Mission: Keeping Olganon a safe and welcoming place for recovering gaming addicts and their families

pete1 wrote:

Some of us gamed because we thrive on drama and we bring it here without thinking. For others drama is a potential trigger which will cause us to relapse.

This.

I couldn't agree more with Pete's observations. I have seen countless people come and go because of drama.

Our fellowship should be a drama-free zone for sure.

Thank you for posting this Pete!

I agree... I want to help... not argue. I will tone down my rhetoric. I apologize if I started fires.

Thanks Mudphud,

This post was not intended for you (solely). As is Murphy's law, several different issues arose in the last 24 hours which required some action (in consultation with Liz and others). Some of these I learned about directly and others came to me second hand.

The point being: a) lets respect each others point of view, and b) if it really upsets you please contact me directly - I am sure we can work things out.

- pete

I think voicing opinions is a healthy thing and feeling safe is important for that to happen.

I confess to not being here daily, but keeping the forums relatively drama-free is a good thing.

The admins do a fine job and your efforts are appreciated.

I agree that this should be a drama free zone...but also believe that it's okay to tolerate some differences of opinion, if not debate because we all see things from different angles and so it is natural to offer our perspectives in response to someone else's perspective. Our experiences vary and so do the resulting opinions.

In face to face meetings here, we're asked to share our ESH...Experience, Strength, and Hope....but not our opinions. And I find that that is an art which we're not always skilled at. I can't express my experience without including the resultant conclusions...sure, those conclusions might be erroneous, but that is the purpose of communication to begin with...to expose what is not true, as well as to share what is....and that is why I go to meetings...to learn the truth. There is a fine line there is what I'm saying.

Where I come from, we use consultation...which is that everyone throws their opinions and perspectives into the ring (so to speak), and we look at all opnions on the subject in order to arrive at the truth. I like that and believe it is a step up from debate. Once someone has shared their opinion, it is no longer considered theirs...we let go of ownership of the idea, and it now belongs to the group to sift through and discard or accept as needed. I believe this is the way to go here.

Mission Statement: On-Line Gamers Anonymous is a fellowship of people sharing their experience, strengths and hope to help each other recover and heal from the problems caused by excessive game playing.

People arrive here in states of various levels of vulnerability and are even angry at times, as you say, Pete, and we never really know what is going to come up. Especially in times of great life stress, even the staunchest former excessive video gamer may act in an outrageous way by writing "inappropriate" posts and relapsing or just quietly relapse. Sometimes we don't hear from a member for a long while, and then they're back, telling us about how they relapsed and their new hopes for recovery from their compulsive and excessive video game playing. They come back because they want support.

I agree with Laurel's above post. Discussion can be a part of recovery, a learning process and a pathway, even to "Truth." Sometimes, though, a few OLGA members may tend to be a little extreme and fanatical with the sharing of their opinions and beliefs. In fact, to me, it seems the ones that probably need OLGA the most can be heavy handed to the point where they become perceived as "difficult" or "inciters of drama." Well, welcome to the world of addiction!

It cannot be an easy task, to know what needs to be done, if anything, when things get "dramatic." Thinking of your role here as "Keeping Olganon a safe and welcoming place for recovering gaming addicts and their families" is an excellent modus operandi. I don't envy you your administrative duties, Pete, and I appreciate your willingness to moderate these boards, when it's necessary!

Serena

Thanks Pete! :)

Well done, Pete, and thank you for taking on this difficult job.

I agree with you totally Pete.

For many of us, drama was a fact of life... a way of life... and even became a habit, while we were gaming. As we quit playing we often lose the "buzz" that we used to get thru the game... but making an issue into a big dramatic situation can give us that little bit of "buzz" again... then that in turn can act as a trigger to game... or get ppl upset so that they want to leave olga.

I don't think reasoned debate is bad at all... but it is keeping personalities out of it... it is keeping over-emotional recovering gamers in a stable position... that is important. When ppl start going past the issue and disliking the person or people on the opposing side - then that is when Pete should and does stop it. I think you are doing a great job Pete.

For me I have to look after my own recovery... and that means avoiding the dramas. I need balance in my emotions and thinking. As I work the steps I have found that my Higher Power gives me balance, but dramas, arguments, taking offense, lying, negativity, etc all put me off balance again. I suggest that when we feel pulled into these things that we go back and give it all to our Higher Power.

I am hoping that more will step up to help.

I think it would be good to be actively cultivating a few more of our newer members to be active Olga admins on the site.

It's good to have balance.

Pete, I hope you aren't burning yourself out with all that you are doing for us and for our recovery. I sincerely thank you for your efforts on all our behalfs. Many wonderful comments on this important thread, and I need to add my 2-cents:

I suppose it is inevitable that some who come here will feel the need to leave their game, but will be unable to leave the game-drama behind, and turn this fellowship into a place to continue their game-drama. There is just nothing productive about trying to "game" on Olga. Making Alts here is ugly, cruel, and manipulative*. It isn't just bad manners or in bad taste--its also unacceptably hurtful. Other people's recovery is at stake, and its just not okay to mess with that. Quitting your game is terribly hard, relapse is very easy and drama doesn't help even a little.

Thank you again for your ongoing work for all of us, Pete.

ElizA

*in the interest of full disclosure: I didn't know OLGA account names could be changed when i quit gaming...and I had a year-old OLGA acct in my avatar name. Rather than continue to be identified here as my avatar, I abandoned that one, and made ElizabethA, which is part of my real name. So I have another olga name--Zayante--that I never use. If some admin wishes to nuke that account I'm delighted.

Some of us are sicker than others. And what you have said below illustrates there is a fine line between gaming addiction and mental illness, in my opinion.

ElizabethA wrote:

There is just nothing productive about trying to "game" on Olga. Making Alts here is ugly, cruel, and manipulative*. It isn't just bad manners or in bad taste--its also unacceptably hurtful.

In AA people who are drunk are generally welcome at meetings, provided they are not disruptive. Most meetings state 'if you have been drinking in the last 24 hours, you are welcome but it is strongly suggested you only listen'.

I have seen drunks ejected from AA meetings. The same general principle should apply here.

- pete

pete1 wrote:

I have seen drunks ejected from AA meetings. The same general principle should apply here.

- pete

Would they ever be allowed to return to Olga?

Currently AA is a little different than Olga is, in that AA has numerous face to face meetings. If the "jerk" or "jerkess" ever decided they needed help/the program and are willing to behave, they could always attend another meeting (one where nobody knew them.) Olga doesn't offer this option right now. Has the suffering gamer burned his/her one and only bridge?

pete1 wrote:

Some of us are sicker than others

I totally agree with you. I am completely wacked. But I've been told that our dis-ease comes with many "side-effects." Bad behavior is just one of many, in my opinion (I am powerless over others: their judgments, fears, resentments, etc.) Would a nurse or doctor throw a sick person out of a hospital bed because they were experiencing symptoms? My questions are not meant to cause contention. I just believe an open mind is a healthy mind. Perhaps at some point we can develop thicker skins, more thoughtful mouths, and more forgiving hearts? I've been told that Love covers a multitude of sins. So why not show some?

In my opinion, Olga should be:

1. A safe place

2. A place of healing

3. A place of forgiveness and acceptance (see above)

Peace,

JJ

With respect to your first question, people can return, and they do. In extreme cases an account might be blocked (I think, I am not an admin), but some people re-surfaced with new accounts. And if these people behaved (I guess) than there is no problem. Have seen that happen here too. So it seems like it is in line with AA :-).

The second question: would a doctor throw out a sick person. No, he would not. But if someone is just unmanagable at some point in time... Sometimes a doctor needs to be firm too, and decide for the patient. (or better said: needs to decide if having this patient here is in the interest of the group / other patients, or bad for the group / the other patients)

The three points you state; safe place, healing place, place for forgiveness and acceptance.. I think we can agree on that.

At the same time, here we are not all in a doctor-patient relationship. Often it is a patient-patient relationship and a lot of spectators. If things get out of hand, as they sometimes inevitably will, something needs to be done. And in some rare cases shutting someone up is the best option among a number of sub-optimal options. Luckily this does not happen often.

Johnny.

Often it is a patient-patient relationship and a lot of spectators.

So true Johnny. And well said.

Gaming seems to be the most insidious thing every. It deals with fantasy. I know I am hooked on fantasy. One of my experiments--trying to quit drinking--was to smoke weed ("it's organic"--my justification). I loved the "new world view" I was getting. When I actually bottomed out with drinking, it was tough to quit the new world view of pot smoking.

I got into AA one year before I actually joined. I got sick and had some cough syrup that some how I managed to abuse and got totally drunk on. I was afraid to go back to AA, I was afraid they wouldn't let me back in.

But they did, and they do. Disrupters are escorted to the outside because the primary focus on the meeting is recovery and the disrupting person is too sick to be of help to himself (I can guarentee you that he/she is being helpful to the rest of the group by reminding us all what the sickness is really like), but never turned away when honestly humbled.

People addicted to fantasy can also go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I've gone there on occasion when needed.

Hello,

Thank you for the feedback. Good point Steele, it isn't a doctor-patient relationship. Perhaps I could have used a better analogy there. Personally I like to think of the relationship as "sick friend to sick friend." I apologize if what I wrote seemed to imply otherwise.

I posed these questions because I'd like to know where OLGA is going. There have been a lot of changes over the past year... I kow how Xandtar, John of the Roses, and some others handled things in the past.... But they aren't here anymore. Change is inevitable, and I understand that (heck, I want it in my life.) I just want to make sure that we're not moving into hypervigilance or projection here... I have been noticing these things lately...

Your sick friend,

JJ

jjguy1977 wrote:

I know how Xandtar, John of the Roses, and some others handled things in the past.... But they aren't here anymore.

No, but you all are here for me. Thank you :)

jjguy1977 wrote:

Change is inevitable, and I understand that (heck, I want it in my life.) I just want to make sure that we're not moving into hypervigilance or projection here... I have been noticing these things lately...

I'll try to watch myself in future. Sorry jj (yes, I do know i've been doing that here). I'm trying to work on toning it down and being more open and accepting.

/hugs to you

Hugs Patria. You're so sweet! :D I've been guilty of it too. You should see some of my old posts! O wait, they may have been deleted. rofl

Sincerely,

JJ