Just discovered this thread and have been reading back over some old posts. I had the urge to game this morning, and came here to OLGA instead. It's helpful. But now I need to make my alternative activities more sticky, so that I'm not just randomly surfing the internet and facebook and still spending lots of wasted time in front of screens.
So, today, I will finish a cover letter for a job I'm applying for, and do some cleaning around the house. No games, and I'll go to a 12-step meeting this evening, the first one in my home area. I went to three while visiting my family over the holidays. And now I'm four days game-free, which feels different than other times I've quit (even times when I went for a year or more w/o playing games), because of the intnentionality and the thinking through and acknowledging that I really am an addict and that this has been going on for a long time.
I know what you mean. When I quit the first time, I was super marathonning tv shows, and while it wasn't the game, it still felt like I could be doing more. I had a friend in college tell me that when you quit all your old hobbies come back. I was very impatient. I was like "but I don't like anything." I think he was right, but it took time. I think the thing is, the longer you're away from the game, it's easier to come up with things to do because you just experience a lot more and learn what you like.
:-) good to hear you all are doing fine! That is great news.
I am actually a bit amazed at the amount of work done these last months. A couple more days and I am completing a milestone for my big project. A project that I thought I would never finish and was hanging around my neck like stone. I realize I am in the final stretch, and it is looking good. Much work still to do, but now it looks very doable. What I needed to do was... "just" put in the work, and try to do it every day. Not every day is easy, not every day is productive, but give it an honest try. It looks like it is starting to pay off.
I am tired now, so I guess I will do some sports, read a bit, and then off to bed. Probably the best thing to do for the rest of this day.
We have a whatsupp group for gaming addicts where u can call eachother and talk. PM me if you want an invite!
Emotionally i had a rough day. Argued a lot with someone. I overreacted a lot. Life however is going in the right direction. I feel a bit unbalanced emotionally though. I think i will do a "10-10". 10 meetings in 10 days. When i was new in olga i went to NA meetings for 90 days straight and it helped a lot.
Thanks for reading, i wish u all well
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Today is not a good day. I have been feeling a lot of anger. I wrote a lot at work, it kind of helps to clear your head, and get clarity. But I am getting tired of it, literally. It sucks up so much energy to be emotionally charged all the time. I think I wrote it all down, more or less. I think I understand the reasons behind, why they did what they did, and also my own hidden reasons why I get angry, my own doubts, my own fear, the feeling of loss. But it is not giving relief. It just feels sh itty anyway.
Will be going to bed early today. Tired. Wish you all a good day. No gaming, no escaping (finally) and this is good.
I successfully made it through the holidays without gaming, even though I have been at my childhood home with numerous triggers. I ended up reading several books, watching TV, working out, and spending quality time with family. After this holiday, I will be driving back to my place tomorrow with a feeling of success. Some days were rough, and I was aware that the times I felt most depressed/anxious/etc. occurred when the urge to game was strongest. However, I talked openly with this about my mother, and she was supportive and understanding all along the way.
The cravings have been highest in these past few days. The prospect of returning to my normal routine means I'll be going back to work, which does not have the immediate gratification that gaming provides. But, I know that staying off games and working every day will lead to long-term fulfillment. This authentic, healthy fulfillment is why I am committed to staying sober. I kept reminding myself that change is hard, but if I strayed back into old habits, I'd experience the old results: depression, shame, loneliness, anxiety, and anger. Gaming would also reset the counter on my sobriety, which has shown to reduce both the frequency and intensity of my cravings. There are flare ups, but these are becoming farther apart and much less debilitating the longer I am sober.
It's great seeing you all post on here, and is a place I can return to when I'm struggling. When the addiction strikes, it's easy to lose perspective and remember that others are working through the same battles. Our shared experiences has been a beacon for me in my recovery. Thank you.
I had an awful nightmare tonight. I was gaming, and the anxiety was real. In the dream i was going to hide it from everyone and continue gaming in solitude. When i woke up it took a while until i realized it had just been a dream. Thanks olga for helping me be free from playing games.
Lunch meeting today at NA, then some work. Happy to be moving forward in my life, working the steps, e.t.c.
Thanks so much for all the help <3
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
I'm 15 days in no gaming. The last few days have been real hard. I want to play so bad. But I keep just reminding myself if I give in, I'll be right back where I was before. I'm not enjoying anything yet. Gaming was what I did with ALL my free time. I work 40 hours a week. So it doesn't seem that bad if I play. But I would get frustrated if my family would ask me to go anywhere. I started getting annoyed at my dogs for interrupting my game time. They were just trying to get some attention. Right now I want to try and play after work, limit it to 2 hours. But I get home late, and I'm always tired when I get home. Plus I am so afraid I won't want to leave it only for night time. And what if my thoughts start only going to my gaming, instead of my other hobbies that I am trying to get myself back into. So I keep just reminding myself it will get better. Hopefully, these urges will eventually go away. I'm so mentally tired from trying my best not to give in. So I decided it would be good for me to write in here at least once a week, so I feel like others are seeing my progress.
15 days of no gaming is no joke. That is great! On moderation I have never been good though. It never worked out for me. I would slip back into all gaming again.
I have had a rough weekend, emotionally. I wrote some long blogs these days, clearing my head, reflecting. On thursday and friday I had trouble getting sleep and I was very emotional. I still am. My whole perspective of past events has shifted, it is so weird how that can happen. But this is better, and during the weekend my mind got better. Trying to keep active, walking along the beach, trying to keep meeting with friends, and doing some sports. I think it was good, finally. Also today, hiking outside and being with friends, talking about things that are bugging me, that did me good. It is so important to have somebody to bounce your thoughts off, someone that is willing to listen and who empathizes.
Wish you the best, my recovery friends. Not gaming today.
when i first tried to stay game-free i couldnt even for a few days. I relapsed over and over.
I promised myself and other that i would not play and time after time i broke that promise. Sometimes after 1 week, sometines after one day. Even sometimes after 10 minutes
The urge was huge, especially in the beginning. I could not imagine a life without gaming. The urge got stronger whenever i had a conflict in my life or things "went bad".
Thanks to meetings (here and NA-meetings) and working the steps with a sponsor, the urges have mostly gone away, and im greatful to be living without the urge to game all the time.
Thanks for reading
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
I am much calmer these days. My mood is good. I am much more talkative.
It looks as though a huge knot which was causing trouble in my mind has shot loose. Lets see how this goes in the future, it is all very fresh. I am happy with the developments.
The last four days have been really hard for me. I ended up downloading elder scrolls online yesterday, but I never installed it. I just removed it this morning. I woke up this morning, and started thinking how I could get up and play and crystal wouldn’t know. But then I started thinking realistically. I asked myself what I did yesterday. I looked at art and commented on them on Deviantart. I cleaned the Livingroom and did some dishes. I watched some TV. I read a little. And I played a card game with my daughter. I watched my render slowly get done. It’s still rendering at the moment. I walked Nessie outside when I was sprinkling rain with my daughter. I went to the store at 8pm and got some ice cream. Most of this I wouldn’t have done if I was gaming. Do I really want to give all this up to play a game? Not at all. So I need to remember when I have withdrawals it won’t always be that hard. Down the road it will be easier. So today I need to keep myself busy through the day. I will write a routine. I think I should do this every day, just to keep myself busy and do it no matter what. Just to get through this.
Wazzapp. I was the same way. I would even tell myself to at least take a break from gaming. But that break never came. I just couldn’t pull myself away. Even though I was missing other stuff in my life, the game was all that mattered.
Steele - I hope I get to that point. LOL my mind is such turmoil lately.
:-) I felt so many different feelings in the last year or so... I find it absurd really :-).
But everytime you really go through it without numbing it out, I feel like it makes you better and something starts to heal or get a place un your head.
But no doubt that the most difficult is when urges are strong to game. That is powerfull. Really good how you work through that.
I still have gaming desires every now and then, but the intensity is at a different level then it was before. Much more managable. Grateful for that, really.
Nice to hear how you are spending time.
Enjoy your kid! :-)
No gaming today.
Thanks for posting everyone. I am having urges to visit gaming’s website which i know will make me worser than i am. I started to forget what gaming has caused me so going to remind myself. I don’t want to go back to gaming because It killed my self-esteem, i was not able to do the simplest tasks. I hated myself, feared others and wished not to wake up many times. I was neglecting everyone even those who i love the most who are giving me now meaning of life. when gaming i hated to turn my face away of the screen because i didn’t want to see reality. I think that i have seen the line that separates me from craziness, i think i was about to go literally crazy where i would totally lose my human conscious thinking.
I want to spend some time outside with friends but no one is nearby. maybe i have to find new social activities
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"Recovery is not about dealing with gaming. Recovery is about dealing with Life"
I feel like I am going crazy lol I woke up this morning and was feeling great! I worked on my website and worked on my newest art project, watched tv. But later when I got to work, and bordem hit, I started feeling like I would be ok if I gamed at night. But when I try and imagine myself in game, I dont see myself having fun. But at the same time, I have a uge to play. Its driving me crazy. Then I text my daughter in detail what I want to do. Which I end up not doing. lol I think I really need to make time and start going to the meetings on here. BuT i made it through today no gaming. 20 days in.
That meeting idea is really not a bad idea to try out. I did not want to go in the past. But once I went with a friend, it really was a good experience.
Wazzapp, it is a big step forward to be aware of being stressed, of body reaction you are having. When that happens to me now, I try (when I can) to find out why. Why the situation is bugging me. It always starts out with that I am angry because of something they do, but in the end it kind of boils down to that I feel hurt or something. It does not really help better the situation in the outside world, but it helps me become more at peace with it inside.
I dont know if that made sense for you, your situation might be completely different. But it does for me.
In my case, I am better, much better than last week. I am using the mantra now of "do not try to fix it", and leave it alone, there is nothing I can do about it anymore. But I have to repeat it to myself time and again. My default is that I want to make contact with my colleagues, that I want things to be "normal" again, that.. (sigh)
And when I have to accept that we will not be friends or anything like before ever again, it makes me sad. It is like there is this hurt that has just been lying around there, and now it is uncovered. Years later, and it still needs to heal properly.
They are already at a different place, they are years ahead of me with detaching and "leaving me behind". I dont know if it is a good place where they are now, since there is still so much negativity coming from their direction... but that should not be my problem anymore. They were important to me.
The above sounds quite sad, but there is a positive shift going on. I am less trapped in thinking about the past, about the hurt. I am having these moments during the day that I am just looking around and thinking: that is beautiful. Or having a conversation with someone that I really like, honest and direct, and thinking: this is beautiful. Spending time with friends, them listening, me listening. Making more jokes, being stupid at work, making people laugh. Running, feeling the air. I am getting better, I am much better. Going in the right direction definitely.
Well, that's that, back to square one for me. I'm trying not to feel too bad about my relapsing. On a more positive note, I think the days of RPG binging are past me, I just can't get into this sort of time wasting anymore, I may play for 5 minutes but I quickly realize I cannot go on this way. Ironically, there's a counter in Steam which tells you how much time you spent on a game and thats a huge reality check right there in front of me. Question is, how do I stay away from games in the first place? Time for a fresh start.
Everybody knows smoking is bad. I kind of look at gaming in the same way. Each sigarette you do not smoke is better for your health, each day not gamed is better for your health too. Concratulations on that long streak without gaming, and the best of luck now picking it back up. One day at a time.
I am doing ok. My recovery is taking me to "working on my thinking". I was already familiar for some years now with the 12 steps, the ideas behind it, the big book, etc. I also worked these programs and that is good stuff. But now I start to see that stuff in so much more literature out there. Lately I am listening a lot to Brene Brown. It somehow hits very close home, and I am trying to incorporate that stuff into my life. (She has a website, in the videos section you can find a lot if you are interested.)
My foundations in my head are moving. I was so sure of a number of things, it is all shifting, it is confusing and weird. I will see where this goes.
At work I get anxious a lot. For years this is how the situation is. I am not sure what to do a lot of the times, how to treat the colleagues with whom I feel hurt. Should I ignore them like they are ignoring me? I got angry, I was frustrated. But now my perception around them has changed a lot. I guess I have more empathy now for them. I am not sure... they have not been angels for sure. I dont know. I get the idea that I have been a catalist of the rejection, the distance I see now, while it was the last thing in the world I wanted to happen.
It is a strange journey, and I am only starting. But it is with big steps for sure.
Im doing good, going to a lot of meetings recently and feel more relaxed than last week. Also thanks Steele for your ideas on stress, i can relate a lot, and the mantra was also good, i will keep that in mind
I recently finished step 3 with my sponsor and will now continue with step 4. Im a but nervous about it, the first questions that arises is "will i be able to be completely honest with him?". I have a lot of shame and guilt-feelings regarding my past, and im afraid of going too much into it because im not sure what it will do to me to bring that up.
Happy to be working with a sponsor i can trust.
Thanks
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Today i got really angry. I started to ruminate on the fact that i didnt got a job that i went to an interview recently. It was a very good job in the field that i study. Afterwards they told me it was the grades that made them choose someone else. My grades are not bad at all, but not perfect either. Obviouslt obsessive gaming has had its effects. I have accepted the fact that i didnt get the job, but today i could not accept it for like 2 hours. I was hating on myself. I had to stop what i was doing and just breath because it felt like a slight panic attack.
This made me realize that i want to work more on the steps and also CBT that i have been putting off.
Thanks for letting me share <3
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Today has been very good so far. I've felt inner peace.
Been working, and the colleges are great. I smile at as many people as I can, because i think it creates a positive vibe.
In 1 week there is a big thing, the courts will decide who gets the judge-trainee jobs. I've searched to about 15 different courts, and will then know if and which court i get a job. If i get a job i will most likely have to move from the capital.
I'm not nervous about this, at the moment, which is great. Happy to experience some peace again.
Also, of course, very happy to not be playing games
Thanks for letting me share
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
I have been game free since Monday, but then again not sure how accurate this is because I spent most of my free time staring at games on Amazon. Sucks, even more so because an hour ago I had a PS4 in my shopping basket and was ready to press 'Buy now'. I didn't but this situation makes me wonder how committed (and ready) I am to make my abstinence last. Anyway, I'm going to reward myself I made the right decision today, and I leave tomorrow for my future self to deal with any cravings.
Sven, maybe a good idea to get out of the house, take a walk, meet up with some friends, call family. It can help to distract your mind, and not turn towards Amazon. But I also know that it often is not that easy to do.. I have received such advise in the past, and the most difficult thing to do is to follow it. But evey day you try not to game is a success story already :-).
I am doing OK. It is still the same topics in my head, and feelings flare up every now and then.. but I now can talk about it with a good friend. He is understanding, listening, and simply that usually helps to take away a lot of anxiety that I still feel. It's getting better. With ups and downs.
I want to work some more on my project this weekend. And I have also reserved some time for going to a concert with friends. Looking forward to it.
Worked a lot today, and will continue to work during the weekend
Didn't have the anxiety that i've experienced in the past few days, My mind has been calm and that is great
I've lost my morning routine a bit since i just wake up and go directly to work. Before i used to record a vlog and do vocal exerises, aswell as praying a bit e.t.c. I guess i can compensate by doing some of this things on my commute to work.
Joining a mumble meeting now, i like them =) voice meeting is great.
See u <3
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Thankful for this forum. Happy to not be playing games
Today i've felt peace. This is because i've been to a lot of meetings, both NA and CGAA, and praying.
Working a lot lately, which is nice. I'm making plans and following through. I might be pushing a bit too hard though, and i'm not sure if it is sustainable. I have a plan to work a lot during whole februari, and i might be pushing myself too hard, might wanna ease up a bit.
Thanks for letting me share
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Im ok, still feeling pretty peaceful. I'm somewhat obsessed about career, saving & investing, always thinking of ways to make more $$$ so i can save & invest more.
Planning to rent out my apartment and move in with my GF. It's new step for me, never done that before. I've pretty much been at her place for 2 months so i thought it's pretty foolish to just have my appartment empty and costing me rent. I have talked to a friend and i can crash in his place if the relationship gets problematic or something. Gonna try to start advertising the appartment today.
Also im gonna search for more jobs in my academic profession. Right now im just doing some easy jobs while doing applications. I've sent 5 applications which gave me 1 interview which i did not pass. So i'm gonna try to send about 30 applications this week. I also got some plan B:s if the applications doesn't works out. One sich plan is working in the public sector.
Big changes are hopefully on the horizon, and im looking forward, im hopeful, i have trust.
Very happy to not be playing games.
Thanks for letting me share
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Well, I made it to 30 days of no gaming :D I have to say the first three weeks I think was the hardest for me. I still have urges to play, but they are a lot easy to deal with now. I had a triggered urge today.. because I was trying to find a book to read, and I accidentally found an author that worked for Bioware.... which makes one of my favorite games. Then later I was watching a youtube video about these guys exploring a cave, they found a stick.. and then they pretended it was a Lvl 31 weapon.. and was joking around. It seems we can't get away from some gaming talk. So how is everyone doing?
Im doing fine.
Same topics on my mind, talking a lot about it with other people.
My objectives for the coming period will be: meet more people, invest time in people, talk, share, build friendships. Less isolation.
I've been lonely (felt lonely) for way too long.
Thanks for being here.
And great news ladyindale! 30 full days!
Im fine. Generally feel peaceful. Today i felt some anger and jellousy as i was hearing about some people who are younger and me and more successful. Then i tried to stop comparing myself with them. There will ALWAYS be people who are better off than me, no matter how hard and long i work. This is not a problem of me achieving enough, its a problem of me comparing and not feeling good enough about myself. Even if i was 100x more successful i would still have this anger and jellousy unless i deal with the underlying problem of comparison-paradigm and self-hate. The feelings past, and i feel peaceful again. Using the first and third step in the 12-step-program helped with this letting go of bad emotions.
Happy to not be playing. Even better is that i don't feel like im missing out by not playing, which i felt a lot during the first month or so. Yesterday i met my friend as he was playing a game, and i was mainly disgusted by the idea of playing. For me this is a miracle, because i was the one who "could not stop"
Thanks for letting me share
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
happy to not be playing games, and to have found the community and 12 step program so that i can recover from gaming addiction.
Today i only worked 4 hours because im gonna prepare for an exam tmr. It's honestly too short of time to properly study, but i will just do as much as i can within reason. I will try to not stress out.
thanks for this forum where i can share =)
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
I started working on step 4 this morning. First thing is to list people im angry at. After doing this for 1 hour i could feel my emotions getting overwhelmed. I was angry, and then i started crying. My solution is not to game. I will go to meetings for the whole day today. I feel that i need it. I've got tons of things to do today, but first things first.
I guess my reaction to working step 4 is a clear sign that i need this step.
Thanks for letting me share
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Glad to not be gaming.
I have a lot of resentment over 2 co-workers. That subject is still very present on my mind. It feels so wrong and unjust. Factually the situation is better, more normal contact with one of them. But I am so fed-up with it. Trying not to show it, but I'm ****ed. And I am "out" of their friend circle, which is so obvious to me. Must be insecurity from my part which causes these strong feelings. But knowing that does not help making the irritation less.
That is actually not true, I am much better than a month ago. But it stinks still.
I joined cgaa the other day and went to a meeting. I think I need more of that. Maybe also some 4th stepping.
Picking up an old sport again, that is nice. Nice people, doing sports, learning new stuff. Keeping busy, improving.
And most importantly: not numbing myself out with games.
Thanks for posting, thanks for being here!
Im gonna re-post something i wrote in another thread today
For me gaming addiction is not primarily an issue of gaming too much. I thought that once I stop gaming I will become "super humans" capibable of suddenly becoming very productive.
But gaming addiction for me is a spiritual and emotional disease were I look for anything to escape my emotions, and have a very dysfunctional life. That is why it's not enough to just stop gaming, i need to work the steps with a sponsor to achieve a major change in my life, perspective, emotions and spirituality.
Thanks for letting me share
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hi wazzapp.
I have the same impression. All kinds of relationship am insecurity issues seem to pop up now that gaming is not on my mind all the time.
I tried 12 stepping, but had a very small group, and the both of us were relapsing alot. That fell apart. Now much more busy with podcast, long walks / sports to deal with stress, a couple of friends that I can be honest with and are not judgemental. Examining my own thoughts, point out flaws, insecurities, and reading up on how to deal with those things.
It is not easy. I guess I would like to find a good mentor. I think I am now much more ready now to hear what people are saying, before my walls were just too thick.
In my opinion: One good friend is worth his/her weight in gold.
Yesterday i had huge anxiety for 20 minutes. I was talking to person A, than B, then C, and after that i felt my pulse go up and discomfort in solar plexus area. The wierdest part is, i dont know what triggered it, was it person A, B or C? What specific conversation or thought triggered this? Feels so wierd not knowing, usually i atleast have an idea of whats going in.
I immediately went to a meeting. My solution is not to game anymore, it is meetings, sponsor, working steps and connect with other (gaming) addicts
Thanks for letting me share
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Im doing good, no urges to game for a long time which is very nice.
Working step 4 has been very emotional for me, recently i've been semi-crying during meetings. It's not really because im sad, its mostly because newcomers share or i listen to a particular emotional/beutiful share. I cry because of emotional connection, if that makes sense hehe....
Other than that i've been working a lot for the past month or so. Happy to be active, but sometimes i loose a little sleep. Next month im moving to another town because of a job i got, and im pretty excited about it, something im looking forward to
Thanks for letting me share
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
I had issues at work. I was working with a client and she didnt get the result she wanted and started to cry and scream, not at me thankfully but because of outside forces. and im super stressed right now.... Gonna go to a mumble meeting and call my sponsor. I dont have any urge to game, i just want to talk.
Thanks for having this forum where i can share
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
I made it barely into 42 days. For some reason the last few days I have been in withdrawal mode. I just about played Sims 4 today. I had installed it yesterday and made plans to play it today. But after installing it yesterday, I headed to work nd thought about it. Did I want to give in after working so hard to get to this point? I thought about how free I feel now. Even at work, I am happier than before, since I am no longer sitting here, thinking about gaming and giving myself anxiety because of how bad I wanted to play. And how relaxed I feel, well when I am not in withdrawal mode. LOL. But I have had a lot of good days the last 42 days. And I decided I am not ready to give that up. So I came to a conclusion I don't really want to play games. So I uninstalled it. I still have an urge to play. But I know I won't game today.
Ladylinel, are you going to meetings? I like the Cgaa voice meetings
Happy to be game-free
Had an argument with my GF today, a bit stressed over that, but feels nice to come to this safe place and just write & read.
Getting excited and nervous at the same time for a job thats starting in 1 month, i hope it goes well. They have meetings there which is great. Im thankful for that.
Thanks for letting me share <3
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Wazzapp I just joined the cgaa forums a couple days ago. I waited for a 9pm chat here yesterday but no one showed up. So yeah I'll look into the voice ones at cgaa.
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so I ended up playing sims 4 for 90 mins today. So now I'm down to day 1 again. I felt very guilty I played because I didn't even enjoy it. I almost felt like I was holding myself back from enjoying it afraid I'd feel that addiction from it. I felt a lot of anxiety after I played it. Then later in the day I talked to a couple girls who gamed. So that got me hyped up to play. But the thing is I wasn't even thinking of a certain game. It was just games in general. Now later in the night I'm not even feeling like playing. My mind feels a bit chaotic right now. But I don't plan on playing now.
Unfortunately the meetings on olga are a bit unpredictable right now, But the cgaa meetings are alive and well, especially the mumble ones i've been to has never been canceled. I hope im not breaching any rules by that statement :)
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
I've been crying a lot lately, but it has not been sad cries, more like closure cries.
I've been doing some amends to people, a side effect of me working with step 4. Before i've done them i think "this is no big deal", but after i've done them i cry like crazy. It's like there has been building emotions and pressure inside me, and by making the amends i can suddenly let go of all that.
What i've realized, more than before, is that i really need to work the steps, and that im at the beggining of a long journey
Thanks for letting me share
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Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
I notice I am more calm, but also still having a lot of trouble with dealing with 2 colleagues. I just can't seem to get "over it" yet. Anger has been creeping back in into my mind, and I dont like it, I dont like myself that way and the energy it eats up. Last Friday I talked with a friend, and he said something like "they are just tired of this topic (= of me) and want to forget it, do you think they loose any sleep over this like you are?". And that comes very close to where the core lies of what hurts me, of what I find difficult to accept. At home that thought just kept hanging in my head, and it gives me a sense of panic. I still see them as friends, still want them as friends. And they are not friends. It really just breaks my heart to accept that. (And the silly thing is, I don't even like them anymore.)
In 2010 I broke up with my ex girl. Our last 2 years was fighting and fighting. Back then I also held on to a dream, a thought that things would get better, that it could be fixed, that it would become again like it was before. It kept me in that bad relationship for way too long.
When you said "closure cries", I really get that. I am going towards that place too.
I got an impulse to check in here today before the day's work began, so I'm following through on that. I've been having a lot of feelings of guilt at work that I'm not doing well at my job, and although that hasn't triggered any gaming compulsions yet, I also know that stress and guilt make fertile ground for compulsions to grow in. As always, accountability and community are the answers. Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that I'm thinking of you and your struggles today. Radical self-care is what we all need. At your most basic level, you are good, you are competent, you are worthy.
—
Taking Steps toward recovery since November 2, 2012. The difficulty of the path makes it worth the walking.
A new year. Lets make it a game free year, starting with today. Today is a game free day.
Hope you are all doing fine. Wish you all a good year.
I'm doing fine.
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
Just discovered this thread and have been reading back over some old posts. I had the urge to game this morning, and came here to OLGA instead. It's helpful. But now I need to make my alternative activities more sticky, so that I'm not just randomly surfing the internet and facebook and still spending lots of wasted time in front of screens.
So, today, I will finish a cover letter for a job I'm applying for, and do some cleaning around the house. No games, and I'll go to a 12-step meeting this evening, the first one in my home area. I went to three while visiting my family over the holidays. And now I'm four days game-free, which feels different than other times I've quit (even times when I went for a year or more w/o playing games), because of the intnentionality and the thinking through and acknowledging that I really am an addict and that this has been going on for a long time.
Good luck and good beginnings to everyone!
Right on Jendle. Keep at it.
I know what you mean. When I quit the first time, I was super marathonning tv shows, and while it wasn't the game, it still felt like I could be doing more. I had a friend in college tell me that when you quit all your old hobbies come back. I was very impatient. I was like "but I don't like anything." I think he was right, but it took time. I think the thing is, the longer you're away from the game, it's easier to come up with things to do because you just experience a lot more and learn what you like.
:-) good to hear you all are doing fine! That is great news.
I am actually a bit amazed at the amount of work done these last months. A couple more days and I am completing a milestone for my big project. A project that I thought I would never finish and was hanging around my neck like stone. I realize I am in the final stretch, and it is looking good. Much work still to do, but now it looks very doable. What I needed to do was... "just" put in the work, and try to do it every day. Not every day is easy, not every day is productive, but give it an honest try. It looks like it is starting to pay off.
I am tired now, so I guess I will do some sports, read a bit, and then off to bed. Probably the best thing to do for the rest of this day.
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
Hello people, happy to see you all in this thread
We have a whatsupp group for gaming addicts where u can call eachother and talk. PM me if you want an invite!
Emotionally i had a rough day. Argued a lot with someone. I overreacted a lot. Life however is going in the right direction. I feel a bit unbalanced emotionally though. I think i will do a "10-10". 10 meetings in 10 days. When i was new in olga i went to NA meetings for 90 days straight and it helped a lot.
Thanks for reading, i wish u all well
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Day 100 today.
Today is not a good day. I have been feeling a lot of anger. I wrote a lot at work, it kind of helps to clear your head, and get clarity. But I am getting tired of it, literally. It sucks up so much energy to be emotionally charged all the time. I think I wrote it all down, more or less. I think I understand the reasons behind, why they did what they did, and also my own hidden reasons why I get angry, my own doubts, my own fear, the feeling of loss. But it is not giving relief. It just feels sh itty anyway.
Will be going to bed early today. Tired. Wish you all a good day. No gaming, no escaping (finally) and this is good.
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
I successfully made it through the holidays without gaming, even though I have been at my childhood home with numerous triggers. I ended up reading several books, watching TV, working out, and spending quality time with family. After this holiday, I will be driving back to my place tomorrow with a feeling of success. Some days were rough, and I was aware that the times I felt most depressed/anxious/etc. occurred when the urge to game was strongest. However, I talked openly with this about my mother, and she was supportive and understanding all along the way.
The cravings have been highest in these past few days. The prospect of returning to my normal routine means I'll be going back to work, which does not have the immediate gratification that gaming provides. But, I know that staying off games and working every day will lead to long-term fulfillment. This authentic, healthy fulfillment is why I am committed to staying sober. I kept reminding myself that change is hard, but if I strayed back into old habits, I'd experience the old results: depression, shame, loneliness, anxiety, and anger. Gaming would also reset the counter on my sobriety, which has shown to reduce both the frequency and intensity of my cravings. There are flare ups, but these are becoming farther apart and much less debilitating the longer I am sober.
It's great seeing you all post on here, and is a place I can return to when I'm struggling. When the addiction strikes, it's easy to lose perspective and remember that others are working through the same battles. Our shared experiences has been a beacon for me in my recovery. Thank you.
Happy new year!
Thanks for posting
I had an awful nightmare tonight. I was gaming, and the anxiety was real. In the dream i was going to hide it from everyone and continue gaming in solitude. When i woke up it took a while until i realized it had just been a dream. Thanks olga for helping me be free from playing games.
Lunch meeting today at NA, then some work. Happy to be moving forward in my life, working the steps, e.t.c.
Thanks so much for all the help <3
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Weekend, and no gaming. Tomorrow some time with friends. Looking forward to it.
No gaming. No way. Not today.
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
I'm 15 days in no gaming. The last few days have been real hard. I want to play so bad. But I keep just reminding myself if I give in, I'll be right back where I was before. I'm not enjoying anything yet. Gaming was what I did with ALL my free time. I work 40 hours a week. So it doesn't seem that bad if I play. But I would get frustrated if my family would ask me to go anywhere. I started getting annoyed at my dogs for interrupting my game time. They were just trying to get some attention. Right now I want to try and play after work, limit it to 2 hours. But I get home late, and I'm always tired when I get home. Plus I am so afraid I won't want to leave it only for night time. And what if my thoughts start only going to my gaming, instead of my other hobbies that I am trying to get myself back into. So I keep just reminding myself it will get better. Hopefully, these urges will eventually go away. I'm so mentally tired from trying my best not to give in. So I decided it would be good for me to write in here at least once a week, so I feel like others are seeing my progress.
Welcome to the thread ladylindael :)
I'm pretty good. Worked mostly today, then went to a meeting after work. There were a lot of good shares, i could relate a lot.
Big carrer/work focus right now, i'm somewhat obsessed. I think i need more meetings. Relaxing and drinking coffee with others is great.
Thanks for reading
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hi wazzap, ladylindael.
Good to have you here.
15 days of no gaming is no joke. That is great! On moderation I have never been good though. It never worked out for me. I would slip back into all gaming again.
I have had a rough weekend, emotionally. I wrote some long blogs these days, clearing my head, reflecting. On thursday and friday I had trouble getting sleep and I was very emotional. I still am. My whole perspective of past events has shifted, it is so weird how that can happen. But this is better, and during the weekend my mind got better. Trying to keep active, walking along the beach, trying to keep meeting with friends, and doing some sports. I think it was good, finally. Also today, hiking outside and being with friends, talking about things that are bugging me, that did me good. It is so important to have somebody to bounce your thoughts off, someone that is willing to listen and who empathizes.
Wish you the best, my recovery friends. Not gaming today.
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
Hello people, thanks for posting
I'm a gaming addict
when i first tried to stay game-free i couldnt even for a few days. I relapsed over and over.
I promised myself and other that i would not play and time after time i broke that promise. Sometimes after 1 week, sometines after one day. Even sometimes after 10 minutes
The urge was huge, especially in the beginning. I could not imagine a life without gaming. The urge got stronger whenever i had a conflict in my life or things "went bad".
Thanks to meetings (here and NA-meetings) and working the steps with a sponsor, the urges have mostly gone away, and im greatful to be living without the urge to game all the time.
Thanks for reading
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
I am much calmer these days. My mood is good. I am much more talkative.
It looks as though a huge knot which was causing trouble in my mind has shot loose. Lets see how this goes in the future, it is all very fresh. I am happy with the developments.
No gaming today.
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
day 18
The last four days have been really hard for me. I ended up downloading elder scrolls online yesterday, but I never installed it. I just removed it this morning. I woke up this morning, and started thinking how I could get up and play and crystal wouldn’t know. But then I started thinking realistically. I asked myself what I did yesterday. I looked at art and commented on them on Deviantart. I cleaned the Livingroom and did some dishes. I watched some TV. I read a little. And I played a card game with my daughter. I watched my render slowly get done. It’s still rendering at the moment. I walked Nessie outside when I was sprinkling rain with my daughter. I went to the store at 8pm and got some ice cream. Most of this I wouldn’t have done if I was gaming. Do I really want to give all this up to play a game? Not at all. So I need to remember when I have withdrawals it won’t always be that hard. Down the road it will be easier. So today I need to keep myself busy through the day. I will write a routine. I think I should do this every day, just to keep myself busy and do it no matter what. Just to get through this.
Wazzapp. I was the same way. I would even tell myself to at least take a break from gaming. But that break never came. I just couldn’t pull myself away. Even though I was missing other stuff in my life, the game was all that mattered.
Steele - I hope I get to that point. LOL my mind is such turmoil lately.
:-) I felt so many different feelings in the last year or so... I find it absurd really :-).
But everytime you really go through it without numbing it out, I feel like it makes you better and something starts to heal or get a place un your head.
But no doubt that the most difficult is when urges are strong to game. That is powerfull. Really good how you work through that.
I still have gaming desires every now and then, but the intensity is at a different level then it was before. Much more managable. Grateful for that, really.
Nice to hear how you are spending time.
Enjoy your kid! :-)
No gaming today.
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
Thanks for posting everyone. I am having urges to visit gaming’s website which i know will make me worser than i am. I started to forget what gaming has caused me so going to remind myself. I don’t want to go back to gaming because It killed my self-esteem, i was not able to do the simplest tasks. I hated myself, feared others and wished not to wake up many times. I was neglecting everyone even those who i love the most who are giving me now meaning of life. when gaming i hated to turn my face away of the screen because i didn’t want to see reality. I think that i have seen the line that separates me from craziness, i think i was about to go literally crazy where i would totally lose my human conscious thinking.
I want to spend some time outside with friends but no one is nearby. maybe i have to find new social activities
"Recovery is not about dealing with gaming. Recovery is about dealing with Life"
Thanks for your posts
I've been feeling really stressed for the past couple of days. Sometimes so stressed that my hands start to shake slightly. I feel my heart raise etc.
Se medicine for this is a lot of meetings, working the steps, and also praying. I tell my HP that i can't handle this day and can he please take over.
Thanks for letting me share
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Day 20
I feel like I am going crazy lol I woke up this morning and was feeling great! I worked on my website and worked on my newest art project, watched tv. But later when I got to work, and bordem hit, I started feeling like I would be ok if I gamed at night. But when I try and imagine myself in game, I dont see myself having fun. But at the same time, I have a uge to play. Its driving me crazy. Then I text my daughter in detail what I want to do. Which I end up not doing. lol I think I really need to make time and start going to the meetings on here. BuT i made it through today no gaming. 20 days in.
Glad to hear that, Ladylindeal! 20 days is HUGE.
That meeting idea is really not a bad idea to try out. I did not want to go in the past. But once I went with a friend, it really was a good experience.
Wazzapp, it is a big step forward to be aware of being stressed, of body reaction you are having. When that happens to me now, I try (when I can) to find out why. Why the situation is bugging me. It always starts out with that I am angry because of something they do, but in the end it kind of boils down to that I feel hurt or something. It does not really help better the situation in the outside world, but it helps me become more at peace with it inside.
I dont know if that made sense for you, your situation might be completely different. But it does for me.
In my case, I am better, much better than last week. I am using the mantra now of "do not try to fix it", and leave it alone, there is nothing I can do about it anymore. But I have to repeat it to myself time and again. My default is that I want to make contact with my colleagues, that I want things to be "normal" again, that.. (sigh)
And when I have to accept that we will not be friends or anything like before ever again, it makes me sad. It is like there is this hurt that has just been lying around there, and now it is uncovered. Years later, and it still needs to heal properly.
They are already at a different place, they are years ahead of me with detaching and "leaving me behind". I dont know if it is a good place where they are now, since there is still so much negativity coming from their direction... but that should not be my problem anymore. They were important to me.
The above sounds quite sad, but there is a positive shift going on. I am less trapped in thinking about the past, about the hurt. I am having these moments during the day that I am just looking around and thinking: that is beautiful. Or having a conversation with someone that I really like, honest and direct, and thinking: this is beautiful. Spending time with friends, them listening, me listening. Making more jokes, being stupid at work, making people laugh. Running, feeling the air. I am getting better, I am much better. Going in the right direction definitely.
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
Well, that's that, back to square one for me. I'm trying not to feel too bad about my relapsing. On a more positive note, I think the days of RPG binging are past me, I just can't get into this sort of time wasting anymore, I may play for 5 minutes but I quickly realize I cannot go on this way. Ironically, there's a counter in Steam which tells you how much time you spent on a game and thats a huge reality check right there in front of me. Question is, how do I stay away from games in the first place? Time for a fresh start.
Take care.
Welcome back Sven!
Everybody knows smoking is bad. I kind of look at gaming in the same way. Each sigarette you do not smoke is better for your health, each day not gamed is better for your health too. Concratulations on that long streak without gaming, and the best of luck now picking it back up. One day at a time.
I am doing ok. My recovery is taking me to "working on my thinking". I was already familiar for some years now with the 12 steps, the ideas behind it, the big book, etc. I also worked these programs and that is good stuff. But now I start to see that stuff in so much more literature out there. Lately I am listening a lot to Brene Brown. It somehow hits very close home, and I am trying to incorporate that stuff into my life. (She has a website, in the videos section you can find a lot if you are interested.)
My foundations in my head are moving. I was so sure of a number of things, it is all shifting, it is confusing and weird. I will see where this goes.
At work I get anxious a lot. For years this is how the situation is. I am not sure what to do a lot of the times, how to treat the colleagues with whom I feel hurt. Should I ignore them like they are ignoring me? I got angry, I was frustrated. But now my perception around them has changed a lot. I guess I have more empathy now for them. I am not sure... they have not been angels for sure. I dont know. I get the idea that I have been a catalist of the rejection, the distance I see now, while it was the last thing in the world I wanted to happen.
It is a strange journey, and I am only starting. But it is with big steps for sure.
Hope you are all doing well.
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
Hello people thanks a lot for your shares.
Im doing good, going to a lot of meetings recently and feel more relaxed than last week. Also thanks Steele for your ideas on stress, i can relate a lot, and the mantra was also good, i will keep that in mind
I recently finished step 3 with my sponsor and will now continue with step 4. Im a but nervous about it, the first questions that arises is "will i be able to be completely honest with him?". I have a lot of shame and guilt-feelings regarding my past, and im afraid of going too much into it because im not sure what it will do to me to bring that up.
Happy to be working with a sponsor i can trust.
Thanks
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
I liked the phrase: "shame cannot live with empathy". You are not alone. I am sure the 4th step will help you on your way. :-)
I need to run! late for work!
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
Thanks Steele :)
Today i got really angry. I started to ruminate on the fact that i didnt got a job that i went to an interview recently. It was a very good job in the field that i study. Afterwards they told me it was the grades that made them choose someone else. My grades are not bad at all, but not perfect either. Obviouslt obsessive gaming has had its effects. I have accepted the fact that i didnt get the job, but today i could not accept it for like 2 hours. I was hating on myself. I had to stop what i was doing and just breath because it felt like a slight panic attack.
This made me realize that i want to work more on the steps and also CBT that i have been putting off.
Thanks for letting me share <3
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Today has been very good so far. I've felt inner peace.
Been working, and the colleges are great. I smile at as many people as I can, because i think it creates a positive vibe.
In 1 week there is a big thing, the courts will decide who gets the judge-trainee jobs. I've searched to about 15 different courts, and will then know if and which court i get a job. If i get a job i will most likely have to move from the capital.
I'm not nervous about this, at the moment, which is great. Happy to experience some peace again.
Also, of course, very happy to not be playing games
Thanks for letting me share
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
I have been game free since Monday, but then again not sure how accurate this is because I spent most of my free time staring at games on Amazon. Sucks, even more so because an hour ago I had a PS4 in my shopping basket and was ready to press 'Buy now'. I didn't but this situation makes me wonder how committed (and ready) I am to make my abstinence last. Anyway, I'm going to reward myself I made the right decision today, and I leave tomorrow for my future self to deal with any cravings.
No gaming today.
Hi Wazzapp, Sven,
Great to hear from you guys.
Sven, maybe a good idea to get out of the house, take a walk, meet up with some friends, call family. It can help to distract your mind, and not turn towards Amazon. But I also know that it often is not that easy to do.. I have received such advise in the past, and the most difficult thing to do is to follow it. But evey day you try not to game is a success story already :-).
I am doing OK. It is still the same topics in my head, and feelings flare up every now and then.. but I now can talk about it with a good friend. He is understanding, listening, and simply that usually helps to take away a lot of anxiety that I still feel. It's getting better. With ups and downs.
I want to work some more on my project this weekend. And I have also reserved some time for going to a concert with friends. Looking forward to it.
I wish you all a good day!
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
Hello people, thanks for sharing
happy to not be playing games
Worked a lot today, and will continue to work during the weekend
Didn't have the anxiety that i've experienced in the past few days, My mind has been calm and that is great
I've lost my morning routine a bit since i just wake up and go directly to work. Before i used to record a vlog and do vocal exerises, aswell as praying a bit e.t.c. I guess i can compensate by doing some of this things on my commute to work.
Joining a mumble meeting now, i like them =) voice meeting is great.
See u <3
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Thankful for this forum. Happy to not be playing games
Today i've felt peace. This is because i've been to a lot of meetings, both NA and CGAA, and praying.
Working a lot lately, which is nice. I'm making plans and following through. I might be pushing a bit too hard though, and i'm not sure if it is sustainable. I have a plan to work a lot during whole februari, and i might be pushing myself too hard, might wanna ease up a bit.
Thanks for letting me share
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hello peeps,
Im ok, still feeling pretty peaceful. I'm somewhat obsessed about career, saving & investing, always thinking of ways to make more $$$ so i can save & invest more.
Planning to rent out my apartment and move in with my GF. It's new step for me, never done that before. I've pretty much been at her place for 2 months so i thought it's pretty foolish to just have my appartment empty and costing me rent. I have talked to a friend and i can crash in his place if the relationship gets problematic or something. Gonna try to start advertising the appartment today.
Also im gonna search for more jobs in my academic profession. Right now im just doing some easy jobs while doing applications. I've sent 5 applications which gave me 1 interview which i did not pass. So i'm gonna try to send about 30 applications this week. I also got some plan B:s if the applications doesn't works out. One sich plan is working in the public sector.
Big changes are hopefully on the horizon, and im looking forward, im hopeful, i have trust.
Very happy to not be playing games.
Thanks for letting me share
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hi Guys
Well, I made it to 30 days of no gaming :D I have to say the first three weeks I think was the hardest for me. I still have urges to play, but they are a lot easy to deal with now. I had a triggered urge today.. because I was trying to find a book to read, and I accidentally found an author that worked for Bioware.... which makes one of my favorite games. Then later I was watching a youtube video about these guys exploring a cave, they found a stick.. and then they pretended it was a Lvl 31 weapon.. and was joking around. It seems we can't get away from some gaming talk. So how is everyone doing?
Im doing fine.
Same topics on my mind, talking a lot about it with other people.
My objectives for the coming period will be: meet more people, invest time in people, talk, share, build friendships. Less isolation.
I've been lonely (felt lonely) for way too long.
Thanks for being here.
And great news ladyindale! 30 full days!
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
Hello peeps, thanks for sharing
Im fine. Generally feel peaceful. Today i felt some anger and jellousy as i was hearing about some people who are younger and me and more successful. Then i tried to stop comparing myself with them. There will ALWAYS be people who are better off than me, no matter how hard and long i work. This is not a problem of me achieving enough, its a problem of me comparing and not feeling good enough about myself. Even if i was 100x more successful i would still have this anger and jellousy unless i deal with the underlying problem of comparison-paradigm and self-hate. The feelings past, and i feel peaceful again. Using the first and third step in the 12-step-program helped with this letting go of bad emotions.
Happy to not be playing. Even better is that i don't feel like im missing out by not playing, which i felt a lot during the first month or so. Yesterday i met my friend as he was playing a game, and i was mainly disgusted by the idea of playing. For me this is a miracle, because i was the one who "could not stop"
Thanks for letting me share
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hello peeps
happy to not be playing games, and to have found the community and 12 step program so that i can recover from gaming addiction.
Today i only worked 4 hours because im gonna prepare for an exam tmr. It's honestly too short of time to properly study, but i will just do as much as i can within reason. I will try to not stress out.
thanks for this forum where i can share =)
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hello
I started working on step 4 this morning. First thing is to list people im angry at. After doing this for 1 hour i could feel my emotions getting overwhelmed. I was angry, and then i started crying. My solution is not to game. I will go to meetings for the whole day today. I feel that i need it. I've got tons of things to do today, but first things first.
I guess my reaction to working step 4 is a clear sign that i need this step.
Thanks for letting me share
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Glad to not be gaming.
I have a lot of resentment over 2 co-workers. That subject is still very present on my mind. It feels so wrong and unjust. Factually the situation is better, more normal contact with one of them. But I am so fed-up with it. Trying not to show it, but I'm ****ed. And I am "out" of their friend circle, which is so obvious to me. Must be insecurity from my part which causes these strong feelings. But knowing that does not help making the irritation less.
That is actually not true, I am much better than a month ago. But it stinks still.
I joined cgaa the other day and went to a meeting. I think I need more of that. Maybe also some 4th stepping.
Picking up an old sport again, that is nice. Nice people, doing sports, learning new stuff. Keeping busy, improving.
And most importantly: not numbing myself out with games.
Thanks for posting, thanks for being here!
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
Thanks for sharing Steele
Im gonna re-post something i wrote in another thread today
For me gaming addiction is not primarily an issue of gaming too much. I thought that once I stop gaming I will become "super humans" capibable of suddenly becoming very productive.
But gaming addiction for me is a spiritual and emotional disease were I look for anything to escape my emotions, and have a very dysfunctional life. That is why it's not enough to just stop gaming, i need to work the steps with a sponsor to achieve a major change in my life, perspective, emotions and spirituality.
Thanks for letting me share
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hi wazzapp.
I have the same impression. All kinds of relationship am insecurity issues seem to pop up now that gaming is not on my mind all the time.
I tried 12 stepping, but had a very small group, and the both of us were relapsing alot. That fell apart. Now much more busy with podcast, long walks / sports to deal with stress, a couple of friends that I can be honest with and are not judgemental. Examining my own thoughts, point out flaws, insecurities, and reading up on how to deal with those things.
It is not easy. I guess I would like to find a good mentor. I think I am now much more ready now to hear what people are saying, before my walls were just too thick.
In my opinion: One good friend is worth his/her weight in gold.
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
Thanks for sharing Steele,
Yesterday i had huge anxiety for 20 minutes. I was talking to person A, than B, then C, and after that i felt my pulse go up and discomfort in solar plexus area. The wierdest part is, i dont know what triggered it, was it person A, B or C? What specific conversation or thought triggered this? Feels so wierd not knowing, usually i atleast have an idea of whats going in.
I immediately went to a meeting. My solution is not to game anymore, it is meetings, sponsor, working steps and connect with other (gaming) addicts
Thanks for letting me share
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hello peeps,
Im doing good, no urges to game for a long time which is very nice.
Working step 4 has been very emotional for me, recently i've been semi-crying during meetings. It's not really because im sad, its mostly because newcomers share or i listen to a particular emotional/beutiful share. I cry because of emotional connection, if that makes sense hehe....
Other than that i've been working a lot for the past month or so. Happy to be active, but sometimes i loose a little sleep. Next month im moving to another town because of a job i got, and im pretty excited about it, something im looking forward to
Thanks for letting me share
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
I had issues at work. I was working with a client and she didnt get the result she wanted and started to cry and scream, not at me thankfully but because of outside forces. and im super stressed right now.... Gonna go to a mumble meeting and call my sponsor. I dont have any urge to game, i just want to talk.
Thanks for having this forum where i can share
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hi everyone
I made it barely into 42 days. For some reason the last few days I have been in withdrawal mode. I just about played Sims 4 today. I had installed it yesterday and made plans to play it today. But after installing it yesterday, I headed to work nd thought about it. Did I want to give in after working so hard to get to this point? I thought about how free I feel now. Even at work, I am happier than before, since I am no longer sitting here, thinking about gaming and giving myself anxiety because of how bad I wanted to play. And how relaxed I feel, well when I am not in withdrawal mode. LOL. But I have had a lot of good days the last 42 days. And I decided I am not ready to give that up. So I came to a conclusion I don't really want to play games. So I uninstalled it. I still have an urge to play. But I know I won't game today.
Emily
Ladylinel, are you going to meetings? I like the Cgaa voice meetings
Happy to be game-free
Had an argument with my GF today, a bit stressed over that, but feels nice to come to this safe place and just write & read.
Getting excited and nervous at the same time for a job thats starting in 1 month, i hope it goes well. They have meetings there which is great. Im thankful for that.
Thanks for letting me share <3
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Wazzapp I just joined the cgaa forums a couple days ago. I waited for a 9pm chat here yesterday but no one showed up. So yeah I'll look into the voice ones at cgaa.
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so I ended up playing sims 4 for 90 mins today. So now I'm down to day 1 again. I felt very guilty I played because I didn't even enjoy it. I almost felt like I was holding myself back from enjoying it afraid I'd feel that addiction from it. I felt a lot of anxiety after I played it. Then later in the day I talked to a couple girls who gamed. So that got me hyped up to play. But the thing is I wasn't even thinking of a certain game. It was just games in general. Now later in the night I'm not even feeling like playing. My mind feels a bit chaotic right now. But I don't plan on playing now.
Emily
Unfortunately the meetings on olga are a bit unpredictable right now, But the cgaa meetings are alive and well, especially the mumble ones i've been to has never been canceled. I hope im not breaching any rules by that statement :)
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Hello fellowship,
I've been crying a lot lately, but it has not been sad cries, more like closure cries.
I've been doing some amends to people, a side effect of me working with step 4. Before i've done them i think "this is no big deal", but after i've done them i cry like crazy. It's like there has been building emotions and pressure inside me, and by making the amends i can suddenly let go of all that.
What i've realized, more than before, is that i really need to work the steps, and that im at the beggining of a long journey
Thanks for letting me share
Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3
Thanks for writing that Wazzapp.
I notice I am more calm, but also still having a lot of trouble with dealing with 2 colleagues. I just can't seem to get "over it" yet. Anger has been creeping back in into my mind, and I dont like it, I dont like myself that way and the energy it eats up. Last Friday I talked with a friend, and he said something like "they are just tired of this topic (= of me) and want to forget it, do you think they loose any sleep over this like you are?". And that comes very close to where the core lies of what hurts me, of what I find difficult to accept. At home that thought just kept hanging in my head, and it gives me a sense of panic. I still see them as friends, still want them as friends. And they are not friends. It really just breaks my heart to accept that. (And the silly thing is, I don't even like them anymore.)
In 2010 I broke up with my ex girl. Our last 2 years was fighting and fighting. Back then I also held on to a dream, a thought that things would get better, that it could be fixed, that it would become again like it was before. It kept me in that bad relationship for way too long.
When you said "closure cries", I really get that. I am going towards that place too.
"I want to see people and I want to see life."
I got an impulse to check in here today before the day's work began, so I'm following through on that. I've been having a lot of feelings of guilt at work that I'm not doing well at my job, and although that hasn't triggered any gaming compulsions yet, I also know that stress and guilt make fertile ground for compulsions to grow in. As always, accountability and community are the answers. Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that I'm thinking of you and your struggles today. Radical self-care is what we all need. At your most basic level, you are good, you are competent, you are worthy.
Taking Steps toward recovery since November 2, 2012. The difficulty of the path makes it worth the walking.