk on the edge of a cliff. Of course people learn something from relapses but only AFTER THEY QUIT AGAIN. The danger with a relapse is that you won't quit again. There are people who came to OLGA and then relapsed and the relapse lasted months, or a year, or longer. There are people who have been to OLGA and today, right now I'm sure, are playing games. They have never come back. Their relapse wasn't a nice learning experience. Their relapse is destroying their life.
So you have some important things to weigh: The needs of your family and the needs of your recovery. And if you don't have your recovery, can you really help your family? If you relapse, how long will it be before you lose the job?
You are the only one who can answer all the questions I put into this post. I wish you the best. My prayer for you is that you and your family will have a good life away from games, however that comes about. Hugs.
I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.
Like Dan said... it sounds dangerous. Three weeks sober really isn't much.
Think carefully about how this job would work out for you if it DOES trigger a relapse. How would you work, what kind of impression would you make on your employer in this field that you're interested in? When I was in such a situation (working from home) I eventually ended up gaming full time, which did not exactly advance me in my field.
"She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)." --Lewis Carroll
I was nodding as I read Dan's post...nobody here can make that decision except for you, but please think about Dan's questions before you make a decision, and maybe even talk those questions over with your sponsor. I know that my thinking isn't the most trustworthy thing in the world, so I'd be hesitant to make a decision of that nature based solely on my own thinking.
I like the alcoholic in the bar analogy a lot, but I think it needs slightly tweaked in this case. The alcoholic bartender is required by his job to be AROUND alcohol a lot. He is NOT required to drink it as part of his job. This job requires you to DRINK the alcohol, not just be around it. Hugs...
When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom
Taylor, everyone has shared their concerns and thoughts but it is really up to you. It is still your decision, make it wise and good luck what whatever path that you choose.
I notice I am the only one on the bright end lol....but that is ok...My light shines....and it is contagious sometimes!
I know I always stretch myself really thin sometimes, but that is me. What I can not afford in this life is to live it with the fear of my addiction. I have learned to accept who I am and that who I am is good enough for me and my HP :-).
Hugs,
Maggie
It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen
I will share my own experience.
Several years ago I was trying to join the Navy and I sobered up to do so. At the time I did not consider myself a video game addict (blinders) but I did quit cigarettes and other substances. I had been free from smoking cigs for over a year.
In the meantime while I was waiting for my system to clean itself I got a job working at a gas station.
I NEVER imagined myself smoking again I had battled nicotine addiction for years off and on ever since I quit the first time my Senior year in High School. I thought I had tottally licked it that time, being free for over a year. I did not anticipate a problem working at a gas station at all.
But day after day selling those cigarettes and looking at them and touching them... eventually it wore me down and after dealing with constant thoughts of smoking each day battling the temptation I finally gave in and started smoking again.
I am nicotine free again and for over a year (I havn't kept track of when I last quit but it has been awhile) but it was a learning experience.
I wish you the best. My final advice would be that if you accept the job to be careful of how you are feeling. Pay attention to your thoughts. Also, do what you love. I am now learning to be a Math teacher and I love it. I don't need any substances or games to make me feel fulfilled. Life is great sober. Big hugs and best wishes and grats on your 3 weeks.
Xander
Free from gaming since 12/23/2013
Free from marijuana since 12/30/2013
Loving life and living it!
I think everyone has had some good points.
Continuing the alcohol analogy, the big book DOES tell readers that alcoholics may in fact handle or be near/around alcohol after acheiving sobriety and recovery IF the alcoholic has a good reason (usually in being of service) to be there. However this is, again, only after having done the steps and acheived recovery.
Also, it would seem that your gut might already be telling you this is a bad idea - otherwise you probably wouldn't have felt the need to ask others in the fellowship about this.
As has been said before, the decision is entirely yours, and I really do not know what the best choice is for you. I can't. So my suggestion is to pray and to meditate on the matter, and ask your higher power for guidance.
I wish you the best
Last game played: April 24th 2014
For starters, I want to tell everyone how deeply I appreciate all of your support and help. :-} It means the WORLD to me, and I was so, so, so glad that I could come here and get some advice.
Dan's questions were very timely and appropriate. Most people here don't know this, but I've suffered from hyperemesis with all of my pregnancies. That's a fancy way of saying that I spend literally the entire time throwing up, and more than half of every single day [often the entire day] so nauseous that it's difficult to stand. People say things to me like, "WHY then did you get pregnant again???" Well, I've gotten pregnant on every form of birth control, my periods are highly irregular, and I'd just convinced my husband to have a vasectomy [even though he truly wanted more kids] when I found out I was pregnant again. [My doc refused to tie my tubes until hubby had a vasectomy, because I'm at super-high risk for an ectopic pregnancy.] So, this pregnancy was almost totally beyond my control.
So, financially I feel very, very stuck. I know I have a problem--I'm very aware that I'm an internet and facebook addict. I can't go into any work-at-home job with the attitude of "Hey, I can handle this." I can't. I'm powerless over the power that the internet has over me. However, we do need more money right now. Society believes that pregnancy shouldn't be a disability, that it's not an illness, that I should be able to run marathons and do crossfit and pop out a healthy eight pound baby in two hours and leave the hospital in my skinny jeans. They don't have any room for people like me, who couldn't drive a mile without pulling over and throwing up. So, people don't understand that it's very, very difficult, if not impossible, to work a regular job right now.
Then, a friend connected me with someone who needed a virtual assistant. This friend had just used some of my skills for free [and I was THRILLED to give them to her--she's so talented] and she told me that my work was better than someone she'd worked with for years. Being a VA in this field gives me a shoe in the door to get to know people--and I've never actually had a job in my field before. I've taken sales jobs, phone jobs, jobs I've hated, jobs I've sorta liked, and work-at-home jobs---but I've never had an actual job in the field I went to school for.
Oddly enough, I've been working for her for three days, and my distaste for the time I spent on Facebook has only increased. I'm more aware than ever that Facebook is a marketing ploy--a schtick to get people to give their personal info away for free. The people who use facebook are signing up to be marketed to for the rest of their lives. Now that I'm on the marketing side of things, I'm disgusted with the amount of time and information I gave away on there.
The GOOD news is that I'm only going to be working for her for about ten hours per week. :-} That's just enough money to pay for childcare so that I can work for her and develop my own creative career. [I could spend the other ten-fifteen hours weekly doing work for other clients, and I've already had two inquiries] All I really needed was enough money to give me a leg-up so that I could have some quality care for my youngest child, [my older two are in school] and get my own work into the market place. This will do that.
If I stay in recovery, if I stay accountable to you guys and to my sponsor, and if I keep working my UA program as well, I have no reason to believe I'll relapse. That's three big "if's." My husband is also being vigilant about the amount of time I spend on any internet site. [He's been over here twice while I've been typing this, hahaha] The alternative is to wait until I can get over the hyperemesis, and we're already having a lot of trouble meeting the bills. The last pregnancy was thirty weeks along before I stopped throwing up. Then I had pre-term labor symptoms, and had to stay on the couch AGAIN. :-[
So, you guys certainly made me see how seriously I need to take this. I appreciate the questions, and I will be staying around for accountability. :-] Lots of love, TAylor Joy
Good luck Taylor, I will pray for you.
It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen
Hugs, Taylor. That's not a pleasant thing to be dealing with, and you know that we all want you to be happy and healthy. If you can do this without relapsing or becoming the gaming equivalent of a "dry drunk", then all I'm going to say is "fantastic!" If you realize something needs to change again, you know we're all here and still supporting you. Hope all goes well...
When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom