Do you know how difficult this whole thing is for me? I thought I was through, over, done, finished. Then I just got really, really bored and I had no desire to do anything at all. Not read, write, homework, watch TV, or go to the gym. So I blew it, YAY! I screwed up big time and then lied about it to my mother. aEUoeNo IaEU(tm)m not playing games,aEU I told her. Ever since I realized my addiction back in March of this year IaEU(tm)ve had the hardest time with getting out of this. So I uninstalled my games one more time, then I tried to load another one up the next day. aEUoeThis is getting old,aEU I thought to myself. Twenty-two-years-old and I canaEU(tm)t say the word no. LetaEU(tm)s try it, aEUoeNO!aEU Ok, got it out of my system. This is too much, really.
Part of me wants to give up, the other part of me says, just keep going at it. I do believe that there is freedom outside of these games, and each time I relapse I just hate myself more. I donaEU(tm)t want to hate myself. I just want to get out of these games. Is something wrong with me? This is all so complicatedaEU| There has to be some kind of light at the end of this long dark cave. IaEU(tm)m tired of the game, IaEU(tm)m sick of the aEU~funaEU(tm) because the whole shoot-em up has lost its edge. So letaEU(tm)s get real. LetaEU(tm)s lay the cards out on the table and decide, not for eternity, just today.
Ok, today is Saturday, so letaEU(tm)s get back to the basics. IaEU(tm)m going to do this one day at time. Today, I wonaEU(tm)t play video games.
Its nice to see everybody again.
-Joshua
Merry Christmas!
I empathize with you as I also found it difficult to stop playing video games, and for me they were just regular video games! There is nothing wrong with you as such since many of us, including me, have relapsed at least a few times. Among our recovering gaming members, we have many people who are otherwise normal people. In fact, I believe that we are more intelligent, on average, than the general population. Actually, I think that is one of the reasons why we have become addicted to video games rather than something else like alcohol or drugs. Accepting ourselves, warts and all, and not hating ourselves for our weaknesses, is something that I have found hard to do. However, I think that it is important, and essential, for us to do that. One thing that has helped me somewhat was to read through the many inspirational threads in the Daily Readings message board. I fully agree with your "I'm going to do this one day at a time" philosophy. It has helped me and many others so I believe that it will help you as well. Good luck in not playing video games today, and each day thereafter!
- John O.
[em]Carpe Diem![/em] (Seize the Day!)
One day at a time will work. When still struggling like you do you should demand to much of yourself but instead face each new day as a challenge and decide not to game today. There is nothing wrong with you, you just need to find a way that works for you. Hang in there and don't give up. Be well.
"Be the change you want to see in the world" -------Mahatma Gandhi.
shinjaon - you where ya suppose to be. Testing. Normal. "There has to be some kind of light at the end of this long dark cave. " And here it is... The Promises: If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. "Big Book p83-84" older version.....
Be Good to yourself! Rule #62: "Don't take yourself too **** seriously! " 12x12 Book And dont forget to donate... Donate
One day at a time is all I can do to stop playing excessively. You can do it too.
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone
Or this might help understand "One Day at a Time" a bit better... http://www.videojug.com/expertanswer/recovering-from-addiction-in-12-step/what-does-it-mean-to-take-one-day-at-a-time-in-a-12-step-organization
Be Good to yourself! Rule #62: "Don't take yourself too **** seriously! " 12x12 Book And dont forget to donate... Donate
Two days. That is my progress report, but here's my milestone: Just today! One full day! That's done and over with, one day. Alright Lord, now just get me through today. Not tomorrow, or this week, or the next month. Just today God, that's all. just today :)
-Joshua
Merry Christmas!
That's the spirit, shinjaon. You can do it.
Leveling in Real Life
Great news! Keep it up - "one day at a time". :)
Until we are tested, how do we know if we will pass?
when things get tough, just keep going one day or one hour or even one minute at a time... the longest journey's are completed by just keeping putting one foot in front of the other, just concentrate on that next step and the rest will take care of themselves ...
" ... don't question it just go" "... where the body goes the mind will follow"
.
Borrowed from "Desire to Stop"
Trading in a set of problems for a better set...= recovery...;)
Be Good to yourself! Rule #62: "Don't take yourself too **** seriously! " 12x12 Book And dont forget to donate... Donate
Yay, four days! Ok, I didn't post to start a spam session but I have a real concern. This week I've had finals and those can keep me busy (even the ones I'm not spending as much time on preparing for). Here's the thing. I have had very little desire to study at all. Usually I'm getting ready, pulling my stuff together, working on study guides, glancing over the small stuff and hitting hard on the major points. However, I have no desire to do so. As strange as it is, I actually start to miss gaming. Then I go to work, no time to play thank God (literally). However, I only have one left on Friday and what happens when I'm stuck at home, no work, no school. Now I'm losing my focus but while is it not wise to plan? Don't get me wrong, one day at a time is my strategy, but a tiny bit of foresight should be a good idea if not necessary. SO, I'm going to try my best to plug back into fictional writing. I have been trying to get back into it in the past 2 weeks. It isn't easy when gaming has been so... so... pivotal. Gaming served two functions in my life, hobby and release. I do not think that gaming is wrong but my uncontrollable desire and urge to play is (I don't think this desire will ever go away, but right now that doesn't bother me). I have tried using alarm clocks to get me to stop, even a program called Stop Game. I wouldn't stick by them. The snooze alarm was great and I would always come up with excuses to turn off the program. Sad really, now that I think about it. I don't want to make promises to myself anymore, since I always set myself up for failure and disappointment. Day by day is working, but I just hope that as I try to distance myself from games and more towards writing and drawing, maybe the desire will not be as so severe all the time. I'm not worried about next week, really. I just know this is going to be difficult. I prefer to be realistic. If that sounds like a contradiction of day by day, then I must apologize. So if I feel week I'll just stop by these boards, read some of the troll forums or turn the computer off altogether and give my cats a bath (something gaming has had me neglecting, Little Man and Pretty Girl miss me I think).
-Joshua
Merry Christmas!
so proud of u! every hour of every day adds up in recovery. keep at it! u can do this. and wow u bathe ur cats?! u have some very tolerant kitties!
Take the first step in faith. You donaEU(tm)t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.
~Bob Newhart
The minute you alter your perception of yourself and your future, both you and your future begin to change. ~Marilee Zdenek
Join a group, get a commiment (service) and keep coming back ;) Graditude is action...
Be Good to yourself! Rule #62: "Don't take yourself too **** seriously! " 12x12 Book And dont forget to donate... Donate
not easy, have to get a tub of water ready to pour on one of them or she freaks out when i run the water.
-Joshua
Merry Christmas!
7 days, well technically 9, but 7 days to me is just plain cool. I'm glad and something startled me today. In the past i would have these ideas just flow about fiction writing. Watching a movie or a play, sometimes just something as simple as a song would start me off to want to write a story, a poem, or just whatever had popped in my mind. Since I've been struggling with my addiction, really in the past couples years almost, I hadn't had any ideas. Not even the 2 month progress I had back between March and April, with not playing. However, this morning, watching this musical, a new idea seemed to almost spark. I know it sounds strange but I'm a weird guy when it comes to thinking about fiction writing, or at least used to be. Then this evening I had an epiphany. Something that just really got me thinking and it was like, "wow, that would be a great idea for trying to get that story to flow." The story I'm talking about has been something I've tried working on for almost 3 years, each time gaming got in the way. Now, it is like "Go for it Josh!" And well, I'm really gonna try now! Since I've not played recently, my mind seems to start washing itself, getting clear of all the stats, figures, and combos of the games. I was really consumed with some of it. In the past three days I've not visited my old clan's website. Because I just didn't think I should be reading up on the new stuff they have going on with Call of Duty and Left 4 Dead. My mind just seems to be clearer. Also, from a Christian point-of-view, my desire to pray has increased and I've even had a stronger desire to read the bible, no idea where that one came from though. It has really helped me with steps 2 and 3. The relapses I've had have really helped me to realize that I can't do this on my own. My attempts to control my urges and time spent always fail, I have never succeeded, never. I'm not exaggerating. I've never been able to control my time spent playing video games, always going over my original plan breaking my own rules... I'm beginning to see that only God can help me with this. I'm not ashamed by this fact, I'm humbled and also gracious that He is helping me.
-Joshua
Merry Christmas!
im so proud of u. this post is full of hope . keep up the good work . i have faith in u. ur in my thoughts and prayers ((recovery))) dawn
Take the first step in faith. You donaEU(tm)t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.
~Bob Newhart
The minute you alter your perception of yourself and your future, both you and your future begin to change. ~Marilee Zdenek