This is my Experience with EQ, I'll try to keep it short and sweet as it gets a bit complicated. I'm a 20yr old male, I first started playing eq about a year and a half ago. When I look back at the experience I think I liked the game so much because it took my mind off of my current situation. I was working at a job that didn't pay enough and living with a roomate who couldn't contribute his portion of the bills. After my lease was up, I moved back home and found a new job. I still played EQ for a while and eventually my parents joined in. About august this year my dad quit playing because things around the house wouldn't get done. My mom however would play 6-8 hours+ a day. Eventually my dad began to tell her how her playing habits bothered him. She continued to play. She would lock herself in her room and have 5pm to 5am EQ binges with a pot of coffee, then sleep for a couple hours and get up for work the next morning only to do it again after work. At this point noone knew what to say to her anymore. about a month later she took a mysterious trip to florida by herself and began talking about needing space and moving out. towards the middle of november she got her own place and moved out despite all of our best efforts to stop her. The day before thanksgiving she went on a road trip by herself to florida. when she came back she admitted that there was someone else in florida whom she met through eq sometime in october. about a week later she tells us she is in love, going to divorce her husband of 16 years, and going to marry this man. She then tells us that he has quit his job, sold his house, and is already living with her. It's been about 3 weeks since she dropped this bomb on our family. There is so much more to it and I'm still not sure what to think. The only thing that makes sense is an addiction. All of us at the house are so confused/upset/angry. If anybody has any advice please fill me in. I'm just dying to know that we are not alone.
Wow, I am sorry to hear about your Mom and Dad. That must have been a shock to you and your family. And no you are not alone, I fear. I had really good friends of mine who were married in real life, played EQ together and seemed like they really had a great life together. Then she met this Troll Shaman online and I guess one thing led to another and we hear that they are getting together and she is divorcing her husband. Of course, I didn't know the whole story, only some since they both confided in me. And I am sure that there were problems in the relationship to allow this other person to get a foot in the door. Just as there were probably some problems with your Mom and Dad's relationship. What relationship doesn't have problems?
EQ environment can be very dangerous. Not the game itself, but the social environment. People end up spending more time with their EQ friends than their family sometimes. A lot of talking, flirting, cybering, etc goes on. And feelings emerge as you know. I have been guilty of having some feelings myself for people I shouldn't have. When you are imersed into the game, you don't necessary think clearly when it comes to these sorts of feelings.
I would like to offer that you suggest to your parents to go to counseling if they would agree. Their marriage doesnt have to be over, but there is a lot of work to be done. If they want it. But in any case, I am sure that you will be there for both of them during this trying period. And please remember, they are both hurting.
Tosha
My empathy is with you. Unfortuantely, your family's story is not unique. There are numerous others suffering from the same situation. If you read EQW newsgroup, you will find many others with similar stories. As Tosha mentioned, I believe that there was already an existing problem with your mom that caused her to act out like that.
Note that this site is also here to help family members of online game addicts and that complementary organization is OLGA-non. Liz is a good person to contact regarding support and information about OLGA-non.
Best wishes. You will be in my prayers.
Qskunk,
Will you please contact me at olga@olganon
I need to talk to you, in private.
I am very sorry for what is happening to you and your family.
I feel so very bad.
Maybe you can have your Dad come here too, for support during these rough times.
Believe me, you are not alone! I have 12 inches thick of paper, with similar stories in it. That is one reason why we are here - so you know you are not alone!
I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you so much for having the courage to ask for help.
My heart goes out to you.
Liz Woolley
Q, I would like to suggest that your mother was using the game to escape from her marraige - before she met whoever in Florida.
When I was married to my ex husband (who by the way was a control freak and emotionally manipulative and sexually abusive) I found a friend from college who I really clicked with. She and I were insepreable. The worse my marraige got, the more time I spent with her, till we were pulling all nighters talking about stuff. I would do anything at all to avoid being around my husband. I left my husband finally because I had become so unhealthy, so mentally unballanced that if I stayed I would likely have ended up in a mental institution.
Maybe, just maybe, there has been trouble in your parent's marraige. You don't know everything about thier relationship. But it is very obvious to me that you're mom was using EQ to escape from a real life she found intollerable. That she so easily left for another man - don't blame the game. There are problems here deeper than this board can address.
Please do go get counseling for yourself and encourage your dad to get counseling too.
Another note about EQ and divorce. Two friends of mine - a married couple - were very active in our guild - participated in the weekend raids. Wonderful people and I had the privelege to meet them IRL last September. They looked so happy together, so inlove. A month after I met them, the man dropped a bomb shell on his wife and said - I don't love you anymore. I met someone at school who I love and I am divorcing you. I've been having an affair for the last year. He did not meet his paramour online. She did not neglect her duties as a wife for the game. Though she supported him through school on her salary as a nurse, he is suing for alimony.
My point is - there were problems in the marraige and EQ had nothing to do with it. Anyone who's divorce has a conneciton to EQ - EQ didn't cause it. EQ didn't encourage it. There were problems and one or both parties were unwilling to face them so they took the easy way out.
Just my 2centavos.
God Bless,
mik
I truly feel for you and your family. It must be very difficult to watch them go through this hardship.
May I ask...did your mother ever show any signs of unhappiness before she started taking trips to florida? I understand that many people find comfort in playing EQ to run away from their real life problems...but it seems that those problems only compound and others may develop when EQ playing becomes excessive.
And I can't help feeling that your mother probably wouldn't have made such a dramatic decision if it weren't for her excessive EQ playing. Its the same with almost every interactive online environment...take chat rooms for example...how many people meet up in real life because of them? And for that matter how many people leave their current relationships for someone they just met online?
It just frustrates me to see all the new games becoming online interactive games (for instance, the Sims Online)...because I can see them becoming just as addictive as EQ. I wonder just how many people will become affected by online game playing addiction? I think its a much more serious problem than alot of people would like to admit.
And it seriously bothers me when I see statements like this:
Quote:Please do go get counseling for yourself and encourage your dad to get counseling too.
because it makes it sound like your mother doesn't need counseling too. Personally I feel that if anyone needs counseling its your mother. (No offense meant) Because she obviously is only thinking of herself, and not taking into account the ramifications her actions are having on her family.
Well enough of me on the soap box. I really do hope that some good may come from your situation, and please remember, that whats happening is not your fault. Good luck, and please feel free to come back and chat anytime. My prayers are with you.
Nicole
Blue, my comment about counseling - Q can't control his mom or at this point even influence her. He CAN take measures for himself to deal with what is going on and encourage his father, with whom he likely has a raport, to go get help in dealing with it. Yes, his mom needs to get her head examined. But like you said, she is only thinking of herself right now.
I do agree that the internet and chat rooms have made it very easy to escape our real world problems. However, you tell me that had this woman struck up a friendship with a man at the library who offered her a ticket out of her circumstances, that this would not have happened. Perhaps it wouldn't have because her husband was an ultra control freak who monitored every single thing she did throughout her day and he would have beat her bloody for leaving the house - not saying this is the case. We don't know. I know she was wrong to abandon her family in such a way. There are better ways of making a statement and removing oneself from an intollerable situation, but when a person feels like they are a prisoner, they will often use the 'love and care' of someone else to escape from their situation. I know I did and the Internet was not even a gleam in the eye of a graduate student yet when I did, let alone EQ.
Eventually reality will crash down around her. However, don't vilify her as the ultimate bad guy here. There was at least one other spouse involved in the situation. We cannot know the details because we weren't there.
God Bless,
mik
Mik,
I don't mean to vilify the mother as the ulitmate bad guy...but you seem to think that her situation at home was an "intollerable situation". We don't know what the situation was at home, and that's why I asked if she was ever unhappy with her home life before leaving for the mysterious man in florida. I only through out the point of view that perhaps she didn't turn to EQ as an escape from her marriage, perhaps she was unhappy in her job or something else. Who knows?
And yes I agree that anyone can find means to leave an unhappy relationship in real life as well as online. It just seems (to me) that alot of people are hooking up online rather than in real life first. Maybe its just a sign of the times.
Happy New Year,
Nicole
There is something else; she isn't just abandoning her husband, or least thats what I gather from the story.
Maybe she has "legitimate" reasons for what she is doing, but if so, she should just have ended it in the first place, and not play these little games. And frankly, considering it sounds like she is leaving the entire family, it sounds like she is being selfish, from what I've heard so far.
I'd say, yes, the father should consider coming here too, if he needs to talk about it.
Infidelity is lame, and its wrong. If there's a problem, deal with the problem, don't go screwing around with someone else and make ANOTHER problem.
I'm glad that the original poster and his dad are out of it though.
I am very sorry to hear about the situation with your family.
I will be the first to admit that EQ can sometimes be addicting, however, It is hard to place the game at fault!. The people behind those avatars, the people that play EQ do make the decision to play the game no matter what anyone says. EQ is a very attractive game, but we as adults (well the adults that play EQ) make the decision to play the game. We need to take actions in our own hands and blaming our lifestyles on a game is just and excuse. We hold the key to our futures and if we make the decision to leave our wifes (or husbands) and our family over it, should it be SOE's fault? No. People look for excuses on the way they behave in all aspects of life, not just playing EQ. When you see a crackhead walking down the street, do you say it was the cracks fault for making that person that way? or do you say its that person's fault for not having to mental stability to just not do it?
I take no pity on anyone that says EQ has ruined their lives, because I believe that the person themselves is the one making these changes.
If you have ever grown up in a broken home or had bad family relations, you would see that its not the product that the person is addicted to, its the person that is going about it in the wrong way.
I just recently discovered these boards and felt the need to put an end to all the excuses. If my wife gets mad at me for playing EQ to much and leaves me, it is nobody's fault but mine. Same goes for anyone else.
In this case, though sad as it is, I dont think EQ is to blame. That person was either missing something in her everday "Real Life" (yes it does exist) or needed something that she was not getting or gaining attention to.
Again if my wife tells me "Baby you play EQ too much and you never spend any time with me", Then I am the man that has to make the decision to cut back a little and pay a more attention to my boo. (for those that dont know it means similar to baby)
So in the end, The game EQ nor SOE have any Say so over our lives and we need to take responsibily in our own hands.
Just my 2 cents
Takintan
Monk of 44 seasons.
I find it a little disturbing that so many of you are so quick to think that there could have been an underlying problem to begin with. ALL marriages have problems. It it healthy for spouces to disagree on certain issues. Just because you get married, doesn't mean that you quit being you. Because you are two different people, you will occasionally have different opinions. My husband started EQing because it was fun. He was not trying to ESCAPE anything. He loves his wife and his children very much. But, because some people have what is called "ADDICTING PERSONALITIES" there are things (ie, drugs, alcohol, games, etc.) that can get a hold of them. They don't see it as a problem, because they are truly enjoying the activity. They don't "play EQ" to hurt anyone else, it is an after effect of playing for hours on end. You can have a perfectly healthy marriage and add any addiction and destroy it. It takes two people to keep a marriage and one to break it. I truly believe that the addictive behavior is to blame. Not necessarily the person, because without help, they may not be able to stop the behavior. However, being on the other end for a long time makes one put up barriers and makes one unwilling to "try one more time". One thing that I think a lot of married people forget is "til death do us part - for better or for WORSE". Me included. I almost left my husband, but I chose to give him that "one more chance". So for all of you who are so quick to blame a "pre-existing" condition, please know that if you add poison to a healthy body, it will get sick.
I wish all of you out there who are stuggling with this "sickness" are able to find peace. My husband and I are trying to rebuild what has been destroyed. Together, I know we can do it.
justawife2
Your story is sad. Maybe you can get your husband to come here.
Quote:So for all of you who are so quick to blame a "pre-existing" condition, please know that if you add poison to a healthy body, it will get sick.I get this response from people who have not experiened this particular addiction, themselves. They cannot grasp that a "stupid game" can cause such hurt and anguish to so many people.
I have lived through it myself, so I know what you are talking about.
We understand what you are saying here.
Thanks so much for posting, keep coming back and sharing. It will help you heal.
Get professional help, if you need it!
Liz Woolley