The Twelve Keys of Interholics:
We...
F1: ...admit that we have no life.
F2: ...believe that a Power greater than ourselves can either restore us to sanity or provide us with unlimited, no-cost Internet dial-up.
F3: ...made a decision to turn our lives over to that Great Webmaster In The Sky ("GWITS").
F4: ...performed a searching moral inventory with the Web search engine of our choice.
F5: ...admitted to GWITS, ourselves and another human being (even if only by eMail) the exact nature of our obsession.
F6: ...were entirely ready to have GWITS remove our shortcomings and remedy our lack of knowledge about the latest IRC chat technology.
F7: ...humbly asked GWITS to allow us to FTP the file updates.
F8: ...made a list of all persons we had neglected, and posted it on our personal home page.
F9: ...made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would cut into our scheduled netsurf time.
F10: ...continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, blamed it on our outdated software.
F11: ...sought through prayer and meditation to improve our contact with GWITS, by utilizing higher modem speeds and improved bandwidth.
F12: ...had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Keys, tried to carry the message to other Interholics, and ended up making complete pests out of ourselves.
Liz Woolley