Hi, I am a 22 year old male who had played Maplestory religiously for 6 years until recently as this year. I had gone cold turkey on it, but still have visions of either playing it again or just reflecting the past too deeply about it. The visions are stronger when I am either struggling to rebound in real life or something really bad/good happens in real life. It was like in Maplestory I had power. This was sort of true - I had 2 maxed level characters and had really godly equipment at the time I quitted the game. I also spent a lot of money in the game as well. But it took a while to realize that they were just pixels and nothing else. When I finally got over that and realized what a mess my real life is starting to become, I quitted the game and went on to hopefully fix my life. I kind of did so far - I am back in school after 2 straight withdrawals at the University of California Riverside, due to the fact that I still had a pretty strong academic record after all these years (GPA is hovering around 3.1). But back to my gaming story - I still game from time to time, but the visions I have about Maplestory are still there. I played games like Dragon Age and Mass Effect, but not at the addictive levels Maplestory was. I even go for as long as 2 weeks not playing before playing again. But as I said, Maplestory past and potential play again keeps resurfacing. My life reconstruction was both good and bad - as I have said, I am back at school which is a good thing. But I am struggling to socialize and make friends, as I have few friends in real life. Even the few friends have lost hope and are not really believing that I have changed at all. I am at times pessemistic and losing hope due to this.
I found this site and have looked at some of the content the site offers. I have already convinced myself that my life has become unmanageable due to gaming, whether it is a lot or small. I am willing to move forward, drop the games, and strive to start over. I guess that is where i am stuck at. I don't know where to start (over). I am back at school, but my social life sucks. Almost none of the few friends cared about my realization because they have grown to accept that I will eventually fall back into Maplestory again. I really don't know where to proceed next.
MS was also a hook for me too as it was free and seemed easy, but it was (and is) a true MMO and addictive as the rest of the big boys. It took away six months of my life and changed me forever as I dont want to draw anymore (am an artist), I am now trying to start drawing again, (small things) but it is so darn hard finding inspiration. And I'm not done with gaming anymore. I found a new game which I wont mention the name of that occupies about an hour of each day. I am an older man and unemployed and overweight. The last ten years I have fought against the addiction of excessive gaming and it has really been OLGA that has helped me the most. Sharing with others (the fellowship) has made me see all the folly in my gaming encounters. No, sadly I am not yet healed but I know that the healing journey I am on will forever bring me closer to good people like yourself who need to hear that there IS hope.
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone
Welcome to Olga DC and thank you for sharing your story! We have text/chat meetings each evening at 7pm Pacific Standard Time, you are also welcome to attend. Glad you're here.
Sincerely,
JJ
"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other" -Abraham Lincoln
Welcome to Olga, dctran. I'm a former Maplestory addict myself, but managed to quit that game when I realized the damage it was doing to me (I would call in sick from work to play MS more, when the guild leader demanded "quotas" on levels earned per week). As you undoubtedly know, the higher level you are, the more you must play to level. I'm not sure how easy it is to level now, as I quit around 2007, but when I was playing I had a level 80 Crusader and a level 80 Sniper (back when being lvl 80 actually meant something on Khaini). I know what your going through by how you describe your feelings. It's withdrawal, and the loss of comfort and control that you felt while being logged into the game. Seeing all your hardwork before you, your godly items adorning your character, your massive friend list, all those cute monsters begging to be put down by your weapons. I know because that's what I felt when I played. I think you have made the right decision in deciding to stop now, and picking up with your life. Years from now you'll look back and wonder what the **** you were doing, playing this outdated game that no one cares about anymore. And hopefully with the time you regained from putting down the game, you'll have something to show for it in the real world, that you can look back on time and again and it will still be there for everyone to see and laud =).
A single step is all it takes to begin a long journey...
Welcome to Olga! :) I can relate to many things in your post. While I didn't play Maplestory, I did play several MMORPG'S, the last one being WoW. I too basicly wanted more and more and in the end I had a lot of stuff, awesome pixels I admired when I finally got them. But indeed, while I was temporarily happy about getting new stuff in game, my life didn't improve at all and sucked even more than it already did. I too had a social life that very much sucked. Even now I am hesistant to call people and meet with them, but I have noticed I have grown to appreciate who I am ever since I quit playing games. That has made me fear a little less about what people might think of me, which resulted in opening myself up more. Even now my social activity depends from day to day. Today I had a bad day and really felt like isolating myself, however, I have learned that it's just your addiction talking. Your addiction wants you to be unhappy and wants to give you excuses to game again. Usually these bad thoughts are unrealistic. For me it really helps to question these thoughts. I used to be very shy and I still can be very silent and shy. But last Sunday I went to a party for addicts and I actually started talking to people I had never met. It's something that was very unusual for me, but I felt very courageous, awesome and social by just doing that. :D It doesn't matter how long you played games. It's a fact that you can change your life ar any given moment. By changing your attitude to yourself, by giving yourself the chance, by being merciful on yourself, you can start to embrace life again by accepting what amazing person you are. :) Everyone has sooo much potentional inside! I can also understand it's very hard for you that your friends aren't being very supportive. However, you have no control of your friend's behaviour. Only they themselves can change that. Neither can you change your uncontrolable behaviour towards gaming. But what you can change is accepting that you are addicted to it and surrender yourself to that fact. Then, the process of recovery can begin . What I just described is a bit of the first step of the Twelve Steps Program. I am not sure if it helps, or whether you understand it at first. No problem, recovery isn't about speed. You can't recover in just one day. Proceed slow and steady. I am several months in recovery and am still struggling with the first step and many many cravings, but I still work the program :) We are here to help you with anything that might bother you :) And indeed, like it has been said above, I very much recommend participating with the online meetings here :) Nothing is impossible! We can make it into recovery together :) Happy
dctran020 - I'm sorry to hear that your friends don't believe you've stopped. It's been 3 days since your post, hopefully you are still on the wagon. I really believe that gaming changes my personality. By abstaining from the game, I gradually return to myself, my confidence returns, my level of interest returns, until I rejoin myself with real life. People who are close to me can sense whether I'm really "there" or off in gamey-world. As you engage more with life and less with the game, your friends may sense that.
It's really important to me to connect with other people, even a little bit. That's something I'm working on, because having a support system outside the game helps me. In any case, as you proceed with your recovery, your friends may come around. I hope so, at least some of them.
In terms of "visions" I totally understand. When I was gaming hard, I dreamed of the games every night. Even after my recent binge, I am seized by an idea about how to progress in the game while away. This is a big temptation for me. I guess I try to "let it go" when it happens, think about something else, and don't act on it. Like that's the moment when I get to choose whether to involve myself in the game, or distance myself. At night, I'll force myself to recite musical scales and fingerings, or, if it's really bad, the Lord's prayer or anything to get my mind on another track.
I quit games for the first time in 1999. I was testing video cards on 3D games at the time, so I had to quit my job in order to quit games. My first goal was to stay away for a month. I remember going for a walk around the block with my wife and noticing things around me instead of being lost in my game-thoughts. It was very helpful to hear her say she'd noticed a change in me, but just getting out and changing my head was worth it.
As you change, some of your friends will come around, or you'll make new friends. The game visions will recede to be replaced by your hopes and dreams for your real life. You can pick yourself up again if you fall. You can do this.
agree :D