Ok so a couple of days ago I decided enough is enough. I am tired of thinking how nice it would be to read a book. "I'm going to read a book tomorrow," my thoughts... amongst other things I would love to do. But then I would wake up and push all those nice ideas away, and jump in the game. Or when I knew I was ready for a break. I'm taking a break tomorrow.. a week later, still haven't taken that break.
I started out emotional about doing this. Because I tried a few years back. I was three months free of gaming, but then I gave in. And my so-called moderation, I had planned out turned into several hours a day. So I am pretty afraid I might give in again. BUT after some talking and deep thought, I realized where this addiction started and why.
I've had this addiction for 20 years.... And it started from being in a very controlling relationship. I was with this person for ten years off and on. The thing is, he wouldn't ever let me go anywhere, and my friends wouldn't come over because he was always a butt when they came to visit. So they just stopped coming. So I ended up playing games.
I mean I have always played games, but they never interfered with my life. And I could step away from them easily. Until after I was with him. I stayed at home and played games constantly.. building my addiction, It was my hideaway. Away from him.
Well, that addiction came with me when I left him, but I didn't even realize at the time I had an addiction, until years later, when it did start interfering with my life. I was no longer under a controlling person; I was free to go where I wanted. But I had to play my games. I didn't realize I had an addiction until my daughter started getting older and wanted to do things outside of the house. Like, go for a walk. I would get annoyed at having to leave the game. And my house work never gets done.
And this all started 20 years ago.But because I know where it came from, and that it makes me mad that he still had a part of me years later. I think I will do better at quitting. I'm rather mad at him. It feels like an old scar reopened after realizing why I am like this.
But I'm going to post on here as often as I remember. I'll count my days. I am tired of games controlling my life. I'm ready for a change.
That's great that you've gained some understanding about where your gaming addiction started and why. I so relate to trying to moderate. I relapsed once and decided to only game when my husband was gone (he's retired and doesn't go anyplace much). Then I added when he was working outside. Then when he was on his computer or watching TV. It just escalated until I was on that game every minute I could be. It's crazy how it takes hold of us and won't let us go. But we can beat it. Keep it up and you'll get there.
Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson
The frustration that comes after imagining the idea of quitting gaming forever could lead to another relapse. The way we do it is to just quit gaming for the next 24 hours and leave whats next for tomorrow. You are not dealing with a bad habit but rather with an illness that affected all your life which make it very important to seek a treatment and put it first in your new life. I keep remind myself that it took me long years to develop this addiction and i will still need to walk all the way out although not alone. I keep going to meetings to share and hear others’ shares, i relate a lot to them and learn from their stories which gives me strength to stay clean for the next 24 hours.
"Recovery is not about dealing with gaming. Recovery is about dealing with Life"
I'm trying to take it day by day. It's hard sometimes lol I've been gaming since I was 10 lol but I know just day by day would be easier to deal with then thinking I'll never play video games again. I'm on day 5 today. I felt pretty good too. I even slept in a little instead of climbing out of bed as soon as my brain made a noise and jump on the game.