McPhee, when u wrote "the world doesn't end", my mind went: "huh, impossible!" xD. I will definately make up some sort of system for when to check msg. Sporadic checking messes me up :P
BrandNewDay, Im happy to see ur doing good =)
Today i've felt a bit more stressed in my body than usual. probably cause of lack of sleep two days in a row. Need to prioritize that stuff ;).
Finally got my fitness tracker band (jawbone up3) back from reparation. I bought it 9 months ago and it almost instantly broke cuz i didn't know it wasn't waterproof x). It's so much fun right now, probably cuz it's a new gadget x).
The sleep functions are awesome. Today it felt really easy to get out of bed. Supposedly the tracker finds out when Im in "light sleep" and then set of the vibration in the band to wake me up. Another cool thing is the passive heart-rate measurements. They seem to be very much in line with what i feel in terms of stress-levels. I could talk about this thing all day ...... x)
Today im grateful for: My thesis mentor (he's really cool), Tasty food, Family, Friends, Olga, Being me, The fact that I am grateful for "being me" (going meta!), Being game-free & Tobacco-free one day at a time,
Actually it's not really fair to put gaming & tobacco side-to-side like that. Being a gaming addict has caused me WAY more pain & sorrow than tobacco every did.
No plans to game,
See u peeps!
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Wazzapp, I love your list of things to be grateful for, it's making me feel happier as well. For the last week, I've put sleep as one of my priorities and have slept for at least 7 hours every day, replacing some of that time-wasting with more sleep. This has made me dramatically more energetic and better at controlling my behaviors. I'm now starting to do homework earlier and earlier, and not procrastinating as much as before. (Still procrastinating though, but I'll improve gradually but steadily.)
And, I've meditated for 4 days in a row now. I've also been free from games for 10 weeks and 2 days now! I'm so thankful to have found this community and for the people around me to constantly give me support and advice. Thank you, world!
As you can see, I'm really positive today. I feel that I've really gotten on top of things lately, and I'd like to keep this going. No more self-doubt, please.
I will not game today.
—
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Wazzapp and BrandNewDay, you are both sounding exceptionally fine! There is a lot to be said for learning to live with intention and planning and doing what it takes to feel good and be happy. You two are shining examples of the benefits of that approach. Well done!
I'm good today. Back from the funeral and re-starting normal life. It's good to be alive. That's not an advantage that everybody has, as I was reminded while burying my girlfriend's brother. Let's all make the most of this wonderful opportunity, shall we?
I'm planning to get some work done today, do my physical therapy on the sore hip and enjoy spending time with my son at dinner this evening. First, I have my morning routine: Posting to SMART and OLGA, spending a few minutes journaling, listing three things I'm grateful for, meditating for two minutes, reading 10 pages of a self-improvement book. It's kind of a hassle keeping my attitude and activities more or less on track with all this mind-control stuff. But it makes me happier and more fulfilled, and so I think it's worth it. If I just randomly do whatever seems to come up, I don't feel as thoroughly engaged with life and it's just not as enjoyable.
McPhee, a death and a funeral within the family always puts me out of balance. But it's also a reminder of just how fragile life is, and why what we are doing here is so important. Your girlfriend must be so grateful to have you close right now, in her moment of pain.
My day has been high-paced. Seminar in school with presentation among other things. I feel my improvisation theater & vocal exercises are paying off! People seem to enjoy it more when i speak, and i can make up small jokes while speaking on a rather boring topic.
Today im grateful: Being me, Having my Jawbone fitness tracker, Olga, McPhee, BrandNewDay, Great friends, Cheap thai-massages, Being game-free one more day.
Talk to u soon!
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Before today, I've usually thought a lot about what things to do in the future, all the time, but on those days with a lot of homework, that thinking only stresses me out and makes me want to procrastinate even more. So, right now, I'm going to try to just think about what to do in the immediate future. All the other things that I have to do will go on a todo list that I will not look at until I've finished the task at hand. Hopefully this will help me do my homework.
I have not gamed for more than 6.3 million seconds now. I'll keep going and never play games no matter what.
I will not game today.
—
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
BrandNewDay, that sounds like a great idea. I get easily overwhelmed when i put too much focus on the future.
Today i'm up for some work & improv again. Also started babystepping my thesis work which i've been "avoiding" for a few days. I wanna be more proactive about my thesis, so I'm trying to hire a coach who can sit with me 2h-4h per week and just work together with me. I think it would help a lot. The coach doesn't even need to be schooled in my subject, just sitting there and watching me is probably enough to be honest x)
Yesterday i made some changes in my apartment so that i could sleep in pitch-dark last night. I think it improved my sleep.
Today i decided to skip the bread in my breakfast. Instead it became really healthy with kiwi, eggs, a banana etc. I haven't been eating very healthy for some time so it felt good.
I've been procrastinating cleaning my apartment & do dishes for a few days. I should probably baby-step it aswell. Just clean for short 5min sessions so i don't get overwhelmed.
Today im grateful for: The proactive approach to life's tasks, Fitness tracker, Great friends, it's friday!, That i generally have a much better mood nowadays, Game-free for one more day.
Talk to u soon!
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Wazzapp and BrandNewDay, it's striking how intentional you both are about your lives. Instead of just taking what comes, you're examining what's going on and comparing it to your desired outcomes. You're coming up with fixes and looking ahead and making plans for successful outcomes. You're managing yourselves instead of trying to control events and other people. It's just really impressive to me. Nice work, folks!
Last night I was thinking about how pleasant it used to be to sit around all evening and drink alcohol and play computer games. And it was. Somewhat. It was pretty good for maybe the first hour or so. After that it was not. It was a compulsion that I was unable to stop or slow down. And a compulsion is not fun. So I'm fine with not trying to seek that fun hour, because I know the costs are just way too high.
It's been great not gaming at all for the last year. I don't regret it one bit. I've had hugely more fun doing other stuff, and avoided an even larger amount of grief that would have been caused by ignoring my responsibilities in order to game. Gaming just costs too much and, in the end, I don't enjoy it enough to want to pay the price.
No plans to game today. Thanks for your help with that.
So last night I had a gaming dream. That's the first one of those in a long while. After a year of not gaming, I'm a little surprised. Anyway, I had this dream and woke up and during a little spell of a minute or so when I was still half-asleep I was still making plans of the strategies I was going use to play this game and try to win it. Then I finished waking up and realized that I was not going to play any game.
I wasn't horribly disappointed by not being able to continue playing the dream game in real life. But I was a little disappointed, I admit. It's weird to have this happen after so long without gaming and to realize that somewhere inside I still want to game. I guess it may never go away completely 100 percent never to return in any form or fashion. Oh, well. No biggie. Just kind of strange.
No plans to game today. Thanks for your help with that.
Right now i feel a bit dragging. Trying to work on my thesis but i feel overwhelmed. I try to tell myself 3 things: "I'll just do the best I can", "It's not so **** important" & "bad work is better than no work". It works pretty good, makes me calmer.
Today im grateful for: Great friends, fitness tracker, pitch-dark sleeping enviorment, Olga, NA, Having all my limbs, Having an apartment, Great & tasty food, Having some money in the bank, People caring about me, People I can care about, "Crispy Mexican"-burger at my local burger place, Having an effective calendar in my phone so that i don't loose track of things, Nice clients at my part-time job, Going to the dentist on monday (yeah, im actually looking forward to get braces! x), Straight-perming hair my hair today (it looks really good!), Rick & Morty Comic book, Vocal exercuses, Improv, My siblings (they are awesome!),
Talk to u soon!
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
wazzapp, those all sound like good workarounds for the thesis foot-dragging. A similar one that I use a lot is, "Just go through the motions." This means that I should place my butt in the chair, enter the keystrokes to open the word processor and start on the mechanical stuff that has to be done before actually writing something. It's stuff like: copy all interviewees' addresses into my contact database, combine interview and research notes into a research pack, start an outline document, etc. This is all practically mindless. But once I get started doing it, it seems to loosen me up and I can then dive into the more creative and challenging aspect of the writing. Your approaches seem like they'll do the same thing. Good job!
I am okay. About to climb up on the roof to try to figure out how the squirrels are getting into the attic. Not dissimilar to, say, searching a game dungeon level for a magic portal. One difference: If I fall off the roof, it's going to hurt. A lot. Real life is different from games. The stakes are higher. Anyway, I'm off, hopefully not to the emergency room.
Thanks McPhee, never before seen the very practical value of the phrase "go through the motions"!
Im gonna try to modify my routine a little bit. To the to-do-list i'll try to add a time schedule so i also know when to do stuff. Also i want to get into meditation again so watching some vids about it to get me motivated. I'm also gonna start tracking my food take a little bit, nothing serious, just write what i've eaten (not "how much", that's too tedious for me right now :P )
Today im grateful for: NA, Olga, Being game-free, Being awesome, Fitness tracker band, Great friends who care about me, Working limbs, Having an apartment, Having food.
Talk later!
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
I'm not feeling too energetic today for some reason. I've been mainly doing homework over the weekend and got a lot done, but just didn't feel very accomplished about it. I'm afraid I might be forgetting some strategies I've used to combat this sort of negativity, and am really lost as to what to think and do next. I know I still have Chemistry to do, but I don't want to do it until I've come up with a reason to motivate myself. I can't quite forget the negative things today like I used to do, and that has been making me feel a bit off balance. I can't actually think of anything that I'm doing wrong, so I shouldn't have any reason to feel so down today, but I am. Usually, when I'm not feeling well, I try to pinpoint the source of negativity, focus on it briefly, and then imagine that it's a cloud floating away. But, today, I just can't pinpoint that source of negativity for some reason, so I'm sort of losing my footing.
Still, writing this all down and sharing these thoughts is helping me feel better already. Thank you Olga for this nice, supportive community!
Oh! I remember this, at least: "This too shall pass."
I think I had a nice day nevertheless.
I will not game today.
—
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Wazzapp, just making a note of what you eat can really make a difference in what you do eat. Be sure to let us know how it goes.
BrandNewDay, remember to recognize your achievements. You've done a lot. Take a minute to give yourself credit for what you have accomplished. There will always be more you could have done. Perfection is not the goal. Better is the goal. You are doing better, and that is huge. Very well done!
I am fine today. No plans to game. Thanks for your help with that.
I did 20 mins of silent meditation before going to bed last night. I must say my mind felt different today, less chatter inside my head. Gonna go again tonight before i sleep.
Today i printed out a chart and plotted my to-do-list according to a timeline. It was great! I didn't even have to decide what to do next during my day, cuz it was pre-decided! Also i knew i couldnt procrastinate because it would tip over to the next thing on my schedule. This habit is a keeper.
Tracked my food. Pretty healthy today. Worst thing was a hot-dog. Also had a subway sandwish which u could debate whether or not that was healthy :P. Fast solutions while i was commuting between stuff.
Also wanna thank McPhee for the "just go through the motions"-mentality to trick my brain into working. Worked well last night =)
Today im grateful for: My apartment, fitness tracker, great friends, olga, narcotics anonymous meetings, inspirational youtube vids, audible (audio-books on my phone while i commute), living in a "1st world" country, having lots of opportunity, being game-free
Talk to u later =)
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hello everyone. After a long strings of relapses I decided to face the reality and to admit that i cant do this alone. I just cant. I hope everyone is OK.
—
Nothing is impossible. Thats only if you believe it.
Hi David, it's great that you have realized that you need to stop gaming! Now you will need strategies and a strong will to keep away from games. Olga can help you a lot with that.
I'm also working on a big challenge/hurdle that I need to get past. Right now, no matter how much I try, I keep on doing basically anything except for homework, and now regularly turn homework in late. I've formed a habit of procrastination already, and quitting that seems pretty difficult. But I'll keep trying to quit. Today, I plan to do homework first, after coming back from school and sports practice. I will use many strategies to try to do this.
And, I will not game today.
—
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Today i've been irritated back and forth throughout the day. I have a hard time taking criticism. I should say "good point, thank u", but instead i start justifying myself and get very defensive. This have been getting obvious lately from my work with my thesis mentor. Im also reading about this tendency for some people (me included) to take criticism badly, in a great book i started reading recently ("How to win friends and influence people" by Carnegie).
My method for combating this right now is to vocalize the negativity in a funny high-pitch voice and try to laugh it off. It's working pretty good. Another method is forcing a positive physiology. For example, i can straight my back and strike a "winner pose" for 30 secs, and i can feel my mood changing to the better.
Today im thankful for: Great books, Boxing, Gym, Shakes, Olga, NA, Game of thrones, Rick & Morty, fitness tracker, apartment, Great tasty food i made today (lunch-restaurant style), cuddling, being game-free, health,
See u again soon!
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Today has been a really tough day. I almost relapsed but I am so happy it didnt happen. Its funny how the game I get the most craving from just got a huge update today and to be honest i so wanted to try it but one second in there and poof, my recovery would be gone. I meditated a lot today and prayed and I worked outside all day long but I know that I have to fight fiercely in order to not give in to the temptation . I will not game today
—
Nothing is impossible. Thats only if you believe it.
Wazapp, that is just outstanding! Great work. I really like the winner pose idea. They say that if you force yourself to display a fake smile, you will feel happier. Maybe the winner pose works the same way. Nice!
DavethePilgrim, it sounds like you are having a tough fight. But every day you go without gaming you increase the chances of getting through another day. Consider getting yourself out of the house and away from the computer, assuming it's a computer game that's causing you problems. Also try to spend time with other people, especially people who don't game. That can help a lot. I don't think there's any shame in using or needing group support to quit gaming. Group influence is extremely powerful, as everybody from the military to cults to weight-loss docs realize. So use the power of the group to help you as an indivdual get what you want. You're doing that. That's smart. Keep it up. You're going to get there.
BrandNewDay, I'm sure I come across as a know-it-all, but I realize that I don't even know what I don't know.. I have a collection of tips and tricks that sometimes help. But the fact is neither I nor anybody understands why sometimes we just have trouble. Sometimes we feel weak and lost and rotten. I think the best thing to do is just accept that's going to happen on some days. The good news is, it will pass. If it doesn't, if it goes on for weeks, you may have a specific condition like clinical depression. That's more serious and may need treatment by a medical professional. But if you're doing all the things that usually work, and they're not working, you could consider it just a random bad mood, keep trying and wait for it to pass. If it's any comfort, I think everybody has this happen from time to time. I sure do. Don't give up! You can do this.
I am good. I got home late last night after a couple of days traveling for music shows and have lots to do to catch up on regular work and chores and stuff. Man, am I glad I don't have to deal with spending many hours playing a computer game. That would make it impossible to do all the other stuff I want to do. There are so many cool things you can do with a life. It is a shame to spend such a large portion of it locked in a computer game world. But, if I start playing again, even a little bit, I am pretty sure I will very soon be spending 16 hours a day gaming, while the rest of my life falls apart. I'm thrilled to have gotten onto Olga and off the games. It's been over a year since last time I gamed and I don't miss it. I hope others who are struggling with this can achieve similar success. Don't give up! It's difficult but totally, totally worth it. You can do it!
Hello guys. I have really bad news...I relapsed for a few moments yesterday. The pull was too strong for me. I was home alone and i wasnt careful enough to stay away until things got clear so I failed. I guess that no matter how strong I feel I am I still need to be very cautious.
—
Nothing is impossible. Thats only if you believe it.
DavethePilgrim, it's pretty normal to have a relapse or two or more as you move into the long-term avoidance of games. So take it easy on yourself. Obviously, you don't want to play the games so in that sense playing them even a tiny bit is a failure. On the other hand, I see some wins here:
1) You went a while without playing, which is clearly a success.
2) You only played a very short while, again, an obvious improvement
3) You are back here trying to quit long-term again, which is the right move.
You also have a chance to learn something. To a considerable degree, this game-quitting business is a matter of learning about yourself and why and, equally importantly, when you game, and learning how to do something else instead of game. It sounds like you learned that being home alone can be a powerful trigger or cue for gaming. So, you could try not to be home alone. Or if you have to be, you could have some kind of plan for avoiding gaming. Not sure what that plan would look like. Ideas?
Anyway, this is only a stumble on the way to a better future. Trust me. You can do this and you're going to be so, so happy you did. Stick with it! You're making progress!
Thank you McPhee, I appreciate it. So far, its been ok. Lots of physical work, staying outside as much as possible and not using the so called / web / when i am alone. I do my best to meditate and pray a lot since that helps me stay clean. And I live as much as possible for one day at a time so TODAY i will not do any gaming. See you soon
—
Nothing is impossible. Thats only if you believe it.
I feel annoyed today :P i think this is because of bad food in the past few days combined with not following the routines that work for me.
I need some change. i'll go to an NA meeting, and see where the day takes me from there, hopefully some studies & gym. Ice-cream and tv-series for two days have made me a bit stimulus-addicted. I can feel it. I should probably do some relaxing/meditation to get more grounded.
Today im grateful for: Having all my limbs, having food, having a place to sleep, having bedsheets, having good friends, people caring about me, living in the present time, having clothes, having heat (it's pretty cold outside :P ), being fairly healthy, being game-free, being alive.
Talk to u soon peeps!
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Im laying in my bed, just about to start my day with some breakfast. Right now i feel "meh", but i don't mind that.
Adding more meditation into my routine. i think it will benefit me a alot. Yesterday i felt better eye-contact, less twitchiness, less mental chatter, and im pretty sure it was because of two meditation sessions. Furthermore, i started feeling really good and calm, drawing good emotions from inside myself half way through the second session =)
Today im grateful for: NA, Olga, Great food, Great friends, Fitness tracker, Bed, Microwave, Routines, Cool books, South Park, Being game-free one more day,
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hi everyone. How are you all? Looks like my recovery is going better, thanks to much praying, meditation and working outside. Today is church day so i ll go there and do some studying also. And congrats to all who made it this far including you guys, Brand, Mc and wazz. Keep up the good work ! No gaming today and good luck and all the best to everyone !
—
Nothing is impossible. Thats only if you believe it.
Wazzapp, I think everybody has a down day or a spell of them from time to time without an observable reason. There's a lot going up in the old cranium, and we have only the haziest understanding of most of it, I suspect. Albert Ellis, who was a pioneer in cognitive therapy (he called his approach Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) said that insisting that we must never feel anxious, angry or depressed is one of the common "musts" that people apply to upset themselves.
Here's a list of Ellis's musts: http://www.rebtnetwork.org/library/musts.html
Recognize any? I sure do.
Dave, you are sounding much improved. Whatever you're doing is working. My approach when I find something that works is to work it until it stops working. I hope your approach keeps being effective, because life is much better when we are not in the grip of an uncontrolled compulsion to game excessively. Much, much better. I'm glad you're experiencing that freedom and improved life now. Keep up the good work! You can do this!
This morning I did the 2,000-meter open water swimming race I had signed up for (paying USD$150) but was afraid I was going to have to skip due to a sore shoulder. In the event, the shoulder didn't bother me at all, possibly because the water was so unbelievably cold I went totally numb. It was great overall, however. A powerful current in our favor made the times lightning fast, which is always cool. I swam slower than I could have because I didn't want to rush through the experience. Now if my hip will heal I can sign up for the big local triathlon at the end of the month. I am doing my hip physical therapy faithfully and hoping for a quick fix.
Generally, I'm doing well. I am having trouble with some important stuff, but a lot of things are in good shape. No plans to game today. Thanks for your help with that.
I fell yesterday. Thank goodness it wasn't gaming. I watched youtube and anime for twelve hours straight.
But, today, I had to pick myself back up; there was no other choice. Tomorrow, I will have one of the biggest exams of the year, but I only began studying for it in earnest today.
I realize that I haven't fully recovered from the tendency to delay hard work since I quit gaming 83 days ago, but I surely have come a long way to doing more work more often, though often still not enough work. I'm not sure if my attitude toward homework is right, but, for a long time, none of the strategies seemed to work for more than one day. This is looking much like a second big challenge I'm planning to conquer, after defeating the many gaming habits. I will have to see if I can keep up with my standards for at least two days, and then, hopefully more days. I don't really know how I'm going to do this, but I'll keep reminding myself that I want to do this. The funny thing is, I don't even know exactly what this thing is, so I'm probably more clueless about how to solve a problem I don't know than solving the gaming problem, which I understood much better.
I will not game today.
I will also start solving this "thing" today.
Have a nice day.
—
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
McPhee, congratulation to making the swimming race! =) Also thanks for the "must-list". I can definately recognize some unhealthy must's in my own life, especially no. 2 & 9. The concept reminds me of a book called "Your erroneous zones". I often have a difficult time to distinguish between striving towards competence, and depending on it for my well-being. Some people call this concept "Intent & freedom from outcome"
I think I sometimes become too obsessed with how i feel. I need to accept that it's ok to feel slightly down, and still get through the shores. Lasting depression on the other hand should be dealt with.
I'm doing well. I feel that im slowly growing. I want to revise some goals and priorities.
Today im grateful for: NA, Olga, Great friends, Improv, Gym, Vocal exercises (they make me feel good :P ), Great food, Pineapple & Coconut juice. Most of all im grateful for being game-free one more day.
See ya!
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Wazzapp, you seem like you have a good grip on the difference between wanting and trying to do something, and insisting that you have to do it and getting down on yourself if you don't. I feel that is an important distinction. Good work!
BrandNewDay, yes, I think after 83 days without gaming you are well set up to take on another challenge. Personally, I quit gaming after a similar amount of time being alcohol-free. Of course, later I took up gaming again (although not the booze) so you might want to keep that in mind. I think it's more important that I not drink than that I not game (although neither is desirable or acceptable.) One difference is that you can't get arrested for driving while gaming, as far as I know. Although you can get a $500 ticket for having your phone in your hand while driving, in this town and many others.
Anyway, I wish you luck and success in your struggle to overcome procrastinating about studying. I tried a lot of different things to help me with procrastination and posting to a daily check-in thread was what helped me the most. Your mileage may vary. There are a lot of books and websites with tips and tricks devoted to helping people overcome procrastination. Maybe you could come up with a list of techniques and start trying them all until you find something that works? Meanwhile, you are welcome to post here about procrastination, of course.
I believe you can do this. You've done so well quitting gaming. Think how much harder it would be to keep up with school if you hadn't done that. You are getting better, and you're realizing you can do still better. That's cool.
I am okay today. I saw the results from the swim and it turns out I finished near the back of the 200 or so people who did it. I'm slightly disappointed but generally okay with that. I mostly just wanted to finish, and I did that. It was an interesting and fun experience and encourages me to try other challenges. Today I'm challenged to get a lot of writing done, and to start on some other projects like researching an important article and preparing my application for a 911 EMS job. No plans to game.
Thank you McPhee for the encouragement! Seeing that you've now been away from games for more than a year, I have more confidence in that I can overcome my procrastination soon.
I'm going to keep trying new strategies as I come up with them, and, until they stop working, I'll stick to them as best as I can.
I will not game today.
—
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
BrandNewday, I've been experiencing some of the blahs that seem to be affecting you. I just don't feel like doing my income-generating work. I'm not concentrating or focusing, and I keep getting distracted. When I do force myself to work, it seems to go oh-so slowly and when I'm done the work doesn't seem very good. Basically, it's just not going well.
Most of the time I enjoy my work and am productive and I feel pleased with it when I'm done. Not right now. I've been spending a lot of my off-hours reading, and I mean a lot. I read an entire novel, over 300 pages, start to finish on Sunday after finishing the swim. It took the whole day, during which I could have been working on some of my many other projects, including the sizable backlog of money-making work I have to do. Even on my usual roughly 9 to 5 weekday schedule, I'm still not getting the work out very well. I'm actually late on some deadlnes, which will cause big problems down the line if it continues. It's really annoying.
My plan is to just keep on keeping on, doing what's worked in the past, like posting here and meditating and journaling and getting exercise, etc. in the expectation that eventually this gloom will lift and I'll enjoy doing things and feel that I'm doing them well. It can't happen too soon.
No plans to game today. (That would surely make it worse. And it could be a lot worse, no doubt. I'm very grateful to not be gaming. That's one thing that's going very well.)
I am so grateful that I got here and I must admit that without my God and lots of encouragement I couldnt do it. I stayed as far as I could from the internet and I will do that more than before. I realised that the root of all evil is acces to the internet. Every and each one of the virtual addiction is somehow related is somehow related to the WEB, at least in my opinion. Until now working and socialising and lots and lots of praying and spiritual activities saved me from dangers. I hope it will be better in the future. I try to not think about my past, gaming or anything related to it and that is pretty beneficial to me. I wish all the best to everyone and looking forward to hear more about your progress ! And as usual, no gaming today, one day at a time
—
Nothing is impossible. Thats only if you believe it.
DavethePilgrim, it's outstanding that you're staying away from games. What is your count up too? I've found I am really motivated to keep a game-free count of days going. It is kind of a mental trick I am playing on myself, I guess you could say. But, trick or not, the count-up can be a helpful tool for those of us strugglng with this issue.
I agree that the Internet is a problem. A lot times you can't even delete games or trash disks effectively, because you can just download another copy in a few seconds. And that's not even counting the online games.
One thing I might try if I were having huge amounts of trouble would be switching to a PC that won't play games (not enough graphics or CPU power, maybe?), and possibly an old-fashioned cellphone (not a smartphone) that doesn't play games, if that's the problem.
That still would't affect the online games. I think there are programs that will let you block certain sites, although I've never tried one.
I encourage you to keep trying. The solution may not be easy or obvious. It may be difficult and require a lot of creativity and persistence. But you can do this! You can get games out of your life and be happier! I believe in you!
I am okay today. Still struggling with too many things to do and too little effectiveness at getting them done. But I'm trying, and may have identified some reasons why I'm so far behind at the moment. I think it has to do with too much travel and too many doctor appointments taking me away from my desk. Hopefully things will improve. I have what could be my last physical therapy appointment today, Ending that routine will free up several hours a week.
Im happy to see ur all game-free and relatively well =)
I've felt a nice buzz of good energy pretty much the whole day. Im not sure what triggered it.Probably a combinations of things. 20mins of meditation yesterday before bed. Woke up next to someone i really care about. Woke up earlier than usual & went to the Uni library (made a "deal" with a friend: she calls me and makes sure im at uni by 9am, otherwise i have to pay a fee lol ;)
Today im grateful for: Great friends, Routines, Being me, The fact that i want to be me (it's not given), Improv class, "Cold approach pick-up", Vocal exercises, Living in the right time, Human rights, Freedom, Living in a country with opportunity, Meditation (even if it's annoying sometimes lol...). Most importantly: being game-free, without that my life would look soooooo dark right now. So grateful for Olga & NA.
Talk to u soon!
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Wazzapp, you are sounding good! The poster child for getting this right. Great work!
I am hanging in. Still feeling behind the eight ball on a number of fronts, but I'm doing all right on some others. I guess it's hard to be perfect. I'll keep doing what I do and hope for some more progress. I imagine all will be well before long.
Thanks McPhee, it makes me happy to hear that from you =)
Today was generally pretty good. I got a bit verbally attacked today and it kind of broke my flow. The (bad) feeling stayed with me a bit after we separated. I spoke to myself in a south-park-voice "ohh noo oh noo, oh nooo, she destroyed me... hehehe". It helped me to drop the emotion and forget about the whole thing.
I term i've started using is something i borrowed from Islam. It's called "inshallah" and basically means "if god wants it..". Sometimes i get nervous before a task, for example an interview or test at school. This little phrase helps me to let go. I feel that being nervous is almost never the right way to go about something.
I had a relapse-dream last night. Pretty scary, wonder what it means. In the dream i was drinking. I think i was gaming too, cant remember
Today im grateful for: Having my limbs, living in a nice country, the sun is out, opportunity, freedom to do pretty much whatever i want as long as i dont break the law, not taking myself too seriously, being able to "make fun" of myself. Most importantly im game-free & sober.
See u peeps !
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Wazzapp, dreams about gaming, as well as dreams about drinking or smoking whatever you're trying to quit, are pretty common among people who are trying to quit. It seems likely that they just mean we still have some desires to indulge. I don't think it means you are doomed to never be able to stop gaming completely. Also, the dreams usually are infrequent and don't go on forever. I think most people just have one or a couple.
No doubt but what they can be upsetting. When I've had them I wake up with the most profound feelings of guilt, shame and loss. It takes a few minutes or so to realize that it was just a dream and I didn't really game. It really can leave you shaken.
Yesterday as part of required training at my part-time job for the ambulance company I had to play a computer game. Yes! It was an extraordinarily stupid, boring and uninteresting game, about investigating a hospital's failure to adequately protect confidential patient data, but it was a bit weird for someone with my past as a gamer to be forced to play a game. I couldn't get out of it. It was either do all the training, which included playing the game, or get fired. This was made abundantly clear to me. So, I did it.
Fortunately, it was such a dumb game that it didn't activate any of my old circuits. I didn't start frothing at the mouth and download one of my old nemesis games and play through the night, until my eyes hurt from not blinking and my wrist ached from repetitive motion and I was surrounded by a litter of chip crumbs and empty soda cans. I'm not planning any other tests of the compulsion, however. I don't think it's gone away. It just wasn't activated by this one game. The rest of the training -- there were quite a few hours of it -- was just typical online training without any game-like sections.
Generally, I'm doing okay. No plans to game today. (I've finished the training, fortunately.)
Wow, wierd situation with the workplace McPhee. Oh well ^^
Today i went to 3 NA meetings. Only planned one but met up with my sponsor and he talked me into more x). Was a lot of fun. Afterwards we ate dinner at a restaurant with a couple of other guys.
One of the NA guys was talking about just moving into a farm-house with his wife. It got me thinking about my Ex because she was also into farm-life and stuff. Missing her. Too bad it didn't work out. Oh well, life goes on :p. I'm way too young to settle down on a farm anyways xP
Today im grateful for: Great friends, Vocal exercises, Nice food, NA & Olga, My sponsor, Being game-free & sober one more day.
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Wazzapp, you are sounding good! It's funny the things that trigger those old memories and, sometimes, regrets. You'll be cruising along fine and you'll hear or see or even smell something and -- kapow! -- some ancient emotion has you by the throat. I've been divorced 12 years and still every once in a while I'll just be overcome with sadness about it. The tears will literally flow sometimes. Then it goes away and I'm fine again.
One of my bad times for negative feelings is when I wake up at like 4 o'clock in the morning. For some reason, instead of my thoughts turning to something pleasant, I have this strong tendency to start thinking of unpleasant interactions I've had with people. I think of all the things I should have said to put them in their place, or the things I'll say in the future when we have another run-in. I get all tense and can't go back to sleep. And it's very hard to get my mind into a more relaxing track. Sometimes this is almost a nightly occurrence, or even happens several times in the same night. Minor, but weird.
I'm generally doing okay. No plans to game today.
PS If anybody happens to read down this far in the thread, this thread is not just for me and Wazzapp. Silvertabby started it for herself and everybody. I just do it because without it, I fear I would start gaming again. And I really, really don't want that. I am more than happy to have anybody and everybody share their hope, strength and experience (I think that's the phrase) here. And, in any event, I have zilch authority or interest in setting up a private Olganon playpen to gripe in. So, welcome! Share! I imagine I have been about where you are, or close, and if not, I would be interested to hear about it and share back.
I agree with McPhee. Posting on this thread really helped me get through the difficult times and prevent me from further relapses. It keeps me accountable. And this is why I'm posting today. I've read all the posts since I last posted five days ago. Last few days, I've been trying many strategies to try to defeat procrastination and internet addiction, but even though they've worked quite a lot, I haven't liked that they weren't perfect. My goal is to waste zero nanoseconds on the internet or elsewhere every day, and until I achieve that, I always feel that what I'm doing is not good, and that really makes me stressed, and many times recently just want to give up.
I've even reached the point where games are sounding good to me again. This is scaring me very much, and I'm really afraid I might relapse in this last crucial month in preparation for the final exams. I've set up blocks on all potential gaming sites, but I know if I really do it, I can figure out a way to bypass all these blocks, no matter how many hours it takes just to find a new game. And I can still easily download games onto my phone, but I've never done that so far. I have to write this down on Olga to keep myself accountable. I can't really make myself commit to it anywhere else. I'm really afraid I might fall back, especially since I think I might have forgotten how to combat the gaming addiction by now, after not gaming for so long. I'm almost craving games again, but I can't do that.
Tomorrow will begin the third month since I last quit games. Time flies by quickly, yet I've improved and rebuilt my life so much and do not ever want to lose it. My mind's wanting to play just for a minute, but I can't let it happen. I feel that everyone around me is playing games and having fun, but I know that's not true. I shall not play games.
No.
I will not game today.
—
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Hello peeps, Im happy to see u here & reading ur posts =)
Yesterday i took a day off with a girl im seeing. We visited her parents house. We had a lot of fun, swimming, boat trip, nice food. At first the idea of not having a check-list for the day stressed me out. "What? not do anything productive!?". I managed to relax more & more during the course of the day.
Today im grateful for: New technology, Great friends, Nice food, The sun, Meditation, Audible audiobook app, Sunglasses, NA & Olga, Being game-free & sober one more day.
See u!
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
BrandNewDay, that's great that you're still off the games. It's hard to be perfect when it comes to not procrastinating, and it's even harder to completely avoid the internet, of course. But it sounds like you're doing quite well, so congrats.
One of the problems with procrastination is you can't really define it exactly. I mean, you could always do more. You could skip sleep and study all night, theoretically. If you aren't careful, you'll feel guilty about procrastinating no matter how hard you work.
I try to deal with this by setting specific, realistic, achievable goals, with a time frame. Otherwise, I risk always feeling like I am in some way procrastinating, because I could always have done more. You don't want that. You want to get done what needs to be done, and feel good about it. You can help that by setting finite goals that will still help you do what you need to.
Like, say you need to read three chapters today. Make that your goal. When you've read the three chapters -- bingo! -- you are not procrastinating if you spend the rest of the day sleeping or binge-watching Game of Thrones. It's not a bad idea to do exactly that: Do what needs to be done, then give yourself a nice reward.
Think about what you want. Come up with a realistic, specific plan with time frames that will allow you to achieve it. Don't be too aggressive, but make it a little bit of a stretch. It's amazing what you can do if you just chip away at something.
Like me. I'm applying for a 911 EMS job in about 10 days and the process is going to involve eight hours of written tests, interviews, scenario assessment, skills evaluation, physical ability course, etc. Before then I really need to review my 40-chapter, 1,000 page EMS book, and also watch a number of skill-training videos. My plan is to read four chapters and watch two videos every day. That's not really easy, but it's doable. It's specific. It's got a time frame. I can't read 40 chapters and watch 20 videos today. But I can do it one day at a time.
Now, If I get in a position where it seems like reading 40 chapters on one day is what I need to do, I try not to collapse in hopeless self-hatred. I come up with a different plan. Say, I read the first and last pages of 40 chapters and skim the subheads inside the chapters, or something like that. Skimming is not as good as reading all of it, of course, but it will help. And it's better than nothing. You have to be realistic.
I think you're doing great, BrandNew Day. You're off the games, you're taking on other behavioral challenges. You're showing great self-awareness and trying hard to be the best BrandNewDay you can be. That's light-years ahead of where most people are, believe me. Sure, you could do better. And you're trying to. Props to you, my friend. You can do this!
Wazzapp, good work relaxing. It's good to remember the saying: "Perfect is the enemy of good." Trying to be perfect is not a recipe for happiness, but being better is cause for happiness and pride. No less a person than Barack Obama said essentially this just yesterday: http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/national-international/President-Obama-Commencement-Speech-Howard-378501385.html
Thanks McPhee for your advice! I also like the quote "perfect is the enemy of good." I'm feeling a bit perfectionistic lately, and I'd like to change that by setting specific goals that I can achieve to feel better and happier. It's better than always striving for perfection; after a while, I can lose the motivation, because I never get any happiness out of stressing myself out not being perfect (which I admit is impossible to achieve). So from now on, I'll set more realistic goals and try to accomplish them every day.
I had a dream about gaming last night, it's pretty scary.
But it's nice that it reminds me to not game today.
I will not game today.
—
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
I can recall that some of my behaviors in the past week has been "passive agressive". I'm not sure what the definition means though. Sometimes i get angry with someone, and instead of speaking my mind i try to supress it. I tell myself that the reason for this is: criticizing almost never creates a change in that person. Usually it just fires up an argument & ****es them off.
I dont think i've always been like this. I think I used to be quicker to get into an argument. These ideas of not criticizing comes from a book. Maybe im taking it too far, im not sure. Gonna talk with my therapist about it.
Looks like im starting CBT perhaps next month. I'm not sure what the focus of it is going to be, maybe ability to recieve criticism amongst other things. Maybe it doesn't need to have a "focus".
Today im grateful for: Great friends, Great food, Game of Thrones, The sun, Swimming, Warm showers, Working out (im starting to see some changes!), Earpluggs, NA & Olga, Being game-free & sober one more day
See u!
—
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
BrandNewDay, that sounds like a great plan. It's so easy to be constantly self-critical and never feel you measure up, especially when the measurement is not firm and keeps moving up, up, up, so in reality we never are actually measuring up. If you can stake down that measurement and give yourself some well-deserved credit for your accomplishments, you may be happier with yourself.
You really could justifiably be happier with yourself. You are awesome! I'm not just saying that as an empty cheer, either. You've accomplished a great deal and laid the groundwork for more. And you seem a lot happier than you were. Go back and read some old posts from when you first joined Olga. I just did. I think your first one on this thread was about January 20. You've come a long way and you've just started. You rock!
Wazzapp, cognitive behavioral therapy has been a big part of my life for many years. It started when I was horribly upset over my first really serious girlfriend dumping me and nothing seemed to help. Counseling just made me feel worse, it seemed like. Then I was browsing the self-help section at the library and picked up David Burns' "Intimate Connections" book and did one of the written exercises. Wow. I actually felt slightly better. Even a small improvement can be huge, when you seem to be endlessly spiraling down. I was hooked and read his main book, "Feeling Good" and then got into Albert Ellis and read all his stuff and since have done thousands of CBT exercises. I used to start every morning with a Mood Log. These tools can really help a lot, although I don't think they're always the perfect solution to every problem. Good luck with CBT! I hope you enjoy it and profit from it.
I am okay today. I am studying hard to try to get hired with a 911 EMS agency next Tuesday. Yesterday I slipped slightly behind my four-chapters-and-two-videos-a-day review schedule, but hope to catch up today, show up for the interviews and tests primed, ace everything and be making 911 calls in a few weeks. That would be amazing, and the culmination of something I've been working toward for more than two years now.
No plans to game. The game of life is keeping me pretty well entertained.
For some reason today, I just felt very much like gaming. But no! I didn't game. I need to be careful now around anything that might be a game or reminds me of a game, or even reminds me of the situation where I used to game. I think this is a new wave of impulse, after a long time with not much attraction to games. Hopefull this lasts for a short time, and, afterwards, the impulses will be even weaker.
I really cannot game today.
I won't allow that to happen. I just blocked all potential addictive websites.
I will not game today. Wish me luck.
Oh! And I've gone three months and 2 days without gaming now! I think I now can have a new clean chit! (if an admin sees this, would you please put a 3 month clean chit on this post? Thanks!)
Congrats BrandNewDay !!
Again. I will not game today.
—
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Yesterday I started a new strategy, which is mainly based on setting realistic goals for myself and aiming for the entire day to just accomplish those, and then feel good about myself. I set two academic goals yesterday for myself and accomplished both of them. I was very encouraged by that especially since the goals were two writing assignments, which I usually loathe to do and put off first. Well, today I've also accomplished both of my goals, and I'm feeling much better about the prospect of actually ending procrastination altogether! And, at this really great stage, I need to be especially careful not to fall back into games. It's pretty strange why now, when life seems to be the best, I'm having the strongest urges to game. Maybe it's because I subconsciously related some of the things I've learned today to the games I used to play, and found the games no longer bad, but really fun. I now need to play the tape to the end, and remember the undescribably deep hole I struggled to climb out of at the end of every gaming session, and how I neared the point where I just wanted to give up and saw little hope in life.
I now see life as full of opportunities. How can gaming be better than this real life?
After all these months of struggles and improvement, and, I admit, a bit of backtracking, I am now so much better than if I had played games until now. I might already be expelled from the school because of my low grades. I now have a reason to hate games. They are designed solely for profit. They almost destroyed my life. Now I will take it back.
I will not game today.
—
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Hello peeps!
McPhee, when u wrote "the world doesn't end", my mind went: "huh, impossible!" xD. I will definately make up some sort of system for when to check msg. Sporadic checking messes me up :P
BrandNewDay, Im happy to see ur doing good =)
Today i've felt a bit more stressed in my body than usual. probably cause of lack of sleep two days in a row. Need to prioritize that stuff ;).
Finally got my fitness tracker band (jawbone up3) back from reparation. I bought it 9 months ago and it almost instantly broke cuz i didn't know it wasn't waterproof x). It's so much fun right now, probably cuz it's a new gadget x).
The sleep functions are awesome. Today it felt really easy to get out of bed. Supposedly the tracker finds out when Im in "light sleep" and then set of the vibration in the band to wake me up. Another cool thing is the passive heart-rate measurements. They seem to be very much in line with what i feel in terms of stress-levels. I could talk about this thing all day ...... x)
Today im grateful for: My thesis mentor (he's really cool), Tasty food, Family, Friends, Olga, Being me, The fact that I am grateful for "being me" (going meta!), Being game-free & Tobacco-free one day at a time,
Actually it's not really fair to put gaming & tobacco side-to-side like that. Being a gaming addict has caused me WAY more pain & sorrow than tobacco every did.
No plans to game,
See u peeps!
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Wazzapp, I love your list of things to be grateful for, it's making me feel happier as well. For the last week, I've put sleep as one of my priorities and have slept for at least 7 hours every day, replacing some of that time-wasting with more sleep. This has made me dramatically more energetic and better at controlling my behaviors. I'm now starting to do homework earlier and earlier, and not procrastinating as much as before. (Still procrastinating though, but I'll improve gradually but steadily.)
And, I've meditated for 4 days in a row now. I've also been free from games for 10 weeks and 2 days now! I'm so thankful to have found this community and for the people around me to constantly give me support and advice. Thank you, world!
As you can see, I'm really positive today. I feel that I've really gotten on top of things lately, and I'd like to keep this going. No more self-doubt, please.
I will not game today.
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Wazzapp and BrandNewDay, you are both sounding exceptionally fine! There is a lot to be said for learning to live with intention and planning and doing what it takes to feel good and be happy. You two are shining examples of the benefits of that approach. Well done!
I'm good today. Back from the funeral and re-starting normal life. It's good to be alive. That's not an advantage that everybody has, as I was reminded while burying my girlfriend's brother. Let's all make the most of this wonderful opportunity, shall we?
I'm planning to get some work done today, do my physical therapy on the sore hip and enjoy spending time with my son at dinner this evening. First, I have my morning routine: Posting to SMART and OLGA, spending a few minutes journaling, listing three things I'm grateful for, meditating for two minutes, reading 10 pages of a self-improvement book. It's kind of a hassle keeping my attitude and activities more or less on track with all this mind-control stuff. But it makes me happier and more fulfilled, and so I think it's worth it. If I just randomly do whatever seems to come up, I don't feel as thoroughly engaged with life and it's just not as enjoyable.
No plans to game today.
BrandNewDay, u sound great :)
McPhee, a death and a funeral within the family always puts me out of balance. But it's also a reminder of just how fragile life is, and why what we are doing here is so important. Your girlfriend must be so grateful to have you close right now, in her moment of pain.
My day has been high-paced. Seminar in school with presentation among other things. I feel my improvisation theater & vocal exercises are paying off! People seem to enjoy it more when i speak, and i can make up small jokes while speaking on a rather boring topic.
Today im grateful: Being me, Having my Jawbone fitness tracker, Olga, McPhee, BrandNewDay, Great friends, Cheap thai-massages, Being game-free one more day.
Talk to u soon!
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Before today, I've usually thought a lot about what things to do in the future, all the time, but on those days with a lot of homework, that thinking only stresses me out and makes me want to procrastinate even more. So, right now, I'm going to try to just think about what to do in the immediate future. All the other things that I have to do will go on a todo list that I will not look at until I've finished the task at hand. Hopefully this will help me do my homework.
I have not gamed for more than 6.3 million seconds now. I'll keep going and never play games no matter what.
I will not game today.
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Hello peeps!
BrandNewDay, that sounds like a great idea. I get easily overwhelmed when i put too much focus on the future.
Today i'm up for some work & improv again. Also started babystepping my thesis work which i've been "avoiding" for a few days. I wanna be more proactive about my thesis, so I'm trying to hire a coach who can sit with me 2h-4h per week and just work together with me. I think it would help a lot. The coach doesn't even need to be schooled in my subject, just sitting there and watching me is probably enough to be honest x)
Yesterday i made some changes in my apartment so that i could sleep in pitch-dark last night. I think it improved my sleep.
Today i decided to skip the bread in my breakfast. Instead it became really healthy with kiwi, eggs, a banana etc. I haven't been eating very healthy for some time so it felt good.
I've been procrastinating cleaning my apartment & do dishes for a few days. I should probably baby-step it aswell. Just clean for short 5min sessions so i don't get overwhelmed.
Today im grateful for: The proactive approach to life's tasks, Fitness tracker, Great friends, it's friday!, That i generally have a much better mood nowadays, Game-free for one more day.
Talk to u soon!
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Wazzapp and BrandNewDay, it's striking how intentional you both are about your lives. Instead of just taking what comes, you're examining what's going on and comparing it to your desired outcomes. You're coming up with fixes and looking ahead and making plans for successful outcomes. You're managing yourselves instead of trying to control events and other people. It's just really impressive to me. Nice work, folks!
Last night I was thinking about how pleasant it used to be to sit around all evening and drink alcohol and play computer games. And it was. Somewhat. It was pretty good for maybe the first hour or so. After that it was not. It was a compulsion that I was unable to stop or slow down. And a compulsion is not fun. So I'm fine with not trying to seek that fun hour, because I know the costs are just way too high.
It's been great not gaming at all for the last year. I don't regret it one bit. I've had hugely more fun doing other stuff, and avoided an even larger amount of grief that would have been caused by ignoring my responsibilities in order to game. Gaming just costs too much and, in the end, I don't enjoy it enough to want to pay the price.
No plans to game today. Thanks for your help with that.
So last night I had a gaming dream. That's the first one of those in a long while. After a year of not gaming, I'm a little surprised. Anyway, I had this dream and woke up and during a little spell of a minute or so when I was still half-asleep I was still making plans of the strategies I was going use to play this game and try to win it. Then I finished waking up and realized that I was not going to play any game.
I wasn't horribly disappointed by not being able to continue playing the dream game in real life. But I was a little disappointed, I admit. It's weird to have this happen after so long without gaming and to realize that somewhere inside I still want to game. I guess it may never go away completely 100 percent never to return in any form or fashion. Oh, well. No biggie. Just kind of strange.
No plans to game today. Thanks for your help with that.
What's up peeps
Right now i feel a bit dragging. Trying to work on my thesis but i feel overwhelmed. I try to tell myself 3 things: "I'll just do the best I can", "It's not so **** important" & "bad work is better than no work". It works pretty good, makes me calmer.
Today im grateful for: Great friends, fitness tracker, pitch-dark sleeping enviorment, Olga, NA, Having all my limbs, Having an apartment, Great & tasty food, Having some money in the bank, People caring about me, People I can care about, "Crispy Mexican"-burger at my local burger place, Having an effective calendar in my phone so that i don't loose track of things, Nice clients at my part-time job, Going to the dentist on monday (yeah, im actually looking forward to get braces! x), Straight-perming hair my hair today (it looks really good!), Rick & Morty Comic book, Vocal exercuses, Improv, My siblings (they are awesome!),
Talk to u soon!
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
wazzapp, those all sound like good workarounds for the thesis foot-dragging. A similar one that I use a lot is, "Just go through the motions." This means that I should place my butt in the chair, enter the keystrokes to open the word processor and start on the mechanical stuff that has to be done before actually writing something. It's stuff like: copy all interviewees' addresses into my contact database, combine interview and research notes into a research pack, start an outline document, etc. This is all practically mindless. But once I get started doing it, it seems to loosen me up and I can then dive into the more creative and challenging aspect of the writing. Your approaches seem like they'll do the same thing. Good job!
I am okay. About to climb up on the roof to try to figure out how the squirrels are getting into the attic. Not dissimilar to, say, searching a game dungeon level for a magic portal. One difference: If I fall off the roof, it's going to hurt. A lot. Real life is different from games. The stakes are higher. Anyway, I'm off, hopefully not to the emergency room.
No plans to game today.
Thanks McPhee, never before seen the very practical value of the phrase "go through the motions"!
Im gonna try to modify my routine a little bit. To the to-do-list i'll try to add a time schedule so i also know when to do stuff. Also i want to get into meditation again so watching some vids about it to get me motivated. I'm also gonna start tracking my food take a little bit, nothing serious, just write what i've eaten (not "how much", that's too tedious for me right now :P )
Today im grateful for: NA, Olga, Being game-free, Being awesome, Fitness tracker band, Great friends who care about me, Working limbs, Having an apartment, Having food.
Talk later!
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
I'm not feeling too energetic today for some reason. I've been mainly doing homework over the weekend and got a lot done, but just didn't feel very accomplished about it. I'm afraid I might be forgetting some strategies I've used to combat this sort of negativity, and am really lost as to what to think and do next. I know I still have Chemistry to do, but I don't want to do it until I've come up with a reason to motivate myself. I can't quite forget the negative things today like I used to do, and that has been making me feel a bit off balance. I can't actually think of anything that I'm doing wrong, so I shouldn't have any reason to feel so down today, but I am. Usually, when I'm not feeling well, I try to pinpoint the source of negativity, focus on it briefly, and then imagine that it's a cloud floating away. But, today, I just can't pinpoint that source of negativity for some reason, so I'm sort of losing my footing.
Still, writing this all down and sharing these thoughts is helping me feel better already. Thank you Olga for this nice, supportive community!
Oh! I remember this, at least: "This too shall pass."
I think I had a nice day nevertheless.
I will not game today.
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Wazzapp, just making a note of what you eat can really make a difference in what you do eat. Be sure to let us know how it goes.
BrandNewDay, remember to recognize your achievements. You've done a lot. Take a minute to give yourself credit for what you have accomplished. There will always be more you could have done. Perfection is not the goal. Better is the goal. You are doing better, and that is huge. Very well done!
I am fine today. No plans to game. Thanks for your help with that.
Wow peeps, how are you all?
I did 20 mins of silent meditation before going to bed last night. I must say my mind felt different today, less chatter inside my head. Gonna go again tonight before i sleep.
Today i printed out a chart and plotted my to-do-list according to a timeline. It was great! I didn't even have to decide what to do next during my day, cuz it was pre-decided! Also i knew i couldnt procrastinate because it would tip over to the next thing on my schedule. This habit is a keeper.
Tracked my food. Pretty healthy today. Worst thing was a hot-dog. Also had a subway sandwish which u could debate whether or not that was healthy :P. Fast solutions while i was commuting between stuff.
Also wanna thank McPhee for the "just go through the motions"-mentality to trick my brain into working. Worked well last night =)
Today im grateful for: My apartment, fitness tracker, great friends, olga, narcotics anonymous meetings, inspirational youtube vids, audible (audio-books on my phone while i commute), living in a "1st world" country, having lots of opportunity, being game-free
Talk to u later =)
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hello everyone. After a long strings of relapses I decided to face the reality and to admit that i cant do this alone. I just cant. I hope everyone is OK.
Nothing is impossible. Thats only if you believe it.
Hi David, it's great that you have realized that you need to stop gaming! Now you will need strategies and a strong will to keep away from games. Olga can help you a lot with that.
I'm also working on a big challenge/hurdle that I need to get past. Right now, no matter how much I try, I keep on doing basically anything except for homework, and now regularly turn homework in late. I've formed a habit of procrastination already, and quitting that seems pretty difficult. But I'll keep trying to quit. Today, I plan to do homework first, after coming back from school and sports practice. I will use many strategies to try to do this.
And, I will not game today.
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Hi Dave, happy to have u in this thread.
Today i've been irritated back and forth throughout the day. I have a hard time taking criticism. I should say "good point, thank u", but instead i start justifying myself and get very defensive. This have been getting obvious lately from my work with my thesis mentor. Im also reading about this tendency for some people (me included) to take criticism badly, in a great book i started reading recently ("How to win friends and influence people" by Carnegie).
My method for combating this right now is to vocalize the negativity in a funny high-pitch voice and try to laugh it off. It's working pretty good. Another method is forcing a positive physiology. For example, i can straight my back and strike a "winner pose" for 30 secs, and i can feel my mood changing to the better.
Today im thankful for: Great books, Boxing, Gym, Shakes, Olga, NA, Game of thrones, Rick & Morty, fitness tracker, apartment, Great tasty food i made today (lunch-restaurant style), cuddling, being game-free, health,
See u again soon!
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Today has been a really tough day. I almost relapsed but I am so happy it didnt happen. Its funny how the game I get the most craving from just got a huge update today and to be honest i so wanted to try it but one second in there and poof, my recovery would be gone. I meditated a lot today and prayed and I worked outside all day long but I know that I have to fight fiercely in order to not give in to the temptation . I will not game today
Nothing is impossible. Thats only if you believe it.
Wazapp, that is just outstanding! Great work. I really like the winner pose idea. They say that if you force yourself to display a fake smile, you will feel happier. Maybe the winner pose works the same way. Nice!
DavethePilgrim, it sounds like you are having a tough fight. But every day you go without gaming you increase the chances of getting through another day. Consider getting yourself out of the house and away from the computer, assuming it's a computer game that's causing you problems. Also try to spend time with other people, especially people who don't game. That can help a lot. I don't think there's any shame in using or needing group support to quit gaming. Group influence is extremely powerful, as everybody from the military to cults to weight-loss docs realize. So use the power of the group to help you as an indivdual get what you want. You're doing that. That's smart. Keep it up. You're going to get there.
BrandNewDay, I'm sure I come across as a know-it-all, but I realize that I don't even know what I don't know.. I have a collection of tips and tricks that sometimes help. But the fact is neither I nor anybody understands why sometimes we just have trouble. Sometimes we feel weak and lost and rotten. I think the best thing to do is just accept that's going to happen on some days. The good news is, it will pass. If it doesn't, if it goes on for weeks, you may have a specific condition like clinical depression. That's more serious and may need treatment by a medical professional. But if you're doing all the things that usually work, and they're not working, you could consider it just a random bad mood, keep trying and wait for it to pass. If it's any comfort, I think everybody has this happen from time to time. I sure do. Don't give up! You can do this.
I am good. No plans to game today.
I am good. I got home late last night after a couple of days traveling for music shows and have lots to do to catch up on regular work and chores and stuff. Man, am I glad I don't have to deal with spending many hours playing a computer game. That would make it impossible to do all the other stuff I want to do. There are so many cool things you can do with a life. It is a shame to spend such a large portion of it locked in a computer game world. But, if I start playing again, even a little bit, I am pretty sure I will very soon be spending 16 hours a day gaming, while the rest of my life falls apart. I'm thrilled to have gotten onto Olga and off the games. It's been over a year since last time I gamed and I don't miss it. I hope others who are struggling with this can achieve similar success. Don't give up! It's difficult but totally, totally worth it. You can do it!
No plans to game today.
Hello guys. I have really bad news...I relapsed for a few moments yesterday. The pull was too strong for me. I was home alone and i wasnt careful enough to stay away until things got clear so I failed. I guess that no matter how strong I feel I am I still need to be very cautious.
Nothing is impossible. Thats only if you believe it.
DavethePilgrim, it's pretty normal to have a relapse or two or more as you move into the long-term avoidance of games. So take it easy on yourself. Obviously, you don't want to play the games so in that sense playing them even a tiny bit is a failure. On the other hand, I see some wins here:
1) You went a while without playing, which is clearly a success.
2) You only played a very short while, again, an obvious improvement
3) You are back here trying to quit long-term again, which is the right move.
You also have a chance to learn something. To a considerable degree, this game-quitting business is a matter of learning about yourself and why and, equally importantly, when you game, and learning how to do something else instead of game. It sounds like you learned that being home alone can be a powerful trigger or cue for gaming. So, you could try not to be home alone. Or if you have to be, you could have some kind of plan for avoiding gaming. Not sure what that plan would look like. Ideas?
Anyway, this is only a stumble on the way to a better future. Trust me. You can do this and you're going to be so, so happy you did. Stick with it! You're making progress!
No plans to game today.
Thank you McPhee, I appreciate it. So far, its been ok. Lots of physical work, staying outside as much as possible and not using the so called / web / when i am alone. I do my best to meditate and pray a lot since that helps me stay clean. And I live as much as possible for one day at a time so TODAY i will not do any gaming. See you soon
Nothing is impossible. Thats only if you believe it.
I feel annoyed today :P i think this is because of bad food in the past few days combined with not following the routines that work for me.
I need some change. i'll go to an NA meeting, and see where the day takes me from there, hopefully some studies & gym. Ice-cream and tv-series for two days have made me a bit stimulus-addicted. I can feel it. I should probably do some relaxing/meditation to get more grounded.
Today im grateful for: Having all my limbs, having food, having a place to sleep, having bedsheets, having good friends, people caring about me, living in the present time, having clothes, having heat (it's pretty cold outside :P ), being fairly healthy, being game-free, being alive.
Talk to u soon peeps!
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hello peeps!
Im laying in my bed, just about to start my day with some breakfast. Right now i feel "meh", but i don't mind that.
Adding more meditation into my routine. i think it will benefit me a alot. Yesterday i felt better eye-contact, less twitchiness, less mental chatter, and im pretty sure it was because of two meditation sessions. Furthermore, i started feeling really good and calm, drawing good emotions from inside myself half way through the second session =)
Today im grateful for: NA, Olga, Great food, Great friends, Fitness tracker, Bed, Microwave, Routines, Cool books, South Park, Being game-free one more day,
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hi everyone. How are you all? Looks like my recovery is going better, thanks to much praying, meditation and working outside. Today is church day so i ll go there and do some studying also. And congrats to all who made it this far including you guys, Brand, Mc and wazz. Keep up the good work ! No gaming today and good luck and all the best to everyone !
Nothing is impossible. Thats only if you believe it.
Wazzapp, I think everybody has a down day or a spell of them from time to time without an observable reason. There's a lot going up in the old cranium, and we have only the haziest understanding of most of it, I suspect. Albert Ellis, who was a pioneer in cognitive therapy (he called his approach Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) said that insisting that we must never feel anxious, angry or depressed is one of the common "musts" that people apply to upset themselves.
Here's a list of Ellis's musts: http://www.rebtnetwork.org/library/musts.html
Recognize any? I sure do.
Dave, you are sounding much improved. Whatever you're doing is working. My approach when I find something that works is to work it until it stops working. I hope your approach keeps being effective, because life is much better when we are not in the grip of an uncontrolled compulsion to game excessively. Much, much better. I'm glad you're experiencing that freedom and improved life now. Keep up the good work! You can do this!
This morning I did the 2,000-meter open water swimming race I had signed up for (paying USD$150) but was afraid I was going to have to skip due to a sore shoulder. In the event, the shoulder didn't bother me at all, possibly because the water was so unbelievably cold I went totally numb. It was great overall, however. A powerful current in our favor made the times lightning fast, which is always cool. I swam slower than I could have because I didn't want to rush through the experience. Now if my hip will heal I can sign up for the big local triathlon at the end of the month. I am doing my hip physical therapy faithfully and hoping for a quick fix.
Generally, I'm doing well. I am having trouble with some important stuff, but a lot of things are in good shape. No plans to game today. Thanks for your help with that.
I fell yesterday. Thank goodness it wasn't gaming. I watched youtube and anime for twelve hours straight.
But, today, I had to pick myself back up; there was no other choice. Tomorrow, I will have one of the biggest exams of the year, but I only began studying for it in earnest today.
I realize that I haven't fully recovered from the tendency to delay hard work since I quit gaming 83 days ago, but I surely have come a long way to doing more work more often, though often still not enough work. I'm not sure if my attitude toward homework is right, but, for a long time, none of the strategies seemed to work for more than one day. This is looking much like a second big challenge I'm planning to conquer, after defeating the many gaming habits. I will have to see if I can keep up with my standards for at least two days, and then, hopefully more days. I don't really know how I'm going to do this, but I'll keep reminding myself that I want to do this. The funny thing is, I don't even know exactly what this thing is, so I'm probably more clueless about how to solve a problem I don't know than solving the gaming problem, which I understood much better.
I will not game today.
I will also start solving this "thing" today.
Have a nice day.
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Hello peeps,
McPhee, congratulation to making the swimming race! =) Also thanks for the "must-list". I can definately recognize some unhealthy must's in my own life, especially no. 2 & 9. The concept reminds me of a book called "Your erroneous zones". I often have a difficult time to distinguish between striving towards competence, and depending on it for my well-being. Some people call this concept "Intent & freedom from outcome"
I think I sometimes become too obsessed with how i feel. I need to accept that it's ok to feel slightly down, and still get through the shores. Lasting depression on the other hand should be dealt with.
I'm doing well. I feel that im slowly growing. I want to revise some goals and priorities.
Today im grateful for: NA, Olga, Great friends, Improv, Gym, Vocal exercises (they make me feel good :P ), Great food, Pineapple & Coconut juice. Most of all im grateful for being game-free one more day.
See ya!
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Wazzapp, you seem like you have a good grip on the difference between wanting and trying to do something, and insisting that you have to do it and getting down on yourself if you don't. I feel that is an important distinction. Good work!
BrandNewDay, yes, I think after 83 days without gaming you are well set up to take on another challenge. Personally, I quit gaming after a similar amount of time being alcohol-free. Of course, later I took up gaming again (although not the booze) so you might want to keep that in mind. I think it's more important that I not drink than that I not game (although neither is desirable or acceptable.) One difference is that you can't get arrested for driving while gaming, as far as I know. Although you can get a $500 ticket for having your phone in your hand while driving, in this town and many others.
Anyway, I wish you luck and success in your struggle to overcome procrastinating about studying. I tried a lot of different things to help me with procrastination and posting to a daily check-in thread was what helped me the most. Your mileage may vary. There are a lot of books and websites with tips and tricks devoted to helping people overcome procrastination. Maybe you could come up with a list of techniques and start trying them all until you find something that works? Meanwhile, you are welcome to post here about procrastination, of course.
I believe you can do this. You've done so well quitting gaming. Think how much harder it would be to keep up with school if you hadn't done that. You are getting better, and you're realizing you can do still better. That's cool.
I am okay today. I saw the results from the swim and it turns out I finished near the back of the 200 or so people who did it. I'm slightly disappointed but generally okay with that. I mostly just wanted to finish, and I did that. It was an interesting and fun experience and encourages me to try other challenges. Today I'm challenged to get a lot of writing done, and to start on some other projects like researching an important article and preparing my application for a 911 EMS job. No plans to game.
Thank you McPhee for the encouragement! Seeing that you've now been away from games for more than a year, I have more confidence in that I can overcome my procrastination soon.
I'm going to keep trying new strategies as I come up with them, and, until they stop working, I'll stick to them as best as I can.
I will not game today.
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Hello peeps,
Im doing well. Need to change priorities on my daily tasks and focus more on finishing my degree, im soooo close ! =)
Today im grateful for: Being me, Family & friends, Olga, NA-meetings, Being in pretty good shape, Being game-free one more day,
See u !
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
BrandNewday, I've been experiencing some of the blahs that seem to be affecting you. I just don't feel like doing my income-generating work. I'm not concentrating or focusing, and I keep getting distracted. When I do force myself to work, it seems to go oh-so slowly and when I'm done the work doesn't seem very good. Basically, it's just not going well.
Most of the time I enjoy my work and am productive and I feel pleased with it when I'm done. Not right now. I've been spending a lot of my off-hours reading, and I mean a lot. I read an entire novel, over 300 pages, start to finish on Sunday after finishing the swim. It took the whole day, during which I could have been working on some of my many other projects, including the sizable backlog of money-making work I have to do. Even on my usual roughly 9 to 5 weekday schedule, I'm still not getting the work out very well. I'm actually late on some deadlnes, which will cause big problems down the line if it continues. It's really annoying.
My plan is to just keep on keeping on, doing what's worked in the past, like posting here and meditating and journaling and getting exercise, etc. in the expectation that eventually this gloom will lift and I'll enjoy doing things and feel that I'm doing them well. It can't happen too soon.
No plans to game today. (That would surely make it worse. And it could be a lot worse, no doubt. I'm very grateful to not be gaming. That's one thing that's going very well.)
I am so grateful that I got here and I must admit that without my God and lots of encouragement I couldnt do it. I stayed as far as I could from the internet and I will do that more than before. I realised that the root of all evil is acces to the internet. Every and each one of the virtual addiction is somehow related is somehow related to the WEB, at least in my opinion. Until now working and socialising and lots and lots of praying and spiritual activities saved me from dangers. I hope it will be better in the future. I try to not think about my past, gaming or anything related to it and that is pretty beneficial to me. I wish all the best to everyone and looking forward to hear more about your progress ! And as usual, no gaming today, one day at a time
Nothing is impossible. Thats only if you believe it.
DavethePilgrim, it's outstanding that you're staying away from games. What is your count up too? I've found I am really motivated to keep a game-free count of days going. It is kind of a mental trick I am playing on myself, I guess you could say. But, trick or not, the count-up can be a helpful tool for those of us strugglng with this issue.
I agree that the Internet is a problem. A lot times you can't even delete games or trash disks effectively, because you can just download another copy in a few seconds. And that's not even counting the online games.
One thing I might try if I were having huge amounts of trouble would be switching to a PC that won't play games (not enough graphics or CPU power, maybe?), and possibly an old-fashioned cellphone (not a smartphone) that doesn't play games, if that's the problem.
That still would't affect the online games. I think there are programs that will let you block certain sites, although I've never tried one.
I encourage you to keep trying. The solution may not be easy or obvious. It may be difficult and require a lot of creativity and persistence. But you can do this! You can get games out of your life and be happier! I believe in you!
I am okay today. Still struggling with too many things to do and too little effectiveness at getting them done. But I'm trying, and may have identified some reasons why I'm so far behind at the moment. I think it has to do with too much travel and too many doctor appointments taking me away from my desk. Hopefully things will improve. I have what could be my last physical therapy appointment today, Ending that routine will free up several hours a week.
One really good thing: No gaming and no plans to.
Hello peeps,
Im happy to see ur all game-free and relatively well =)
I've felt a nice buzz of good energy pretty much the whole day. Im not sure what triggered it.Probably a combinations of things. 20mins of meditation yesterday before bed. Woke up next to someone i really care about. Woke up earlier than usual & went to the Uni library (made a "deal" with a friend: she calls me and makes sure im at uni by 9am, otherwise i have to pay a fee lol ;)
Today im grateful for: Great friends, Routines, Being me, The fact that i want to be me (it's not given), Improv class, "Cold approach pick-up", Vocal exercises, Living in the right time, Human rights, Freedom, Living in a country with opportunity, Meditation (even if it's annoying sometimes lol...). Most importantly: being game-free, without that my life would look soooooo dark right now. So grateful for Olga & NA.
Talk to u soon!
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Wazzapp, you are sounding good! The poster child for getting this right. Great work!
I am hanging in. Still feeling behind the eight ball on a number of fronts, but I'm doing all right on some others. I guess it's hard to be perfect. I'll keep doing what I do and hope for some more progress. I imagine all will be well before long.
No plans to game.
Hello peeps,
Thanks McPhee, it makes me happy to hear that from you =)
Today was generally pretty good. I got a bit verbally attacked today and it kind of broke my flow. The (bad) feeling stayed with me a bit after we separated. I spoke to myself in a south-park-voice "ohh noo oh noo, oh nooo, she destroyed me... hehehe". It helped me to drop the emotion and forget about the whole thing.
I term i've started using is something i borrowed from Islam. It's called "inshallah" and basically means "if god wants it..". Sometimes i get nervous before a task, for example an interview or test at school. This little phrase helps me to let go. I feel that being nervous is almost never the right way to go about something.
I had a relapse-dream last night. Pretty scary, wonder what it means. In the dream i was drinking. I think i was gaming too, cant remember
Today im grateful for: Having my limbs, living in a nice country, the sun is out, opportunity, freedom to do pretty much whatever i want as long as i dont break the law, not taking myself too seriously, being able to "make fun" of myself. Most importantly im game-free & sober.
See u peeps !
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Wazzapp, dreams about gaming, as well as dreams about drinking or smoking whatever you're trying to quit, are pretty common among people who are trying to quit. It seems likely that they just mean we still have some desires to indulge. I don't think it means you are doomed to never be able to stop gaming completely. Also, the dreams usually are infrequent and don't go on forever. I think most people just have one or a couple.
No doubt but what they can be upsetting. When I've had them I wake up with the most profound feelings of guilt, shame and loss. It takes a few minutes or so to realize that it was just a dream and I didn't really game. It really can leave you shaken.
Yesterday as part of required training at my part-time job for the ambulance company I had to play a computer game. Yes! It was an extraordinarily stupid, boring and uninteresting game, about investigating a hospital's failure to adequately protect confidential patient data, but it was a bit weird for someone with my past as a gamer to be forced to play a game. I couldn't get out of it. It was either do all the training, which included playing the game, or get fired. This was made abundantly clear to me. So, I did it.
Fortunately, it was such a dumb game that it didn't activate any of my old circuits. I didn't start frothing at the mouth and download one of my old nemesis games and play through the night, until my eyes hurt from not blinking and my wrist ached from repetitive motion and I was surrounded by a litter of chip crumbs and empty soda cans. I'm not planning any other tests of the compulsion, however. I don't think it's gone away. It just wasn't activated by this one game. The rest of the training -- there were quite a few hours of it -- was just typical online training without any game-like sections.
Generally, I'm doing okay. No plans to game today. (I've finished the training, fortunately.)
Hello peeps,
Wow, wierd situation with the workplace McPhee. Oh well ^^
Today i went to 3 NA meetings. Only planned one but met up with my sponsor and he talked me into more x). Was a lot of fun. Afterwards we ate dinner at a restaurant with a couple of other guys.
One of the NA guys was talking about just moving into a farm-house with his wife. It got me thinking about my Ex because she was also into farm-life and stuff. Missing her. Too bad it didn't work out. Oh well, life goes on :p. I'm way too young to settle down on a farm anyways xP
Today im grateful for: Great friends, Vocal exercises, Nice food, NA & Olga, My sponsor, Being game-free & sober one more day.
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Wazzapp, you are sounding good! It's funny the things that trigger those old memories and, sometimes, regrets. You'll be cruising along fine and you'll hear or see or even smell something and -- kapow! -- some ancient emotion has you by the throat. I've been divorced 12 years and still every once in a while I'll just be overcome with sadness about it. The tears will literally flow sometimes. Then it goes away and I'm fine again.
One of my bad times for negative feelings is when I wake up at like 4 o'clock in the morning. For some reason, instead of my thoughts turning to something pleasant, I have this strong tendency to start thinking of unpleasant interactions I've had with people. I think of all the things I should have said to put them in their place, or the things I'll say in the future when we have another run-in. I get all tense and can't go back to sleep. And it's very hard to get my mind into a more relaxing track. Sometimes this is almost a nightly occurrence, or even happens several times in the same night. Minor, but weird.
I'm generally doing okay. No plans to game today.
PS If anybody happens to read down this far in the thread, this thread is not just for me and Wazzapp. Silvertabby started it for herself and everybody. I just do it because without it, I fear I would start gaming again. And I really, really don't want that. I am more than happy to have anybody and everybody share their hope, strength and experience (I think that's the phrase) here. And, in any event, I have zilch authority or interest in setting up a private Olganon playpen to gripe in. So, welcome! Share! I imagine I have been about where you are, or close, and if not, I would be interested to hear about it and share back.
I agree with McPhee. Posting on this thread really helped me get through the difficult times and prevent me from further relapses. It keeps me accountable. And this is why I'm posting today. I've read all the posts since I last posted five days ago. Last few days, I've been trying many strategies to try to defeat procrastination and internet addiction, but even though they've worked quite a lot, I haven't liked that they weren't perfect. My goal is to waste zero nanoseconds on the internet or elsewhere every day, and until I achieve that, I always feel that what I'm doing is not good, and that really makes me stressed, and many times recently just want to give up.
I've even reached the point where games are sounding good to me again. This is scaring me very much, and I'm really afraid I might relapse in this last crucial month in preparation for the final exams. I've set up blocks on all potential gaming sites, but I know if I really do it, I can figure out a way to bypass all these blocks, no matter how many hours it takes just to find a new game. And I can still easily download games onto my phone, but I've never done that so far. I have to write this down on Olga to keep myself accountable. I can't really make myself commit to it anywhere else. I'm really afraid I might fall back, especially since I think I might have forgotten how to combat the gaming addiction by now, after not gaming for so long. I'm almost craving games again, but I can't do that.
Tomorrow will begin the third month since I last quit games. Time flies by quickly, yet I've improved and rebuilt my life so much and do not ever want to lose it. My mind's wanting to play just for a minute, but I can't let it happen. I feel that everyone around me is playing games and having fun, but I know that's not true. I shall not play games.
No.
I will not game today.
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Hello peeps, Im happy to see u here & reading ur posts =)
Yesterday i took a day off with a girl im seeing. We visited her parents house. We had a lot of fun, swimming, boat trip, nice food. At first the idea of not having a check-list for the day stressed me out. "What? not do anything productive!?". I managed to relax more & more during the course of the day.
Today im grateful for: New technology, Great friends, Nice food, The sun, Meditation, Audible audiobook app, Sunglasses, NA & Olga, Being game-free & sober one more day.
See u!
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
BrandNewDay, that's great that you're still off the games. It's hard to be perfect when it comes to not procrastinating, and it's even harder to completely avoid the internet, of course. But it sounds like you're doing quite well, so congrats.
One of the problems with procrastination is you can't really define it exactly. I mean, you could always do more. You could skip sleep and study all night, theoretically. If you aren't careful, you'll feel guilty about procrastinating no matter how hard you work.
I try to deal with this by setting specific, realistic, achievable goals, with a time frame. Otherwise, I risk always feeling like I am in some way procrastinating, because I could always have done more. You don't want that. You want to get done what needs to be done, and feel good about it. You can help that by setting finite goals that will still help you do what you need to.
Like, say you need to read three chapters today. Make that your goal. When you've read the three chapters -- bingo! -- you are not procrastinating if you spend the rest of the day sleeping or binge-watching Game of Thrones. It's not a bad idea to do exactly that: Do what needs to be done, then give yourself a nice reward.
Think about what you want. Come up with a realistic, specific plan with time frames that will allow you to achieve it. Don't be too aggressive, but make it a little bit of a stretch. It's amazing what you can do if you just chip away at something.
Like me. I'm applying for a 911 EMS job in about 10 days and the process is going to involve eight hours of written tests, interviews, scenario assessment, skills evaluation, physical ability course, etc. Before then I really need to review my 40-chapter, 1,000 page EMS book, and also watch a number of skill-training videos. My plan is to read four chapters and watch two videos every day. That's not really easy, but it's doable. It's specific. It's got a time frame. I can't read 40 chapters and watch 20 videos today. But I can do it one day at a time.
Now, If I get in a position where it seems like reading 40 chapters on one day is what I need to do, I try not to collapse in hopeless self-hatred. I come up with a different plan. Say, I read the first and last pages of 40 chapters and skim the subheads inside the chapters, or something like that. Skimming is not as good as reading all of it, of course, but it will help. And it's better than nothing. You have to be realistic.
I think you're doing great, BrandNew Day. You're off the games, you're taking on other behavioral challenges. You're showing great self-awareness and trying hard to be the best BrandNewDay you can be. That's light-years ahead of where most people are, believe me. Sure, you could do better. And you're trying to. Props to you, my friend. You can do this!
Wazzapp, good work relaxing. It's good to remember the saying: "Perfect is the enemy of good." Trying to be perfect is not a recipe for happiness, but being better is cause for happiness and pride. No less a person than Barack Obama said essentially this just yesterday: http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/national-international/President-Obama-Commencement-Speech-Howard-378501385.html
No plans to game today.
I am well today. No plans to game. Thanks to all for your help with that.
Thanks McPhee for your advice! I also like the quote "perfect is the enemy of good." I'm feeling a bit perfectionistic lately, and I'd like to change that by setting specific goals that I can achieve to feel better and happier. It's better than always striving for perfection; after a while, I can lose the motivation, because I never get any happiness out of stressing myself out not being perfect (which I admit is impossible to achieve). So from now on, I'll set more realistic goals and try to accomplish them every day.
I had a dream about gaming last night, it's pretty scary.
But it's nice that it reminds me to not game today.
I will not game today.
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Hello peeps,
I can recall that some of my behaviors in the past week has been "passive agressive". I'm not sure what the definition means though. Sometimes i get angry with someone, and instead of speaking my mind i try to supress it. I tell myself that the reason for this is: criticizing almost never creates a change in that person. Usually it just fires up an argument & ****es them off.
I dont think i've always been like this. I think I used to be quicker to get into an argument. These ideas of not criticizing comes from a book. Maybe im taking it too far, im not sure. Gonna talk with my therapist about it.
Looks like im starting CBT perhaps next month. I'm not sure what the focus of it is going to be, maybe ability to recieve criticism amongst other things. Maybe it doesn't need to have a "focus".
Today im grateful for: Great friends, Great food, Game of Thrones, The sun, Swimming, Warm showers, Working out (im starting to see some changes!), Earpluggs, NA & Olga, Being game-free & sober one more day
See u!
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
BrandNewDay, that sounds like a great plan. It's so easy to be constantly self-critical and never feel you measure up, especially when the measurement is not firm and keeps moving up, up, up, so in reality we never are actually measuring up. If you can stake down that measurement and give yourself some well-deserved credit for your accomplishments, you may be happier with yourself.
You really could justifiably be happier with yourself. You are awesome! I'm not just saying that as an empty cheer, either. You've accomplished a great deal and laid the groundwork for more. And you seem a lot happier than you were. Go back and read some old posts from when you first joined Olga. I just did. I think your first one on this thread was about January 20. You've come a long way and you've just started. You rock!
Wazzapp, cognitive behavioral therapy has been a big part of my life for many years. It started when I was horribly upset over my first really serious girlfriend dumping me and nothing seemed to help. Counseling just made me feel worse, it seemed like. Then I was browsing the self-help section at the library and picked up David Burns' "Intimate Connections" book and did one of the written exercises. Wow. I actually felt slightly better. Even a small improvement can be huge, when you seem to be endlessly spiraling down. I was hooked and read his main book, "Feeling Good" and then got into Albert Ellis and read all his stuff and since have done thousands of CBT exercises. I used to start every morning with a Mood Log. These tools can really help a lot, although I don't think they're always the perfect solution to every problem. Good luck with CBT! I hope you enjoy it and profit from it.
I am okay today. I am studying hard to try to get hired with a 911 EMS agency next Tuesday. Yesterday I slipped slightly behind my four-chapters-and-two-videos-a-day review schedule, but hope to catch up today, show up for the interviews and tests primed, ace everything and be making 911 calls in a few weeks. That would be amazing, and the culmination of something I've been working toward for more than two years now.
No plans to game. The game of life is keeping me pretty well entertained.
For some reason today, I just felt very much like gaming. But no! I didn't game. I need to be careful now around anything that might be a game or reminds me of a game, or even reminds me of the situation where I used to game. I think this is a new wave of impulse, after a long time with not much attraction to games. Hopefull this lasts for a short time, and, afterwards, the impulses will be even weaker.
I really cannot game today.
I won't allow that to happen. I just blocked all potential addictive websites.
I will not game today. Wish me luck.
Oh! And I've gone three months and 2 days without gaming now! I think I now can have a new clean chit! (if an admin sees this, would you please put a 3 month clean chit on this post? Thanks!)
Again. I will not game today.
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home
Yesterday I started a new strategy, which is mainly based on setting realistic goals for myself and aiming for the entire day to just accomplish those, and then feel good about myself. I set two academic goals yesterday for myself and accomplished both of them. I was very encouraged by that especially since the goals were two writing assignments, which I usually loathe to do and put off first. Well, today I've also accomplished both of my goals, and I'm feeling much better about the prospect of actually ending procrastination altogether! And, at this really great stage, I need to be especially careful not to fall back into games. It's pretty strange why now, when life seems to be the best, I'm having the strongest urges to game. Maybe it's because I subconsciously related some of the things I've learned today to the games I used to play, and found the games no longer bad, but really fun. I now need to play the tape to the end, and remember the undescribably deep hole I struggled to climb out of at the end of every gaming session, and how I neared the point where I just wanted to give up and saw little hope in life.
I now see life as full of opportunities. How can gaming be better than this real life?
After all these months of struggles and improvement, and, I admit, a bit of backtracking, I am now so much better than if I had played games until now. I might already be expelled from the school because of my low grades. I now have a reason to hate games. They are designed solely for profit. They almost destroyed my life. Now I will take it back.
I will not game today.
"The trouble--it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found." - Home